Using Alcohol As a Crutch With Women
You see her across the bar and you feel those damn butterflies in your stomach again. Now’s the perfect time for some liquid courage to go approach her, right?
Alcohol gives us the confidence to talk to girls and say things we normally wouldn’t while sober. Having a drink in hand feels good, safe, and gives you something to hold during conversation. All around, alcohol is supposed to make meeting women easier. In actuality, it often makes us dependent and afraid to be without it.
What would happen if you could be your best, boldest self without the excess liquor?
I enjoy a good drink, I won’t deny it. For a while when going out, I drank a little too much because it made talking to girls less intimidating. What flew under the radar were all the things it negatively affected at the same time.
Here are the pros and cons of getting tipsy while meeting women:
- Easier to approach strangers
- Get more touchy
- Distraction to drink during awkward pauses
- Loosen up and speak your mind
- Become more assertive and lead
- Take risks like going for a kiss or asking for her number
- Harder to remember things (names, details about her)
- Get too assertive, forward, or touchy
- Difficulty assessing the situation (her body language, mood, interest)
- Repeating yourself, stumbling on words, slurring speech
- Trouble listening attentively
- Get too loud or obnoxious
- Failure to think clearly where to take the night
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I’d be lying to say alcohol doesn’t help in some areas. The issue is that it also hurts in many others. And while you can use some of those benefits to your advantage, the cons will always hinder your game. I’ve seen too many guys lose the girl because they come off as the drunk party guy rather than just the fun exciting guy. No girl (who isn’t sloppy herself) wants to go home with the sloppy man.
I started by limiting my intake to three drinks in a night — you can even give yourself incentive. My friend Thomas likes the idea that for every three girls you approach, you get one drink. Until you’ve talked to three women, it’s water or soda.
The solution is to learn how to achieve those same benefits without the liquor, or at least less of it. Instead of relying on a drink to get you there, set manageable guidelines to move things forward. Make it a rule to touch her within the first thirty seconds, be curious about her, and get her number in a clear voice.
The crucial point I learned going out sober was that the experience you gain while drinking doesn’t stick. It doesn’t convert into the real world when you’re sober, and don’t have an alcohol-appropriate situation. One night of going out clean and pushing myself did more for my confidence and social skills than ten nights of hazy encounters.
Keep putting in the effort. Everything gets easier with experience and active practice. You just have to swallow your fear and approach that first girl. The best way to do it, is to do it.
So next time you’re going out, try staying classy. A few drinks are alright but if you’re falling over while talking to her, you’re doing it wrong. Trust me, the connection is much stronger when you both remember what an amazing time you had.
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