6 Dating Truths Men Need to Hear But Don’t Want to
Sugar-coated and sweet — it’s how we love to hear advice and criticism.
Getting the truth straight up makes us uncomfortable. It can be painful. It forces us to see parts of ourselves that need to be improved or changed completely. So it’s usually easier to avoid it altogether.
Some of the most important lessons I’ve learned were not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear. Harsh realities made me defensive and stuck in denial. But deep down, I struggled so much because I knew they were true.
Part of my job as dating coach is to occasionally dole out some of these harsh truths. Otherwise, how else are you going to know? Your friends and family care too much about your feelings to tell you.
I understand your romantic life is a personal and touchy subject. So as an unbiased third party I’m here to tell you like it is – judgment-free, constructive, and blunt.
- When a girl likes you, she wants to see you. She wants to invest in you and continue the connection. She’s not thinking, “This guy is awesome, I can’t wait to hold off for a month before we hang out again.”
If a girl never makes time for you, she’s probably not interested. The women who like to be chased endlessly are usually doing it for attention and as a result of low self-esteem. Either way, you probably shouldn’t be pursuing her.
If you’ve tried making plans a couple times to no avail, it’s best to focus on women who are willing to invest in you.
- If you don’t meet lots of people and improve yourself, you have a high chance of ending up with someone who’s not right for you.
When your options are limited or scarce, you’re going to desperately cling onto whatever comes your way. Too many people jump into relationships with the first person that shows them interest. And it’s one of the main reasons I believe the divorce rate is so high.
They don’t evaluate that person objectively. They would just rather be with someone than alone. That in itself is unhealthy and the beginning of a codependent relationship.
What you need to understand is that it’s not about finding someone, but someone compatible. We’re individuals with our own values, personalities, and interests. What are the chances that the first person you connect with is a perfect match? It rarely happens.
You also have to remember “like attracts like”. If you want to find a high-quality person who has their shit together, you have to become one, too. A confident partner who values herself isn’t going to stay with someone who’s not on that same level or working towards it.
- Getting the girl is easy, keeping her is the hard part. We’re so focused on immediate gratification. Everybody wants band-aid solutions.
Guys want to know how to instantly get over approach anxiety. Discover the one secret to having amazing conversations or becoming a natural flirt. Find that illusive cure to all their problems.
This is exactly why the guy behind the “One Weird Trick to Reduce Belly Fat” advertisements is filthy rich. He’s a snake-oil salesman in the digital age who preys on desperate people that don’t want to put the work in.
Guys rarely ask me, “How can I become truly confident? What steps in my life do I need to take to be a more attractive person long-term? ”
The only time they consider putting in any real effort is after shit goes wrong. They go into damage control when it’s too late.
Shortsighted thinking is not an effective relationship strategy.
It’s not hard to build initial attraction with someone or seem confident for a short period of time. But you can only fake it for so long. If you don’t genuinely exude attractive qualities, the real, insecure you will reveal itself in no time.
What happens? You eventually lose the women you care about. It happened to me.
Healthy relationships take constant work from both parties. They require growth. You need to maintain the connection between you – especially sexually.
The couples that I’ve seen truly happy of the long-term, not just content, are still very into each other. They laugh, touch, and flirt like a new couple. Their passion is almost tangible.
If you want an amazing, fulfilling relationship, you need to be in it for the long haul. And you should start now.
- You can’t control whether or not your partner cheats on you. Okay, you could lock them up Cleveland-kidnapper-style, but then that’s not a relationship, now is it?
I learned this the hard way. I believed acting jealous, keeping close tabs on my partner, and checking their texts/emails would ensure fidelity. Oh how wrong I was.
Everyone has a breaking point and will eventually break free from being controlled. That can happen through building resentment, shutting you out, ending the relationship, or you guessed it – cheating.
What you can control is finding the right person for you and striving to be the best partner possible. Communicate your feelings openly and directly. State your boundaries but also be reasonable.
People tend to cheat when they feel something is lacking in their relationship – either emotionally or romantically. If you’re fulfilling those needs, your partner won’t have to look elsewhere.
For the people who cheat even then, why would you want to be in a relationship with them? They clearly don’t respect you.
- There’s a good chance your ex doesn’t want to get back together. That’s why she ended it rather than trying to work things out.
Is she communicating as much as she used to? Has she been investing in a romantic way (flirting, getting intimate)? Is she hanging out with you and saying she wants to be a couple again?
Probably not. It sucks but you need to respect her decision and start moving on.
I know that some of you will never stop until you get “closure”. If you absolutely need to know if there’s any hope, take action and stop wondering.
Invite her to hang out. Treat her like someone you’re still romantically interested in. Flirt with her, be physical, and go for a kiss. If she ignores your calls/texts, doesn’t come out to see you, or rejects your advances when you’re together, it’s over.
Don’t chase her just because you’re scared of being alone. Don’t allow yourself to obsess over her because now you can’t have her. Don’t let negative thoughts about her dominate your everyday life.
Most importantly, remember that her rejection does not reflect your worth as a human being.
- That perfect girl you put on a pedestal probably has had naughty sex and dirty thoughts.
A common response I get when advising guys to make a move…
“But this girl’s different. She’s not like anyone else. She doesn’t enjoy being flirted with or touched. I want to show her I’m respectful and not just in it for sex.”
Your intentions are good, but you’re going about it all wrong.
This girl you like, is she a virgin? If she’s not, that means some other guy, at some point in time, got her so turned on and horny she wanted to have sex with him.
And do you think it was all friendliness and rose petals? No. There was probably a lot of moaning. She probably tried different positions. She’s probably given a blowjob. She’s had sexy thoughts and maybe talked dirty during sex. She isn’t repulsed by the idea of penetration.
If she is a virgin, she’s likely masturbated. She may even use a toy that vibrates or one that she puts inside her. And what do you think she’s imagining while doing it?
My point is to stop associating flirting and showing your romantic intentions as shameful. Desiring a woman does not make you a pervert. Sex is healthy and everyone wants it.
Show her you want sex with her for the right reasons. She just wants to know you specifically like her and everything she has to offer. That you’re interested in more than just her physical attractiveness or convenience.
Listen intently, care about her passions, share your commonalities, tell each other stories, and build a deeper connection. At the same time, don’t be afraid to lead, touch her, tease her playfully, give her a forward compliment, branch into sexual conversations, and go for a kiss.
It’s that perfect combination of both that women find irresistible.
Someone is going to make a move on her, might as well be you.
Want the honest advice you need to succeed? Have a free session with me.