What Are You Waiting For? Touch Her Already!

June 13th, 2011 by Nick Notas 3 Comments

In life, we touch the people we’re closest to – our friends, family, and romantic partners. It’s a sign that we’re past the surface level and have reached a deeper bond with them. To build romantic chemistry and trust with a girl you’ve just met, it’s essential to break the touch barrier.

In this article, you’ll learn how to touch early, touch more, and touch the right way.

When to start touching

Your best bet is to create a physical connection right off the bat, within the first minute or two if possible. Whether that’s a simple introductory handshake, a quick hand on the shoulder, or an excited high five, connecting early is important. This demonstrates that you’re friendly and expressive by nature.

The longer you wait to make contact, the more awkward you’ll both feel. Trust me from personal experience; it only gets harder as time passes. As you both continue to get to know each other, your touches should become more personal and intimate. Your lead-up to the kiss should feel natural and not like a sudden display of affection. You’ve got to heat things up before you can expect a boil.

How to touch

The way you touch a woman reflects your intentions, personality, and feelings towards her. If your caressing is a little too much like poking, you’re not conveying the right message. Your touches should have a little weight without being overwhelming. Find a balance and be careful of the two extremes: the drunk guy leaning too hard and the dreaded shy-guy hover hand.

Your contact should feel natural and flow during conversation; lingering touches draw unnecessary attention. Even though you’re getting closer, don’t make it a big deal. Avoid staring at your hand on her shoulder or trying an obvious “insert touch here” after a cheesy line. Use your hands spontaneously in a non-threatening way to show you’re interested but not a robot.

Great moments to touch

Touching should become a genuine part of who you are and how you interact. That being said, there are times that are more favorable than others to create physical attraction. If you’re struggling to make the move, remember these key moments:

  • When she opens up to you or shares something about herself. For example, you ask her what she’s passionate about and she tells you how she just got into veterinary school. You can congratulate her by putting your hand on her shoulder while relating how much you love Brutus, your German Shepherd.
  • When she’s excited or laughing. Say you get her giggling when you admit you secretly crave an Appletini over a craft beer. Nudge her hip and jokingly say, “You tell no one!”
  • When leading her somewhere. Invite her to grab a drink, take a seat, or go outside for some fresh air. Hold her hand or touch the small of her back and guide her with you.

When to stop touching

Respecting a woman’s boundaries demonstrates your social awareness and consideration. Always stop touching her if she looks uncomfortable, pulls away, or voices her disapproval. Draw your hand back casually and resume conversation. Don’t take it personally, many times it’s just because she isn’t ready yet. Continue with playful banter, making her laugh, and strengthening the connection. You can try again later as she’s warmed up to you.

Stay tuned for part 2 on Wednesday, but until then, why don’t you get a little more hands-on?

  1. Chiara on June 13, 2011

    This is all spectacular advice. The only thing I’d say isn’t for every one is the hand on the shoulder. Unless done with a sense of humor, I find it a bit awkward. But again, it could just be me and my terrible dating history.. (I’ve had a guy grab my waist from behind on a first date. We were walking into the restaurant. It was 8 pm and he hadn’t even begun talking)..

    Great post, Nick!

    • Nick on June 14, 2011

      Yeah, when touching on the shoulder it should be light-hearted, brief, and when conversation is flowing positively. It’s awkward when it’s out of the blue, if she isn’t ready, and if you keep your hand there.

      All depends on the situation and how you approach it. Like that guy you dealt with…he was doing it VERY wrong. That’s how you get slapped.

      Thanks Chiara!

  2. BillyJ on December 16, 2011

    You’re a good advisor, man. I like the difference in atmosphere to most of the other types of “romantic advice for men” sites out there on the web. There, it’s all these weird convoluted routines that lack humanity and would turn a guy out creepy in the long run. Here, it’s basically, “no – that’s not weird to do, its how human beings act, so stop worrying about it so much.”


Never Blow A First Date Again.