How to Be More Than Just the Nice Guy

March 23rd, 2011 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

How many times have you heard a woman say “All I want is a nice guy.” Hah, that’s a load of BS right? Well, not exactly…

While it may be true that many women are attracted to those “bad boy” types, it might not be for the most obvious of reasons. Those men carry an attitude that displays underlying qualities such as confidence, assertiveness, spontaneity, sexual energy, and passion. All of those are positive traits to have.

Women are more commonly in tune with their emotional side than men. So, when a man stirs up good emotions, a woman is more likely to feel a connection. Here’s how you can be a nice guy and maintain the bad boy’s edge:

Be genuine with intentions

If you like a woman as more than a friend, be honest about it. Flirt often, get playful, tease openly, and don’t be afraid to tell her she looks sexy. Create some sexual tension.

Stop trying to win her approval

Don’t focus on whether or not she thinks you’re cool enough. Amuse yourself, find out her interests, and let the interaction happen naturally. You can’t be in the moment when you’re stuck in your own head.

Avoid being a “Yes” man

It’s ok to disagree on some points and it shows you have your own personality. If she hates Metallica but you absolutely love them, tell her your real thoughts and opinions. Just remember not to get combative.

Talk about your passions

How often have you been nervous to talk about your own interests? Why? That’s who you really are and you should wear it proudly. My girlfriend knows all about my past affairs with Diablo and Counter-Strike and still likes me. The truth is that most women just want to know that you’re passionate about something.

Be willing to lead

Are you waiting for her to make every move or to give you the green light? Take some risks and go out on a limb. It’s better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all.

Stand up for yourself

Hold you and your needs to the highest level. That doesn’t mean you have to be rude to others but don’t allow yourself to get walked all over. Draw your boundaries.

The point is to be a gentleman, but with a confident, fun, and exciting twist.

How have you broken free of the nice guy stereotype?

  1. Sam on July 15, 2012

    Standing up for yourself is huge and not being phased by a woman who uses her sexuality as a weapon.

    I recently was dating a pretty nice looking girl who drunk dialed me while I was away on vacation with old college buddies. What started out as a cute drunk dial turned into a rant from a complete psycho bitch. After she hung up on me, I flat out told her that I don’t deal with that kind of garbage. I also told her not to expect any calls or texts from me because I don’t deal with psycho behavior.

    The old me would buy into this bullcrap and try to make it work. I’ve been done with women disrespecting my boundaries and being single is better than dealing with a constant stream of bull.

    • Nick Notas on July 15, 2012

      That’s an extremely powerful mindset Sam. Once you understand your worth, you naturally begin to stand up for yourself and respect your boundaries. Happy to see you making the change.

  2. Tim on February 20, 2015

    So, I used to think I was a Nice Guy but now I am not so sure any more. Maybe when I was a young man but not now. I say this because I went and rented the audio book version of no more mister nice guy from the library and have been listening to it.

    Some of the themes that seem to run thru the book are nice guys hate conflict and will do whatever they can to avoid it. Not me. If my GF ticks me off I have no problems letting her know it.

    Another theme that runs thru the book are nice guys don’t seem to think themselves Worthy. Maybe as a kid I did but not anymore. Yes I need more self confidence in myself for sure but actually think I would be a great catch for someone.

    In your article about what’s the difference between a nice guy and a real man I seem to fall about half and half in each area.

    The one thing I do need to work on would be how to tell a woman NO and not be rude about it. It’s hard to tell a woman no.

    Example: I went out with this girl on Valentines night. Not looking at her as a possible girlfriend or anything but would like to have her as a friend and someone to do things with sometimes. That and I didn’t want to go out alone so I asked her out.

    We go out and the girl drinks like a fish and I am working with limited funds. Keep telling her to go easy on the beers but no. By the time the night is over I have spent like 100 bucks just on booze between us. Now since I drank almost as much as she did I cant really say much but I did mention a few times about my limited funds.

    Anyway I decide to take us out to breakfast afterwards and were sitting in this restaurant with a good buzz and cops all around us so I am aware of how I am acting because I am driving.

    So I order my usual bacon and eggs and this girl has the nerve to look at the waitress and order a T-bone Steak and eggs. I’m like HUH. I look at the menu and its like the most expensive thing on the menu.

    I was Ticked because she knew I didn’t have a lot of money and yet ordered it anyway. I wanted to tell her NO but just could not figure out how to do that without being rude about it, making myself look cheap in front of other people or rousing the suspicion of the cops that I was drunk so I let it slide.

    In the end she didn’t even eat all of it and took most of it home in a box. Looking back I don’t think she really wanted it at all. She just wanted to see if she could get away with it and I let her. I haven’t seen her since that night but if I do I will be Sure to say something about it to her. It was bullshit.

    I do consider myself a nice guy but not in the way the book talks about but I sure need to learn how to say NO to a woman……

    • Scott on December 6, 2015

      I would have stopped after the drinking and skipped buying her breakfast. In fact I would have told her after a certain limit was reached that I’d pay for her drinks up until that point (because I had invited her out), but that I couldn’t afford to pay a huge bar bill for both of us. She was after all, as you said, just a friend, so it wasn’t a date.
      And on a secondary issue that I see, driving drunk doesn’t make you a guy with an ‘edge’, it’s just stupid, and a danger to others and yourself, so stop that. Having the integrity to refuse to drive drunk isn’t being ‘too much of a nice guy’ so either pace yourself accordingly when you’re out, weather with friends or on a date, so you can get home without DUI, or have the chutzpa to tell your date that you’re calling a cab. Either that or if it’s a date that’s going well, suggest going for a walk around the area or in a park if there’s one nearby and get a little hot and heavy for an hour or two, so you can sober up.


Never Blow A First Date Again.