How many times have you let an incredible woman slip away?
When you meet someone you like, you have to go for her number if you ever hope to see her again.
But even then, I hate to break it to you…
That number doesn’t mean much by itself.
Yes, it sets up the possibility of a future connection, but plenty of women hand out their info without any intention of actually going on a date. In fact, some won’t even respond when you first text them.
So today, I want to teach you how to ask for a girl’s number in a way that genuinely excites her about meeting up with you again.
Table Of Contents
Tips To Maximize Your Chances For Success
Take The Shot – Even If You Doubt Yourself
Stop making excuses to avoid going for a woman’s number.
Maybe you felt you needed to chat longer. Maybe you think you didn’t make a strong enough impression. Or you’ve convinced yourself she’s out of your league.
The reality is, you don’t know any of that for sure. These are all stories your mind is telling you rooted in fear or insecurity.
In fact, you’ll be surprised at how many women say yes when you least expect it. Don’t let wrong assumptions talk you out of potential connections.
Make this a hard rule to follow in every situation:
If you’ve spoken to a woman for more than a minute and want to see her again, propose a way to make that happen.
Sure, you may get a “no” sometimes, but you’ll also get so many more “yes”s. And trust me, you won’t care about those “no”s when you’re on dates with beautiful women.
Never Just Give Her Your Number
Many men make the mistake of giving a woman their phone number instead of getting hers.
They’ll say something like, “Here’s my number, give me a call sometime.” Or they’ll write their digits down on a napkin and hand it to her before walking away.
This might seem cool and aloof, but the passive approach usually backfires.
Even if a woman is interested in you, she’ll likely feel hesitant to take the initiative of reaching out to a stranger first. Most women are anxious about coming across as too eager or forward.
Instead, you taking action to ask for her number communicates assertiveness and a clear intent. These are qualities women find attractive. By putting the decision on her, you’re essentially shying away from showing that confident, leading side of you.
Handing her your number is like gently tossing the ball in her court. What she really wants is for you to slam dunk that shit and sweep her off her feet.
Do It At A High Point In The Interaction
Timing is crucial when it comes to asking for her digits. Many men wait until the very end of an interaction, right before saying goodbye. But this is often when the energy and excitement have faded, leading to a greater chance of rejection.
Instead, make your move to get her number when the conversation is at a high point and you’re vibing well with one another. This could be in the midst of laughing together, feeling spontaneous and adventurous, or passionately discussing a common interest.
Those moments of shared enthusiasm, excitement, and flirtation are goldmines for connection.
When she’s experiencing positive emotions with you, she’s so much more likely to want it to continue.
Don’t Rush Away After Getting The Number
Here’s a scenario I see all the time…
You get a woman’s number. You feel a rush of excitement followed by an immediate sense of tension. You start worrying about what to say next and blowing your shot now that you got her info.
So you start angling your body away getting ready to eject from the conversation. Maybe you mutter an uncomfortable goodbye before rushing off.
Big mistake. This cheapens the whole interaction and signals to her that you weren’t actually interested in connecting with her. It makes it seem like your sole objective was to get another number in your phone.
Stick around for at least a couple more minutes after getting her number. You can even just continue on the same subject you were digging into before you traded contacts.
This leaves her feeling appreciated as a person rather than an item checked off your to-do list.
Make Eye Contact When You Ask For Her Number
Maintaining strong eye contact oozes self-assurance and helps put her at ease when you ask for the number. It signals that you go after what you want and have nothing to hide.
A man who skittishly looks away is someone she can’t fully trust.
But when you boldly yet warmly hold her gaze and tell her you want to see her again, it feels genuine and impactful.
Don’t Accept Only Her Instagram Or Social Media
Nowadays, it’s common for women to offer up their Instagram handle or other social media instead of their phone number when approached. It may seem harmless to connect with her online first – but resist the temptation.
When you accept a woman’s Instagram rather than push for her number, you inevitably fade into the indistinguishable crowd of guys sliding into her DMs. You want to stand out, not blend in.
“If you wait for opportunities to occur, you will be one of the crowd.”Edward de Bono
Yes, some women are wary of handing out their digits to men they’ve just met. But in my experience, if a woman is truly excited to get to know you better, she’ll give you her number when asked.
It requires vulnerability and trust from her to do so. And when a woman invests that kind of courage in you, it makes her feel more committed to actually following through.
So if she offers you her Instagram, gently tell her you’d prefer to get to know her over text. You can even say you’d only take her number if she was genuinely interested in talking more.
This shows your standards and self-respect, which makes you more attractive and increases the odds of her giving you her number.
If she only offers her social media account, you can choose whether to accept it or not. Personally, I interpret this as a lack of investment and I prefer to pursue women who are more interested in me.
3 Steps To Smoothly Ask A Woman Out
1. Suggest a shared experience
Every woman has been asked for their number by countless men. That situation inherently feels like a guy is trying to get something from her.
Consequently, some women default to a defensive response during those encounters.
Women want to have an amazing adventure with a great guy. They’re not getting turned on by the idea of exchanging a 10-digit number.
A woman is infinitely more excited about seeing a beautiful lake, grabbing coffee and listening to Spotify in the park, checking out a new art gallery, tasting margarita or beer flights, playing mini-golf, or seeing a sunset on the beach.
So suggest a fun activity you can enjoy together. For example:
“There’s an amazing new exhibit at the MoMA. We should check it out next weekend.”
When you invite her to something tangible, it paints a picture in her mind she can get fired up about. She can see you two strolling through a fascinating gallery or bonding over your observations of the art.
This is true even if you’re just grabbing dinner. Talk about trying this legendary dish at a new restaurant or checking out the slick vibe of this secret cocktail bar.
Once she agrees to an experience, the number becomes a natural way to make that happen.
Then she can even tell her friends about this cool guy she met and how you’re going on this cool experience. It reinforces her likelihood to meet up because she can tell herself that even if you two aren’t totally into each other, she’ll do something fun and have a good memory from it.
Stimulate her imagination and you might end up stimulating much more.
2. Make it a bold statement rather than a question
Don’t undo your confidence by nervously asking, “So, uh, would you want to grab a bite sometime?”
Asking for permission puts the decision on her. And just like handing a woman your number passively, many women are nervous to be in that position.
They are then forced to make a bold choice with a stranger. It becomes a fight or flight situation and women will often just back out.
Instead, make a clear statement. Tell her you want to take her out. Consider using the words “I’, “let’s”, or “we”. For example:
- “I’d love to take you out to dinner at that new French place.”
- “I want to show you my favorite pieces at the art gallery.”
- “We should totally check out that trail next week.”
- “Let’s get buzzed and go throw some axes.”
This assertively demonstrates your interest and shows that you believe in the idea. That confidence will help reassure her that it’s going to be a damn good time.
3. Get specific with the details
Many guys are worried about coming on too strong. So when they invite a woman out, they leave it vague. They say things like, “Awesome, I’ll hit you up later and we can make plans.”
The issue is that when people don’t have a specific idea in mind, they don’t commit to anything. It’s not real or tangible to them. So a woman will often not take it seriously and prioritize other plans.
While you don’t need to lock down an exact date and time, it helps to discuss some level of detail.
It takes you suggesting an activity and checking in with a rough timeline. Keep it to only one or two days of availability.
You can present the idea first and then ask her availability on those specific days. Because at that point you’re not asking for permission, you’re stating what you want and seeing when she’s around. For example:
“I was thinking about hitting up that new Arcade Bar. Are you around Thursday?”
Exercises To Prepare For The Big Moment
Exercise: brainstorm awesome date ideas
If you’re already talking to a woman and discussing a common interest, you can invite her out to a related activity.
But in general, you shouldn’t scramble to come up with ideas to invite a woman out in the moment. You should always have a few ideas in your back pocket you can suggest to anyone you meet.
So before asking the next woman for her number…
Brainstorm 1-2 activities. They should be ideas you are excited about, already comfortable with, or really want to try.
Dinner or drinks are classic options but try to specify a particular place to add a personal touch.
The key is that it’s something you’re connected to. That passion will show in the way you invite her out and put you at your best once on the date.
If you need some help coming up with date ideas, check out my article on how to plan a first date.
Exercise: practice your invite
I’m not going to lie, your delivery is important. That moment is a chance to show your courage.
Ideally, you don’t want to timidly ask with mumbled words. But I understand it can be very stressful in the heat of the moment.
That’s why you should practice before the show like any performer does.
Take 1-2 ideas you wrote down from the previous exercise or from the examples above. Speak them out loud.
If it helps it feel more real, look at a picture of a woman online and imagine saying it to her.
I’m not saying you have to memorize what you want to say. It’s about getting used to the sound of your own voice and really stepping into it. You have to mean it when you say you want to keep connecting with her.
Practice this a few times until you can say your invitation clearly and directly.
Examples Of Creative Date Invitations
Now that you’ve read the steps and exercises, it’s time to put it all into action. Here are some examples of what that can look like:
- “Grab your favorite snacks and let’s have a little picnic in the park on Saturday.”
- “There’s this amazing glass-blowing exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts. We should check it out.”
- “I’m going to a wine tasting this Saturday, let’s get wined and dined.”
- “Get your game face on and join me for a fun night of trivia on Friday.”
- “The beach is calling our names, let’s go make sandcastles.”
- “I know this hidden gem that has the best tiramisu. Are you free Wednesday?”
- “I’m hitting up the farmers market Sunday, are you around to sample some fresh produce?”
- “I found this trail that has stunning views. Let’s see the sunset from the top.”
- “Join me for a night of smooth tunes at the jazz club on Saturday.”
- “We should go sing our asses off at karaoke.”
- “I have tickets to a comedy show next Friday, come with me and let’s laugh our asses off.”
- “I’m going to the Natural History museum this Sunday, and I think it’d be more fun if you came with me.”
- “Put on your dancing shoes and join me for a night of bachata.”
How To Handle Any Response From Her
If she says yes
If she accepts your invitation, congratulations! You can trade numbers or even hand her your phone to put her number in.
Once the number exchange is done, say something like, “I’ll text you later to confirm the details” and roll back into conversation. Remember, don’t suddenly hit that eject button.
Now one final piece of advice…
You don’t have to text her right after, but don’t wait longer than 24 hours. Too many guys try to play it cool and wait for like three days.
When a woman randomly meets a great guy in-person, it can feel like a page from a romance story. If she liked you, she wants to hear from you.
Delaying for days on end pours water on the fire and makes her question if you’re actually interested.
If she hesitates
Sometimes when you ask a woman out, she hesitates. She might say things like: “I don’t know, I don’t really do this.” or “Umm, I’m not sure. What were you thinking we’d do?”
Why do women do that? Sometimes it’s her way of gently saying no, but it doesn’t always mean she’s uninterested.
Giving her number to a new guy is intimidating. She doesn’t know you and there’s always a small risk a new guy could end up putting her in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation.
Of course, most men are perfectly kind. But many women have dealt with guys freaking out or getting aggressive when rejected. So if she seems a bit cautious, it’s understandable.
Give it one more try to see if it’ll help move things along.
When she hesitates, avoid logically arguing why you’re a good guy or why she should give you a chance. That generally backfires.
Instead, relieve her tension with humor or enthusiasm. For example:
- “Haha I promise I won’t drunk text you…much!”
- “I’m way too excited about those pasta noodles you mentioned to not get your number.”
- “The band’s energy is insane. It’s going to be an epic night.”
- “You’re just scared I’ll crush you at air hockey, huh?”
- “We’ll never know who is better at trivia unless you take my number.”
- “Do you really want to miss out on the best ice cream in the city?”
If she still seems uncertain at that point, you should let it go. Take it as a no and follow the instructions below.
If she says no
When faced with rejection, it’s critical to handle it with grace. Take a moment, breathe, and reassure yourself that it’s not as earth-shattering as it feels.
Rejection often signifies incompatibility, not personal failure. She might be involved with someone else, not in the right headspace, or freshly out of a relationship.
Or maybe you simply aren’t her type. And that’s okay.
Rejecting you doesn’t mean she suddenly feels disgusted. Think about the times you’ve turned someone down; did you suddenly despise them? Absolutely not. The same goes for women.
Everyone wants to feel beautiful and interesting. Most women are still flattered by your interest and will view the interaction positively if handled well.
Most women are just going to say something simple like, “Thanks but I’m not looking for anything right now” or “I have a boyfriend.” It’s almost never worse than that.
The best thing to do is maintain eye contact, show appreciation for her time, and depart amicably. Here are some ways you could respond:
- “He seems like a very lucky guy. Thanks for chatting and taking a moment to hang out.”
- “I completely understand. It was great talking to you though, see you around.”
- “All good. I appreciate your straightforwardness. Take care and have a nice night.”
- “I totally respect that. Just wanted to say you have an amazing sense of humor. Enjoy the rest of your day.”
You can even go for a handshake or half-hug, then calmly walk away.
- Make asking for numbers a habit. Don’t let excuses hold you back from potential connections.
- Take the lead and get her number rather than passively give her yours. Show confidence.
- Invite her out when you’re vibing well, like during moments of laughter, excitement, or passion.
- After getting her digits, stick around a bit more. Don’t rush off or it seems disingenuous.
- Go for her number, not her Instagram. Stand out from the crowd.
- Maintain strong eye contact when you ask. It signals self-assurance and desire to connect.
- Have a few fun date ideas ready that you’re genuinely excited about trying.
- Practice speaking your date invitation out loud with confidence and clarity.
- Paint a picture of a shared experience you two can enjoy together.
- Make bold statements like “I want to take you out…” rather than timidly asking.
- Get specific on details like activity, day, place. Vague plans often fall through.
- Text within 24 hours of getting her number. She wants to hear from you, waiting weakens the connection.
- Respond to hesitation with humor or enthusiasm, not logic. Alleviate tension.
- If rejected, be gracious. Breathe and remember it’s often just incompatibility. Thank her for her time, offer a handshake, make eye contact, and depart amicably.
Going for the number is well…a numbers game. The more you put yourself out there, the more you’ll succeed.
Get prepared. Then muster the courage to take a shot, paint a picture with some enthusiasm, and handle rejection with maturity. Do that, and you’ll be lining up dates in no time.
Still struggling to take the shot in the moment? Need help texting and securing the date after? Talk to me for a free consultation so I can better understand your goals and design a plan to conquer them together.