nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

My Dating Philosophies

January 12th, 2012 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Recently, I rediscovered Google’s philosophy page. I always thought it was such a cool idea to share what mattered to them with the rest of the world. In a few short paragraphs, they conveyed their core principles to anyone who was curious about the values they were built upon.

It made me wonder…when someone comes to my site, do they know what I stand for? What I believe in? What I know is true from my own experiences?

It’s important to me that my readers and my clients recognize the ideals I hold closest to me. They are…

Always be a gentleman

There are no exceptions. You should hold respect for a lady in the highest regard and always treat her with kindness. Don’t believe that you need to be a jerk to get women – the guys who perpetuate that are insecure, immature, and ignorant.

Women are often attracted to a passionate, assertive, confident, and sexual man. Unfortunately, sometimes the “jerks” are the only guys displaying these qualities. However, a woman who respects herself will never stand for a man who abuses her verbally, emotionally, or physically. And that is the type of girl you should be going for.

Flirting is a very good thing

You can still respect a woman and flirt with her – they’re not mutually exclusive concepts. I don’t know where the idea come from that embracing how you felt was a bad thing. Guys constantly apologize to girls for liking them or for even thinking of liking them. But why?

The only difference between a friend and a romantic partner is sexual chemistry. A woman who is interested in you wants you to be interested in her. She wants you to make her feel sexy and know that you think she’s sexy. And she definitely wants to be turned on by you.

Confidence comes from experience

The advice to “fake it ‘til you make it” is a band-aid solution to a serious issue. It may work for a little while, but in the long run you’re screwing yourself to act like someone you’re not.

Challenge your comfort zone on a regular basis – even if it’s just a step at a time. The only way to gain real, lasting confidence is through action. Sorry, but there are no shortcuts.

The good news it that I’ve never met a guy who didn’t push himself and see significant progress. It’s a basic formula: you get out what you put in. Put the effort in and I promise you won’t regret it.

Like attracts like

If you want an incredible woman, you’ve got to be an incredible man. You can’t expect to land a dream girl unless you can provide the same for her. It’s critical to develop yourself along the dating journey in order to end up with the partner you want.

When I was an insecure jerk, I attracted women with similar values. The more open-minded, expressive, self-assured, adventurous, and compassionate I became, the more quality women were drawn to me instead. In the end, it taught me what’s legitimately important to me in a woman. And because of that, I started creating deeper, more meaningful relationships.

Honesty is the only policy

Integrity is everything, so be a man of your word at all times. Always express your true intentions to a woman and never be afraid to speak your mind. Most of all, be honest to yourself, to your desires, and to your needs. If you like that girl as more than a friend, take the shot and show her.

Love who you are and what makes you, you. Whatever you’re into or whatever you’re about, own it. Why would you want to be with a person who doesn’t like the real you anyway? Drop any canned lines or routines and learn to be your authentic self. It’s liberating to not have to pretend or put on a show.

Dating should be fun

If you’re not enjoying the experience, you’re doing it wrong. So many men feel like dating is a chore and it’s something to shy away from. They dread having to meet new people, yet that’s what they truly want deep down — to meet someone great. They just don’t want to put themselves on the line to get there.

Start looking at dating from a stance of enthusiasm rather than fear. Realize that those butterflies are a good thing. They are what make dating as exciting as it is. Enjoy every single moment of dating – from the bad all the way to the amazing. If you can’t have fun, then she can’t either.

The only failure is giving up

I don’t believe in failure — it only happens when you refuse to learn something from an experience or throw in the towel. Rather than beat yourself up, why not ask: what could I do differently? What could I improve upon? What redeeming qualities can I find in the situation? Don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut over it.

In dating, you can’t base your entire self worth on whether or not she said “yes” or “no” – you’ll drive yourself crazy. We’ve all been shot down before and get back up again. It sucks, it makes you feel like crap, but it doesn’t kill you. Each time you hit a roadblock, you learn something new and grow stronger. Embrace “failure” and it can never defeat you.

Be a passionate and positive man

Go after what you want in life, it really is too short. Don’t waste your time living other people’s dreams. Try the things you’ve always wanted to and things you never even expected. Don’t half-ass anything. The lifestyle you want is attainable, it just takes your dedication. Nothing is more sexy than a man with passion.

Stay positive, there’s no benefit to being a pessimist. It’s also one of the least attractive qualities you can have. The last thing women want is to be constantly brought down and surrounded by negativity. Cut out the jealousy, cut out the bitterness, and leave the misogyny at home.

Confidence in dating means confidence in life

Understanding women led me to a better understanding of myself. It forced me to take chances. It forced me to look at my insecurities and flaws. It forced me to overcome fears. It forced me to be a good listener. It forced me to build an attractive lifestyle. And it forced me to become the man I always strived to be.

That confidence sinks itself into every aspect of your life. It opens many new opportunities and tons of new experiences. If you can relax and carry a conversation with a brand new girl, you can relax and ace your job interview, too. If you can have the guts to ask for her number, you can have the guts to stand up for yourself to your family, and to anybody else.

The confidence I gained from dating transformed my life, and it can definitely change yours.

I’m really interested to hear what all of your philosophies are. What did I miss that you think should be on there? Please don’t be shy, comment and share them below!

  1. kargo on November 25, 2012

    thank you for your work it really helps.

  2. Sergio on November 1, 2013

    Those were really nice beliefs, I agree on almost all of it… What really makes me wonder is, how easy it gets to know when its time to stop dating, and start focusing on a single person? I find this philosophies suitable for a long term and serious relationship with someone…

  3. J-PJ on November 4, 2013

    I know this comes a tad late for this post, but I’ve always wondered about being passionate about something. I understand that it is useful etc. but what if you’re not passionate about anything? You may like something and do something as a hobby, but they can be just “fun” instead of being a passion.

  4. Tom on November 22, 2014

    Wow, my philosophies to dating (and just socializing in general) are very similar, but I never knew how to put them into action cause of my social anxieties. I think I’ll stick around here for a while. Thanks for creating this place! Finding sensible dating advice for men is hard dude :/

  5. Sheila on February 3, 2015

    Women worth having can definitely appreciate a deep respect for women… as so can a woman respect a man. Fathers are somewhat dipping out their boys today…and kind of parents in general. The fish in the sea are suffering! Thank you for sharing your passion to help people find who they are and what they are capable of making happen for themselves. Learning and maturing is a really fun process if you have good guidance. It is not so fun when you learn the hard way on your own.