10 Ways Men Blow Their Dating Opportunities

February 25th, 2015 by Nick Notas 24 Comments

Wile E Coyote Blown Up

Gaining new potential customers is the lifeblood for any business. Sales is not only about finding new connections, but nurturing them and creating deeper relationships.

So any good salesperson knows that it’s not about how many names and numbers you collect, but how you follow up with them that counts.

As you can guess, this also applies to dating.

A lot of you come to me saying, “I don’t have any potential women in my life.” When I ask about your methods, I often learn that you HAVE opportunities, you just don’t capitalize on them!

You throw away your romantic prospects for a variety of reasons…

You can’t believe a girl would actually like you. You’re afraid of screwing up or getting rejected. Or, you’re just plain oblivious to the “green lights” you’re getting from women.

Whatever it may be, you’re not getting the most out of your opportunities and sabotaging your own success. This then reinforces your belief that you can’t attract women. When in reality, your lack of effort is to blame.

Now, I could try to convince you of all the reasons why you should stop listening to your scumbag brain. But I’ve written hundreds of articles like that. Sometimes, you just need to stop overthinking and do your job in romantic pursuit.

So to ensure you don’t keep throwing away opportunities, we need to list out what you’re doing wrong. Then we’ll create new rules that you must follow regardless of your doubt or fears.

1. You don’t approach women who make eye contact with you.

When you’re out at a bar, club, or event, notice how many women are looking around. If they’re out and single, women scan the room for potential guys.

So when a woman looks at you and smiles, she’s not just being polite. She’s usually giving you an approach invitation — her subtle way of saying, “Come talk to me.”

These are your safest opportunities to meet someone with the highest chance of success. It’s what sales calls a “warm lead”.

Don’t know how to introduce yourself? My approaching cheat sheet will fix that.

New rule: “I will assume that any woman who makes eye contact and smiles at me is open to conversation. I’ll introduce myself to her.”

2. You don’t go for the number often enough.

Many guys don’t realize how easy it can be to get a girl’s number. They believe you need to have an amazing, one-of-a-kind, hour-long conversation. So when they tell me about an encounter they had with a woman and I ask if they went for her number, they make excuses like…

“I only talked to her for a couple minutes at the gym after her set.”
“This girl at the bar was talking to me while getting a drink, but it was just for a few minutes.”
“I met a girl at this event but we didn’t get past small talk.”

A woman knows whether or not she’d give you her number within minutes of meeting you. If she gives you (a random stranger) her time, then there’s a solid chance she’d give you her number, too.

You don’t need to make the best impression ever, she just needs to see you’re a normal dude she could potentially have fun with.

New rule: “If I’m talking to a woman I find attractive for more than one minute, I must ask for her number before I leave the conversation.”

3. You don’t follow up on the numbers you do get

This is the craziest way I see guys blow their opportunities. You get a girl’s number and then do nothing with it!

I know you’re afraid you won’t get a response. I also know you’re afraid of getting a response because that means you have to take the next steps. So sometimes it’s easier to not reach out and make excuses.

Guys tell me, “I haven’t had time. I forgot about it. I’ll message her in a couple days. She was just being polite and probably isn’t interested.”

Bullshit! It took you longer to come up with that excuse than to send a one-sentence text to her. And I know you didn’t magically forget, you’ve been thinking about this decision repeatedly. You also have no idea whether or not she’s interested, that’s just your insecurity speaking.

These are women who were invested enough to willingly give you their number. Every time you don’t follow up on a number, you’re throwing away your best shots for romance.

New rule: “Whenever I get a girl’s number, I will message her within 24 hours.”

4. You play it too cool over text.

Insecure guys feel the need to prove their worth to women. So they overcompensate and protect themselves by pretending to be unavailable. They think it will make them seem more valuable and less needy.

Delaying your responses for hours or days does not make you more attractive. You’re actually being MORE NEEDY by faking disinterest just to get someone to like you.

If you’re seeking her approval with, “Please let me know when you’re around.” “Did you get my last text?” or “Is everything okay?” that’s needy. But just talking to someone you like is not.

It also doesn’t work. If a woman likes you, she wants to talk to you. More than that, she wants to see you.

By being cold over text, women believe you’re not really interested. Then they respond accordingly by acting distant to protect themselves, too. They become hesitant to even meet up with you.

So when you finally invite her to do something, she doesn’t give you a concrete answer. She plays it cool and says “maybe next week” or “I’m not sure what my schedule is.” You play this endlessly frustrating game where you both don’t commit to moving forward.

New rule: “I will respond within 4 hours of getting a text from a girl.”

5. You text or talk on the phone for weeks or months.

Having a new girl respond over text feels great. And sometimes, you just want to hold onto that wonderful feeling.

So rather than take the risk of screwing things up by asking her out, you just continue chatting with her. Because if you invite her to do something and she says no, then you might lose that sweet, sweet attention.

But attention is worthless. It’s not going to move a connection forward or towards intimacy. And in fact, the longer you wait to get one-on-one, the less likely it is to ever happen.

Like I said above, women know almost immediately whether or not romance is a possibility with a guy. Delaying that only frustrates and bores women. Eventually they will find someone who’s serious about moving forward. You will either get ignored or become the friendly guy who gives her free attention.

New rule: “I will suggest meeting up with a girl within our first or second text exchange.”

How Much I Missed

6. You chat with girls from online dating for too long.

A lot of guys think they need to convince a woman to meet up with them from online dating. It makes sense in theory — you’re strangers and you want to make her feel comfortable.

So you spend days upon days messaging a girl. You want to show her how similar you are and how you both love the same things.

But what you don’t realize is that women are on online dating specifically to meet up with potential mates. They aren’t there to cyber chat. You need to weed out the girls who just want someone to listen to them and aren’t serious about meeting up.

If a woman responds to you, she’s deciding that you are a potential mate. You only need to convey one thing: that meeting up will be a fun, easy going experience.

You do that by having a couple lighthearted, silly, or playful messages to get a laugh. Once that’s been established, you need to push forward.

This is especially true with Tinder. Most women are in the “buying” mood while on the app and will make plans with a guy then and there. By swiping yes to each other, you both already accept you find each other attractive. A couple of short messages and an invitation to do something is all you need.

New rule: “I will suggest meeting up with girls online by my 2nd-4th message.”

7. You don’t go for a kiss on dates.

The number one date recap I hear from guys goes something like this…

“We had such a great time together. We had so much in common, we laughed a lot, and had really good conversation. I thought everything was going perfectly. Now she won’t commit to coming out when I ask her for another date.”

If they’re lucky, these guys end up getting an upfront rejection like, “I had a great time but I just don’t see us like that.” Most of the time, they don’t even get a response or the girl will never make concrete plans to meet up again until the guy gets the hint.

The guy then feels clueless about what happened. So let me clear things up:

It’s awesome that you had a friendly connection with a girl, but what about the sexual connection? Remember, you are on a date, not a buddy-buddy hang out. The underlying idea is you are both evaluating each other as romantic prospects.

She knows why you’re both there. She knows that if you find her attractive, you want a sexual connection. She’s expecting you to go for a kiss on a date.

She’s not going to be surprised like, “You tried to kiss me?!? Oh my god…what were you thinking?!?”

Attempting to kiss her is only going to reveal the truth about how she already feels — it won’t suddenly ruin a potential romantic connection.

Even when a girl says that she’s not ready and turns her cheek, let her know it’s not a big deal. Going for a kiss was still a confident move that now positions you as a potential lover. When she realizes you respected her boundaries but still went after what you wanted, she’s infinitely more likely to kiss you back the next time.

When your dates never turn romantic, a woman starts to question the sexual connection. She doesn’t experience that “spark” and it confirms that you aren’t meant to be more than friends. She will then distance herself or let you down easy so she avoids hurting your feelings.

New rule: “If I like a woman, I have to go for a kiss by the end of the 1st or 2nd date.”

8. You don’t invite a girl back to your place or hers.

When we’re having fun, we don’t want the fun to stop. It’s the same principle with taking a girl home. If she’s enjoying the date and comfortable with you, she usually wants to keep things going.

But a woman is almost never going to be the first one to discuss the logistics of sexytimes. She’s afraid it will make her seem too forward or easy. Instead, you might get a question like, “So what are you doing after this?” or “Do you work early in the morning?” Still, you can’t always count on getting those hints even when she’s ready.

Plenty of women will be open to going back home with you but you have to put the offer on the table. If you throw it out there and she declines, it’s not a big deal. Politely inviting a girl back to your place who already likes you isn’t going to change her feelings.

New rule: “If I’m having fun on a date, I will invite the girl back to my place or suggest going back to hers.”

9. You don’t make a move when you’re back at a private location.

I’m still surprised at how many men get a woman alone and then act like a friend. They end up watching Netflix or listening to Spotify for hours. Sometimes they’ll actually get into bed with a girl and just cuddle all night.

Guys tell me, “I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I really liked her and didn’t want her to think I was just in it for the sex.”

Then something heartbreaking happens. These guys are so excited to see the girl again but never get that chance. Just like not going for the kiss on a date, acting platonic when alone often means you’ll never see that girl again. Why is that?

Listen, if a girl’s alone in a house with a stranger, she’s usually down to get a little intimate. She didn’t risk being vulnerable in a confined space with someone she barely knows otherwise. Even if that’s just hooking up, she’s open to something happening.

When nothing progresses, that woman feels rejected. She put herself out there to a new guy and he didn’t want her back. She feels stupid and ashamed for being so forward. Then she regrets her choice and protects herself by not risking it with you again.

If she’s not ready to make out or have sex, she’ll let you know. But don’t make that choice for her before you’ve even tried.

New rule: “If I have a girl back at my place or hers, I will go for a kiss and continue towards sexual intimacy while respecting her boundaries.”

10. You don’t make a move on a “friend”.

Every guy’s had a friend they secretly desired. That girl you talk to every week and hang out with all the time.

In your head, you’re always wondering if she likes you back. You build her up to this flawless girl and that terrifies you. Because you want to make sure you don’t miss your perfect moment — you just have to wait for it.

But times goes by and you never seize that moment. The longer you wait, the more anxiety you have around the situation. You start making excuses like, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

If the friendship was your true priority, you wouldn’t be thinking about this constantly. You’re lying to yourself. You’re just scared of facing the truth about how she feels.

But the truth is not your enemy. The truth will set you free!

By this time, she knows whether or not you’re a romantic prospect. By knowing how she actually feels, you’ll remove the uncertainty that imprisons you.

Holding onto false hope to protect your ego will do nothing for you. It’s not going to bring amazing sexual connections or happiness into your life. It will keep you sheltered and weak.

Find out how she feels. If she likes you, then you can start experiencing the connection you so desire. If she doesn’t, you can start focusing on other girls who are willing to invest in you.

More than that, you can hopefully start being her real friend without ulterior motives. As long as you don’t act like a dick to her if she’s not interested, you can still stay friends.

New rule: “If I like a girl at all, I have to invite her to hang out 1-on-1. Then I have to flirt with her and go for a kiss, like I would on any other date.”

Stop giving yourself a 100% chance of failure. Start giving yourself the opportunity to succeed.

Want my personal 1-on-1 help to implement what you’ve just learned? I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this alone. If you’d like a step-by-step, tailored approach to magnetically attract women and build more meaningful relationships, let’s have a free, 100% confidential consultation call (up to 30 minutes) to discuss how we can work together.  Schedule your free strategy session here.

  1. Colin on February 25, 2015

    I messed up with a girl a few weeks back. We went bowling and at about midnight she asked me what I was doing after. I told her I was going home to get some sleep. She asked me again when we were walking to my car if there was anything we could do and I said not to worry about it and another time.

    I thought she was just being nice! I didn’t understand she was hinting to go back to my place but it’s obvious now. I’ve texted her three times since but she never responded. Is there anything I can do?

    • Nick Notas on February 25, 2015

      Hey Colin,

      It happens to the best of us. Sometimes we just don’t realize how a girl is as excited to go back with us as we are. We ignore the signals or rationalize why she must mean something different.

      If you’ve already reached out a few times with no response, there’s not much you can do. Sorry, I know that’s probably not the answer you want to hear. But just remember to try to move things forward next time — you’ll have other opportunities.

    • Zan on October 20, 2015

      Colin i understand your pain bro…i have gone through the same thing a few times in my life where i was left clueless on what the girl wanted despite she dropping me hints a few times.

    • Zan on October 20, 2015

      I have made mistake no. 1 many times…perhaps thousand times…i girl holds on to eye contact with me for few seconds but i never approached her and used to shy away….if i would have approached them I would have many dates with some pretty girls.

    • silent boyie on January 16, 2016

      try this: text her ” oh i just realized i was thinking of inviting you to much place but i guess too tired my brain was thinking right lol. just realize. anyways how are you? wanna chill at my place . or better yet just call her so you can hear her voice and judge her mood as you talk and know when to swerve the convo left or right. Be creative and straightforward, tell her how you feel.

      P.s you can always make excuse like sorry that was my coz texting you dont what he was thinking. You know lol you get the picture. one goal, lots of ways to get there just be mindful dont abuse, give gifts from time to time such as little as bubble gum, lollipop. start small watch the show, dont go all the way for something your still watching. You lose you only lost something small, you win you can build upon more things more meetups dates, hangouts, etc.. dont be too hungry, remember if you got there you can do it again but change the outcome if you gave my advice a shot and she didnt bite your bait. Lots of fishes buddy, respect is the ultimate key and dont care super much or youll get hurt super much, untli you know she cares alot about you. test the waters slowly stepping in, whilst in it and decide what you need to work on, how you treat this girl. What kind of girl, how she wants to be treated. Think ahead, think first about every thing she tells you and how to respond to please, and if it ever ends, try ending in class keep the relationship good. It you can change to just friends or acquatnce you know it doesnt have to be bad if you dont want it. Anyways, brainstorm do some idea research, be creative and do it naturaly smooth like i know you can . Have a good one

  2. Eric on February 25, 2015

    This article couldn’t have come at a better time. I got a really cute girls number online yesterday in the middle of the day checked it when I got home and texted her after which wasn’t until 8. Haven’t heard back yet. I know she said she’s busy as she’s a nurse but I’m afraid I took an hour or more too long. Now I’m not sure what to do next.

    • Nick Notas on March 4, 2015

      Hey Eric,

      You still texted her the same day, albeit a few hours later. I doubt it made that huge of a difference and she may have just been busy.

      Did you ever hear back from her?

  3. Angel on February 25, 2015

    I am guilty of number 2 for one hundred and ten percent. I thought it was socially unacceptable to ask for a woman’s phone number so soon already, especially someone you just met. Initially I thought it was only appropriate to ask for a number when you built up a certain level of rapport with her and take your time with it or when you become friends/connected/get to know her/get familiar/etc with her properly.

    So after reading that, I’ll think I will ask for numbers after five minutes or less and see what happens… hope I don’t make a fool out of myself or appear uncalibrated for doing that.

    • Nick Notas on March 4, 2015

      If a woman’s enjoying your company, she wants that to continue. And the only way for that to happen is to have a way to keep communicating with you.

      You don’t have to immediately ask for the number after 5 minutes. You can do it later in the convo or before you leave. The point is that once you hit the 1-2 minute mark, you should always try before walking away.

  4. Paul on February 26, 2015

    Brilliant as always! Thanks for the great reminders and rules

    • Nick Notas on March 4, 2015

      Thanks Paul, happy you find value in the articles.

  5. KestralRose on February 28, 2015

    I would be careful surrounding number 8 etc. If i were looking for love i would not have sex on the first, second or even third date etc because for me it would lose all meaningfulness. Also if a guy asked on our first date together to have sex or hinted at such it would give off the impression that was all he was interested in and i would cease considering him as a long term partner. I personally would prefer to explore these experiences slowely and intimately with a partner to make it special and i guess you could say more of a cliche romance. (yes i am the type of girl to hold off because i want to show my boyfriend how much he means to me)
    This does not by any means account for all women, but certainly a few. I hope there are a few men out there that would not like to rush into things also. I would always build a solid connection and friendship before delving into sexual pleasure but that is just me.

    • 3l3v8r on March 8, 2015

      I agree 100%!

  6. Chris on March 1, 2015

    Number ten is the one that gets me. 🙁

  7. 3l3v8r on March 8, 2015

    Hey. You know what? I respect the cuddler!! Or the Netflixter. I am a woman in the dating world…I am looking for a relationship as an end result…and I’m so tired about it being all about sex. So when a man actually wants to spend time with me, for me, and not just with my sexybits, I have a tremendous amount of respect for him and find his efforts to respect my body very sexy. I want, no, need to know that he will not pressure me and that I am safe in his presence. I would like to know that when I am invited to his place, it’s because he is sharing his personal space with me, and not only because he wants to get me naked. It’s so confusing and frustrating!!

  8. Daniel Lee on March 10, 2015

    I agree men should be more persistent, meanwhile we limit ourselves in actions, being superficial and waiting for something. I have some experience at online dating ( , Tinder, ) and I noticed women like decisive and ambitious men, even she rejects meeting/kissing/etc she is flattered anyway with the interest man shows.

  9. Chris on March 27, 2015

    Number ten happened to me. Sadly, she didn’t return any feelings, but hey.

  10. Khalid on April 5, 2015

    Hey Nick!! Nice article just like many others. Related to point 1 on eye contact and smile, I noticed sometimes girls make eye contact with me and then look down at their boobs or pull their top/ dress down. I never approached these girls, but I do feel it’s a very strong sign of attraction/ approach signal. Have you got experience with this. Thankx

  11. Steven on June 24, 2015

    Flirting and dating never were my forte even though I had no problems keeping someone’s interest in a conversation. I’m chatty and open minded, but I struggled to flirt. I had girlfriends but no hookups or sexfriends (don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I don’t like relationships, it is to give some context). I KNEW I was not giving the right signals and I didn’t know how to interpret them when I received them.

    Then, a year ago I stumbled on this site.
    I started browsing at first, and after a while I probably read every article on it. What can I say…? It worked. It worked really good. To a point where I just couldn’t keep up with all the hookups I had. I litterally exhausted myself dating.

    Now I read this article and kept thinking: those are all the mistakes you made, this is what you learned to avoid through this site. Sure I had some preconceptions, but having it in written, well explained and in bullet point form just made it stick.

    All this just to say:

    Hooking up did not change my life, but knowing I could took all the pressure away from dating and flirting which in turn made it easier to date and flirt. It helped me to get to know me and my needs and wants much better regarding the other sex.

    So again thank you and guys listen to the advice, it does work miracles.

    P.S.: don’t forget not to be a douche with the ladies. It’s not because you saw her naked that she’s a sl*t. Be grateful she choose YOU (even if you helped the decision along) 😉

  12. Mark on September 20, 2015

    So I thought this was a great read. All very true. So I decided to leave my semi related situation in the comments and see the feedback and what people think.
    Ok so earlier this summer I started talking/dating this girl that I knew about and was fond about. our paths finally crossed and met her got her number etc I did all the steps and things where great. Only problem was I was leaving for Europe for the summer and by the time I got back she would be going back up state for her last year of school. With that being acknowledged we began to hang out for our two weeks. During these two weeks we got intimate but I told her I did not want to have sex because it didn’t feel right knowing she was leaving.
    I left and we said our goodbyes and said hopefully we each other before she leaves. While on the trip we stopped talking I found out a week later she began dating someone else. I was pretty bummed. When I returned we didn’t hang out even though she was still home for a little. I knew it was over and obvious but I felt such a connection with her I didn’t want to give up. I’ve had plenty of girlfriends before and dated people but never felt this connection.
    So I talked to her about it she said she was sorry and don’t be mad and that “if she wasn’t going to school and I didn’t go to Europe then things probably would be different” and how she “missed me” and “would want to hang out in the future”
    I knew it was done and I knew I needed to move on so I did. Now we occasionally text and talk over social media but I don’t know why I can’t shake this feeling for her Ive been able to do it plenty of other times with girls but I can’t with this one and I know I need to
    What should I do?

  13. silent boyie on January 16, 2016

    one thing buddy, when you do get her. Don’t be a douche, still be nice. The best thing to do is while in it, remain calm, its exciting but remain calm and understand her, respnse in text in public. It’s the best gift to be able to gain that knowledge because it does help alot in your next relaitonship or future with her still you would know how she is bored, honest, lying. Then, you can change it up, do this do that. Pull back. females are complex, made to be loved so loving her is the key buddy to unlock doors then you see her true colours, true colurs will give you a insight into the female pysche which then will change and you gain knowledge which will benefit you alot. Not just to sleep with her, but to get her comfortable to open up. Tread carefully but remain smooth

  14. Jon on September 25, 2016

    Hey Nick,

    Great article! Definitely relate to a lot of what’s in there.

    The other night I hung out with a girl I’ve been talking to off and on for a little over a month. She wrote me and insisted I drop down to see her a text work later that night, which I did. We ended up taking for a few hours and when she got off she asked me if I was interested in grabbing food after. We ended up doing that for another hour or so, and then she invited me back to her place to watch a movie. We hung out there for a couple hours until we both had to shut it down because we had to work early in the morning. Before I left, she said we should get together again some time when she didn’t have to work all night and the following morning. It felt like a date to me but it was never really called one. So I’m not really sure what her mind was thinking throughout the whole thing. We talked off and on the next day, the only problem I seem to have is that sometimes when we talk she has a tendency to read what I send her and then not respond. It’s happened a few times, and it happened later that following night. Is that something that should bother me? I’ve been wanting to ask her to hang out again but I’m having a hard time asking because I’m afraid she’s not into me or she might say no. What do you think?

  15. It's Christmas almost on December 9, 2016

    Hi nick, this is a good article. I can see where I went wrong with a few girls from college. I’m 32 now and I like this girl from Facebook. She’s 22. I have been commenting on her posts and she’s been responding and liked my comments. She even messaged me and asked who I was. I told her and she was cool. Fast forward a few weeks and I asked her if she wanted to meet up. She replied I’ll be straight with you, thanks for the kind messages, but I’m not interested in meeting, sorry. I asked her why. She said it was to do with the age difference. Any advice how I can turn this one around or should I just let it go? Thanks

  16. Paul on January 25, 2017

    Nick – thanks for these tips. I’ve never noticed a woman making eye contact or smiling at me. I’m extremely shy and introverted (I always have been) so maybe I’m not seeing what’s actually there (the mind only allows one to see what it wishes to). I’m 32, have a great job, stay in shape, etc., but certainly don’t see myself as attractive/sexy by any measure – and have yet to even hold hands with a woman. Do you have any thoughts?


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