Recently, I got a call from the first friend I ever started going out to meet people with.
We’d both built different lives on different coasts and it had been 2 ½ years since we last spoke. He told me he was flying back to Boston soon to see family and wanted to share some exciting news.
I had no idea of what to expect of him. I knew him as a shaggy-haired drummer with little fashion sense. He’d been scared of talking to women and always had an excuse ready to psych himself out of it.
We’d pushed ourselves for years to become more confident, social men. But I didn’t know whether or not he’d continued to grow since then.
So when he walked into our favorite Thai place, my question was answered. He was in great shape, wore a stylish leather jacket and sunglasses, and greeted me with a confident smile.
We immediately fell back into easy conversation. He told me about his successful career in data analysis and his awesome relationship with his fiancee. He asked me about my business and my life. He was well-spoken, a good listener, and completely humble.
Then he paused and said, “I want to ask you something…will you be my best man at my wedding?”
I was speechless and felt a rush of emotion. I finally responded, “Why you’d choose me?”
“Because I owe everything to you. If it wasn’t for you calling me out on my bullshit excuses, I never would have met my fiancee. More than that, I wouldn’t have been able to hold a healthy relationship with her. And I wouldn’t have become who I am today.”
By letting go of his limiting beliefs, my friend altered the course of his life. Now it’s time for you to stop making these 9 excuses and land the woman of your dreams.
Table Of Contents
1. What if other people hear me?
When this occasionally happens, it’s only for a couple seconds. No one cares about your random conversation enough to actively eavesdrop.
Regardless, your fear of being judged for approaching someone is unfounded. From my experience, people see your approach as inspiring and brave.
Most girls who see you know that, deep down, they’d love to meet the right guy that way (if they’re single). It’s the ultimate Hollywood romance moment. They’re thinking, “That’s so cute. I wish that would happen to me.”
Most men who see you think you’re a badass. Every guy wishes they had the confidence to talk to attractive women. I’ve had guys over the years stare in disbelief, ask me if I really just did that, and even become clients.
2. What if she doesn’t want to talk to me?
Then she can immediately show she’s not interested and walk away. You’re not going to be groping, harassing, or saying anything vulgar to these women. You’re just introducing yourself.
Outside of bars and clubs, women almost always reject men one of two ways: with a simple “Thanks, but I have to get going,” or “I have a boyfriend.” Quick and painless — it takes less than ten seconds.
3. What if she rejects me?
Then congratulations! Let me be the first to welcome you to the normal human experience of rejection. We all face it at some time or another.
All rejection means is you weren’t right for that one person. Maybe they were unavailable or you didn’t fit what they were looking for. Maybe they were busy. Or maybe you didn’t make the strongest approach.
Rejection is horrible for you because you’re taking it personally. You’re seeing yourself as less of a man. But enduring rejection makes you more of a man.
Rejects run the world. The best writers, scientists, and entrepreneurs found success through rejection.
4. What if she thinks I’m a creep or a weirdo?
A simple hello or introduction is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s a healthy way to gauge someone’s interest. And unless you’re staring menacingly at a woman from a dark alleyway, the idea of “creepiness” is bullshit.
Two guys could approach a woman the same way with one being perceived as hot, the other as “creepy”. All that’s different is whether or not that woman was attracted. It had nothing to do with the approach.
All you can do is present confident body language and a genuine smile. Other than that, you cannot predict whether or not someone will find you “creepy” — even if you do everything perfectly.
So worrying about all this is a waste of time if you have no ill intentions. If someone thinks you’re weird for wanting to meet new people, they’re the weird one.
5. She doesn’t want to be bothered.
So are you suddenly a mind reader? How could you possibly know that? Maybe she’s dying to meet a great guy like you. Isn’t that just as much of a possibility?
The truth is that you really have no idea, but your anxiety is feeding you excuses. I’ve seen guys hit it off with girls in all sorts of scenarios – while she’s listening to music, reading a book, working, or even demonstrating “resting bitch face”. You’ll never know how she feels until you try.
6. She’s with her friends.
That doesn’t mean she only wants to talk to her friends. Women go out together to meet men all the time.
I know it can seem overwhelming to approach a group. But here’s a secret…you only have to approach the group initially. You can quickly roll into a one-on-one conversation with the girl you’re interested in. Here’s an excerpt from an older post.
1. Approach the group as a whole. “Excuse me, you guys looked fun and I had to come introduce myself.” Chat them all up for a few. Then ask the friend(s) you’re not interested in if it’s okay to get the other girl’s number.
2. Approach the people you’re not romantically interested in. Tell them off the bat, “Excuse me, I know this is random but I think your friend is really cute. Would it be okay if I talked to her for a minute?”
Both ways work and the principle behind them is the same. You’re acknowledging and respecting the other people’s presence. Because of that, you’re more likely to win them over and get their permission to pursue their friend.
If a girl’s friends care about her, they want her to connect with someone awesome.You’ll be surprised at how many friends become your cheer squad.
Once they encourage her to talk to you, she’s going to be that much more likely to give you her number.
7. I don’t have the time.
Really? You don’t have a few minutes to make a potentially life-changing connection? That’s all you need to introduce yourself to someone you find attractive, hold a quick convo, and go for their number.
We’re all busy but that’s no excuse. You can’t rely on a high-quality woman falling into your lap. You have to take a proactive stance in your dating life.
Cut out an hour of Netflix, Reddit, or gaming and get outside of your house! Go take a walk, hit the gym, try a new hobby, check out a meetup or event, or grab a drink at the bar. Just put yourself in a position where there are new women to talk to.
If you’re really strapped for time, you don’t have to set aside separate blocks to socialize. Integrate it into your daily life — during your lunch hour, while grabbing a coffee, or even while shopping for groceries. You can shorten your lunch by 10 minutes to talk to someone.
Ideally, this is where you want to get to anyway. Wherever you are in your daily life, when you see a woman you want to connect with, you have the courage to go for it.
8. It’s too late. I missed my chance.
Men often use this excuse when an attractive woman walks past them. They believe a woman being an extra few steps away changes everything.
To disprove that, I’ll often jog after those girls men say they missed out on. I’ll catch up to them, introduce myself, and if they’re interested — exchange numbers. I then walk back with my phone in hand and show my open-mouthed client.
As long as a woman’s still in your sight, you have a chance. Take it. She’s not going to know or care whether you came from 5 feet or 20 feet.
9. I don’t know what to say.
Good, you’re not supposed to when this is all new.
Too many men want to know how to have perfect conversations before they’ve even had one. You’re trying to guarantee a 100% success rate. Becoming competent at something isn’t just about preparing, but repeating the process over and over.
Pick up a new instrument? You’re going to sound awful unless you keep practicing. Starting your career? You’re going to make a lot of mistakes before you learn the ropes.
Eventually, I’ll give them a simple, direct introduction to use and nothing more. It’s not that I want them to fail, but rather to focus on the basics first. They need to get used to holding strong eye contact, relaxing their body language, and see that talking to an attractive woman is not a big deal.
Only then will they will naturally feel more comfortable in conversation. Then they can focus on how to be a more dynamic conversationalist.
I never want to hear this excuse again. Here are 5 examples you can start to practice with anyone, anywhere.
- “Excuse me. I saw you standing over here and I had to come introduce myself, I’m Name.”
- “Sweet shades/jacket/scarf.” *She says thanks* “I’m Name.” *extend hand*
- “Excuse me, I know this is completely random but I saw you drinking your coffee and was wondering if you’d like some company.”
- “I have to tell you — I love your style. What’s your name?” [standing next to her somewhere]
- “I know this is out of the blue, but I thought you were really cute and wanted to say Hi.”
You can always find excuses to talk yourself out of approaching. But they will do nothing for you. They won’t get you the woman you want, the confidence you desire, or the fulfillment you deserve.
Keep it simple. The only thing you need to ask yourself is…
“Do I find this person attractive?” If this answer is yes, then your only choice is to go talk to them.
Besides my friend, I’ve had two other clients invite me to their weddings this year — all because they randomly introduced themselves to a woman. That small decision forever changed their lives and it has the power to change yours.