This is a guest post by Pete, an advanced social skills coach from Beard Strokings.

Nick: Casual dating is clearly on the rise. With apps like Tinder, many people are choosing to forgo committed relationships.

Although the stigma is lessening, men who choose to date around are seen as lacking in morals. They’re judged as being players, assholes, and heartless.

I think it’s healthy not to rush into relationships out of societal expectation, religious pressure, or fear of being alone. That’s not good for anyone and the people involved just end up getting even more hurt.

And when you’re young, you often don’t know what you want or need in a connection. Casually dating and keeping your options open often helps build the necessary experience to choose better partners when/if you’re ready.

But the stigma about casual dating is rooted in truth. It’s a touchy subject to tell someone who likes you that you’re not looking for anything serious. It’s also tough to navigate seeing other people in a respectful manner and set healthy expectations all around.

Unfortunately, some men don’t care enough to ensure the women they’re casually dating are comfortable and have their needs taken care of. They give a bad name to anyone who’s not ready for an exclusive relationship.

So my good friend Pete is here to answer all of your questions about casually dating in a healthy way. If you haven’t already, read his first article that teaches you how to approach the conversation with a woman you’re seeing and develop a compassionate mindset.

From there, use the guidelines below to maintain better connections with whoever you’re dating.

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The label “dick” is handed out to guys who place their shallow, selfish interests above other people’s deeper interests. They value their own amusement over someone else’s happiness. The satisfaction of getting laid is more important than a woman’s well-being.

Being non-exclusive with women, in itself, doesn’t make you a dick. It’s HOW you do it that defines your character.

It mostly comes down to being honest and upfront.

Honesty is telling a girl the truth when she asks. Being upfront is sharing your expectations about things she will probably care about in the future.

If you want to be a good guy and casually date women, many of the decisions in your relationships will rely on those principles.

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I grew up playing video games.

At 3 years old, I was leaping chasms on Atari’s Pitfall and crushing goombas as Super Mario on the Nintendo.

By 6, I was using DOS to kill Lemmings, shooting Cyberdemons in Doom, and getting STDs in Leisure Suit Larry.

I actually can’t believe some of the shit my parents let me play.

I had just about every console created up until 2005. Yes, that includes the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and Gameboy Advance.

I was also a PC game addict. I played professionally in Counter-Strike tournaments around the US. I loved gaming so much I ran a successful gaming blog for a few years.

I don’t regret those times in my life. They helped build my knowledge and passion for technology. I made new friends in those communities and shared some great times with real friends hanging out on the couch. I even dated a model who played Counter-Strike, as ridiculous as that sounds.

But I do know that if I didn’t eventually sacrifice some of my gaming, I wouldn’t have built the life I’m so passionate about today. And as much as it pains me to say this, I believe our growing dependence on media and entertainment is preventing us from truly living.

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Being able to introduce yourself to new people is arguably the biggest determining factor in a man’s dating success. This one ability does so much for you.

If you say hi to one new person a month, you have one chance of making a connection. Say hi to five people and you’ve drastically weighed the odds in your favor.

Approaching helps you destroy your social anxiety by gaining experience. You get used to awkward moments and don’t take rejections so personally. You don’t place so much importance on individual interactions and instead cultivate an abundance mentality.

All this enables you to be more confident in your social abilities. You’re more prepared to choose right person when you’re ready – not just desperately settle for whoever’s available.

Then why is this essential skill so difficult for men to master?

You’ve probably consumed dozens of articles and YouTube videos on the subject. You may have countless examples of the perfect opening lines. You may even have had friends try to help you.

And if you’re reading this, you probably still regret psyching yourself out of opportunities every single week.

The problem isn’t a lack of knowledge or needing more pre-planned material. You just need to build a mindset that encourages you to approach in a natural, healthy way.

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Today, my friend Pete will show you how he’s used his charisma to date multiple women while being open to a long-term connection.

Pete is an advanced social skills coach who engages people effortlessly with natural charm. Spend 5 minutes with him and you’ll understand why.

He’s fully present in the moment with you, can’t seem to stop smiling, and has this warmth that radiates a calm confidence. You immediately feel his self-security and that he just wants everyone around him to have a good time.

You’d think he was born like this, but it’s because he constantly takes opportunities to push his comfort zone.

He interviewed people on YouTube for social experiments. He created a card question game as a fun way to connect with strangers. He’s well traveled and threw himself into different cultures by moving from Australia to Poland and now Columbia where he has to develop new social circles.

Most of all, he’s always open to adventures with people. His social media is filled with his antics hiking mountains, motorcycling across continents, firing up dance clubs, and letting loose in crazy street parties.

I invited Pete to my previous Majorca, Spain retreat as a friend. He ended up being an incredible wingman, source of additional insight, and inspiration to all the members. He approached a gorgeous girl walking into a lingerie store and ended up building a casual intimate relationship with her against all odds. Enough said.

It was then I realized Pete needed to be a coach at the upcoming confidence retreat in Lisbon, Portugal. 

I hope you enjoy what he has to say…

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I believe developing your self-security and self-esteem is one of the most important journeys in life.

This means: practicing self-compassion and gratitude, prioritizing your wants and needs, and presenting yourself authentically to the world.

And throughout that lofty pursuit, there’s usually room for improvement in how you express your self-security in interactions with other people. Small tweaks can completely change people’s perceptions of you.

You don’t get a second chance to make a strong first impression.

If people see you as insecure when they first meet you, you can lose important connections or opportunities. It can unnecessarily cost you that dream job interview, a new friend, or a girl you really like.

I’m not telling you to be someone you’re not. Instead, I want you to build habits that come naturally to secure, confident people. It’s not just what’s on the inside that counts – how you behave and treat yourself will greatly influence the growth of your self-esteem.

So it’s incredibly helpful to recognize the areas where you might be showcasing your insecurity when meeting new people.

It could be that you don’t realize you’re conveying that you’re unhappy with yourself. Or you’re uncomfortable with other people’s happiness and success.

Scan the bold points below and see if you currently act in these ways. Or be mindful of your future conversations to see if you’re guilty of any of them. From there, just focus on working on one thing at a time until you build a positive habit.

Who knows, that one switch can make all the difference in your connections.

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I often write about choosing compatible, high-quality people to date.

But sometimes in that pursuit, you still chase the hard-to-get, uncommunicative, or “crazy” girl because she’s hot…and you want to sleep with her.

No big deal, right?

But our actions always have consequences.

I see this all the time with guys: they find a girl they’re insanely attracted to and throw all reason out the window.

They let those women disrespect their time and put up with a lack of investment. They’re suddenly willing to compromise their values just because there’s a hot girl involved…and those consequences are more devastating than they know.

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There’s a great feeling of accomplishment in doing something yourself. Being “self-made” is often seen as the American dream.

And so, asking for help can seem like a failure or a cheap way out. It hurts your pride to admit you can’t do it alone.

But, let me remind you…

All that is beautiful and breathtaking in this world was built on the previous work of others. Every invention, building, and scientific breakthrough required collaboration and support. There was always a previous source of inspiration to improve upon.

What you don’t always see when you think of a “self-made” individual is all the help they’ve gotten from behind the scenes. Because whether it’s for personal, career, or romantic development….

The fastest way to accelerate your growth is through mentorship.

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Let’s set the record straight.

If women always tell you, “You’re a great guy but I don’t feel that spark…”

It’s because they don’t feel a sexual connection with you. And that’s most likely because you haven’t taken the right actions to facilitate that attraction.

You may be sweet and have engaging conversations. You make women laugh. You wait patiently until a girl’s comfortable with you.

That all builds rapport, trust, and comfort within a connection. But that’s rarely enough to have women desire intimacy with you.

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I grew up during the baby stages of the world wide web. I’m talking AOL 2.0 CDs, Lycos searches, and my Dragon Ball Z Geocities page.

The internet helped me communicate with people around the world in ways I never thought possible. It’s beaming my voice to you right now.

The internet is arguably the most impactful technological creation of my lifetime.

Over the years, though, I’ve watched our internet communication become more disrespectful, spiteful, and full of hate.

I believe it’s taking a toll on us as people. It affects our ability to empathize, makes us weary of others, and kills healthy social skills.

But why?

I don’t think we were meant to communicate this way. And if we don’t work to fix it, the consequences will be greater than we can imagine.

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Jason asking the hard questions. Pictures courtesy of Ann-Marie VanTassell Photography.

In February I ran my second confidence retreat with my friend Jason Connell in Austin, Texas.

Jason brought the much needed spiritual and philosophical elements to the experience. His presence from professional speaking gripped everyone and kept us grounded in the moment. He always asked the perfect questions to uncover core issues necessary for profound growth.

Now where do I start with the wonderful city of Austin?

The weather was like summer in winter. Culture oozes everywhere you look — whether that’s with the stunning murals all over the city or the live music at nearly every venue.

On the famous Rainey Street, a developer bought a row of bungalows and turned them into nightlife venues. Almost every place has outdoor space in the back with tables, games like mini golf, and a band or DJ.

Walking into these spaces with a dozen people felt epic. At one point, we jumped up on the main stage with the DJ at a venue and led the whole crowd. We took our energy and took over the venue.

It was amazing to see men who had struggled with self-confidence become free. They let go of worry, got passionate, and tapped into their core strength the whole night. They became leaders.

On top of all that, Austin was the friendliest major US city I’ve been to.

Usually when you get an educated hipster culture it comes with an air of pretentiousness. Not here. Somehow they’ve managed to retain the southern hospitality Texas is known for.

Walking into any store and having people genuinely want to converse with you was so damn refreshing. I actually felt sad knowing I’d have to make my way back to the standoffish Bostonian world.

I feel blessed to have had another successful retreat where men walked away with a newfound sense of self. They also shared some emotional and vulnerable moments together.

Here are 7 powerful lessons that made everyone cry at the retreat, including me.

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