nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

The Truth About Being “Creepy”

June 13th, 2012 by Nick Notas 0 Comments

Jim Carrey Cable GuyFor men, “creepy” is the worst word they can imagine when it comes to women. On a regular basis, the guys I work with say: “I don’t want to come off as creepy.”

Guess what?

At sometime in your life, you have been unavoidably creepy to someone. But, you have a choice – you can constantly worry about this inevitability or you can simply do your best to improve your odds.

There are no absolutes on what makes a girl think a guy is “creepy”. It’s situational and relative to her interest in you. If she likes you, you can get away with a lot. If she doesn’t, anything you do can be perceived as creepy.

Ask a bunch of women what makes a guy a creeper and you’ll get all different answers. It could easily be for no reason at all or that she’s just in a bad mood. It’s foolish to waste time stressing over something with no clear definition.

That being said, here are some of the common reasons why a woman can classify you as creepy and what to do about them.

She’s just not into you

Even when you’re not being awkward, a girl who’s uninterested will give herself reasons to exclude you from her dating pool. Some people aren’t going to be attracted to you no matter what you do and that’s okay. You aren’t attracted to every woman either, are you?

Improving your odds:

First, read my articles here and start applying them in the real world. All the posts on my site are dedicated to making you a more attractive man and increasing your chances of connecting with great women.

Second, value your time and embrace your power of choice. I used to put so much energy into girls who weren’t into me. Instead, recognize when things aren’t going to happen and move on.

If you meet a new girl and within the first five minutes there’s no chemistry (laughing, fun vibe, her showing signs of interest), politely say goodbye and walk away. Yes, rarely you can turn it around, but 98% of the time you’re better off approaching another women who’s attracted to you right away.

The same goes for chasing. If you’ve texted a girl two or three times and she hasn’t responded or flakes repeatedly on plans, let it go. She knows you want to see her and if she’s interested, she will reach out.

Something about the way you look

This could be anything: too tall, too short, scary band shirt, hair too long, piercings, tattoos, or the way you smell. Sometimes it’s the most obscure reason like you blinked too often. This is extremely subjective and almost impossible to avoid, different girls are attracted to different things!

Improving your odds:

Always look your best, it’s all you can do. Clean up, don’t leave your beard unkempt, and style your hair. Whatever your fashion sense is, dress with fitted clothes that flatter your body. Obviously, smell nice and make sure you shower before going out socializing.

Body language, eye contact, and vocal tonality are all parts of this as well. Don’t fidget constantly or hunch over. Hold strong eye contact with her when talking but don’t stare at her like a serial killer or dart your eyes nervously. Speak with a clear, loud voice and not like a shy guy.

Your actions are not congruent with your intentions

One of the primary reasons a guy thinks he will be “creepy” is by showing his intentions. He feels shame for his romantic or sexual thoughts and tries to suppress them. This actually comes off way creepier.

Women are just like you and I and they love sex, too. In fact, the driving factor that turns a woman on is being desired by a man. Attraction is an emotional response; you aren’t going to logically convince her to like you. She has to feel it naturally and the only way to do that is by flirting.

Women aren’t oblivious, they can tell if you’re interested in them. When she knows you’re attracted but are too nervous or awkward to do anything, it can make her extremely uncomfortable.

Improving your odds:

Start flirting with women on a regular basis. Be genuine with your intentions. You already know how to be playful and shoot the shit, you do it with your friends. Treat women no differently and say something a little bold. Grab your balls and take some chances, damnit!

Learn how to express your sexual side. Tease her unashamedly. Go for a kiss on the date. Get in the habit of being sexually assertive and embrace your masculinity.

Overly needy or intense behavior

Neediness is the most unattractive quality a man can possess.

Being needy comes down to caring more about how people perceive you rather than how you perceive yourself. It means your behaviors and actions revolve around pleasing other instead of satisfying your needs.

This can show itself in several ways like over-complimenting her, being constantly agreeable, and not standing up for yourself. You might even text incessantly and then write a pissed off message when she doesn’t reply. For a more thorough list, check out the Are You a Nice Guy or Real Man? article.

Improving your odds:

Prioritize your needs. Do shit that you enjoy on a regular basis. Start living a life that makes you happy instead of trying to impress others. Speak your mind. Say more silly stuff to people and stop caring about every word that comes out of your mouth. Have an opinion and don’t just be a “yes man” to women.

Gain experience. When I was inexperienced with women, I had to “win” every girl over rather than just let loose and enjoy myself. That needy attitude was obvious in my interactions. After years of coaching, I can tell you that action is the only way to truly become less needy.

Right now, your brain might be saying, “Oh crap, I’m going to be forever alone. If I lose her, I’m nobody. No girl is ever going to want me again.” You aren’t going to overcome those fears with words — you need to convince your mind with real evidence.

You do that by pushing yourself to talk to women. By seeing a beautiful girl laugh at your jokes and become attracted to you. By getting more personal with her and being intimate. It’s hard for your brain to say those negative thoughts when you’re proving it otherwise.

The more you go out and connect with women, you will naturally becomes less needy. You’ll know that even if it doesn’t work with one girl, there will always be another excited to meet you.

Misreading of social situations or cues

This can come in many forms. You could have done something rude like burp loudly. Maybe you were too vulgar and swore like a sailor. Maybe you were extremely inebriated and came off as the awkward drunk guy slurring your words and talking in circles.

You can also misunderstand her social cues or boundaries. For example, she responds friendly to your hello and then you suddenly start groping her. You say overly sexual things in inappropriate settings or around a lot of people instead of moving her somewhere private.

Improving your odds:

Use common sense. Burping, staring at her breasts right away, and nail biting are huge turnoffs. Also, chill out on the alcohol and limit yourself to a few drinks in a night.

As for reading her social cues, pay attention to her body language and again, signs of interest. Begin casually with your physical contact and proximity and ramp it up. Start with low level touches and see if she responds positively. If she does, keep escalating and if she doesn’t, back off for a little. These rules apply to teasing as well.

Be socially considerate. When you’ve just met her and she’s with friends, be playful but not overly sexual. Chat for a few minutes and then invite her to grab a drink or fresh air for a more personal discussion. Proper restraint when necessary is attractive in a man.

Again, the best method to learn social calibration is through experience. You need to develop your emotional intelligence and that can only happen with practice.

As in my rejection article, it’s counterintuitive. The more willing you are to be “creepy”, the less likely it’ll actually happen. It’s the guys who always worry, hide their intentions, and don’t to talk to women that often get labeled as the creepers.

Have a free 60-minute strategy session with me!