How to Read Her Body Language and Flirt Smarter
Body language is the strongest indicator to calibrate flirting. It’s hardwired into our biology and always reveals how we feel.
If you can read a woman’s non-verbal cues, you can escalate an interaction smoothly and seamlessly.
You don’t need permission to begin flirting
The first question men ask me about flirting is…
“When should I start?”
Stop believing you need some obvious sign of approval or else you’ll miss out on many opportunities. Most women know if they’re attracted to you within five minutes. Yet the majority won’t start flirting until you do. They’ll wait for you to take the lead.
That’s why it’s best to assume that if she’s talking to you, she’s open to the idea of flirting with you. Flirting will help you gauge her reactions and determine whether or not she’s interested, sooner rather than later.
If you’re waiting to take action because you’re afraid of rejection, there’s no point. You are delaying the inevitable (good or bad) and setting yourself up for more hurt.
Show your intentions (flirt) early on, see how she’s responding (body language cues), and then adjust (calibrate) based on that.
Flirt -> Read Body Language -> Calibrate
This basic framework applies to all types of flirting — whether it’s through physical contact, compliments, or teases.
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Read her body language
I want you to be aware of these body language cues but don’t seek them out. The last thing you want to do is give her a genuine compliment and then stare at her intensely to see how she reacts. Just be conscious of them.
At first, they may be difficult to recognize. But with a bit of experience, you’ll be picking up on them with ease.
Proximity and Positioning
We gravitate towards people we feel comfortable with and are attracted to.
- She stays or moves closer when you move closer to her. Good
- She moves further away when you move closer to her. Bad
- She displays open body language to you – example: she turns and faces towards you with arms uncrossed. Good
- She displays closed body language to you – example: she turns and faces away from you and crosses her arms. Bad
- She leans into you while talking or listening. Good
- She moves or allows you to move into each other’s personal/intimate zones. This often indicates she is ready to be kissed. Good
Regular eye contact demonstrates attention and engagement.
- She makes eye contact and smiles from afar. Good
- She looks down or away nervously when you hold eye contact with her from afar (while smiling). Good
- She makes repeated eye contact and smiles from afar. This is a definite “approach me” signal. Good
- She holds consistent eye contact when talking to you. Good
- She breaks eye contact often, distractedly looks around, or makes little eye contact. Bad
Smiling and Laughter
Smiles and laughing are natural indicators of interest and approval. Unless of course…they’re laughing at you.
- She smiles often while talking to you. Good
- She rarely or never smiles while talking to you. Bad
- She has an upset, angry, or cold expression. Bad
- She laughs when you say something funny or tease her. Good
- She laughs even when you say something not that funny. Good
When a woman is attracted to a man, there are common physical cues she will display. They can be conscious or unconscious. These are positive signs unless she isn’t making any eye contact or seems distracted by them.
- She gently twirls or strokes her fingers through her hair. Good
- She pushes her hair back to expose her neck. Good
- She plays with her jewelry such as twisting her ring or touching her necklace. Good
- She rubs her fingers along objects such as the stem or rim of a glass. Good
- She runs her hands over erogenous zones such as neck, collarbone, wrist, or thighs. Good
- She incessantly taps her fingers or often checks her phone. This can be a sign of nervousness but is generally disinterest. Bad
Passion and excitement display happiness and even arousal.
- She sits up and becomes more attentive. Good
- She speaks with passion. Her volume and speed of conversation increases. The exception is if she’s angry or flipping out on you. Otherwise… Good
- Her facial expressions are animated when speaking — raised eyebrows and wide eyes. Good
- She uses hand gestures to express points or convey a story. Good
- She responds with one word or short answers. Bad
Arguably the strongest way to connect with others and show intention. We touch those closest to us. Studies show that physical contact establishes trust, affection, and attraction.
- She smiles, keeps talking, and her body looks relaxed when you touch her. Good
- She frowns or looks pissed off when you touch her. Bad
- She touches you back when you touch her. Good
- She pulls away or pushes you off when you touch her. Bad
- She touches you on her own (light brush, playful shove, leg against yours) Good
- She lets you keep your hand or leg on her. Good
Mirroring is an unconscious response where we mimic the actions of those we like. However, a lack of mirroring does not indicate a lack of attraction.
- You take a sip from your drink and she immediately follows. Good
- You lean back again the bar or wall and she does the same. Good
- You turn your body towards her and she faces you. Good
Calibrate to her responses
As you’re flirting, see how she reacts — “good” or “bad”. This will determine how to proceed. Typically, she’ll show multiple signs at once (laughing, sitting close, facing you, strong eye contact) that you can pick up on.
If you receive good responses, keep flirting with her. Continue showing your intentions mixed in with normal conversation.
You should progressively show more intention (escalate). As time goes on your questions become more personal and sexual, statements become more forward and bold, and touches more intimate.
If you receive bad responses, temporarily ease up on the flirting – such as teasing, touching, and sexual innuendos.
Many times when a woman responds negatively to an advance, she’s not telling you off permanently. She may be shy, caught off-guard, or not comfortable with you yet. Building rapport and strengthening the connection will show your consideration of her feelings and comfort level.
After a few minutes, you can initiate flirting again. If she still responds negatively, you may be better off walking away. My rule of thumb is if you get 2-3 consecutive bad responses, she’s probably not interested. And if she sternly tells you at any moment to stop touching her, I advise you to listen.
Calibrating your romantic advances takes practice and time to learn. You’re dealing with unique individuals in unique situations. But while nothing is absolute, these guidelines are a tried and true foundation.
If you aren’t listening to her body, you’re not actually listening.
Want my personal 1-on-1 help to implement what you’ve just learned? I work with guys just like you to magnetically attract women, increase their confidence, and become the man girls really want.