21 Ways to Touch Her

June 15th, 2011 by Nick Notas 10 Comments

In my last article we covered the basics of how to touch a woman. While all of that knowledge is useful, none of it means anything if you can’t put it into action.

When I work with guys that have trouble getting physical, one problem always comes up: “There wasn’t a good moment or opportunity when I could’ve touched her.” There never seems to be a good time to make a move. But is that really true?

Usually, the issue is that you haven’t seized the moment to create a physical connection. Start with the small gestures and escalate progressively to intimate touching. Remember that the more personal you get, the more chemistry, attraction, and trust she will need to be comfortable.

Low Level Touching

  • When introducing yourself, shake hands and hold hers for an extra second.
  • Give her a high-five in excitement.
  • Gently touch her elbow to emphasize your points.
  • If she’s going outside with you, you can grab her coat and help her put it on.
  • Touch her shoulder when she is opening up and sharing something with you.
  • When saying goodbye, give her a hug.

Medium Level Touching

  • Stand close to her and let your arms touch.
  • When leading her to the bar or to grab a seat, hold her hand or guide her with your hand on the small of her back.
  • Stand to her side, lean close to her, and whisper into her ear.
  • Rest your thigh against hers when sitting next to her.
  • As she laughs at something you said, say something like “You’re so cute/adorable/such a dork” while placing your hand on her stomach and playfully push her.

High Level Touching

  • Play footsie under the table if sitting across from her.
  • Place your hand on her thigh when sitting next to her.
  • Brush a lock of hair off her face and around her ear.
  • While standing close, lean into her and smell from the base or her neck to her ear. You can say something like “Damn, you smell amazing.”
  • When talking, lightly play with her hand or fingers.
  • Run your fingers through her hair while looking in her eyes.
  • Grab her around the waist and pull her hip against yours. You can also pull her directly towards you and have your waists touching.
  • Touch a necklace she’s wearing while brushing your fingers on her neck.
  • While sitting close, run your fingers toward her inner thigh under the table. Continue talking casually. Getting more intimate while keeping your cool will drive her wild.
  • Pause during conversation, look deeply in her eyes, and kiss her.

The biggest difference between a friend and a romantic partner is physical intimacy. So if you ever want more than friendship, you’re going to have to bite the bullet and touch her. You might as well start now.

Want my personal 1-on-1 help to implement what you’ve just learned? This can be intimidating and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this alone. If you’d like a step-by-step, tailored approach to magnetically attract women and build more meaningful relationships, let’s have a free, 100% confidential consultation call (up to 30 minutes) to discuss how we can work together.  Schedule your free strategy session here.

  1. Taz @ Climb the Rainbow on June 15, 2011

    Women tend to pick up on body language a lot more than what men do. If you’re able to do the low level touches while holding her gaze for an extra moment and giving her a warm smile, she’ll get the hint fairly quickly.

    That being said, there’s a fine line between being the charming guy who gives you the extra split second touch and smile, and the creepy dude who clings to your hand with more of a sickening leer than a smile.

    If you notice her wince or shy away from you AT ALL, that’s a clear signal to 1.) not progress to a higher level of touching, and 2.) back off a bit with your current level. Women are masters of subtlety. Few women on the receiving end of low-level touching will pull you up and say “I’m not interested” verbally, but they will DEFINITELY tell you with their body language and facial expressions. Pay attention to it, since you’ll be on the receiving end of a far harsher rejection if you try to progress without heeding her signals.

    • Chiara on June 17, 2011

      Absolutely agree about the fine line, Taz. Was also going to say, Nick.. Make sure you tell ’em NOT TO DO ALL OF THE ABOVE AT ONCE.

      I also have to agree with Taz that being AWARE of your dates reaction is crucial. You should get a feel for the type of girl she is, some girls might deem some of the above a bit too much.. others might find it to be just what the doctor ordered.

      I think touching is most effective when done quickly and in a teasing manner

      Great read, Nick 🙂

      • Nick on June 18, 2011

        Definitely definitely definitely don’t do it all at once, haha. That’s a sure ticket to rejectionville, fast.

        The bullets above are just a list of possible ideas that you can do on a date or meeting a girl. As you said, you have to pay attention to her, how things are going, and her reaction. Those factors determine what is considered “good touching” and “bad touching” — relative to the interaction.

        I’ve met women who are comfortable kissing in the first 20 minutes and others who are more reserved and need significant time to warm up. Always feel out the situation and use your best judgement.

        Thank you Chiara!

    • Nick on June 18, 2011

      Have to agree that especially at the more low-level touching, body language is the biggest cue she’ll give you. You’ve got to pay close attention to how she reacts (without being obvious) and make sure she’s not getting uncomfortable, turned-off, or even angry.

      You can kill the mood very quickly if you’re not aware of her emotions. Things usually don’t end well for the guy who’s oblivious or has blatant disregard for how a girl feels.

      Thanks for responding Taz, I love your feedback 🙂

    • Tommy on February 8, 2013

      “more of a sickening leer than a smile”…

      So in other words:

      1) Be attractive
      2) Don’t be unattractive

  2. becca on February 1, 2013

    So I came here to do some opposition research on the male perspective in an attempt to upping my chances of reeling a guy in, and now I’m jealous of the simplicity in which you write about dating – very few blogs aimed at women are actually as instructional and most just telling you to “feel it” and then 25 increasingly odd ways to year your hair. I haven’t found a list this well-organized, well-described, and well-worded; it’s fairly idiot proof. So I have a request: If it tickles your fancy, would you try compiling a list of ways to women to invite physical intimacy from men/make the first move on their guy? Basically, a slightly modified version of “green light if she does/says X” so that us idiots out here and decode social situations?

    Thanks a bunch!

    • Nick Notas on February 2, 2013

      Thanks Becca for the kind words. Both my girlfriend and I agree we wish more female-centered sites had in-depth and instructional advice.

      I would love to compile more articles for women, especially a similar version to this. Right now I’m focusing on a few books for men and other projects but I plan to write more female geared content in the future. I do have a related article that teaches women how to welcome advances from guys. Check it out here:

    • rawr on October 16, 2014

      simple, don’t treat him like a creep, don’t shy away when he touches you unless you genuinely don’t like the person. his job is to push and pursue, your job is to yield and let him in. if you’re a brick wall he’s going to find a woman he will yield to him. basically don’t make him feel like he’s doing something wrong, just keep smiling and let him do what’s comfortable for him. you’d be surprised how many men will take charge if he doesn’t think you’ll red flag him for escalating.

  3. Annie on March 4, 2015

    Touch works for me, especially hand on the small of the back.


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