7 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

July 29th, 2014 by Nick Notas 69 Comments

Sure it is ;)

Sometimes women will be direct and tell you when they’re not interested. Most of the time, however, they’re much more subtle. This unfortunately causes many men to chase women that they shouldn’t waste their time on.

You can try to rationalize why girls are denying your advances and ignoring you. You can think, “There must be some other reason why things aren’t going anywhere.” You probably have a hard time accepting that a woman’s just not interested.

And when you finally realize the truth, you refuse to let go. You try everything in your power to change a woman’s mind. But by the time you’re getting the cold shoulder, it’s usually too late. A woman knows early on whether or not she’s attracted to you.

When a woman wants a man, she won’t let him slip away so easily. She’s going to invest in him. She’s not going to say, “I like this guy so much. I should dodge him, not hang out, and frustrate the hell out of him!”

It’s time you take the hint. Stop wasting energy on women who aren’t really interested. The amount of emotional turmoil you put yourself through just isn’t worth it.

She doesn’t return your texts or calls

There are times when you get a girl’s number and reach out, only to have no response. Or you might message a girl, she briefly responds, and then suddenly…radio silence.

So you start scrambling for a way to get a reply. You blame your own lame texting skills or hope, “Maybe she didn’t get my messages.” In almost all of my experiences as a coach and as a man: she got your messages and is choosing not to respond. If a girl really likes a guy, she’s going to maintain communication.

I can also almost guarantee that the problem wasn’t your texting. It’s because you didn’t make a strong enough connection in person when you met her. Because if you had, she’d be giving you something to work with now. I’ve seen guys have terrible remote communication but because they sparked a connection in-person, the girl will still engage them over text.

It’s nearly impossible to build attraction or make a women suddenly feel something for you over phone or chat. Next time, work on your in-person communication. It’ll be that much easier to have a girl reply with excitement and to get her out again.

She never commits to hanging out 1-on-1

Rejection through excuses

Once you’re talking to a girl, this is the most common form of rejection. You will try to make plans and she won’t give you a solid “yes” or offer a time when she’s available. She’ll always say “we’ll see…” or that she’s not sure when she’s free next.

With online dating, some women will keep saying, “I’d like to get to know you more first.” This can happen even after you’ve been chatting for weeks. That usually means she enjoys your attention but isn’t interested enough to actually meet up.

If you’ve tried 2 or 3 times to get a girl out with no success, leave future interactions up to her. She clearly knows you want to hang out. She can reach out to you if she changes her mind.

She cancels on plans multiple times

I understand unexpected occurrences happen. So if a woman tells you she had an emergency come up, give her the benefit of the doubt. But if she changes her mind on 2 or 3 occasions, she’s not serious about hanging out with you.

This is especially true if she cancels last minute (within the hour) or doesn’t show up at all. In those instances, move on. Women take time to get ready. They don’t all of a sudden realize 30 minutes before your date that they can’t make it. And if she blows you off without giving warning, she clearly doesn’t respect your time.

She started seeing another guy or has gotten engaged

Forget trying to win over women who are with other men. I usually hear this from two types of guys:

1. Men who try to get their ex’s back.

2. Men who obsess over a girl they’ve never/barely talked to.

In both scenarios, you feel a sense of loss. You go into damage control mode and try to convince her to choose you.

For #1, you broke up for a reason. And if she’s with someone else, she’s choosing him. Once you’ve made it clear that you still want her, it’s up to her to make a decision. Remember this quote from Swingers, “You can’t do anything to make her want to come back. In fact, you can only do stuff to make her not want to come back.”

For #2, you’re putting this girl on a pedestal. You don’t know her, even if you believe you do. You’re projecting what you want her to be. She’s a real person with her own values, insecurities, and baggage. Drop the false image and find someone you can truly get to know.

She explicitly tells you she has a boyfriend

When a woman you approach or talk to denies your advances due to having a boyfriend, accept it. That’s not some secret sign that she wants you to pursue her.

Don’t try to say you want to be friends while hoping she’ll change her mind. That’s just desperate and not being a real friend. You can only be her friend when you’re ready to be a friend with no ulterior motives.

Why not build a platonic relationship with her and have her introduce you to her friends, become part of her social circle, or go out socializing together?

She repeatedly says or implies she just wants to be friends

Ahh, the classic “friend zone”. Maybe you really like this girl but she’s always seen you as a friend. In fact, she drops hints regularly. Whether that’s talking about how good of a friend you are, telling you she doesn’t want to ruin what you have, or straight-up rejecting your advances. She may even talk about other guys she’s interested in or hooking up with.

Stop trying to convince her logically that she should be with you. Attraction doesn’t work that way. Stop doing things for her expecting her to sleep with you in return — that’s manipulative. Stop spending all your time with her hoping one day she’ll see how amazing you are instead of meeting other girls. And stop guilt-tripping or flipping out on her when she chooses another guy.

These are all needy behaviors. Those actions are not going to make her think about what a great catch you are. They’ll do the exact opposite.

The best way to be seen as a high-value man is to become a high-value man.

Build an engaging lifestyle that makes you happy. Develop your social circle. Work on your health and fitness. Dress like a sexy mofo. Learn how to approach and attract new women in any environment. Be more assertive and don’t keep hiding about your romantic intentions with women. Otherwise, you’ll always lie your way to the “friend zone”.

These aren’t tactics to make your friend crawl back to you. This is to get over her and realize how many other incredible opportunities are out there.

She says she’s going to break up with her boyfriend but doesn’t

I see this all the time. A girl is unsatisfied with her current relationship so she begins talking to you. She’ll hang out with you, flirt with you, and even hook up with you. She talks about how unhappy she is in her relationship and how she’s planning to end it.

But actions speak louder than words. The women who cheat on their partners and talk about how miserable they are usually are the ones who won’t pull the trigger. The serious ones break up with their boyfriends before cheating on them.

These women are using you to fill the void in their relationships. And as long as they have that, they won’t change their situation. They may even be doing it to get attention from their boyfriend. Eventually, they go back to their man and “try to reconcile” because they have a history together.

If you really want a relationship with this woman, let her know it can only be with you. Don’t make it an ultimatum but a statement of truth. The rest is up to her.

Plus, do you really want to start a relationship with her cheating? If she did it with him, she can do it with you.

Why chase a person who doesn’t really want you? What does that say about your own value and self-respect?

A quality person doesn’t just desperately want anyone for a partner. They want someone who is just as invested as they are.

“Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option.” – Maya Angelou

Need some advice? I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this alone. If you’d like a step-by-step, tailored approach to magnetically attract women and become a more confident, high-value man, let’s have a free, 100% confidential consultation call (up to 30 minutes) to discuss how we can work together.  Schedule your free strategy session here.

  1. Karl on July 29, 2014

    Ok but why do women do this stuff? Why can’t they just say they aren’t interested? That’s what makes me mad.

    • Nick Notas on July 29, 2014

      I know it can be frustrating but it’s usually not malicious. They do it to protect themselves. Many women have tried rejecting men only to be verbally insulted, attacked, or even threatened. So instead they use more subtle methods.

      • Johnathan on December 6, 2016

        Hey Nick I was asking a girl out using her work email address and she says let’s keep it professional what does she mean?

    • Mike on March 5, 2015

      I just had a questIon recently a woman at my job found out I liked her so one day we talked and she asked me was I the one who said she was beautiful I said yes so she proceeded to tell me that she was in a relationship but it wasn’t that serious and maybe we could exchange numbers and get to know each now when we see each other at work she doesn’t say much or sometime nothing at all I don’t say much either is she just trying to let me down easy or should I ask for her number ?

      • Ryan on April 8, 2015

        Try asking her to a cup of coffe out of work

        • Tim on June 27, 2015

          The fact that she said she’s in a relationship and is open to meeting with you is already a big red flag. If she does this to the “other guy” she can do it to you. I say ignore her till she breaks up and is mature and ready. Let her reach out to you.

          I do have a different question. This girl I was talking to has ADHD. She told me plus I saw a social media conversation where her girlfriend asked about the pics she posted, getway with family. The girl said “you should have come”. The friend said “you never responded back to let me know the location”. The girl just clicked “like”. So I know there is a part of her that is forgetful. BUT, there is another part that hurts me. She says “yes let’s meet for coffe on monday, 6:00, annanville caffe. Then she shows up and I’m genuinly kind to her and ask how she is doing(not being a wuss). I offer her a seat and she says “actually my friend is here and she is having pre-marriage problems.” I was thinking “WTH!? you should have told me to rescheudule, but maybe you sincerly forgot” She goes on to say “we can meet this week(ok) whenever you in the area” Again I’m thinking (what the heck!? your giving me specifics so that’s good, but then you say I have to go out of my way to visit your area and hope you have free time and if not I have to drive back home?” I was so shocked and furious. I’m sure she could see it in my face. This I feel bad about. I asked her if she wanted to schedule a specific date and time. She didn’t want to. I just said “ok” and she said “thanks” and walked away with her head down. She and her friend talked for 5 min then left. She softly said, what I understood her to say “Goodbye Tim” I looked at her(still shocked, pissed and hurt) and didn’t say anything. My friends have said not to contact her till she contacts me. My question is why would she give details and then decided not to? This is similar to the blog but here she is offering details but doesn’t want to set a date and time.
          Looking back I know when I orginally asked her if she wanted to keep in touch and she said “yeah when ever you want to reach out” But I told her text and phone are not good ways to do so. She agreed to 1-1 and then gave a date, time, location. Then she does this?(above)

          • Aaron on December 26, 2015

            Ummm, yeah Tim. Don’t even bother with her anymore. If you had read this guys entire column them you would’ve seen the great advice he gave saying something along the lines of how if a girl wants to hang out with you/talk to you/date you, and if she knows you’re interested in her, then you bet your ass that she will be texting you/hanging out with you/dating you.
            Girls are very pushy and almost always pursue what they want.
            This girl had a perfect opportunity to hang out with you and get to know you and she blew you off however she could by having her friend save her from hanging out with you.
            I know that hurts, but seriously dude, let this one go. I promise you, she does not want you and she never will want you.
            I see you posted this 6 months ago and my reply is probably irrelevant now, but remember it for future encounters.

          • Bryan on February 2, 2016

            She’s not interested in you (and it’s not your fault neither is it hers). And it doesn’t sound like she’s worth the time. Move on bro. Build your career, attend meetups, learn new things.

      • Aaron on December 26, 2015

        She doesn’t like you. Whether she did at first or not is irrelevant. If she did them she changed her mind.
        Bottom line is that if a girl likes you, no matter what, she will make attempts to let you know. Especially if she knows that you like her.
        If she isn’t taking to you and isn’t texting you or calling you then she isn’t interested and you should just leave it alone. Don’t make an ass out of yourself.
        And, more importantly, if she actually said that her relationship wasn’t going well and that you should exchange numbers, then she should’ve given you her number right then and there. Did she? If not then she didn’t mean it and has no intention of doing so. If she did give you her number and she has yours then it’s quite simple, did you text/call her? Did she text/call you?
        If you did attempt to contact her, did she respond?? That’s all very important because that will tell you exactly where you stand.
        If she didn’t respond or if she did and didn’t say much and is being distant, then she wants nothing to do with you.
        If you don’t have her number at all then she wants nothing to do with you.
        One more thing…it almost sounds like she is bothered by you or even a little scared of you. Ignoring you at work, not even looking at you.
        Sorry but that’s not her being shy, its her trying to avoid you.
        If she liked you, this would not happen. It almost seems as though maybe you did get her number and text her too much. Maybe she didn’t reply to you or didn’t reply soon enough. I don’t know. But it seems like that.
        Sorry to say this, but she wants nothing to do with you.
        Don’t take it as a bad thing. Take it as a good thing. Its not meant to be. Don’t ever try to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you. Its pointless, won’t happen, and you just end up hurting yourself more in the end.
        Good luck to you.

    • Carrie on January 2, 2016

      I feel ya. At the same token I am one and I don’t know. We don’t mean to make guys mad. We are the “feelings” species in the human race. We are afraid of hurting your feelings or egos and it’s hard to just say hey I’m not interested. I think I’ve even tried saying that before only to open up a can of worms to an endless debate after that it sucks

    • d81 on February 27, 2016

      She wants you to be a better person. A woman loves all the men in her life not just her number one sexual partner. She wants more men in her life for more security and protection and also because the men all have different things to offer her improving the quality of her life. Theres nothing to stop you seeing multiple women until you enter an exclusive relationship in which you both follow agreed upon rules.

    • John Doe on July 9, 2016

      They come from an emotional perspective, they don’t want to out right reject a guy, hurt his feelings and then have him blow up at her. It’s the female way of trying to avoid an awkward or intimidating situation.

  2. Jake on July 29, 2014

    I get stuck on trying to hang out 1 on 1. What’s a good way to casually suggest it when you’ve only hung out in friend groups so far without creeping her out?

    • Nick Notas on July 29, 2014

      First, you need to stop worrying about “creeping her out” by simply inviting her to hang out. If she’s even remotely interested in you, she’ll want to spend 1-on-1 time together. You don’t need to tip-toe around asking her.

      Text her, have a couple of lighthearted messages, and suggest something. Bonus points if it’s something you both have showed interest in. That could be coffee, drinks, going for a hike, going to the museum, seeing a show, or a dozen other options. Reference my article on first date plans for more ideas.

    • Sam on April 4, 2016

      Just ask them, you have to be honest I find the best way to find out if some one is interested in you is to outright ask them

  3. Jeff on July 29, 2014

    Thank you very much of all the helpful advice! I fear that I have wasted the past month on a girl who just liked the attention, and isn’t actually interested. I have reached out and she has been wishy washy, so I have decided to reach out and invite her out one more time, and if that fails I will move on and spend my time more wisely.

    • Nick Notas on July 29, 2014

      You’re very welcome Jeff. That sounds like the best plan of action.

  4. Rich on July 29, 2014

    Thank you for this Nick. What you wrote about putting her on a pedestal really finally hit home for me after I had been basically obsessing over someone. It wasn’t healthy and I knew it, but I’d make excuses for her and the respect she had for me was gone. It’s sad and I hate to admit it. Thank you.

    • Nick Notas on July 30, 2014

      You’re welcome Rich. I’m glad it struck a chord with you.

      Don’t think of it as sad, we’ve all been there. It’s those experiences that help us grow so we don’t make the same mistakes.

  5. René on July 30, 2014

    Hah, that last one basically describes my last encounter perfectly.

    I didn’t listen to those that told me otherwise and kept on doing it for a LONG time. Every time I would bring up the subject up, that she should take action, she’d get pissed and say I was pressuring her despite only doing it once every few months (if at that). Needless to say, things ended badly for me.

    • Nick Notas on August 4, 2014

      Sorry to hear that. But at least you gained a valuable lesson. Plus, you probably had some good times, right?

  6. ewyn on July 31, 2014

    I approach this girl & she says she would love to hangout & i got her number.

    I thought she was interested. She briefly responds my texts, and now she’s on radio silence. I thought it was my texting skills or maybe she’s busy working.

    But, i was wrong. What i learned was i didn’t make a strong enough connection in person when i met her.

    • Nick Notas on August 4, 2014

      It happens to the best of us. Focus on making the best in-person connection you can next time.

  7. Chris on August 3, 2014

    Excellent post … time to stop the stalker-ish behavior gentlemen!

  8. Nik on August 8, 2014

    Excellent post. Good timing. Met a woman last Saturday, thought we hit it off. Had a few texts afterwards but her replies were usually hours or a day later, short, and unengaging. Felt the turmoil mentioned in the opener and had been thinking about letting it go. – – The article confirmed it.

  9. zachary on March 1, 2015

    I know this isn’t exactly what the subject is about but should I let my girlfriend know if someone else is interested in me?

    • Gary Lee on March 15, 2015

      What purpose could letting her know that possibly serve. Unless to make her jealous for some reason and even that’s not a good way to go about it.

    • Aaron on December 26, 2015

      Of course not! If you’re interested in making her jealous then that’s probably the worst possible way to go about doing so.
      In fact, she will probably realize that you are attempting to make her jealous and/or trying to get a reaction out of her and that could be disastrous! Not to mention it’s completely childish and foolish.
      Obviously that’s what you’re trying to do here because if you weren’t then you would have the answer to that question automatically.

  10. Michael on March 4, 2015

    What if I ask a girl out on Friday and she says she can’t make it, and does not offer to reschedule?

    • Gary Lee on March 15, 2015

      If she doesn’t counter with an alternate date, she’s not into it. Simple answer!

  11. Gary Lee on March 15, 2015

    Yup, been dealing with this girl for 3 months. I’m a bit out of practice with all this dating stuff I’m afraid. Anyway I definitely made some of these mistakes and blew it with her. I took back control today though and cut her loose. I feel a loss to some extent, but I feel a great relief more than anything. All the things Nick has wrote here are gospel and if you’ll all just work at and learn them your game will improve 10 fold. Glad I got to spend the last few months with this girl! It was a great wake up call for me and I won’t make these mistakes again. I guarantee it. And any if you out there that feel as if you’ve wasted your time? Your only wasting your time if you go out and make the same bone headed moves again. So don’t do it!

  12. Gary Lee on March 15, 2015

    Live and learn…

  13. Erick on April 4, 2015

    Hi Nick! Came across your blog in search of an answer coz this kind of situation is annoying. So here’s the situation, I’ve been attracted to this girl for two years now but didn’t really make any moves, it’s just this year and I don’t know why, I decided to make some subtle moves to somehow make her feel that I like her. We work in the same company but in different departments, I walked by her office for a week just to say hi and have small conversations with her and her close friend and started texting her, I would usually text her two days after the previous text, she would reply usually after 10minutes, and all were long, funny texts then suddenly she doesn’t reply, it’s been a couple of days already and I could see her on Facebook liking posts. So, should I just stop texting her and should I also stop dropping by her office? Looking forward to your reply. Thank you!

    • Kendyl Brown on May 9, 2015

      That’s tough to hear.. I might not be the guy that you want to hear, but I do have some advice for you. Listen , there are golden rules women have, and one of the golden rules is to have the men, such as yourself, go and chase after them because they expect for you do that. But, there is a downturn because you don’t want to push your luck and over do it. So gradually, stop by her office every once in awhile, or offer her a coffee. And if she continues to ignore you, that simply means she’s either interested in someone else, or she’s not into you.

  14. Jess Gryzybinsky on April 6, 2015

    This article totally describes, to a T what I’ve gone through. Step by step. It really is a hard thing to go through because our self image and ego really gets impacted by both: the acquisition of someone/something we like, as well as getting rejected by that thing.

    At the end of the day,all of the advice given here is spot on. I’ve heard it said that “it’s not about finding the right person, it’s about being the right person.” Are you being the right person when you’re needy, wallowing in self pity, or unable to accept rejection?

    Of course the answer is no. Time heals all. And timing is something you can’t control. Control your thoughts, expectations, and speech patterns. You’ll realize how mighty you really are and that you can have so much more/better by someone who is craving your time, not considering you as an option.

    I’ve had 4 crushes in my entire life. The first was in love with someone else (and pursuing them) the second was in love with someone else with a relationship on the down trail, the third was in a relationship for 2.5 years (just like what was mentioned), relationship on a down trail, but me spending exorbitant amount of time with her . Dates, movies, concerts, bars, restaurants, met family, she met mine, and everyone thought we were together while simultaneously knowing she had a man, even slept in the same bed together, but I actively chose not to do anything out of respect. That one was the hardest to let go to be honest, but I did it. The 4th is one I met through a friend, inquired about her, got her info, pursued, and went on a (sorta) date with. I played it cool, had a good time, did some fun things together that day, drove her home, and just genuinely had a good time. With intermittent contact in between a couple of weeks (not seeming needy), i finally ask her if she wants to hang out again, and she says she just started seeing someone. I was a little blindsided and upset, but kept it cool and decided to just let it go. About 9 months later I find out they broke up because of all sorts of craziness… In my head i’m like “so you chose this dude over me…wow.” Several months later after that I send her a text just to say hello,how’s it going. My final text to her referenced a tidbit of the last time we hung out (she beat me in pool like 6 times), just to be friendly and cordial. She didn’t respond.

    Long story short, I was upset, but I got the message. I’ve since seen her on two occasions after that, but have decided that if we play the game again, I”m not initiating. I refuse to be an option or consolation prize, especially if the decency isn’t there to return a simple text (she historically was slow to text in general conversation, not just that one time. The last time just set it off.)

    Our mutual friend(s) know we’re both single and ask questions like “are you sure you don’t want to try again” but as I said, I’m no one’s consolation prize. Don’t be one either.

    Build your body, build your reputation, build your mind. Be excited about being better. I know summer is coming (again) and clothes start coming off and everyone wants to be their best and match up with someone. Just match up with yourself and make it happen.

  15. scomak on April 9, 2015

    There is a girl that i met ,she showed interest in me .Every time i met her in a house party ,she talks to me looking straight in the eyes .Some times she will say to me “I want to see how crazy you are “.One day we kissed deeply .Since after we kissed she has been playing hard to get .She told me once ,she is not cheap and she is not a type of girl who sleeps around with guys .And she thinks am a player because i have good interaction with girls and girls most often show attension to me .
    I have tried to made advancement by inviting her out ,but she kept turning it down and suggesting another day .She told me ,she keeps to her promises and she will make it up .But takes 3days now for her to reply my text .She flirts with me in person and by text .
    When ever i happen to meet with her ,i could feel she is interested in me ,but do not understand why she enjouse playing games of mystery .
    Am confuse if to move on or persevere .

    • Anon on May 19, 2015

      She sounds like shes been hurt before,maybe a little crazy or both. Its likely she likes you and is maybe just scared things went too fast. Acknowlege things already happened (she already kissed you, flirts with you and is attracted) somehow try to keep communication open/be more disarming. If girls flirt with you while shes talking to you, for example, even subtile distracted energy might seem like a red flag to her you wouldnt otherwise notice. If shes scared of intimacy or has issues with trust/guilt it may be harder to get and stay close to her. Youll have to decide if you want that, but it sounds like the problem iant attraction.

  16. Ali on May 11, 2015

    I’ve met a girl over a dating site and we’ve been talking for a month now we are both from different countries we always Skype till the morning and we really enjoy our conversation i felt she really likes me, if i text her she replies fast and she’s the one who always ask me to Skype, so she decided to have a vacation to my county for two weeks, i was very happy when i heard her saying that and i had many plans to give her a tour around, but recently she told me that she’s worried and i asked her to tell me then i was shocked when she told me that she wants to meet another guy and she’s like i can meet you on a day time because that guy have work in the morning.

    i didn’t freak out and i acted like nothing happened and i told her its your vacation you need to enjoy it, this ain’t about me its about you having a good time,but she was like i feel awful I’m not good person.

    i closed Skype and i blocked her from my what’s up, the thing is i don’t understand i was so good to her plus i didn’t see anything bad from her side and all the impressions she gave me was positive, i really felt I’m her guy but didn’t expect all these time forcing my self to stay awake all night, we talk till the morning i don’t know when did she have enough time to talk with other guy, i feel i wasted all my time and energy on that girl i did not stay around because i don’t want to be a backup plan for her.

    • Paul on May 4, 2016

      It’s really sad bro just move on with your life and find someone else

  17. Dave on September 21, 2015

    Hi, I met this girl at a different state during my visit about 5-6 months ago. Since then we’ve always kept in touch through sms only.

    Finally, she text me out of no where saying “I am just thinking about you,” I got excited and I decided to invite her over, all at my own expenses.

    First night, she won’t even hold or kiss me after she text me once that she “likes kissing.” At the restaurant I took her to, she was straight out flirting with the waiter, and was advising me to bring my dates here “Friend Zone!”

    Second day, I took her out and she never stopped saying I’ve been here/there before and wouldn’t even hold my hands at the public, more like she doesn’t want to be seen with me. Also, she met up with her friends without asking me first.But as a charming gentle man which I am, I acted cool.In fact, same day I had to canceled a ticket for an event we are suppose to go, because my friend had us over at their place and she said she would rather chill with my friends.

    When we got back to my place that night, I tried to at least get closer to her, she straight out rejected me. Then I became curious, I asked why the rejection she said she is basically “abstaining from sex,” but instead of arguing because I wouldn’t want any irrelevant trouble at my place. I asked why she didnt tell me about it before I get into all now she said “why didn’t I ask?” I felt like why would I be covering up all this expenses for just a friend to come spend nights at my place without being interested in her in a different way.

    Anyways, her reactions totally contradicted all our previous text messages. Next day, she woke up and she acted like the conversations that we had night before never existed.She asked if am still going to take her to see her relatives that lives 1hr30mins from me. At that point, I told her sorry I don’t think I can, so she left, and never call or text.

    But then taken the kind of person that I am, I felt a little unhappy about the whole thing. So, I was wondering where do you think I went wrong in the whole senero? Do you think she could be lying? Or she’s more like an opportunist? Does she really worth the time? Right now, I felt like I gambled and lost terrible, losing sucks you!

    • Larry on January 23, 2016

      I feel for your situation..whenever us guys give a woman our best side and they treat us like crap: we take our medicine and remember….I did it because I’m genuine. I’ll never do it again. There are so many chicks out there who will screw me and PaY me to do IT! Hold out for those chicks. Lesson learned.

  18. Danny on November 11, 2015

    I have a very confusing situation here, I’ve been friends with this girl for 9 years and I finally realized 5 years ago that I started liking her, so about 3 months ago I finally confessed my feelings for her, only for her to say that we will only be friends. Its confusing though because she was telling our other friends, she was waiting for me to ask her out so we could into a relationship, which lead me to confessing my true feelings for her. I got turned down and about a month later she says “guess what” so I reply “what”, she says “I got a boyfriend now” I was furious but I played it cool with her. It turns out she met this guy from online gaming about 1 year and a half ago. She was telling everyone that she couldn’t be with me, because I play too many video games, when in reality he plays as much video games as me. Its just hard for me because we have always been close now I’m angry and depressed at the same time, as well I’m just confused and I’m thinking how could she be so cruel, I’m starting to hate her now but I don’t wanna hate her. I’m just a nice guy looking for the right girl, unfortunately I thought I had found her, but it feels like she was just playing with my emotions. Now I feel lost, I need to make a decision I’m thinking about ending our friendship, as it will help me over her. What do you think I should do?

  19. Stuart Tan on December 3, 2015

    So there is this girl that i really like, and my friend dared me to message her saying she’s beautiful. So i did and remember i have not talked to her before. She saw my msg a day later and thanked me. Then i started a conversation (that was our first conversation) online. On that same day i got her number, we started texting a lot and my friend dared me to ask her out like to hang out. So i asked her, and she said, “yeah, i’d like that :)” days gone by, and we’ve been texting. We haven’t talked in person yet. Sometimes she engages a conversation with me online by saying “hey”, sometimes i engage. When we first met and talked in person, i kinda made it just a little awkward. But she still engages conversation with me. When i was about to go overseas she wishes me to enjoy my flight and my stay at that country. The following day when i arrived she asked me how was that country. And then we kept on talking and we’ve been talking everyday but recently i noticed that the way she replies changed or she takes awhile to reply. Is it because of my topic in the conversation? Or is it because i’m not giving her space because we’ve been talking everyday? HELP ME! I really like her. One day she told her friends that me and her are hanging out sometime next month. She told her friends that its not a date but it could turn into one. She also said that she wants to see if me and her “click” Is that a good thing? Help me out please answer those 2 questions

  20. nicole on December 13, 2015

    I was messing 37th this guy off and on for four yrs. He let me go over stupid things all the time did nt understand why then when it don’t work out 27th me he go get a na

  21. nicole on December 13, 2015

    I was messing with this guy off and on for four yrs. He let me go over stupid things all the time did nt understand why then when it don’t work out with me he go get a back up girl that don’t work he come back to me. Wa think of each other then he say he miss me then later we apart again and I really don’t mess with a new person. After our in 2015 I’m on my last card try see will anything change it don’t. He mess around don’t tell He with another woman. If u with some one else in at peace im not gonna act crazy. I just wanna no I lay off. Keep it from me not helping. I just start losing feelings I for first time to him I’m ready to move on. And mean it. He can stay away and I stop try call him. I rather be friends what you think the problem is

  22. Naomi on December 15, 2015

    How do you know women so well. You are so completely accurate about everything in this piece. I loved reading this. You are a geniuos. I wish i could scream wverything you said in this at my guy friends who have these problems and to the people who just cant take the hint. Thanks for writing!

  23. chizee cool on December 25, 2015

    If a girl promise to text you and she never did. And it’s keep happening every time… What do you think about it?

  24. Paul C on December 29, 2015

    I’m in my thirties, recently separated and have been seeing this girl on and off for two weeks. She has a boyfriend. I fetched her from the airport the other night, she said she missed me, and she hugged and kissed me on the cheek. While together, we were at high spirits, as per usual.. laughing and teasing.

    I didn’t know how we got into discussing this but she asked me what I wanted out of what we had: did I want myself to be her “other boyfriend”, or did I want her to be my mistress. She said she’s not comfortable thinking that people (her boyfriend) might get hurt. She said she might need time to know where I’d stand (with her hand gesturing wide and pointing in between).

    But the fun and teasing continued after that. I’d normally kiss her lips before dropping her off and she would normally text me not to do that again, but it still happens every time anyway.
    That night we kissed with her eyes closed, longer and passionately..

    On the way, she said she would text me that night.. when she got out of the car she said.. “smile.”

    It’s been two days that I haven’t heard from her yet… Please advise…

  25. John on January 8, 2016

    I’m extremely confused there’s this girl in school i used to like her when she first transferred so i used to try and talk to her but then i stopped once she told someone else she had a boyfriend but she said it loud enough so i could hear. I accepted that and left her alone but when we’re in class i act like the class clown and she always tell me to shut up and that she dont like me then we just go from being mad at each other to talking about random stuff. Then i start to remember that she has a boyfriend so i just end our conversations by saying a one word answer like oh cool wow then we get back to work
    Sometimes i would be clowning around with my friends and she would tell me to shut up and say she’s going to slap me if i dont then. We just talk then she gets up and stands over me and says come on get up we gon fight and i be like she has a boyfriend just ignore her and it kept going like that for a couple of days and thats when Christmas break came and we didnt get to see each other for a while and everytime i seen her i tried to pick up a conversation and quit caring that she had a boyfriend but i told myself I’m not going to go out with her or nothing we can just be friends so i started messing with her and everytime we stopped talking someone whould bring up something about her boyfriend and stuff so i would be like ok she has a boyfriend everybody should know that. Then today my teacher had gave me 2 packs of kik kats and i started passing them out until i only had one pack left and she asked me for some so i gave her some and we left for class then the teacher put us in a group together and she said she’s not going to be mean to me because i gave her some chocolate and i was thinking in my head like thats some rapist stuff it made me feel like a 90 year old pervert or something so i was like o.k. Then she just started randomly talking about stuff she was going to do with her boyfriend and kept on saying my boyfriend said this and did that and i was thinking like does she know i dont like her no more why is she telling me this and i just sat there for about 5 mins with a poker face like when is she going to quit bringing him up i dont want to go out with her. Then thats when i thought mabey i should get some candy out so i took it out then she asked me for some and i said i only got 3 and she got mad and cursed me out and wouldnt talk or help us out in the group so i just started thinking like why is she mad anyway she’s the one who keeps thinking im trying to date her so its not my fault i just wanted to be friends and she keeps on bringing up her boyfriend like im flurting with her or something

  26. d.l. on January 14, 2016

    Here’s my deal, took this girl out on a date when she was in between a break from her boy friend at the time, we hit it off but she eventually went back man, this was 8 years ago fast forward to today, I have since married and gotten divorced and so did she. I ran into hit exchanged numbers and I finally took her out on a second date 8 years later lol. Here’s the deal, she already said we’re gonna go on another date, she is on the phone all day everyday for her work, I really like her, I text her and get a few texts back and forth then she shuts off, I work night shift she works days. She has sent me texts while I’m sleeping so when I get up I have something from her. I’ve tried to call her a few times but she never returns my calls…don’t know what to think or get a read on her…she made the move to kiss me at the end of our recent date as well….

  27. mike on February 1, 2016

    OK.Try this one. Connected with this woman on a dating site. She is BIG on being a successful business owner, and, BIG on how most men are intimidated by “her success”. Seems she has a history of dating men 10 years younger [we are same age] and less successful than she is “less than”. I am at or above her level.

    2-3 emails lead to 2 lengthy (2+hrs ea) phone calls – she calls me; followed by a “coffee date” on Saturday that lasts 2.5 hours. She notices and points out that I drive her “next car”, Mercedes SL 500. She also makes a point of stating that I am “really confidant”.

    She tells me we should go out the next Saturday night. Then she tells me to call her during the week to talk, if I want. I purposely do NOT kiss her when we part. I call her Monday night, she ducks the call, I leave a message. Tuesday morning she sends me a text canceling the date Saturday night and blowing me off for good. I respond telling her blowing someone off, by text, is really bad form, and, I am sorry that she does not believe she deserves better than a “less than”. I thought she did.

    NEVER had a wacko act this way before. Have had my share of “low interest”/ no chemistry types. These do NOT last longer than 30 min. Trying to figure out what the hell happened between Sat and Mon. Thoughts???

  28. Henry on February 12, 2016

    I had a girlfriend whom i loved somuch and she loved me too(i believe). We are workmates, we were almost 1 year in a realationship of which she broke up with me. She blocked e and avoided anything to do with me. After some days,.she told me she still loves me and she cant get oder me. So i let her back and we started to hookup again. After 1week she broke up again with me and told me she loves another guy. Is it true she loves another guy or she is just playing with me? Will she come back?

  29. SRI on February 16, 2016

    Hey Nick! This girl, her friend n I, my friend hung out Friday for hours. We knew each other for about 3 weeks. We had plans for saturday and Sunday to go to a place n beach. She didn’t show up for the Saturday one with no message on times and stuff. Replied late in the night saying it’s a headache. She didn’t show up as I expected she wouldn’t on Sunday too. Never replied to messages n returned calls. Replied late in the evening, asking how was I doing n she was still not feeling well and that she went to a museum in the morning. I understood that she is not into me on Saturday. Can I text her back? If yes, will I be an idiot to still be friends with her when she clearly doesn’t respect my time. What’s to be done now?

  30. Chris on February 20, 2016

    Just had something similar.
    Met a girl, went out, got on. She said she’d like to see me again.
    She got in touch and asked me out, then she cancelled.
    Then she said she didn’t want to see me again, on the grounds I had a dog and couldn’t take her on holidays. So I left it.
    A few weeks passed then I get a random message from her, saying she’s seeing someone.
    Next day she, starts asking me out for dinner, then The day after that, she got I. Touch to see if I wanted to go to a club. I had to remind her she was seeing someone and it wasn’t right.

  31. DVI on February 23, 2016

    I had a woman, went out on a first date. I was excited to meet her again. After the first date we texted back and forth a bit. After that I asked if I could call her. She said yes, so I asked her out on a second date. The day before I told her the exact time we would meet and she even texted me yes. Then several hours go by and I receive a text saying that she is trying to make it work with someone else and she would be really upset if this guy was seeing someone else. It is what is is, but It begs the question why they even contacted me after the first date in the first place and strung me along like that. Wouldn’t it be logical to not respond, or to say it after the first date, and not the day before I had made plans? I felt the least she could have done was called to tell me, but of course I got texted. I have other women I can date and all she did was waste my time.

  32. Josh on February 27, 2016

    Any ideas for my situation?
    Been seeing this girl for about 6 months like once a week or once in two weeks, because me and she were quite busy with university and work stuff. I met her family, spend Christmas with her family and everything looked fine. When we stared seeing each other she said thats she wasn’t ready for serious relationship, because how far as I know something bad happened in her previous long term relationship.
    Anyway. . I felt like something wasn’t right and I message her asking if she was still interested in me. And she said that blablabla she’s not into serious relationship and in her opinion we should stop what we are doing and just be friends (awkward in my opinion, but she’s a lovely girl overall) . We had a similar conversation few months ago. So I kind of agreed that we should stop for now or ever and last few days were quite depressing for me. Should I message her and ask her to meet me and have a chat or any other ways to fix it? Or is it finished?

  33. Aaron on March 18, 2016

    So there’s this girl who I met on a dating site. We hung out 1 on 1 once, but I knew beforehand that she had to go away soon for training. We seemed to hit it off and she said that I could be someone she could be friends with, and *maybe* more. Following that, she said that she’d be willing to write letters to me (since she couldn’t have her phone), and she did. For weeks until she came back, we wrote letters to each other. It wasn’t my thing, but I got used to it, even found it cute. In one of my letters I told her that eventually I would have to leave for Army training myself, but not for several more months, and she replied with something along the lines that we would then have to hang out more before I leave.
    Now that she’s back, we messaged each other for a bit, and then, radio silence. We were gonna watch a movie at the theaters, which she agreed to, and after asking her what time and day, she hasn’t responded. I decided to be a bit more forward and saying I already bought my ticket (she said I could choose the day and time), and provided a link for her to buy her ticket. Almost a week later, no response, but I got the notification saying she read it. She doesn’t seem busy, or having any personal problems, as she’s posting various random things on her wall (she still hasn’t unfriended me).
    So here I am, we were keeping up rather well, then all of a sudden, she’s ignoring me. It’s possible she eventually realized that she’s not into me, but why let this go on as long as it did, and why say the things she said, before giving me the silent treatment? I’m not expecting you to know the answer, I’m just venting. I’m not the type of guy who can get girls easily, despite hearing from nearly everyone I meet how nice I am, and often hearing from people at work asking whether I have a girlfriend, to which I have to regretfully respond “no”. I can handle rejection, but this is the first girl I was into who didn’t reject me, not at first anyway. So this time it hurts a lot more than I expected it to.

  34. Tim CS on April 6, 2016

    I met this girl we live in a same block and i made her aware of my intentions ryt after she compared me to one of her male friend who just past away. So We started chatting and told me she had a boyfriend and i told her i will respect her relationship. As time went by she told me that she doesn’t trust her boyfriend and she is looking for a proof that his cheating on her, and i Advised her to stop looking for a proof but stay with a guy if she loves him. We became close and @ some point she said it felt like we have known each other for long, at times i would visit her and we always have a great time and the other day she blew a kiss on me which is something she wouldn’t do, and lately she been asking if i have anything to hide and if she could trust me. So my question is, what does all this mean?

  35. Jeff on May 25, 2016

    So I’m not the only one? Just ran across this site and want to thank all of you for your stories and direction. I’ve made every single mistake and more. Was about to write (stalk) my last date and ask her where I went wrong…I found this blog instead. I’m a good looking guy, a busy professional but have limited connectivity to singles so resort to online dating. It sucks. Almost every single time it’s radio silence after what I think are great interactions. Give up? No, no, no! But sheesh.

    I once read all us guys really want is to be recognized by her. Acknowledged. Maybe that’s the problem some of us have. She pays attention so she must be interested? Right? Women puzzle me. Everyone says she’ll find you when you’re not looking.

    Thanks again guys.

  36. Mark on June 6, 2016

    So, I’m just gonna post this here before I fall in a pit of regret and misfortune:
    Just started talking to this girl, after a couple of months liking each and every Instagram photo of one another.
    Some backstory: We have talked before, we went to the same college, but we’ve never been closer than knowing who each other is, and having some common friends.
    We met randomy at a party this friday after a couple of years of not seeing each other, and hit it off. She would touch me and want my attention. We both became stupidly drunk, and the day after, I grabbed my chance: I texted her all casually asking how she was doing. We talked on and off throughout the day, and we seemed to hit it off. Same with Sunday, just keeping the conversation I started Saturday going. Today, she was the one to start the conversation (say out of the blue), but the odd thing is, she didn’t seem very interested in the answer. I kept the conversation going, but I were doing a lot, so the messages were quite widespread over the day (they were from her side as well), but I can’t help thinking “why would you even initiate a conversation if you’re not gonna atleast keep it going for another 3 texts?”
    Now, I am fully aware that she also might have been doing lots today, and I might seem paranoid, but I’ve been through shitty women before, and I don’t want to fall in a trap of my own making.
    My question to you is what I wrote earlier; why initiate a conversation and be completely uninterested in the reply, or in the conversation generaly?
    My plan on tackling this moving forward is staying quiet tomorrow unless she texts me first, then I’m gonna casually ask what she’s doing this weekend on Thursday, and I guess just take the information I can get and see where it goes from there.

  37. penguin on July 1, 2016

    I had a girl say ‘yes’ to dinner, but she also said ‘she had to be honest and tell me she has a boyfriend’.
    This is a common scenario that you failed to mention above:
    I want her, she wants me.
    …and she happens to have a boyfriend who she has been seeing for a month or two.

    I turned down the dinner date. But if you think that’s because I have respect for that relationship, you’re sadly mistaken.

  38. Rob on August 1, 2016

    During my high school years, me and a girl used to like (and probably love) each other but we were never able to consolidate our relationship. College is over now and she’s dating. I started messaging her on fb and we are going out this week. I am single and I might want to date her. But is this normal? She has not mentioned her bf, she is not setting boundaries, so it’s intriguing. Is she about to break up? I know for sure that her family is not very content with her bf.

  39. Drew on August 5, 2016

    So I have something a little different I am trying to figure out…I have a coworker who was very into me and pushed really hard to get me to notice her. We started off pretty fast with a lot of late nights together talking and we had lots of really good sex. About 5 months into our relationship she flipped the switch and just went silent with no explination and no response to my texts. Obviously working together we saw eachother all the time but she would not talk to me so I gave her space then out of the blue she texts me saying she has to much going on and cant do this anymore. I tried a few times to get some answers but she completly ignored me so i stopped trying. About 45 days later i noticed a change in her at work as she started hanging around me more and talking to me. I was just nice and kept my cool. This went on for about 2 weeks till one day she came to work upset about an issue with her dad she jusy walked up and kissed me. I had no idea what to do. Later she asked me for a ride home and when i dropped her off she kissed me again and said i love you. I did nothing and said nothing. I desided to try and just step back and take it slow. We have been kissing/hugging at work and she has been going out of her way to be around me and ask for my help and randomly walks up and pushes me against a wall and kisses me with a lot of pasion. Heres the part im curious about. When I ask her to do anything outside of work she completly ignores me and acts like she never got the text. Though it sounds like another guy I realy dont think thats whats going on. Thoughts?

  40. Ramsey on August 17, 2016

    I’ve asked this girl out by email, and she changed the subject by talking about plans she had with her family, and babysitting her brother. Why is she changing the subject. When I talk to her, I feel like she is hinting that she likes me, but she doesn’t respond when I ask her out. What’s up?

  41. Pete on September 13, 2016

    So I met this girl and have been chatting to her for 7 months now- we have met up a few times and everything had been going towards the positive side… She spoke about marriage, kids, talked about going places and hanging out… She also messaged me asking for my pictures and always complimented me… During the last 2-3 days, she had replied to me after an hour or two, before it used to be straight away!… I had poped up a question- at what age would she want to get married…”am I annoying or boring you?”, and I also asked if we should meet every week and not every 1-2 months… So she replied saying that she was meaning to tell me that her heart is not in it and I’m an amazing person and would make a wonderful husband? and she feels that our relationship is going towards friendship!… She has also asked if we can still be friends and that something may come out of it…

    I don’t really understand all this as we where talking and everything has been all positive for the past 7 months until after those question?… She has also been messaging me- good morning! bla blah… What does this all mean? I just don’t understand!

  42. Ian on September 18, 2016

    I’m 13 and really like this girl… She asked me why I like her but I didn’t tell her everything but then the next day she gives me the rejection hotline number… What do I do it I feel like I need to explain myself

  43. Dave on November 20, 2016

    Hi Nick and all,
    I have to say that these posts are really helping me with a situation I’m in right now.
    I got talking to a new girl at work last year, we always spoke in the kitchen and I could tell she liked me, a mutual friend even told me that she liked me. At that particular time I wasn’t in the right place in my life to date anyone, I had low confidence and didn’t like myself enough to let anyone in. As such I didn’t make any moves but we still chatted here and there and at work drinks.
    At the start of this year my job was made redundant but I landed another internal role but at a different office. After this I met new people and gained my confidence back so I got chatting to her again over our works instant chat again for a while then asked her out. She said yes and we agreed to go for a walk over a country park as we both liked the outdoors.
    The date went ok, I hadn’t dated in ages so I felt pretty nervous. Afterwards I realised that I should have done more to relax and make a connection. We both txtd each other after to say thanks for a nice time.
    I called her 2 days after to ask her out to dinner and she said yes. As soon as we met up she said that she had to tell me something, so I thought ‘great this has gone ass up already’. I told her I had something planned but she said let’s go somewhere for a drink so we went to a nearby bar. We had a drink and she told me that she can’t get over her ex, who she’d been split from for about 5 years and she’s not ready for someone new. I told her that I respected her honesty and thanked her for telling me. After that we both relaxed and ended up talking about our personal lives, she even ended up crying but we had a great heart to heart and stayed at the bar to eat and have more drinks. At the end of the evening she said that she might be changing her mind and at one point we locked eyes but as I was confused with what was going on so I didn’t think to go in for a kiss. We stayed for a while longer by which time it was getting late and we decided to go.
    We parted ways at the train station, I embraced her and we kissed each other in the cheek. We texted each other all the way home, I texted first to say thanks for a great night, that I was gutted she wasn’t ready and we should meet again for drinks and a chat, she texted and said not take it personally and that she was gutted too but she’s just not ready yet.
    After that we texted 3 days straight. I then left it about a week then texted her again. Then I kept texting her each week, she didn’t initiate any texts as I started each conversation at this point.
    We met at some work drinks, we sat next to each other and she told me that we were just friends.
    This is where I got a little crazy and started texting her again. I would txt her and she would always txt me back. I asked her a couple of times if she wanted to meet up for a walk again but she said she couldn’t for particular reasons and never suggested an alternative time.
    I like to be direct so I thought screw it and aweek later I txtd to say that I can’t get her out of my mind and we should meet up and let fate take it’s course. She replied but just said that she’s spending the weekend with a friend and will speak to me soon. I left it a week until I had to ask her a question related to work by email, she replied but via instant chat rather than email and we got chatting again. Then I had another crazy moment and asked her out again….ha ha. She replied but just said she’s already got plans.
    I texted her to say sorry if I’ve made her uncomfortable to which she replied a couple of days later to say sorry for not responding sooner and that she just doesn’t want me to get attached to her, then asked about my wknd. Yet another crazy moment coming……so I then txt back to say that I think that life’s too short to hold back and I’d rather get to know her than always wonder what if, then I told her about my wknd. She txt back about my wknd but didn’t mention anything else.
    A few days later I asked her to sign a copy of something for me to certify it as a personal favour, which she did and then we got chatting again but just friendly and briefly.
    Phew… fingers are numb now…hope your still awake!
    She still likes my facebook posts and I still like hers but I’m just left wondering if I should still keep making moves and keep contacting her?

  44. Nick on February 27, 2017

    hey Nick. I read you post about not really knowing her, i had just met this girl this year we see each other every day. I told her that i really liked her she didn’t want to jump into a relationship with some one she barely knew i understood that so i offered to take her on a few dates and see where things went. she agreed, but 4 days later she said she was talking to another guy. I still have feelings for her and dont really know what to do at this point.


Never Blow A First Date Again.