I believe developing your self-security and self-esteem is one of the most important journeys in life.

This means: practicing self-compassion and gratitude, prioritizing your wants and needs, and presenting yourself authentically to the world.

And throughout that lofty pursuit, there’s usually room for improvement in how you express your self-security in interactions with other people. Small tweaks can completely change people’s perceptions of you.

You don’t get a second chance to make a strong first impression.

If people see you as insecure when they first meet you, you can lose important connections or opportunities. It can unnecessarily cost you that dream job interview, a new friend, or a girl you really like.

I’m not telling you to be someone you’re not. Instead, I want you to build habits that come naturally to secure, confident people. It’s not just what’s on the inside that counts – how you behave and treat yourself will greatly influence the growth of your self-esteem.

So it’s incredibly helpful to recognize the areas where you might be showcasing your insecurity when meeting new people.

It could be that you don’t realize you’re conveying that you’re unhappy with yourself. Or you’re uncomfortable with other people’s happiness and success.

Scan the bold points below and see if you currently act in these ways. Or be mindful of your future conversations to see if you’re guilty of any of them. From there, just focus on working on one thing at a time until you build a positive habit.

Who knows, that one switch can make all the difference in your connections.

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I often write about choosing compatible, high-quality people to date.

But sometimes in that pursuit, you still chase the hard-to-get, uncommunicative, or “crazy” girl because she’s hot…and you want to sleep with her.

No big deal, right?

But our actions always have consequences.

I see this all the time with guys: they find a girl they’re insanely attracted to and throw all reason out the window.

They let those women disrespect their time and put up with a lack of investment. They’re suddenly willing to compromise their values just because there’s a hot girl involved…and those consequences are more devastating than they know.

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There’s a great feeling of accomplishment in doing something yourself. Being “self-made” is often seen as the American dream.

And so, asking for help can seem like a failure or a cheap way out. It hurts your pride to admit you can’t do it alone.

But, let me remind you…

All that is beautiful and breathtaking in this world was built on the previous work of others. Every invention, building, and scientific breakthrough required collaboration and support. There was always a previous source of inspiration to improve upon.

What you don’t always see when you think of a “self-made” individual is all the help they’ve gotten from behind the scenes. Because whether it’s for personal, career, or romantic development….

The fastest way to accelerate your growth is through mentorship.

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Let’s set the record straight.

If women always tell you, “You’re a great guy but I don’t feel that spark…”

It’s because they don’t feel a sexual connection with you. And that’s most likely because you haven’t taken the right actions to facilitate that attraction.

You may be sweet and have engaging conversations. You make women laugh. You wait patiently until a girl’s comfortable with you.

That all builds rapport, trust, and comfort within a connection. But that’s rarely enough to have women desire intimacy with you.

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I grew up during the baby stages of the world wide web. I’m talking AOL 2.0 CDs, Lycos searches, and my Dragon Ball Z Geocities page.

The internet helped me communicate with people around the world in ways I never thought possible. It’s beaming my voice to you right now.

The internet is arguably the most impactful technological creation of my lifetime.

Over the years, though, I’ve watched our internet communication become more disrespectful, spiteful, and full of hate.

I believe it’s taking a toll on us as people. It affects our ability to empathize, makes us weary of others, and kills healthy social skills.

But why?

I don’t think we were meant to communicate this way. And if we don’t work to fix it, the consequences will be greater than we can imagine.

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Jason asking the hard questions. Pictures courtesy of Ann-Marie VanTassell Photography.

In February I ran my second confidence retreat with my friend Jason Connell in Austin, Texas.

Jason brought the much needed spiritual and philosophical elements to the experience. His presence from professional speaking gripped everyone and kept us grounded in the moment. He always asked the perfect questions to uncover core issues necessary for profound growth.

Now where do I start with the wonderful city of Austin?

The weather was like summer in winter. Culture oozes everywhere you look — whether that’s with the stunning murals all over the city or the live music at nearly every venue.

On the famous Rainey Street, a developer bought a row of bungalows and turned them into nightlife venues. Almost every place has outdoor space in the back with tables, games like mini golf, and a band or DJ.

Walking into these spaces with a dozen people felt epic. At one point, we jumped up on the main stage with the DJ at a venue and led the whole crowd. We took our energy and took over the venue.

It was amazing to see men who had struggled with self-confidence become free. They let go of worry, got passionate, and tapped into their core strength the whole night. They became leaders.

On top of all that, Austin was the friendliest major US city I’ve been to.

Usually when you get an educated hipster culture it comes with an air of pretentiousness. Not here. Somehow they’ve managed to retain the southern hospitality Texas is known for.

Walking into any store and having people genuinely want to converse with you was so damn refreshing. I actually felt sad knowing I’d have to make my way back to the standoffish Bostonian world.

I feel blessed to have had another successful retreat where men walked away with a newfound sense of self. They also shared some emotional and vulnerable moments together.

Here are 7 powerful lessons that made everyone cry at the retreat, including me.

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Pervert. Freak. Creep. Pig. Idiot. Asshole. Slut.

It’s so easy to judge someone and put a label on them.

We’ve always been taught there are two types of people: the good and the bad. The heroes and the villains.

But life isn’t a superhero movie. It’s full of complicated people with complicated biology making complicated choices due to complicated backstories.

I feel like so much conflict in the world right now is due to dismissing others based on singular facts. They claim to understand someone’s entire character based on one thing they learned about them. They then put that person in a box that’s near impossible to escape.

This is especially true for public figures. Even when they do something privately, they’re judged by unattainable standards.

The best way to keep our unfair judgments in check is to recognize our own hypocrisy. We don’t know someone else’s life story and we’re not perfect, either.

Because I guarantee whatever you’re judging people for, you or those you care about have done the same…or worse. 

Think this doesn’t apply to you? Let’s see.

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The first few months of a connection are exhilarating. Everything’s fresh and hormones are surging.

It’s a wild emotional ride with a sort of beautiful chaos and uncertainty.

But lately I’ve spoken to a lot of men who feel their new relationships are a little too chaotic.

Most of the time, their partners are incredible. They’re easy-going, caring, and present. They have wonderful dates together and great sex.

Then, out of the blue, that woman begins to act very differently. Almost uncharacteristically so.

She randomly becomes distant and reserved in-person. She’s hesitant about having an exclusive relationship when she hadn’t voiced any previous concerns. She has unexpected outbursts of aggression or annoyance over insignificant things. She might even say stuff like, “You should find someone better for you.”

Normally, this would seem like a girl who’s not that interested. But the strange part about the whole thing is that she still invests in the relationship. Despite some of her unsure behavior, she still shows up to dates and is excited about being intimate.

As you can imagine, this makes guys feel like they’re dating two people at once. They’re confused, frustrated, and hurt. And when they explain the situation to me, I assure them that this woman does like them… but there’s something deeper going on.

The whole situation usually reveals itself as a classic case of self-sabotage.

I’ve got advice for both men and women dealing with this, so read on.

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Today’s article is by Sarah Jones. She helps introverted men bring out their best to attract women.

Sarah is also a master at recognizing the best opportunities to approach someone. She introduced herself to me years ago and I knew she’d be an established name in no time. I’ve since watched her build deep connections with countless people I respect.

A few months ago, I told her in passing that I was going to Italy for vacation. Right before my trip, she reaches out unexpectedly and offers to take the stress off posting for me. It was the perfect mix of timing and delivering value — everything you want from an approach.

She suggested she would share her female perspective on when a guy should or shouldn’t cold approach a woman. She’s always been fair so I thought this would be a great, unbiased take on a concern I’m sure many of you have.

Welcome Sarah…

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I could feel his eyes on me, and it made me nervous and excited.

We were at a coffee shop, and I had been feeling his attention on me. I liked the way he had about him.

He seemed honest and gentle. (It’s a whole look I find sexy.)

I was hoping he’d say something.

He turned to me and said a bit nervously, “Hey, I like your laptop cover.”

It was of a silver tree with Apple’s logo as a glowing apple falling from the tree. I thanked him, and we were off to the races.

This guy — he wasn’t Hollywood-perfect. He wasn’t Rico Suave.

He was simply sincere, pleasant, and endearing.

I liked him.

In today’s world, it might not feel so simple.

Consent is a hot topic, and awesomely so. PLEASE let’s have 100% respect for women and for men, too. For humans.

At the same time, in all the ruckus, many men are shying away from showing interest with women simply because they don’t want to be or come across as insensitive / sexist / etc.

Does that sound familiar?

The truth is there’s a fine line between approaching a woman in a way that is welcome versus a way that is not.

I’ll show you the difference.

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We idolize geniuses. Many even consider academic success and intellectual prowess as the hallmark of personal achievement.

So people bust their ass to get into top schools. They land high-end jobs. They self-educate on the internet.

Nothing is inherently wrong with that. I love learning everything I can about a new subject and being well-read.

I’m specifically talking about the people who become so obsessed with this, they base their self-worth on their knowledge. Then they start to look down or make fun of people they believe are intellectually inferior.

You see it all the time…

Snobs on social media calling other people stupid. People judging women who like to have fun as “airheads” and guys who have party nights out as “douchebag meatheads”.

And nowadays you have educated people, both conservative and liberal, calling anyone who disagrees with them idiots.

But I almost exclusively work with brilliant people. And let me tell you — their intelligence often holds them back.

In fact, especially when it comes to human connections, the “simple minded” people often excel. Because they understand that relationships are an emotional experience. You can’t always logically figure people out like a math problem. People aren’t going to fall in love with you just for your brain.

So I want to stick up for the “simple” people and maybe convince you that you could learn a lot from them.

Because sometimes being really smart is actually really stupid.

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