How to Fight Your Fear of Rejection

July 7th, 2011 by Nick Notas 1 Comments

Think you’re the only one afraid of approaching new women? After college, I spent two months straight trying to meet girls, just to chicken out nearly every time. I can’t tell you how much I struggled to muster up the courage to introduce myself: my heart raced and my stomach was in knots. My fear of rejection always got the best of me.

It got to the point where I was so frustrated and almost gave up completely. I convinced myself that connecting with those women wasn’t important to me, which was an obvious copout. That was until I read a Mark Twain quote which changed everything:

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

Why was I so afraid of being rejected? Why did I care so much? Why did I let fear rule my actions and miss out on great opportunities? I realized that in the end, I would be the only one losing out. This epiphany spurred a change in me — I decided I was going to take charge and get the dating life I always wanted. No more excuses and no more waiting around.

Soon after, I saw a girl in a sundress standing outside H&M. Still terrified, I swallowed my fears and told her how cute she was. She blushed, said thanks, and told me she had a boyfriend. There it was, my first official rejection. Did it sting? Damn right it did. I walked away with nothing to show for it, yet at the same time, I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulders.

Since then I’ve met many amazing women I wouldn’t have otherwise. I’ve also been shut down in more ways than I can remember. I’ve had girls ignore me, laugh in my face, and flat out insult me. But you know what? It made me stronger, confident, and taught me valuable lessons.

The fear of rejection never goes away. You get used to it, learn to accept it, and manage it better. You just have to get the first one out of the way. I still feel anxious when I see a beautiful woman, but I don’t let it stop me from meeting her. Instead, I use those nerves to my advantage and keep the interaction fresh.

You can’t have success without failure, and your failures teach you the most. Every single guy who’s become confident with women has been rejected over and over – it’s inevitable. In fact, the guys who overcome the most are the ones willing to fall the hardest.

So what are you waiting for? Now it’s your turn. Starting today, I want you to meet three new women within the next week. It can be as simple as asking for directions or as bold as showing your direct interest. The point is to just do it. And please, contact me for motivation, support, feedback, and with any questions you have. I’m here to help.

  1. George on February 5, 2015

    Hi NIck! Great articles you have here. They always give me something new to think about while I work to improve my dating life. I also have a quick question for you.

    I just asked a girl out on a date to the movies next week, but she told me she’s seeing someone. I was totally cool with it and we agreed to just go as friends.

    I’m wondering, would it still be ok if it was just the two of us going to the movies or should I turn it into a group thing? I’m asking because I don’t want it to come across like I’m still trying to get with her if we go alone.

    I’m still working on getting over my approach anxiety and handling rejection, so I want to do everything in my power to keep things from being awkward and to be that confident person who doesn’t act like a moron just because a girl doesn’t want to date me.

    Any advice you have would be awesome. Keep up the great work because your stuff is really inspiring!


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