I love coaching. Even after 15 years, I wake up every day excited to help people grow and achieve their goals.
I think a great coach, not only in romance but in many fields, has the power to change people’s lives.
And that’s a responsibility that should be taken seriously.
Unfortunately, the dating industry is still unregulated and like the Wild West. There are fantastic mentors, but there are also a lot of internet marketers, unhealthy influencers, and inexperienced teachers who just don’t know how to truly help someone.
Whether someone works with me or not, I would HATE to see them get taken advantage of by another coach.
So I created this guide to show you how to hire a dating coach who is trustworthy, ethical, and genuinely good at their job.
The Two Things You Need In A Dating Coach
If somebody asked me…
What are the two most important qualities in a good coaching relationship? I’d say:
- Trust. You need to feel that your coach cares first and foremost about helping you. Period. You have to know that they’re deeply curious about understanding you and your needs. You have to see that they take pride in their work. And you should feel like they won’t judge you so you can be open with them to make real breakthroughs.
- Your personalities and values mesh. That doesn’t mean you have to be exactly alike. It means that despite your differences, you have to enjoy talking to them. You should look forward to your work with them, even during hard moments. You should feel a sense of mutual respect. Overall, you should vibe well.
Everything below will help you identify how to hire a dating coach who is likely to provide a productive relationship.
Signs Of A Good Dating Coach
They provide valuable content. Whether it’s articles or videos, take the time to browse the content they offer on their site and social channels. See if their advice and values truly resonate with you.
Do they cater to your specific challenges? Do they give practical tips and exercises or only generic platitudes? Do they seem ethical? Do they seem supportive and non-judgmental?
Consider if they are putting work into creating useful advice or are just always self-promoting. When I started as a coach, I made a promise to deliver the most valuable free advice.
Whether or not readers work with me, I want them to build better, more fulfilling lives. And the people who are looking for a more hands-on approach are always invited to reach out. That mindset of giving without expectations has kept me in business for 15 years.
- They offer a free consultation over phone, video, or in-person. This is essential, especially if you are going to pay for any coaching where you will be personally speaking with them. Talking to you is the only way someone can truly understand your situation. It’s also how you can get a feel for them and the potential connection you’ll share.
- They have testimonials or pictures with clients. Ideally they should have some video testimonials, but at the very minimum they should have testimonials on their page or on a third-party platform like Google. It’s a nice bonus if they have pictures or videos working with clients in the real-world.
They are transparent about their fees and services.It’s okay for a coach to avoid posting their prices on their website. I understand that it removes a lot of initial sales because people may get sticker shock without seeing all the value or benefits.
But once you reach out to set up a consultation, they should provide prices on their own or upon request. If they only do custom programs, they should give you a rough range of their hourly costs or examples of programs they’ve created for clients in the past.
If they refuse to share any of that until after speaking with you, I wouldn’t consider them as an option. These are the types of people who want to get you as invested as possible so you feel like you have to work with them once they spring their costs on you.
They take privacy seriously. Opening up to someone about your deepest insecurities and desires is a vulnerable position. That information is privileged and should be treated with the utmost care.
They should also have a secure way to process your payment. They should never ask for your credit card or financial information over the phone or in plain text via email. Even if there are no bad intentions, it shows a lack of professionalism, organization, and protection for their clients.
Signs Of A Dating Coach To AVOID
They sell magic pill solutions. I’ve worked with multiple dating companies around the world. I’ve read hundreds of books on psychology, dating, and relationships. And I’ve spent tens of thousands of hours coaching and socializing with people in dozens of countries.
The most important thing I’ve realized is this…
There is no “one secret” to building real confidence or attracting every person you meet. It takes actual work to grow yourself and develop these skills.
Coaches who claim they figured out some formula or the perfect line that works every time are preying on desperate people looking for a quick fix. Run from these coaches at all costs.
They make unrealistic promises. In dating, you are dealing with real humans. They are unique individuals, with complex emotions, who make their own choices. Additionally, developing your own confidence and abilities takes real effort and time.
So if someone makes bold claims like, “I can get you your ex back”, “I will get you laid in 7 days”, or “I will fix all your issues IMMEDIATELY” – they are lying to you.
Yes, there are certain principles that are important to attracting people and making connections. Yes, you absolutely can learn mindsets and skills to improve your romantic success. Despite all that, no one can 100% guarantee specific results when it comes to connecting with other people.
They promote fake lines or manipulative tactics. This includes pickup artist techniques. Real confidence can only be built through integrity. Human connections are sacred and should be built on a foundation of honesty. Anything else is giving men band-aid fixes and fills the world with weak, unhealthy relationships.
You can meet and attract lots of people without resorting to unsavory means. In fact, you can do it BETTER, while creating even stronger connections.
They encourage hate. People who come to dating coaches are often struggling and in pain. And there are some coaches who exploit that pain by blaming others for everything that’s wrong and making sweeping destructive generalizations.
This is especially true in men’s coaching towards women. Some “coaches” tell men that women are all greedy, shallow, and heartless. Then they advise their followers to treat those women poorly and see them as inferior.
Secretly hating the gender you’re pursuing romantically is a guaranteed way to be miserable for the rest of your life. There will always be bad people who treat others poorly, but assuming billions of humans are all garbage is just wrong.
We’re all in this together, and we have to find a way to make it work. Hate only breeds division.
What To Expect From A Great Consultation
A consultation is a coach’s best tool to learn about you. It’s how they can eventually design an effective game plan for hitting your goals. It’s also an important way for you to get a feel for them, their work, and if you two click.
So when you talk to a coach, you want to make sure:
They focus on getting to know you and your needs. A great coach listens well. They want to learn exactly what you want to accomplish, what your experiences have been, and what challenges you’ve faced along the way.
They don’t prioritize talking about themselves, gloating about their work, or pushing their services.
Of course, deep down a coach wants to get a sale. They are running a business. But someone who is ethical will place a potential client’s comforts and needs first. They should only want to work with someone who feels they are truly ready or excited. Otherwise, that client will never get the full value from the work.
They don’t use negative sales tactics on the call or in their marketing. A good coach wants to empower you and create a positive working environment together.
Of course, they may have moments where they need to give you honest, constructive feedback. But they shouldn’t use any tactics that make you feel small, stupid, or worthless.
They should also never use any tactics that instill fear in you. They shouldn’t make you feel like you need them or else you will fail. They shouldn’t use scarcity tricks to imply that if you don’t take their coaching now you may not have another chance. And they should not pressure you or intimidate you into moving forward with paid services if you aren’t ready.
A good coach is absolutely fine with someone taking time after a call to decide if working together is the right choice. I always encourage people to reflect upon our discussion, consider any additional questions, and only work together if and when they’re ready.
They provide a clear explanation of what working together is like. They should be able to detail the frequency of coaching, the structure of coaching sessions, the types of resources or exercises they provide, their general availability and scheduling procedures, and if or how they provide follow-up support.
They should also be able to share the next steps for payment, agreements, and onboarding when you want to proceed.
They provide some kind of ongoing support and accountability. Getting better at anything takes time. It requires trial and error, gaining reference experience, and ongoing feedback to adjust accordingly to your needs. Any good coach will have some mechanism to track your progress and help you along the way.
That could be: remote email and text support, a summary of the recent ideas or exercises discussed, supplemental resources to review, homework to submit, exercises to implement in your life, or even a community to discuss progress and receive ongoing feedback.
Just purely jumping on calls is unlikely to provide the structure needed for you to progressively grow and succeed.
They are open to feedback or can adjust their approach to your needs. A skilled coach feels confident in the methods they use to help people. However, their teachings cannot have a one-size-fits-all kind of approach.
They should recognize that they’re working with individual humans. And that every person may learn in different ways, require a different approach to understanding something, or may prefer certain types of communication.
For example, you may want more specific examples of what to say or do tied to the theory behind it. You may want to roleplay practice conversation ideas together to fully grasp a concept. Or you may need more time in between sessions based on your work.
An experienced coach will adapt, refine, and consistently work to find the most effective way to coach you.
Questions To Ask A Coach
An informed buyer is a smart buyer. If you are unsure about someone’s work or values, you have to advocate for yourself.
Here are some questions you could ask a coach over email or while speaking to them to make a more educated decision.
- How did you get into this work?
- What is your philosophy on dating and relationships?
- What is your approach to coaching and how do you tailor it to the individual needs of your clients?
- What are the 3 biggest problems you typically help people with?
- What experience do you have with X problem? How have you helped clients with it?
- What do you feel sets you apart from other dating coaches?
- How do you help your clients stay on track with their goals?
- Do you have any specific techniques or tools that you use?
- What’s your availability by phone? What about email or text?
- How do you structure your coaching sessions and what is the frequency and duration?
- How do you handle sensitive or private information shared by your clients?
- What are your fees and do you offer any packages?
- How do you deal with a client who isn’t making progress? Is there a cancellation or refund policy if someone is unhappy?
Your Next Steps
Hiring the right coach can be an investment that delivers you profound value in return. So use this guide to screen out the best possible candidate for your needs.
Don’t be afraid to speak with multiple coaches before making a decision. And don’t let anyone pressure you or guilt you into working with them. If they do, they’re probably not a good fit.
If you’ve gotten this far and are ready to talk to someone…
I’d love the opportunity to better understand your situation and see how I can help. Click here to schedule a 100% free and confidential consultation call with me.
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