Our Obsession With the Perfect Girl

She’s the one. She’s flawless in every way. She’s the only girl for me. She’s the woman of my dreams and she’ll come around eventually. I don’t want to cross any lines and mess things up, but if I keep spending time with her, she’s bound to notice me…right?

I know that feeling of the “perfect girl.” She’s the cute brunette in your class you’ve always wanted to ask out. Or perhaps she’s your next-door neighbor who you talk on the phone with for hours on end. She’s the girl you want, but you can’t seem to take things to the next level with. So you wait and wait and wait for that ideal moment to make your move.

Months have gone by and you’re more frustrated than ever. Why doesn’t she realize how awesome you are? Why does she seem to always go for “jerks” when you, a great guy, are right in front of her. 

It’s because those guys are doing something with women that you’re not. They’re the ones taking chances and generating a romantic sexual connection that you’re missing. And if you continue approaching your interactions the same way, nothing will change.

 It’s important to understand why you feel so strongly about her before anything’s even happened. I don’t doubt she’s an amazing girl, but why do you believe she’s the only one? I’ve found that the more inexperienced a guy is with dating, the more likely he is to place a girl on a pedestal. When you haven’t played the field, you don’t see how many other amazing girls are out there, too. 

We become obsessed with one girl out of fear. Fear that we’ll never find someone as good as her. Fear that we’ll be rejected or fall flat on our face. The only cure for that fear is to put yourself out there. Not just with her, but by actively meeting other women as well. It’s unhealthy to pine over one person for so long and to not do anything about it.

Now it’s time to step up — playing it safe gets you nowhere. If you never flirt, she’ll only see you as a friend. Get some casual alone time with her and make her laugh. Take the lead, do something exciting together, and playfully tease her. Most importantly, you need to initiate physical contact and get her thinking about you in a new light.  Also, read this while you’re at it.

There are two outcomes here: it’s going to go well and things will progress or she’s going to back off and tell you she’s not interested. If she’s into you, congratulations, you can begin building a deeper relationship. If she’s not, life will go on and you can meet someone who wants to be with you.

Remember this next time you’re hung up on the “perfect girl”:

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

Need some advice? Ask me anything.