How to Know When She Wants You to Make a Move
Some people believe romantic opportunities are out of our control. That they are a combination of chance and being in the right place, at the right time.
Now there’s some truth to that. Sometimes luck plays an important role.
But the men who consistently succeed in dating have an innate ability that sets them apart:
They recognize subtle hints to consistently create their own opportunities.
I’ve said this before, but the vast majority of women are not going to make the first move – whether that’s introducing themselves, getting into flirtatious conversation, or moving towards intimacy. They’re not going to tell you, “Hey dummy, I’m ready to be kissed!”
Women aren’t usually doing this to be difficult. They are instead struggling with:
- Shyness and anxiety
- Fear of rejection
- Sexual shame (being seen as easy or too promiscuous)
I wish more women took the initiative, too. But that’s the way courtship has been for thousands of years so you might as well learn to decipher the hints you do get.
When women show their interest and they don’t get anything in return – they often feel rejected, frustrated, or stupid for putting themselves out there.
This was a recent e-mail from a female reader:
“I’ve been online dating for the past year and it has been rough. I don’t want to kiss and tell but the guys I did have more of a connection with that I wanted to get physical with, treated me like a delicate rose. Which is really sweet, but not really what makes my blood boil.
These guys wouldn’t take cues or even me straight up telling them. Turned me off because they weren’t listening to me and what I needed.”
Here are the three main ways women signal their interest and how you can make the most of it:
Proximity and eye contact
Women show that they want to talk to you through “approach invitations”.
- She goes out of her way in a bar, club, or party to stand next to you. Especially if she lingers for an extended period of time or keeps glancing at you. Be direct and talk to her, “Hey, what’s up?”
- She makes prolonged or repeated eye contact while smiling at you from across the room. Walk over to her, ask for her name, or simply introduce yourself. “Hi, what’s your name?” or “Hey, I’m Nick.” Be playful if you want, “You know it’s rude to just stare and not say hello.”
- She dances her way over to you and continues dancing next to you. Initiate a dance with her.
- She touches you in passing. She may run her hand across your shoulder or back while walking by. Go after her and say hello with a hand on her shoulder.
- A random girl asks you a question or makes an off-hand comment. Start talking to her and exchange numbers before you leave.
Accepting and returning flirting
Flirt with her – verbally or physically. If she reciprocates or doesn’t deny your advances, continue being more flirtatious. And of course, when girl flirts with you, always flirt back.
- She touches your arm when you talk to her or make her laugh. Return that physical contact and work your way toward mid/high level touches.
- She gets close to your face, touches your face, or looks deep into your eyes for an extended period of time. This is usually a sign she’s ready to be kissed. So do it.
- She plays with or runs her fingers through your hair. You can continue with an intimate caress on her thigh or pull her in for a kiss.
- She allows you to touch her in more intimate spots without pulling away. These include hands, hair, legs, back, face, and waist. Definitely kiss her.
Investment and logistics
The more time and energy a girl invests in you, the more likely she wants the connection to move forward.
- Any “firsts”: She offers her number to you first. She reaches out to you first over text. She suggests hanging out with you first. Push towards meeting up ASAP.
- You approach a random girl and she stays to talk to you for more than 30 seconds. Exchange numbers before you leave.
- She says she would love to see a new place, venue, or show with you. Make concrete plans right then and there.
- She talks to you for more than 5-15 minutes at a bar. Go get a drink with her or take a seat together.
- She asks you about what you’re doing later. If in person, make plans to move with her somewhere else or invite her back to your place. If over text, invite her to do something together.
- She tells you about her logistics for the night. Whenever a woman informs you of her free schedule or asks you about yours, she wants alone time with you. Make plans to meet up.
- She hangs out with you in a more isolated environment at night on a date. This shows she’s comfortable with you because it’s risky to be alone with a new guy. Move close to her, get more physical, and go for a kiss.
- She asks about your place or where you’re staying (hotel). Invite her back there.
- She invites you back to her place or into her bed. Get more physical, go for a kiss, and see if she’s ready to move towards sex. Do not just cuddle with her all night.
- She asks you to walk her to her car. She waits or delays leaving before saying goodbye. Go for the kiss.
- She doesn’t give a clear no to ending the night. She battles whether or not she should stay. Playfully lead that you should still hang out – even for just another drink, to listen to some music, or watch something.
- She answers or asks intimate questions. Or she talks about anything sexual. Continue with deeper and more sexual topics or kiss her.
Now here’s the kicker…
Recognize her hints if they appear but don’t live and die by them. Please don’t wait or obsess over getting the perfect opportunity. Always lead with what you want and see how a woman responds.
While these signs help, the only way to know for sure that she’s ready is to make a move.
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” – Milton Berle