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Keep Dating Simple

August 6th, 2012 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Enso

Being more successful with women isn’t that complex.

I used to spend so much energy analyzing every possible detail and outcome of social interactions. I read all the books and articles that taught me the theory behind “pickup”. I’ve tried every routine in the book only to realize: I just needed to stop over-complicating shit.

When in doubt, KEEP IT SIMPLE.

Have you heard of Occam’s Razor? It’s the theory that usually the simplest solution is the right one.

You’ve already read tons of advice on overcoming approach anxiety and holding conversation. You’ve also probably gotten trapped in the excess mental masturbation that pervades much of the pickup industry.

What you should be doing is taking that knowledge and repeatedly testing it out, thus developing your social abilities naturally. The guys who become confident and connect with lots of girls are the ones who put the most time in. Implementation is the obvious and best answer.

Let’s use Occam’s Razor to slash through your other sticking points:

“I don’t know any women.”

Get off your ass and approach a ton of girls. This alone will determine the bulk of your results. Women aren’t magically going to appear in your bedroom. (Note: this involves getting off the computer.)

“I’m scared to approach women.”

We all are, you just get to the point where you’ve had enough experience under your belt to stop letting your fears hold you back. I didn’t approach for almost three months of going out socializing, but now I can say hi to anyone. Did I learn some special technique? No, I grabbed my balls and decided I wanted to stop being frustrated.

Start with simple “safe” questions like asking for directions or what time the venue closes, and walk away. Then, next time try to continue the conversation. After that, try using a direct statement to begin conversation. My approach eBook contains straightforward examples and anxiety exercises to try right now.

“I don’t know how to talk to women.”

That’s because you don’t talk to women regularly! You wouldn’t expect to know how to play a piano by thinking about playing. You would sit down, place your hands on the keys, and practice your ass off. You can’t learn how to talk to women without actually talking to women.

You can shoot the shit with close friends and family because you’ve interacted with them many times. Do that with women and you’ll hit that same comfortable rhythm.

“I’m afraid of being rejected.”

Get over it, you’re going to get rejected by girls. There’s no guy in history that hits it off with every woman he meets, or even the majority of them. The sooner you embrace that, the better. Go talk to women: get rejected by some and warmly welcomed by others. You’ll realize how little rejection matters in the long run.

“I don’t want to come off as creepy.”

No one wants to purposely freak out a woman (well, most don’t). But guess what, even if you say all the right things, there’s still a chance you could be deemed “creepy”. Additionally, you have already unavoidably creeped out someone in your life before and survived. There’s no point in worrying about it.

“There’s a girl I’ve never talked to, what do I do?”

Umm, go talk to her? Walk up to her and say, “Hey, I wanted to come introduce myself, I’m Nick.” Try to enjoy yourself and have a genuine conversation, maybe get a laugh or two from her. Then ask for her number. If she’s interested, she’ll say yes and want to hang out.

“I always end up in the friend zone.”

Think about the words “friend zone”. It means you are seen as just a friend. The main differences between a friend and a lover are sexual attraction and physical intimacy. So therefore you need to start turning her on and touching her.

Flirt like crazy, create lots of physical contact, and escalate the situation. Tell her she looks cute or sexy and hit on her already. She’ll let you know if she’s not interested, but if she is, you’ll be the one hooking up with a beautiful girl. If you have crippling sexual anxiety, apply the exercises to overcome it.

“I like this girl I know, how do I find out if she’s interested?”

Again, show your intentions and you’ll get your answer. Once you make it clear that you’re interested in being more than a friend (through flirting and physical contact), she’s either going to accept your advances or not.

“She gave me her number, what should I do?”

Text her. Don’t wait for three days to make contact. Within a few message exchanges, ask her on a date. If you made a good impression on her, then she wants to see you again.

“We’re on a date and I want to kiss her, should I go for it?”

You want to kiss her so the answer is a resounding yes! As long as you’re both not having a miserable time, take the shot and see what happens. Even if you went for it before she was ready, you can try again later when she feels more comfortable.

What makes me sad is that many of you reading this will not follow Occam’s Razor. You’ll get hyped up for a little and then go back to the same excuse of why you can’t or don’t want to go out this week. You’ll just need to read the next pickup guide searching for that hidden gem to push you over the hump.

And while you’re still frustrated and searching, there will be others who are finally obtaining the romantic life they desire. They’ve discovered the simple solution that always works — action.

Want a no bullshit plan of action to get you started? Have a free strategy session with me.

  1. Gary on August 7, 2012

    I’m an introvert who spends way too much time overanalyzing and overthinking everything. What seems to be so intuitively straightforward sometimes becomes so complicated. The solution for a problem is usually to make yourself take more action and inevitably failing more at it to learn your mistakes. Yet, it is so easy for inexperienced guys to get hung up on bad emotions and neediness – I know I have been struggling through “oneitis” recently because I thought that I couldn’t meet a better girl, and kept imagining the ideal relationship I would have with her. Its only when reality hits you that you realize the truth was always there and the circumstances are always changing, and that thinking about a situation instead of taking action is just going against the odds.

    • Nick Notas on August 7, 2012

      Mhmm, that’s why experience is everything. You’ll learn that there’s always another amazing woman out there, you just need to go search for her. And the more you search, the easier and more fun it gets.

  2. Chris on August 7, 2012

    Hah, you hit me hard with those first 5. Concerning #1: I’ve moved to a small town for work and there are hardly any single women, any suggestions?

    • Nick Notas on August 8, 2012

      Hey Chris,

      You can really meet and approach women anywhere people are doing their daily activities. That includes stores, parks, public transportation, etc. also, entertainment settings like festivals and outdoor markets are great. I have a more complete listing here:

      http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/how-to-meet-women-and-start-conversations/

      Then you have the traditional night venues. Any bars, clubs, or lounges that are in your area. Depends if you’re of age and if that’s your scene.

      For online, you can try sites like Meetup.com or Eventbrite.com to find local groups or events. You can also try out online dating through OKCupid.

      Finally, if you are in a really small town and there’s few women, you may have to visit a close city. Take public transportation or drive and spend the day in a more populated area.