nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

How The Weight of Emotional Baggage Crushes Your Relationships

September 24th, 2018 by Nick Notas 12 Comments

Emotional baggage

Sometimes we carry scars from past relationships for years. Those experiences can be traumatic and leave a permanent mark on us.

If you’ve ever been hurt in a relationship, you probably want to avoid getting trapped in a similar situation ever again. It’s a normal response to try and stop yourself from feeling future pain.

But that automatic response can also be dangerous. Often in the process of trying to protect yourself, you carry around your emotional baggage and crush your future relationships under that massive weight.

So instead, I want to show you how you can do your best avoid future pain without poisoning your relationships along the way.

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How to Craft The Workout Plan You’ll Want to Stick to

August 30th, 2018 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Fun spartan race

I was NOT an athletic kid.

In little league, they put me in right field, where they thought I’d do as little damage as possible. Even then, I got yelled at for daydreaming and playing in the dirt as the rare ball whizzed by me.

I never played school sports again.

While I did ride my bike around town and climb trees in the woods, that was the hardest physical activity I endured until about 21 years old.

I was the chubby nerd growing up.

I messed around in gym class. I never lifted weights. I drank sugary juice drinks with silly faces on the bottles and devoured potato chips.

Eventually, I graduated to multiple daily Mountain Dews with steak and cheese sandwiches from my dad’s restaurant. (Damn, they were good though.)

I spent a lot of time indoors — at my house, at friends’ houses, or at the movies. I had no interest in unnecessary physicality. My youth was often spent running around digitally in video games instead.

Then one day everything changed.

At 21 years old, I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. My family had a history of diabetes and I couldn’t believe I was already on that path. I decided I had to start eating right and being active.

I lost 60lbs and have stayed at a healthy weight for ten years. About six years ago, I started taking cardio seriously. Then three years ago, I started strength training and building muscle.

Now, I’ve gone from hating sports to loving them. I can’t wait to get outdoors. I’ve built habits that keep me working out every week.

I’m not in perfect shape but I’m more active, strong, and healthy than I’ve ever been. And I have a ton of fun being this way.

While getting to this point required real effort, I believe it’s completely possible for anyone. I’ve found ways to make the process easier and build a more sustainable mindset. If my unathletic ass can do it, so can you.

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How to Stand Out From All Her Other Dates

August 9th, 2018 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Colorful bird

The average woman has been on a lot of first dates.

She’s endured many of the same boring conversations. She’s been asked the same cookie-cutter questions. And she’s had the same generic experiences.

And she’s sent countless, “I had a great time, but I just don’t see you that way…” texts after those mediocre dates.

The reality is that women are still the gatekeepers in dating. They’re the ones choosing whether or not a potential romantic connection will progress towards future dates.

This is exacerbated by online dating where women have endless hordes of men throwing themselves at them.

You need to stand out from the other dates she’s been on.

It’s a bit like the bird-of-paradise’s courtship dance. They show off their unique colors, strut their stuff, and bounce around like maniacs to get the attention of a mate.

They know they have to be memorable to improve their chances of being selected. The female birds aren’t going to respond to a tiny splash of color and some weak little hops.

Human courtship rituals are no different. We just have a more modern, less spastic version.

Unfortunately, a lot of men do the exact opposite of what works. They play it safe. They don’t want to do anything unexpected for fear it will upset the girl. They try to blend in.

And that just makes you out to be another faceless, forgettable first-date memory.

If you want your dates to turn romantic and lead to more dates, you need to become memorable.

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Stop Making Excuses For Your Abusive Girlfriend

July 26th, 2018 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Dealing with abuse

I’ve been helping guys with their relationship woes for a long time.

It may surprise you, but the number of men I’ve talked to that have been in abusive relationships is staggering.

Abuse is defined as: “treating (a person or an animal) with cruelty or violence, especially regularly or repeatedly.”

Sadly, I’ve heard men make every excuse possible to justify their abusive relationships. They use any means necessary to downplay how much their partner mistreats them. They believe, as men, they’re supposed to just suck it up and not be wimps.

Often, they deny they’re in an abusive relationship altogether. They say their partner doesn’t hurt them physically so therefore it can’t be abusive.

If your partner regularly insults you, humiliates you, puts you down, controls your life, emotionally manipulates you, gaslights you, threatens you, stonewalls you, shames you, lies to you, or cheats on you…

You might be in an abusive relationship.

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How to Be Attractive Even When You’re Ugly

July 12th, 2018 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Duck face guy

Some people are born ugly. That’s not a personal judgment — it’s the truth.

The people society deem as attractive get more job opportunities, shorter criminal sentences, and more passive interest from others.

Less attractive people are often judged harshly and struggle to attract the people they want. Some guys can’t get sexual partners, making them “involuntarily celibate” or “incels” as they’re called online.

If you’re an “ugly guy”, I’m not here to downplay the reality. Physical appearance matters in the real world. And yes, it fucking sucks that you got the shit end of the genetic lottery.

I am here to argue that you CAN and SHOULD do something about it. There’s no other option if you want to build a happy life with fulfilling relationships.

The need for intimacy and companionship are hard-coded into your biology. You can try to ignore it or choose to be voluntarily celibate, but I’ve just never seen that be a viable long-term solution.

A lack of human connection causes constant suffering. Social isolation is torturous. It makes you bitter, resentful, angry, and even violent towards others or yourself.

Being ugly is not a social death sentence. I’ve personally watched countless ugly men attract women that society deems beautiful.

These are men who stand under 5’5”. Men who were previously 50 or even 100+ pounds overweight. Or guys who were born with asymmetrical faces, bad skin, wide-spaced eyes, genes that made them bald in their 20s, and the dreaded weak chins.

You can also find plenty of examples of successful “unattractive” men in the public eye who date attractive women. Hell, you can walk through a busy city center and see it for yourself.

So how have these men accomplished the so-called impossible?

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The Fine Art of Fun, Flirtatious Teasing

June 26th, 2018 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Playfully teasing her

Teasing gets a bad rap.

Many men avoid teasing women they like because they’re worried about offending them or coming off like a total jerk.

These are valid concerns. A lot of “pickup” advice used to teach you to give backhanded insults (negging) to look like hot shit. You were told to be overly cocky and aloof while doling out demeaning comments.

All of that is an unhealthy approach to teasing.

When done well, teasing can be a great way to bond with someone. Most of us have engaged in some form of it since childhood. We lightheartedly mocked our siblings. We ribbed our best friends and teammates.

In dating, poking fun or challenging each other can be fun and exciting. It’s a way to show interest (aka flirting) and build sexual chemistry.

You just need to go about it the right way.

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Why Expressing Your Creativity Increases Your Confidence

June 14th, 2018 by Srinivas Rao 5 Comments

Srinivas Rao is an unstoppable force. He’s a Wall Street Journal best-selling author of three books. On his wildly popular podcast, he’s interviewed hundreds of the most successful and powerful people in the world. He also surfs like a boss, speaks at conferences all over, and has traveled the globe.

Srini is a huge inspiration to me and an amazing friend. I’m honored he’s been so open about the things he’s learned from me. But, I can easily say I’ve learned so damn much from him. I’m excited to have him share some of that wisdom here with you, too.

Welcome Srini…

Four years ago, I had a break up that made an absolute mess of my head and my life. It led me into a spiral of deep depression and caused me almost to run my business into the ground.  I tried every intervention under the sun…

– Mediation

– Gratitude Journals

– Exercise

While those things helped, I was still stuck in a vicious cycle of mental rumination and emotional pain. I couldn’t sleep at night, and I couldn’t get through the day without feeling like I was on the verge of a breakdown.

My confidence in every area of my life had taken a hit. When I asked one of my mentors how to get my confidence back, he told me to learn a new skill.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was telling me to express my creativity. While writing and podcasting had been my primary forms of expression, I’d never explored much else.

I had always been intrigued by the spray paint sidewalk artists you see in different cities. So I went to Home Depot and picked up six cans of spray paint. I went to an art store and picked up a dozen blank pasteboards, watched some Youtube videos, and started to make a mess in my parents’ garage.

After that, I poured my energy into making the most beautifully designed free ebook that I could make. Thanks to creativity, I gradually found my way out of that dark and rough patch in my life, and eventually ended up writing two books with a publisher.

So why exactly does expressing your creativity increase your confidence? It turns out this isn’t just based on new age artistic bullshit. It’s actually backed up by research.  Continue Reading…

The Truth About Closure and Letting Someone Go

May 31st, 2018 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Couple getting closure

Breakups are messy and brutal.

One day you feel like you’re in paradise. The next it feels like your soul has been ripped from your body.

I’m not talking about the on-again off-again, I’m-slightly-annoyed-today temporary breakups. I’m talking about the real, heart-wrenching breakups.

The ones when you know it’s really over.

The ones when you look in your partner’s eyes and you just know what they’re going to say. The ones when you have to move your stuff out. The ones when your ex stops replying to your desperate messages.

In those moments, we’re taken from from pure bliss to absolute misery.

And your natural instinct is to do whatever possible to prevent this trainwreck…and that’s where the idea of getting “closure” comes in.

So the looming question is…

Is “closure” really worth it?

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The Painful Experiences You Need to Meet the Women You Want

May 17th, 2018 by Nick Notas 28 Comments

Rejected Approach

Simple question:

Do you want to meet more women?

Then here’s the hard truth:

At some point…

You WILL get rejected. Some women will be unavailable or uninterested to you.

You WILL have awkward moments. You will be nervous, stuck in your head, and not know what to say.

You WILL be seen as creepy. A woman may not find you attractive in the moment and perceive you as creepy. This may happen even when you introduce yourself in a normal, polite way that doesn’t justify it.

People WILL judge you. Someone may see you trying to talk to a woman and think it’s weird. Your friends might make might fun of you.

But the huge payoff is…you find an amazing girl who’s crazy about you!

So if you ever want to attract and connect with the women you really want…

You HAVE to accept that you’ll endure some emotional pain. You HAVE to be okay with causing some discomfort in the process. And you HAVE to accept the unavoidable reality that some women just. won’t. like. you.

As Ray Dalio says, “Pain + Reflection = Progress” 

Those experiences are the only way you can grow and improve. That exposure and feedback is essential.

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How a Coaching Retreat Inspired a Social Revolution

May 3rd, 2018 by Nick Notas 2 Comments

From left to right: Me (Nick), Krissi, Julian. Pictures courtesy of Sarah Katharina Photography

I’m back from my confidence retreat in Barcelona with Julian and Krissi of LoveLifeSolved.com! Wow, that city is brimming with passion and creativity.

There are buildings that look extraterrestrial sandwiched between ultra-sleek modern behemoths. They have a cathedral that almost looks like a cross between a sinister villain’s lair and a child’s imagination of a whimsical castle.

The entire city feels like a living art piece.

People are loud, expressive, and love to have a good time. Hundreds of people huddle close together in little outdoor squares, drinking and chatting until 6 AM. And that’s after they’ve been out dancing all night.

But if that isn’t your thing, you could eat at one of the many Michelin star restaurants. Or head to a legal cannabis club. Or watch a machete fight go down in the street….(yes, that happened while we were there before the retreat began.)

Yet despite all that energy, the city is spotless. It’s quite amazing to see and it allows all the beauty to come through.

Barcelona is the type of place where anything goes. It’s was the perfect spot for our recent retreat to cultivate some reality breaking experiences. I’ll share a few of those with you and some of the bigger takeaways from this event.

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