Taking It From Friends to Lovers

December 11th, 2012 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Just Friends Movie Poster

You like this great girl. So why haven’t you shown her how you feel?

You didn’t touch her at all on the first date. You haven’t flirted with her or made her think of you in a sexual way. You’ve never steered the conversation toward intimate topics. You’ve never even tried for a kiss. And now every time you hang out it’s purely platonic.

What are you waiting for?

You’re probably not going to get the “sign” you’re looking for. She’s not going to take the initiative so stop waiting for an elusive green light. The majority of girls want you to make the first move.

But I get it…you’re scared of being rejected. You’re afraid of creeping her out. You believe it has to happen at the perfect moment.

Don’t kid yourself – she’s already made up her mind.

She already knows whether or not she’d entertain the idea of romance with you. Most likely, she knew within 30 minutes of your first meeting. You won’t create a “no” by escalating, you’ll just reveal what’s already there.

“But Nick, I don’t want things to be awkward or to lose our friendship.”

It’ll only be awkward if you make it so. If you get turned down, a simple “My apologies, I misread things.” will set it right. Roll back into conversation with a smile.

Unless she freaks out (slim chance), you’ll still be friends. She won’t fault you for trying, only if you continue to disrespect her wishes. If she gets mad because you put yourself out there, she’s not a very good friend anyway.

And the reality is, you aren’t that worried about losing the friendship. It’s a cover. You wouldn’t be spending all this time together, pining over her, if you only cared as a friend. Stop bullshitting yourself and her.

Always show your intentions from the start. If she’s interested and you wait, she’s going to move on. Or some other guy will do it before you. Assume she’s interested, take the shot, and escalate to a kiss. Being forward is the surefire way to know how a girl feels.

If you’re wrong, you’ll discover the truth sooner rather than later. Waiting around, hoping something will “just happen” is desperate.

If you’re right, congratulations! You just started a sexual relationship.

Keep getting stuck in the friend zone? Talk to me for a free consultation.

  1. Caroline on December 18, 2012

    Hi Nick,

    I really enjoyed your article on “Taking it from friends to lovers”. You don’t even know how many times I have been in situations exactly like this, where I’m silently crying out to my male friend, “make the move allready!” and nothing. As a woman I know when a guy wants more and it’s ashame that for some guys it takes so long or don’t act upon their feelings. I hope every guy out there reads this because most women, including myself waits for the guy to make the move and if he doesn’t then the feelings eventually are gone with the wind…

    • Nick Notas on December 19, 2012

      Thanks for commenting Caroline. You don’t know how many women I’ve talked to that say the same exact thing! They’re friends with men that they like and yet the guy never makes a move. Unfortunately, you can only wait so long.

  2. micheal hailey on December 31, 2012

    Hi Nick,

    I really love your blog and I think how you emphasize honesty, being genuine, and true to oneself when approaching women is the only way to go.

    When I saw this title of this article I was really excited because I thought it could help me, but after reading I’m not sure it can and here is why:

    I was ‘friendzoned’ with a WOMAN (not a girl) that I love a long time ago. We are still great friends and are in touch frequently. However, when we first met and began hanging out I had little confidence in myself although I had had girlfriends previously and am an honest, good-natured person. Therefore, I could have really used this blog then (even though it didn’t exist).

    Tonight I find myself wishing I had the skills I now have after reading this (and practising it) when I met the girl of my dreams. I truly think that if I had ‘game’ and self confidence things would be different between us and I would be datable in her eyes. I am confident that if we met for the first time now I would look far different in her eyes than I do now — even though I will behave in the same way I would when we interact next irregardless. I feel like I’ve been in the friend zone and I don’t know how to get out. I’ve known her for over five years.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts (or anyone elses) if yo have any. Thanks again.

    • Nick Notas on December 31, 2012

      Thanks Michael. Honestly, it sounds like you need to move on and try meeting other women. As much as you may think she’s the greatest women for you, there are plenty of other amazing women out there. You just need to go find them. You’ve put this girl on a pedestal and are missing tons of opportunities because of it.

      If you need closure, make a move and go for a kiss. Stop pretending to be “just a friend” for years and be forward with your intentions. If she rejects your advance, you know for sure she’s not interested. The same advice stands that I wrote at the end of this article.

  3. Taimur on September 6, 2013

    Nice. Just what I need.

    Already hanging out with 2 girls in class who enjoy talking to me and show open signs. Just need to ask for number and invite for a date. I’ve already talked to them 3-4 times.

  4. Nicholas on October 29, 2013

    Hi, I happened to stumble onto this website, and i find it very helpful. The thing is I am still In high school, and I’m curious as to how much of this applies to me. Of course I am interested in meeting people and dating, I would just like to know how much of this I can really apply, given my young age. Thank you very much, you’ve already helped me a great deal in simply dealing with confidence. I’d be very grateful if you responded, thanks.

    • Nick Notas on October 31, 2013

      Thanks Nicholas. Most of these ideas are still applicable to you and in fact learning them now will give you a head start for later on.

      The major difference I see is how sexually forward you are. You probably don’t need to ask as many sexual questions or make as many sexual statements. I would flirt playfully, ask girls to hang out, and go for a kiss if you like them.

  5. Tiffany on July 13, 2017

    So I mostly just read this article for leisure but I can say that I really appreciate your honesty. Because I liked the advice you gave so much I took a gander at the comments and found you had been genuine with them. It’s uncommon and a little nerve wracking to call people out on their faults or bad habits, especially when they’re coming to you for advice (but maybe that’s because I’m young), so your efforts to be sincere and helpful were appreciated by me. No need to respond to this, but I just thought it’d be nice to hear.


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