Should You Even Try? (For That Girl or Guy)
When Hamlet contemplated life, he needed to answer the question, “to be or not to be?” But in romantic pursuit, we all struggle to answer, “to try or not to try?”
That is the question.
Every week you tell me about all kinds of situations…
“There’s a girl at my gym that I always see. Sometimes she even smiles at me. Should I approach her and introduce myself?”
“I’m friends with a guy that I’ve developed feelings for. Should I see if something’s there?”
“I’m 26 and there’s this 19 year old girl who seems into me. Should I invite her to hang out?”
“The barista at the coffee shop is always extra nice to me but he might just be friendly. Should I ask for his number?”
To you I say…
You’re investing time and effort by writing down every single detail of your situation. You’re stressing over one person for weeks or months on end.
So I’m calling you out!
You’re clearly interested in this person.
You’re not actually asking me if you should go for it. What you’re really asking is…
“Can you tell me whether or not they’re going to like me? Can you guarantee that it’ll turn out alright? Otherwise, I won’t even try.”
You want assurance that the everything will work out. You want to hear that there’s no doubt that the other person will be into you, too.
But I can’t promise that. No one can.
There’s only one person’s opinion that matters, that you need to discover – the person you’re interested in. They’re either like you or they don’t. What everyone else thinks is useless speculation.
You can’t predict their reaction. You can’t have complete control over the outcome. You can only control the actions you take.
In fact, the more you try to control the situation beforehand, the more it will control you.
Think about it…
Has it ever made you feel better to wait around before making a move? Or did that constant uncertainty drive you crazy?
By avoiding the truth, you become a prisoner to the unknown. You’ll always wonder, “What if?“. Paulo Coehlo said it perfectly,
“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”
The only way to end that suffering is to always seek out the truth. Find out for yourself who is and isn’t interested in you. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable and stuck in limbo forever.
Stop protecting your ego. All it’s doing is giving you a false sense of safety and making you miss valuable opportunities.
Facing the truth builds courage. It keeps you in touch with who you are and what you want. And it reinforces that you’re strong enough to endure whatever outcome is thrown at you.
Yes, you may not always get the answer you desire. But at worst, you’ll be exactly where you are now, gain some much needed experience, and can move forward.
So whenever you’re wondering, “Should I even try?” The answer will always be YES (unless it’s illegal).
Yes, you should go introduce yourself. Yes, you should ask for her number. Yes, you should go for a kiss.
Let go of your obsession to know the outcome before you try. We all deal with the same unknown, every day.
Just seek the truth and the truth will set you free.