nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

How to Change The Lies That Define Your Life

October 18th, 2017 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

You are whatever you think you are.

Whatever labels you use to define yourself, those are the limitations you face. That’s the only world you’re cultivating for yourself.

“I’m not the confident guy women desire.”

“I’m an introvert and can’t regularly be social with new people.”

“I’m not good enough or attractive enough to do X, Y, and Z.”

These labels control your reality.

They stop you from reaching your potential. They hold you back from creating the fulfilling lifestyle you dream of. They blind you from seeing how capable you really are.

Basically, they stop you from making real change.

I lived for 20 years chained by beliefs like those. I’ve now spent 10 years working with other people imprisoned by their own self-defined labels.

I’m tired of it.

Because EVERY SINGLE TIME these labels are challenged the right way, people start redefining themselves. And then, EVERY TIME these ridiculous labels dissolve. There are no exceptions.

It can’t be a coincidence. It’s statistically impossible.

You have the ability to change your labels and therefore change your reality, too. You just need to know how.

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Why You Should Be Happy For Other People (Even When It’s Hard)

October 5th, 2017 by Nick Notas 9 Comments

Happy people
To me…

Happiness starts with the daily choice of understanding and prioritizing your needs. It’s about figuring out and pursuing the connections and experiences you find fulfilling.

You won’t find happiness by trying to please everyone BEFORE taking care of yourself.

To some people, this might sound selfish. But there’s a second part to the equation:

Happiness is also allowing others to pursue their own happiness…regardless of how their pursuit may make you feel.

You don’t have to agree with them. You don’t have to support them. And when it seems like they’re being irrational or misguided…you still have to accept their choices. That even means letting them go when you still have feelings for them.

It can be challenging, but I promise it will make for a better life for everyone — yourself included.

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Are You Effectively Selling Your Sex Appeal?

September 28th, 2017 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Shady lookin' salesman

Being in sales has been a significant part of my life for almost twelve years. I’ve sold home loans, government technology, and now, I sell my coaching services to people who’ve usually never even met me in person.

I love that part of my job. To me, selling means connecting with new people, discovering if and how I can provide value, and building great relationships together.

To other people, “selling” often means something less honorable. It means using shady tactics to manipulate someone into buying something they don’t want — like a predator pursuing its prey.

A lot of men who struggle with dating feel like a sleazy car salesman when showing interest in women. They’re worried that a girl will think they’re a predator just for making a move.

And just like being labeled a “salesman”, no guy wants to be labeled as the creepy guy who’s desperate to get laid. 

But there has to be a middle ground because you have to position yourself as a viable sexual partner. People only buy what they deem as valuable. A good salesperson helps people see the value of what they have to offer because the consumer isn’t always going to recognize that by themselves.

And most of the time in courtship, a woman is the final decision-maker. She needs to feel a sexual connection with you before she’ll consider being intimate with you.

So what’s a guy to do?

You just have to learn a healthy sales process for conveying your sex appeal.

You have to become an ethical, honest salesman and show off the value of the outstanding product you have on offer — YOU.

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How to Handle Friendships While in a Relationship

September 12th, 2017 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Girl with her friends

Relationships come with challenges that don’t exist when you’re single.

One challenge that’s particularly difficult is learning how to handle your partner spending alone time with their friends. And, in turn, learning how to handle spending time with just your friends, too.

Maybe one of you hangs out too much with others at the expense of your connection together. Maybe you or your partner spend a lot of alone time with someone of the opposite sex.

There could be some jealousy. There could be some stress about what could potentially happen. There could be some questioning of, why do they want to hang out with that person so much?

But these challenges don’t have to be problematic. They only become an issue when one of you feels like your needs aren’t being met or you struggle to trust your partner. So before you or your partner get caught in a tailspin of wondering about each other’s motives, you have to talk.

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5 Ways Men and Women Ruin Dating For Each Other

August 30th, 2017 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

Ruining dating for each other

It seems like everyone I talk to hates the dating process. They go through the motions because they have to, but not usually because they’re excited about it.

They feel it’s a huge source of pain and frustration. And any time we’re forced to do something unpleasant, we begin to loathe even the thought of it.

To start fixing this, there’s a level of personal responsibility to make the experience more fun for yourself. I often write about how…

You have to learn how to enjoy the process. You have to learn to speak, act, and express yourself in a way that is congruent and rewarding to you. If you’re always trying to figure out what other people want and how to impress them — you’re in for a bad, anxiety-ridden time.

But there’s another element that’s a real drag on everyone…

That comes down to how the other person treats you and also how you treat them. 

Because I see a whole lot of people treating each other poorly. Sometimes, they may not even realize the gravity of their actions. But the result is still the same:

People get hurt. Then they start to lose trust or resent connecting with others in the future. This then leads them to be protective, defensive, and inadvertently hurt others themselves…a.k.a. YOU.

We get into a cycle where we all lose basic courtesy and treat each other like shit, when dating is supposed to be a beautiful experience.

So I want share the ways I see men and women mistreat each other. Only when we’re aware of our actions and how they affect others can we create healthier dating for everyone.

Disclaimer: These are just the more common trends I see. There are plenty of times where the roles are reversed and break the mold.

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30 Years of Hard Choices That Shaped Me (Part 2)

August 16th, 2017 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Nick_Notas_Hard_Choices

I’ve always been a private person. I’ve never been afraid to share my intimate details but I wanted it to be with people I trust. It also had to be in the right moments.

In my previous article, I reflected on the hard choices I’ve made in my 30 years.

And one of the hardest choices for me has been giving up my anonymity with this blog. I’ve had to accept that whatever I put out to the world will now be there forever.

But I know in my heart that the more I open up to you, the more connected you feel to me. People draw all sorts of inspiration and lessons from personal anecdotes and stories.

When I published the first part of this article, I was touched by everyone that commented and reached out to me. I had more emails with people sharing themselves than maybe ever before. It was incredible and allowed me to become closer to you, too.

That further inspired me to dig deep and share more of my world with all of you. I hope these stories continue to help you when faced with hard choices in your own life.

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30 Years of Hard Choices That Shaped Me (Part 1)

August 3rd, 2017 by Nick Notas 21 Comments

Decisions decisions

Life is a series of choices.

And I believe our quality of life is determined largely by those choices.

Of course there are other factors such as luck, genetic predisposition, upbringing, and overall mental health. But to a certain degree, your happiness and growth are greatly influenced by your actions.

When you encounter hardship, how do you handle it? When you’re doubting yourself, do you let it hold you back from trying? When you’re scared of judgement or uncertainty, do you act in self-love and compassion or simply stifle your needs?

I turned 30 two weeks ago. I’ve been pondering the decisions I’ve made that have changed me for the better. As a whole, they were tough choices that I knew would ultimately benefit me in the long run. They were based on having self-respect, staying true to myself, being vulnerable, and being bold.

It hasn’t been easy. In fact, some of the decisions were terrifying and didn’t always have the immediate gratification I’d hoped for. But in the end, they provided me with invaluable lessons, self-confidence, and a healthier connection with myself and other people.

In the first of two parts, I hope sharing some of my most life-changing decisions can inspire you to make better choices, too.

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A Healthy Guide to Casual Relationships (And Meaningful Sex)

July 20th, 2017 by Pete Zbrojkiewicz 2 Comments

Casual dating is alright

This is a guest post by Pete, an advanced social skills coach from Beard Strokings.

Nick: Casual dating is clearly on the rise. With apps like Tinder, many people are choosing to forgo committed relationships.

Although the stigma is lessening, men who choose to date around are seen as lacking in morals. They’re judged as being players, assholes, and heartless.

I think it’s healthy not to rush into relationships out of societal expectation, religious pressure, or fear of being alone. That’s not good for anyone and the people involved just end up getting even more hurt.

And when you’re young, you often don’t know what you want or need in a connection. Casually dating and keeping your options open often helps build the necessary experience to choose better partners when/if you’re ready.

But the stigma about casual dating is rooted in truth. It’s a touchy subject to tell someone who likes you that you’re not looking for anything serious. It’s also tough to navigate seeing other people in a respectful manner and set healthy expectations all around.

Unfortunately, some men don’t care enough to ensure the women they’re casually dating are comfortable and have their needs taken care of. They give a bad name to anyone who’s not ready for an exclusive relationship.

So my good friend Pete is here to answer all of your questions about casually dating in a healthy way. If you haven’t already, read his first article that teaches you how to approach the conversation with a woman you’re seeing and develop a compassionate mindset.

From there, use the guidelines below to maintain better connections with whoever you’re dating.

The label “dick” is handed out to guys who place their shallow, selfish interests above other people’s deeper interests. They value their own amusement over someone else’s happiness. The satisfaction of getting laid is more important than a woman’s well-being.

Being non-exclusive with women, in itself, doesn’t make you a dick. It’s HOW you do it that defines your character.

It mostly comes down to being honest and upfront.

Honesty is telling a girl the truth when she asks. Being upfront is sharing your expectations about things she will probably care about in the future.

If you want to be a good guy and casually date women, many of the decisions in your relationships will rely on those principles.

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Are You Living a Digital Life Instead of a Real One?

July 13th, 2017 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

I grew up playing video games.

At 3 years old, I was leaping chasms on Atari’s Pitfall and crushing goombas as Super Mario on the Nintendo.

By 6, I was using DOS to kill Lemmings, shooting Cyberdemons in Doom, and getting STDs in Leisure Suit Larry.

I actually can’t believe some of the shit my parents let me play.

I had just about every console created up until 2005. Yes, that includes the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and Gameboy Advance.

I was also a PC game addict. I played professionally in Counter-Strike tournaments around the US. I loved gaming so much I ran a successful gaming blog for a few years.

I don’t regret those times in my life. They helped build my knowledge and passion for technology. I made new friends in those communities and shared some great times with real friends hanging out on the couch. I even dated a model who played Counter-Strike, as ridiculous as that sounds.

But I do know that if I didn’t eventually sacrifice some of my gaming, I wouldn’t have built the life I’m so passionate about today. And as much as it pains me to say this, I believe our growing dependence on media and entertainment is preventing us from truly living.

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The Mindset You Need to Talk to Any Woman

July 6th, 2017 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Confidence to say hello

Being able to introduce yourself to new people is arguably the biggest determining factor in a man’s dating success. This one ability does so much for you.

If you say hi to one new person a month, you have one chance of making a connection. Say hi to five people and you’ve drastically weighed the odds in your favor.

Approaching helps you destroy your social anxiety by gaining experience. You get used to awkward moments and don’t take rejections so personally. You don’t place so much importance on individual interactions and instead cultivate an abundance mentality.

All this enables you to be more confident in your social abilities. You’re more prepared to choose right person when you’re ready – not just desperately settle for whoever’s available.

Then why is this essential skill so difficult for men to master?

You’ve probably consumed dozens of articles and YouTube videos on the subject. You may have countless examples of the perfect opening lines. You may even have had friends try to help you.

And if you’re reading this, you probably still regret psyching yourself out of opportunities every single week.

The problem isn’t a lack of knowledge or needing more pre-planned material. You just need to build a mindset that encourages you to approach in a natural, healthy way.

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