10 Ways Men Blow Their Dating Opportunities
Gaining new potential customers is the lifeblood for any business. Sales is not only about finding new connections, but nurturing them and creating deeper relationships.
So any good salesperson knows that it’s not about how many names and numbers you collect, but how you follow up with them that counts.
As you can guess, this also applies to dating.
A lot of you come to me saying, “I don’t have any potential women in my life.” When I ask about your methods, I often learn that you HAVE opportunities, you just don’t capitalize on them!
You throw away your romantic prospects for a variety of reasons…
You can’t believe a girl would actually like you. You’re afraid of screwing up or getting rejected. Or, you’re just plain oblivious to the “green lights” you’re getting from women.
Whatever it may be, you’re not getting the most out of your opportunities and sabotaging your own success. This then reinforces your belief that you can’t attract women. When in reality, your lack of effort is to blame.
Now, I could try to convince you of all the reasons why you should stop listening to your scumbag brain. But I’ve written hundreds of articles like that. Sometimes, you just need to stop overthinking and do your job in romantic pursuit.
So to ensure you don’t keep throwing away opportunities, we need to list out what you’re doing wrong. Then we’ll create new rules that you must follow regardless of your doubt or fears.
1. You don’t approach women who make eye contact with you.
When you’re out at a bar, club, or event, notice how many women are looking around. If they’re out and single, women scan the room for potential guys.
So when a woman looks at you and smiles, she’s not just being polite. She’s usually giving you an approach invitation — her subtle way of saying, “Come talk to me.”
These are your safest opportunities to meet someone with the highest chance of success. It’s what sales calls a “warm lead”.
Don’t know how to introduce yourself? My approaching cheat sheet will fix that.
New rule: “I will assume that any woman who makes eye contact and smiles at me is open to conversation. I’ll introduce myself to her.”
2. You don’t go for the number often enough.
Many guys don’t realize how easy it can be to get a girl’s number. They believe you need to have an amazing, one-of-a-kind, hour-long conversation. So when they tell me about an encounter they had with a woman and I ask if they went for her number, they make excuses like…
“I only talked to her for a couple minutes at the gym after her set.”
“This girl at the bar was talking to me while getting a drink, but it was just for a few minutes.”
“I met a girl at this event but we didn’t get past small talk.”
A woman knows whether or not she’d give you her number within minutes of meeting you. If she gives you (a random stranger) her time, then there’s a solid chance she’d give you her number, too.
You don’t need to make the best impression ever, she just needs to see you’re a normal dude she could potentially have fun with.
New rule: “If I’m talking to a woman I find attractive for more than one minute, I must ask for her number before I leave the conversation.”
3. You don’t follow up on the numbers you do get
This is the craziest way I see guys blow their opportunities. You get a girl’s number and then do nothing with it!
I know you’re afraid you won’t get a response. I also know you’re afraid of getting a response because that means you have to take the next steps. So sometimes it’s easier to not reach out and make excuses.
Guys tell me, “I haven’t had time. I forgot about it. I’ll message her in a couple days. She was just being polite and probably isn’t interested.”
Bullshit! It took you longer to come up with that excuse than to send a one-sentence text to her. And I know you didn’t magically forget, you’ve been thinking about this decision repeatedly. You also have no idea whether or not she’s interested, that’s just your insecurity speaking.
These are women who were invested enough to willingly give you their number. Every time you don’t follow up on a number, you’re throwing away your best shots for romance.
New rule: “Whenever I get a girl’s number, I will message her within 24 hours.”
4. You play it too cool over text.
Insecure guys feel the need to prove their worth to women. So they overcompensate and protect themselves by pretending to be unavailable. They think it will make them seem more valuable and less needy.
Delaying your responses for hours or days does not make you more attractive. You’re actually being MORE NEEDY by faking disinterest just to get someone to like you.
If you’re seeking her approval with, “Please let me know when you’re around.” “Did you get my last text?” or “Is everything okay?” that’s needy. But just talking to someone you like is not.
It also doesn’t work. If a woman likes you, she wants to talk to you. More than that, she wants to see you.
By being cold over text, women believe you’re not really interested. Then they respond accordingly by acting distant to protect themselves, too. They become hesitant to even meet up with you.
So when you finally invite her to do something, she doesn’t give you a concrete answer. She plays it cool and says “maybe next week” or “I’m not sure what my schedule is.” You play this endlessly frustrating game where you both don’t commit to moving forward.
New rule: “I will respond within 4 hours of getting a text from a girl.”
5. You text or talk on the phone for weeks or months.
Having a new girl respond over text feels great. And sometimes, you just want to hold onto that wonderful feeling.
So rather than take the risk of screwing things up by asking her out, you just continue chatting with her. Because if you invite her to do something and she says no, then you might lose that sweet, sweet attention.
But attention is worthless. It’s not going to move a connection forward or towards intimacy. And in fact, the longer you wait to get one-on-one, the less likely it is to ever happen.
Like I said above, women know almost immediately whether or not romance is a possibility with a guy. Delaying that only frustrates and bores women. Eventually they will find someone who’s serious about moving forward. You will either get ignored or become the friendly guy who gives her free attention.
New rule: “I will suggest meeting up with a girl within our first or second text exchange.”
6. You chat with girls from online dating for too long.
A lot of guys think they need to convince a woman to meet up with them from online dating. It makes sense in theory — you’re strangers and you want to make her feel comfortable.
So you spend days upon days messaging a girl. You want to show her how similar you are and how you both love the same things.
But what you don’t realize is that women are on online dating specifically to meet up with potential mates. They aren’t there to cyber chat. You need to weed out the girls who just want someone to listen to them and aren’t serious about meeting up.
If a woman responds to you, she’s deciding that you are a potential mate. You only need to convey one thing: that meeting up will be a fun, easy going experience.
You do that by having a couple lighthearted, silly, or playful messages to get a laugh. Once that’s been established, you need to push forward.
This is especially true with Tinder. Most women are in the “buying” mood while on the app and will make plans with a guy then and there. By swiping yes to each other, you both already accept you find each other attractive. A couple of short messages and an invitation to do something is all you need.
New rule: “I will suggest meeting up with girls online by my 2nd-4th message.”
7. You don’t go for a kiss on dates.
The number one date recap I hear from guys goes something like this…
“We had such a great time together. We had so much in common, we laughed a lot, and had really good conversation. I thought everything was going perfectly. Now she won’t commit to coming out when I ask her for another date.”
If they’re lucky, these guys end up getting an upfront rejection like, “I had a great time but I just don’t see us like that.” Most of the time, they don’t even get a response or the girl will never make concrete plans to meet up again until the guy gets the hint.
The guy then feels clueless about what happened. So let me clear things up:
It’s awesome that you had a friendly connection with a girl, but what about the sexual connection? Remember, you are on a date, not a buddy-buddy hang out. The underlying idea is you are both evaluating each other as romantic prospects.
She knows why you’re both there. She knows that if you find her attractive, you want a sexual connection. She’s expecting you to go for a kiss on a date.
She’s not going to be surprised like, “You tried to kiss me?!? Oh my god…what were you thinking?!?”
Attempting to kiss her is only going to reveal the truth about how she already feels — it won’t suddenly ruin a potential romantic connection.
Even when a girl says that she’s not ready and turns her cheek, let her know it’s not a big deal. Going for a kiss was still a confident move that now positions you as a potential lover. When she realizes you respected her boundaries but still went after what you wanted, she’s infinitely more likely to kiss you back the next time.
When your dates never turn romantic, a woman starts to question the sexual connection. She doesn’t experience that “spark” and it confirms that you aren’t meant to be more than friends. She will then distance herself or let you down easy so she avoids hurting your feelings.
New rule: “If I like a woman, I have to go for a kiss by the end of the 1st or 2nd date.”
8. You don’t invite a girl back to your place or hers.
When we’re having fun, we don’t want the fun to stop. It’s the same principle with taking a girl home. If she’s enjoying the date and comfortable with you, she usually wants to keep things going.
But a woman is almost never going to be the first one to discuss the logistics of sexytimes. She’s afraid it will make her seem too forward or easy. Instead, you might get a question like, “So what are you doing after this?” or “Do you work early in the morning?” Still, you can’t always count on getting those hints even when she’s ready.
Plenty of women will be open to going back home with you but you have to put the offer on the table. If you throw it out there and she declines, it’s not a big deal. Politely inviting a girl back to your place who already likes you isn’t going to change her feelings.
New rule: “If I’m having fun on a date, I will invite the girl back to my place or suggest going back to hers.”
9. You don’t make a move when you’re back at a private location.
I’m still surprised at how many men get a woman alone and then act like a friend. They end up watching Netflix or listening to Spotify for hours. Sometimes they’ll actually get into bed with a girl and just cuddle all night.
Guys tell me, “I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I really liked her and didn’t want her to think I was just in it for the sex.”
Then something heartbreaking happens. These guys are so excited to see the girl again but never get that chance. Just like not going for the kiss on a date, acting platonic when alone often means you’ll never see that girl again. Why is that?
Listen, if a girl’s alone in a house with a stranger, she’s usually down to get a little intimate. She didn’t risk being vulnerable in a confined space with someone she barely knows otherwise. Even if that’s just hooking up, she’s open to something happening.
When nothing progresses, that woman feels rejected. She put herself out there to a new guy and he didn’t want her back. She feels stupid and ashamed for being so forward. Then she regrets her choice and protects herself by not risking it with you again.
If she’s not ready to make out or have sex, she’ll let you know. But don’t make that choice for her before you’ve even tried.
New rule: “If I have a girl back at my place or hers, I will go for a kiss and continue towards sexual intimacy while respecting her boundaries.”
10. You don’t make a move on a “friend”.
Every guy’s had a friend they secretly desired. That girl you talk to every week and hang out with all the time.
In your head, you’re always wondering if she likes you back. You build her up to this flawless girl and that terrifies you. Because you want to make sure you don’t miss your perfect moment — you just have to wait for it.
But times goes by and you never seize that moment. The longer you wait, the more anxiety you have around the situation. You start making excuses like, “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
If the friendship was your true priority, you wouldn’t be thinking about this constantly. You’re lying to yourself. You’re just scared of facing the truth about how she feels.
But the truth is not your enemy. The truth will set you free!
By this time, she knows whether or not you’re a romantic prospect. By knowing how she actually feels, you’ll remove the uncertainty that imprisons you.
Holding onto false hope to protect your ego will do nothing for you. It’s not going to bring amazing sexual connections or happiness into your life. It will keep you sheltered and weak.
Find out how she feels. If she likes you, then you can start experiencing the connection you so desire. If she doesn’t, you can start focusing on other girls who are willing to invest in you.
More than that, you can hopefully start being her real friend without ulterior motives. As long as you don’t act like a dick to her if she’s not interested, you can still stay friends.
New rule: “If I like a girl at all, I have to invite her to hang out 1-on-1. Then I have to flirt with her and go for a kiss, like I would on any other date.”
Stop giving yourself a 100% chance of failure. Start giving yourself the opportunity to succeed.
Want my personal 1-on-1 help to implement what you’ve just learned? I work with guys just like you to magnetically attract women, increase their confidence, and become the man girls really want.