Ah, the first kiss: a beautiful dance of lips that brings about butterflies and racing heartbeats.
It’s the pivotal moment when you officially transition from a platonic connection to something more romantic.
If you don’t try to kiss a girl by the first date, or at least the second…your results will plummet.
I don’t say that to scare you or to make you become some hyper-masculine bro. It’s just the harsh reality of fickle dating nowadays.
More than ever, I see that when women don’t feel “chemistry” early with a guy, they move on quickly.
The moment I tell my clients to take a shot, even if they’re unsure how a woman feels, they get more follow-up dates and their intimate connections rapidly progress.
The question is, how do you get there?
First, you need to shake off your fears…
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Overcoming First Kiss Anxiety
You might be haunted by the thought of ruining the date or worse, being greeted by a slap.
But remember, women understand why you’re on a date together. They know you’re both there to explore whether or not you have an intimate sexual connection.
So, they won’t be surprised or even angry when you go for the kiss, even if they’re not ready. They only feel that way if you go for a kiss, they tell you they aren’t ready, and then you ignore their boundaries.
But fear not! We’ll address respecting boundaries later in this article.
In fact, it’s generally better to go for a kiss even if you don’t get it. Because it shows a woman that:
- You’re confident and willing to express your romantic intentions. That is always going to be attractive to a woman.
- You can respect her boundaries. This builds trust and makes her think, “Well…maybe next time he goes for it, I’ll be ready.”
Finally, stop stressing yourself out about achieving the perfect kiss technique.
The vibe you create on the date, your boldness to show your intentions, and your appropriate response to her reaction all matter more than your tongue gymnastics.
Building Anticipation Through Touch
If a woman is going to kiss you, she needs to feel comfortable touching you first.
When you aren’t physical at all and go for a kiss at the end of the date, it feels sudden. She hasn’t had time to get comfortable with your touch.
Gradual touches, even if it’s just a gentle hand on her shoulder, get her ready for the idea that things will progress into more. It also starts to build arousal and anticipation.
Then if she seems receptive to those touches, you can progress with more intimate touches until naturally, you both want to kiss.
Basically, you want to heat the fire so she can’t wait for the kiss as a culmination of powerful feelings, and not just like “Oh cool, we’re kissing.”
So the best litmus test to tell if she’s ready is her accepting your touch and especially if she touches you back.
Many guys overthink this. They look for a “magic sign” – like the skies parting and angels trumpeting “Now’s the time!”
But honestly, once you get past a little basic friendly physical contact, you should assume she’s ready to be kissed at some point.
She’s not letting a man get close and touch her in a romantic way unless she’s feeling it, too.
If you want to learn how to naturally touch on a date, read my guides here and here.
The Perfect Moment is Not When You Think
Of course, it’s still good to be aware of the other ways women show they’re attracted and ready for smooching.
Keep an eye out for body language clues like:
- Her leaning in and showing enthusiasm.
- Prolonged eye contact.
- Playing with her hair or touching her neck. These are unconscious gestures women do when they’re feeling aroused in the moment.
- Positioning herself close to you or against you, so it’s easier to touch.
And like I said earlier – if she ever goes out of her way to touch you, it’s game on. Those are the moments you have to seize and you should kiss her sooner rather than later.
Openly flirting with a man is a very vulnerable step. Most women only do that when they’re super into you or want to signal they’re ready to take things further.
And please, forget that movie-ending cliché. Don’t wait until the last seconds of the date when you’re at her door to kiss her. This only puts more awkward pressure and makes it out to be a bigger moment than it needs to be.
It’s better to do it more spontaneously and when you’re sharing positive emotions. That could be roughly halfway or two-thirds through the date.
For instance, if you both share a heartfelt laugh on a park bench or a moment of vulnerability while on a walk, those moments can act as powerful catalysts for a genuine and intimate kiss.
Preparing For The First Kiss
Consent is paramount when making a move on someone. You never want to make a woman feel taken advantage of.
So guys often feel like they need to ask for permission to go for the first kiss.
It’s not the worst idea in the world, but it’s kind of the least hot way to go about it.
Nobody wants to feel like they’re signing a legal contract for a first kiss. Women often tell me, “I hate it when a guy asks if he can kiss me. It kills the spark.”
Here are two better ways to go for the kiss:
Don’t ask, tell her you want to kiss her!
Say something like, “I really want to kiss you right now” or “I’m thinking about kissing you.”
Speaking what you desire shows confidence and leadership. And it still preps her that you’re going to plant one on her. Then she can decide if she wants to lean in and kiss you. Or if she wants to turn her head, take a step back, or tell you she’s not ready.
Signal you’re going for a kiss with your body language
Consent can often be communicated non-verbally.
We’ve all seen how people kiss in the movies. The guy usually stops, looks her deep in the eyes, slowly takes her hand, and brings her in for a kiss.
Without saying a word, the second he starts this process, we all know what’s going on.
Whichever way you choose, the most important thing is to…
The Importance Of Patience In Kissing
Never rush the kiss.
You’ll only surprise a woman because she doesn’t have time to process and accept what’s about to happen.
You want to give her a few extra seconds to surrender to the moment.
If you don’t, that’s when women feel like you weren’t conscious of their feelings.
So whatever way you chose above to make a move, to tell her or show her in your body language, follow these steps:
- Stop talking or walking. If you’re discussing something, finish up what you’re saying. If you’re walking, stop in your tracks.
- Look directly into her eyes and hold eye contact. She’ll start to notice that you’re trying to get her attention and share an intimate moment. She’ll make eye contact back.
- Bridge the physical gap. Either take her hand or wrap your arm around her waist and gently pull her in towards you. Or slowly take a step closer and lean in close.
- Kiss her for a couple of seconds. Don’t make out with her, but don’t give her a peck like grandma. That said, you can make out with her if she decides to get passionate herself.
- Softly pull away and continue the conversation where you left off. Show some healthy restraint that you know how to end on a high note. And going back to what you were doing before makes the kiss feel like a natural part of the night.
That whole process should take about 5-10 seconds and give her ample time to feel ready and excited for the big moment.
What If She Doesn’t Kiss You?
Don’t get thrown off by it and don’t make it a big deal.
She could have been caught off guard or just wasn’t ready yet. Again, women aren’t going to be weird about it unless you make it weird.
If you get angry, awkward, sad, or guilt trip her – then she’s going to feel uncomfortable.
If you can take it in stride and show her you’re still excited to keep spending time together, then she’ll be absolutely fine.
You can just say something like, “No worries at all, let’s keep having fun”, or “That’s okay, I’m still really enjoying the night.” And move on, so she will, too.
At that point, though, I wouldn’t try to kiss her again on that date unless she gets very physical with you or openly tells you she wants you to kiss her.
Instead, focus on being present and continuing to share a positive experience. That will only further build a connection and increase your chances of her wanting to kiss you next time.
And if she isn’t open to kissing you at all, then it’s not meant to be and at least you know where she stands sooner than later.
Reaping The Rewards Of An Early Kiss
If you followed this so far and were able to kiss her before the end of the night, you now have two advantages working for you.
First, you can now periodically kiss her again throughout the date. Once the kiss barrier is broken, a woman will generally be more receptive to further kissing.
So you can continue that walk for another 10 minutes, stop again during a tender moment, and kiss once more. Maybe this time it’s a little longer, a little more passionate.
The additional kissing builds more arousal and chemistry. Things will generally heat up and that leads to the second advantage.
You have time to take it somewhere more personal. When you don’t wait until the end of the night for your first kiss, it leaves room to go back to one of your places.
You’ll be amazed at how many times you have a couple of lip-locked moments and a woman hints she wants to keep hanging out somewhere more private. Or sometimes if she’s really turned on, she’ll even be more forward about asking you what you’re doing later or if you want to come up.
Now let’s say things do get hot and heavy, I’ve got one final secret for you…
The Power Of Pausing
If you’re starting to make out, pull away periodically first. For example, after 20 seconds of kissing, gently lean back and roll back into conversation for a moment.
This is sneakily important. Many guys will just keep pushing forward towards sex, only to be surprised as they’re rebuffed.
That’s because when things escalate too fast, all those emotions can feel overwhelming.
She can start to worry if she’s coming across as “too easy”. Or stress that she won’t be able to stop this if you go too far. Or even question that you care most about getting laid.
Instead, by pausing – you give her time to breathe, relax, and leave her wanting for more. You also show her that while you are excited to keep exploring each other’s bodies, it’s not the only thing you’re looking for.
Try this and watch how many times women will desire your closeness and reinitiate kissing on their own.
- Don’t let fear hold you back. Women understand the intentions behind a date and won’t be surprised when you go for a kiss. They’re only mad if you ignore their boundaries.
- Gradual touches help build comfort and anticipation. If she’s receptive to your touch, it’s a good sign she might be ready for a kiss.
- Pay attention to her body language. If she’s leaning in, holding intense eye contact, or touching you, it might be the perfect moment for a kiss.
- Always respect her boundaries. Express your desire to kiss her or use body language to signal your intentions.
- Don’t rush the kiss. Give her time to process and accept what’s about to happen.
- If she doesn’t reciprocate the kiss, don’t make it a big deal. Stay positive and continue to enjoy your time together.
- If you manage to kiss her before the end of the date, you can continue to build more intimacy and chemistry. An early kiss also leaves room to take the date to a more private setting, further deepening your connection.
- If things get hot and heavy, remember to take breaks. This gives her time to relax and shows her that you’re not just interested in getting laid.
Nervous about making the move? I understand that the first kiss can be a daunting experience. Let me guide through it with a free consultation. Together, we’ll create an effective strategy that feels right for you.