You see an attractive woman walking her dog. Or grabbing coffee. Or reading a book in the park.

How do you get from “Wow that is a stranger I would maybe like to get to know better” to having an official, scheduled date with them?

Bridging that gap can be daunting. Especially in person. I mean, that’s why Tinder was invented in the first place, right?

A typical approach with a new woman goes like this…

Walk up to her. Say hello. Introduce yourself. Converse and get to know each other a bit. Maybe make a lighthearted joke. Get her smiling and suggest future plans together. Trade numbers (or Snapchats/Instagrams). Say goodbye and walk away.

That all takes just a couple minutes.

You don’t need to execute those steps perfectly. You don’t need to be the wittiest, most charming, super suave man imaginable. Human connection doesn’t have an exact formula.

But…there are a few crucial concepts that will inspire a woman to want to see you again. You want her to leave the conversation with a positive, lasting memory in her mind. That way she’ll look forward to your future plans and be much more likely to follow through.

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One of my best friends just had a bad month. A really bad month.

He lives across the country but decided to fly to Boston to see some family and close friends, myself included. He needed to get away and seek the support of the people who care about him.

We spent a great couple of days together last week. Then unexpectedly, he texted me Tuesday morning asking if I wanted to hang out once more before he left.

I’ve been behind lately on some work stuff, specifically an idea for an article for this week. With my retreat on the horizon, some site changes in the works, and my first time mentoring someone to be a coach — I’ve got a lot on my plate.

Inviting my friend over would potentially mean not posting for over two weeks. I haven’t done that in maybe…ever. And in the end, it directly impacts my bottom line.

But saying no to him never even crossed my mind. This is someone I love like a brother. He’s always been there for me and I would do anything for him.

He is a true friend. So I invited him over.

(Coincidentally, hanging out with him inspired this article!)

As my wife and I talked with him, he spoke about how lucky he was to have amazing friends through these tough times. This got us talking about how true friendship is critical to long-term happiness. And also how rare those type of friendships are.

Most of us have only a few people we’d consider at that level, and many we’d consider acquaintances or casual friends. Some of us don’t any of these kinds of friends at all.

That’s because to consider someone a true friend, they have to have some very specific qualities. We are critical of the people we let get that close to us.

Eventually, our conversation led us to try and answer, “What should you look for in a true friend?” Here’s what we came up with.

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Last month, I visited a new city with some guy friends. It was our vacation time and an opportunity to go out for a few nights of fun.

We saw some live music, ate epic food, and visited a bunch of bars. Everywhere we went we were surrounded by beautiful (and seemingly single) women.

Throughout the trip, I saw my (also single) friends checking out a lot of girls.

Now I’m not one to pressure guys to “man up” and talk to every girl they may find attractive…but after the 10th time of seeing one of my friends check out a girl and do nothing about it, I decided to offer him some support. Let’s call him Dave.

I said, “Let’s go talk to her and her friends. I’ll do the introductions and you can come join me.”

And that’s when Dave told me one of the most common lies I hear from guys…

“I’m not trying to talk to anyone today. I’m just hanging out with my friends.”

I felt exasperated. Clearly, he was into her. Clearly, he was paying more attention to her than to his friends anyway. I’m sure it’d be worth taking five minutes away from us if he ended up getting a great date with her.

But it’s not just Dave I’m calling out — I’ve encountered this situation so many times.

Men go out with their buddies to restaurants, events, bars, whatever. They stay comfortable and always just socialize with each other. They don’t talk to women usually because those friends don’t, either.

When you do this, you’re missing out on some amazing experiences.

I’m not saying you should always be “hunting” for women with your friends. But, having fun while hanging with your friends can create some of the easiest, most organic opportunities to meet women. You also have a safety net – when you want a quick getaway or some support, you’ve got people who care about you close by.

Always saying, “I’m just hanging out” is an excuse because you’re scared. Here’s why I know that and how you can start meeting women while out with your friends.

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People have a strong reaction when I tell them I’m a dating coach.

Many guys get standoffish or defensive. They’re personally challenged by the idea that I critique men on their confidence and ability with women. Some poke fun at the men who need that advice to deflect the attention off of themselves.

It’s funny that a lot of those same guys eventually gain the courage to ask for my insight. Usually, that’s after they realize I’m down-to-earth and non-judgmental…or after a few drinks.

Some women think I must teach weird creeps to manipulate people. Or that I’m a “player” douchebag. Or that I must have questionable morals to do what I do.

But most women are actually curious and fascinated by the idea. They love discussing relationships and want to hear more about my perspective.

So while the majority of women are supportive of my career, it’s completely different once a woman is actually dating me. It challenges their security within the relationship.

I get it – my work isn’t easy for many women to handle. I teach men how to attract beautiful women, help write messages to those women, and most controversial of all, I act as a “wingman” to my in-person clients.

Early on, I realized that if I decided to get into a long-term relationship, I needed someone who was not only comfortable with my work, but truly believed in it as much as I did. My wife trusts me and is a huge supporter of what I teach. She encourages me every day, and that’s the only way our relationship could work.

Having someone who values my career is essential. Similarly, here are 5 core values you and your partner need to agree on for a relationship to thrive.

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Money has been a symbol of status and power for thousands of years. And for thousands of years, women have desired wealthy men.

It makes sense…money makes the world go ‘round.

A man with money provides stability and a better standard of living. He can support children. He can offer new experiences.

We, as men, know this. It’s why so many of us work hard, dress to impress, and buy possessions that display our financial status. We want to position ourselves as high-value mates over other men.

However, some guys take this too far. They shower women they just met with absurd amounts of money. They pay for fancy dinners, lavish gifts, and high-end vacations.

The thing is, overspending doesn’t always get you the outcome you desire. It can be a viable option when you’re looking for a short-term hookup or a one-night stand…but when you’re looking for a more substantial connection, using money to attract women only sabotages your chances.

I’m here to argue that money buys you attention, not affection.

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I’m not a gambling man.

When I take risks in life, they’re calculated. I consider the probability of getting the outcome I want. I use patterns and statistics to make informed decisions.

But when it comes to dating, there isn’t really a source of concrete data that can tell you what will happen in a given scenario.

So think of me as the next best thing — your dating database. I’ve talked to thousands of people about their romantic lives over the past 11 years. I’ve gotten an inside look into their actions, other people’s reactions, and how it all played out.

Honestly, I probably know what’s going to happen to you before it even happens, based on the choices you plan to make.

Of course, there’s always a margin for error. But for the most part, when dealing with the game of life…

You need to play the odds in your favor.

You need to make the smart calls that will most likely result in favorable outcomes.

And my advice on the smartest decisions may challenge you. You may think you’re in a completely unique situation that’s never, ever happened before. But I can tell you that your scenario is more likely to follow a pattern than to be an outlier.

So I’m here to share common romantic situations and, based on the odds, the most likely outcomes.

It’s up to you to play those odds or roll the dice.

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It seems like every day we see another sexual harassment or assault scandal unfold.

It’s heart-wrenching and often sickening. I can’t even imagine what the victims went through.

The silver lining is that these stories have brought attention to a seriously messed up problem. And awareness is the first step towards change.

But with any new movement, it comes with problems of its own. When people are emotional and passionate, some initially go to extremes to eventually find a reasonable middle ground.

So in an effort to protect a lot of young women from shit bags, good guys sometimes get lumped in. Awkward men who make bumbling advances or struggle with social skills are painted in the same light as men committing genuine sexual assault with malicious intent.

I don’t think that’s always fair. Courtship and communication is hard enough as it is. Nobody really teaches these things growing up. I believe there’s a much deeper, nuanced discussion to be had.

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I know a lot of stupid smart people. AKA I know a lot of stubborn smart people.

These are people who are inflexible in their intellectual beliefs.

And in this modern world, that doesn’t work. Being inherently smart is not enough. You need to be able to broaden your horizons, decipher fresh information efficiently, and adopt new ways of thinking.

Because new perspectives lead to seeking out new experiences. New experiences lead to new beliefs. And new beliefs can create massive change within us.

I’m not the smartest person I know by any means. But I feel like I’ve grown at a rapid pace because I stay well-informed, adaptive, and compassionately progressive.

So I’ve developed a framework that helps me learn the truth about the world as quickly as possible to thrive within it. Here’s how you can do the same.

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With each new year, we think about all the things we wish we could add to our lives.

We want more money. We want to get healthier. We want more confidence and a more outgoing attitude. We want to travel to more places.

We want new casual hookups after getting out of a long relationship. Or we want to find someone we really connect with.

But as you all know, it’s not always easy to follow through on resolutions.

Why is it so hard?

I think it’s partly because we don’t always have the capacity to add anything more to our daily lives. We already have enough responsibilities and commitments as it is. And we’re also weighed down by our problems, baggage, and suffering.

So before you think about what you can ADD to your life, maybe you should first think about…

What can you SUBTRACT from your life?

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I watched my wife play at Carnegie Hall in New York City two weeks ago.

I ended up in a box seat with a family of four. I said hello and we talked about how incredible the venue looked. At some point, I asked, “Do you have someone performing here tonight?”

One older woman pointed to the two younger women and said, “Their father Scott Momaday wrote the story and is speaking tonight.”

For those uninitiated, N. Scott Momaday is a Pulitzer prize-winning author (the ultimate award  for writers). He’s also been a professor at multiple Ivy League universities, earned a PhD from Stanford, received 20 other honorary degrees, and was awarded the National Medal of Arts by George W. Bush.

In that moment, I realized I was talking to the family of a man who’s way “out of my league”. He had accomplished everything I strive for as a writer and educator.

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