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Return of the Gentleman: Be the Leading Man

May 27th, 2011 by Nick Notas 2 Comments

“Where do you want to eat?”
“I don’t know where do you want to go?”
“I really don’t care at all, you choose.”

Does this conversation sound familiar? There’s nothing more frustrating to girls than a guy who can’t make up his mind.

Women love a man who can lead. A man who takes charge of things and is strong yet respectful. Don’t believe it? Look at nearly every romance novel written in the last 50 years. I’m not talking about being a control-freak here, but rather a man who is confident with himself and his choices. Women are attracted to a guy who knows what he wants, is honest about his passions, and is willing to make the tough decisions when needed.

This is especially important when first meeting and getting to know each other. Showing that you’re ready to take the helm says a lot about you. It tells her that you’re bold, adventurous, and can provide an exciting time – all attractive qualities.

Choose your own adventure

I used to think that always letting a girl choose what to do or where to go was being nice. Instead, it ended up annoying them and added a lot of unwanted pressure. Ease the burden off of her and tell her you’re taking her to one of your favorite restaurants, a new play, or your favorite spot as a kid.

Of course, always be open when she suggests something and ask about her preferences. If she doesn’t know a specific place, says she doesn’t care, or simply gives a type (Italian food), don’t try and drag an answer out of her. Instead, make the choice and take her on that journey. She’s going to enjoy it because she’s with you and you get credit for coming up with the fun idea in the first place.

Take her by the hand

Leading is not only about the things you say but also the things you do. You have to be comfortable with physically guiding her around. This means taking her hand while you lead her to the bar or inviting her to get some fresh air outside. You can even walk with your hand on the small of her back while you grab a seat together.

I always enjoyed starting a first date by holding her hand and making way to our destination.  If a girl can trust you early on, it’s likely she’ll want to spend more time with you.

Make the first move

You’ve got be willing to pull the trigger. If you’re interested in her and want more than a friendship, you’re going to have to kiss her sometime. Work your way up to it by flirting and creating physical tension. You can never go wrong with cute innuendos, teasing, and light-hearted touching.

When things are going well, it’s time to take charge and make your move. If you’re not sure how, see How to Kiss on the First Date for a more detailed explanation.

  1. Taz @ Climb the Rainbow on May 28, 2011

    So true. “What do you want to do?” “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” is quite possibly the most annoying conversation in the dating world.

    A man who is able to take the lead without being pushy is attractive. It is important however that you do this naturally and with confidence. If you try to lead without confidence it will just make the woman feel uncomfortable.

    • Nick on May 31, 2011

      Definitely, if you try to force things or are uncomfortable taking charge, she’s going to pick up on that. It has to become part of who you genuinely are. You have to be confident with your own ability to lead.