You know how some entrepreneurs turn their garage startups into empires, while others can’t get past the “idea” phase?
The secret sauce is time management.
Dating is no different.
You can either be the guy who’s refining his approach, cutting through the noise, and scoring meaningful connections.
Or, you can be the guy who’s endlessly spinning his wheels on dead-end tactics that keep him lonely.
If you’re finding dating to be more draining than fulfilling, it’s a clear sign you’re not spending your energy wisely.
But before you say, “Screw it, I’m becoming a monk,” take a step back.
Ask yourself: “What am I wasting my time on?”
When you eliminate the actions that aren’t serving you, you eliminate a lot of the stress. That leaves you with more room to focus on what works and actually makes dating an enjoyable experience.
Through my coaching, I’ve identified the most common ways you might be wasting your time…
Table Of Contents
1. Delaying Sending Messages After Matches Or You Meet
We live in an era of instant gratification. People always have their phone in their hands or in their pockets.
So when we reach out to someone, we expect them to respond in a timely manner.
After you meet a woman for the first time, she wants to hear from you — usually within 24 hours. If you match with a woman or she messages you from online dating, she is in the mood to connect.
In those instances, she thought you were appealing and wanted to learn more about you. If you leave her hanging, you risk letting the spark die out completely. Then she’ll lose interest or move onto someone else.
This is why I get so frustrated when my clients wait for multiple hours or days to respond. They claim that they don’t have time. They say it’s overwhelming to feel the pressure to reply right away with a flawless message.
News flash: Delaying your message will only consume MORE of your time and energy. You will spend pointless time ruminating and sabotaging your chances.
The #1 thing women need is reassurance that you will have a positive experience together when you meet up. They want it to be safe, enjoyable, relaxed, and fun.
The way to do that is not obsessing over writing a Pulitzer Prize-winning message. It’s getting more comfortable riffing and amusing yourself. Because when a woman can sense you’re having fun and not taking yourself too seriously, that’s when you’re most attractive.
Read my thoughts on good messaging and then set a timer for yourself. Make yourself write and send messages within 30-60 seconds. This will eat up less of your time while increasing her response rate.
2. Texting Women For Days Or Weeks On End
Who someone is over text doesn’t represent the nuance of who they are in real life. So the only way we can form meaningful connections is through more intimate mediums, not through emojis on a screen.
Most women don’t need to learn everything about you before moving to a phone call or in-person meetup. Again, they just want to feel that you have a positive vibe together.
Consider exchanging 3-5 messages back and forth (at most) and then take it to the next level. Invite her for a voice/video call or to hang out. If she’s not ready, you can talk to her a little more (another day at most), and try again.
If she’s still not ready, odds are she will never be. I find it better to throw a hail mary like, “I understand you need time to know someone, but I feel that’s better accomplished in ways other than texting. If you want to connect further, let me know.”
Then focus on other, more excited women. If she’s genuinely interested, she knows where you stand and she can take initiative.
3. Spending More Time Reading About Talking To Women Than Actually Doing It
We all want to make good first impressions. But sometimes guys get carried away with the hours they spend reading about how to talk to women.
The truth is, you aren’t going to find a magic line or tactic that guarantees your success. You will encounter rejection and awkward moments at some point. Those situations are inevitable and give you the foundation to grow.
Once you’ve read some basic principles on introducing yourself (which should only take a couple of hours), you’re wasting time avoiding what you need most: experience.
Because honestly, what you say doesn’t really matter that much.
What will make a difference is the combination of staying present in conversation, being expressive because you are connected to what’s being said, and displaying confident body language because you’re comfortable in your skin.
Stop trying to be perfect before you’ve even said hello. You already have enough knowledge; what you need now is action.
Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice.—Anton Chekhov
4. Using Online Dating With Crappy Photos
Your results with online dating will largely come down to your photos.
Please read that until it’s buried deeply in your mind.
Yet the MAJORITY of men who get poor results and say they hate online dating don’t fix their pictures. They just stay frustrated with the fact that they don’t get many matches or match with the women they want.
Guys will spend inordinate amounts of time swiping but don’t invest a couple hours to take a few pictures outside with good lighting. Instead, they hope their low-quality photos, selfies, and group photos where they’re obscured will be enough.
I hate to use this analogy…but it’s like a sales funnel. You want to capture more people’s attention from the start because you know the number will only decrease through the screening process. Inevitably, some women won’t be ready to connect, won’t be compatible, and won’t be serious about moving things forward.
Invest in taking six good photos of yourself and your hobbies or lifestyle. Then do basic edits to enhance them further. No photographer delivers a picture straight from the camera. There are a million apps that automatically do this for you where you only need to make small adjustments.
Invest a little time upfront in getting photos, and you’ll save so much more time in the long-run.
5. Chasing People Who Aren’t That Into You
Human nature is to place value on things that are difficult to obtain. This works well when dealing with precious metals, but not so much in courtship.
Men often mistake a woman who is aloof, distant, or hot-and-cold as a “catch”. When really, that usually means one of two things about her: she’s not that interested or she has some personal issues and insecurities to deal with.
People who are interested and emotionally available will not want to lose a potentially great connection. They will not arbitrarily make someone beg for their attention.
Yes, it’s a red flag if she barely knows you and suddenly wants to spend every minute with you. But that doesn’t mean the opposite avoidant behavior is healthy, either.
The right woman will maintain her independence and may not be available for you around the clock. But at least she’ll communicate that it’s not about you, reassure you she still wants to spend time together, and work to make that happen.
Chasing people who aren’t into you not only kills your time but also shreds your self-esteem.
6. Not Making A Move Until A Later Date
Sometimes when men land a date with a woman, they go into “preservation” mode. They finally got a woman to hang out, so they don’t want to risk screwing it up.
You may believe that making a move like giving a bold compliment or kiss will ruin everything if it happens at the wrong time. So you play the waiting game…and try to find perfect moments or hints that a woman is ready.
The problem is, you won’t typically get these signals. Most women are much more subtle and want the guy to make the first move. Once he does, then they feel more comfortable with reciprocating.
More than that, flirting is what often arouses a woman and builds that chemistry. If you treat her like just a friend, she may question both of your feelings.
Remember, she chose to go on a date with you. Therefore, she’s potentially attracted to you. She’s going in with the desire to explore an intimate connection.
She knows why you’re there, so take the shot!
If she’s not ready, she’ll let you know. She’s not going to hate you if you accept that gracefully. In fact, she’ll see you were confident but respectful, which reassures her that you’re a good candidate when she is ready.
But if you never take it to that next level, all that time spent on those dates will be for nothing.
7. Putting All Your Eggs In One Basket
Some guys get really excited once they hit it off with a new woman. Maybe that’s after she texts them back a few times, they have some phone calls together, or after they have their first date.
Those men feel confident they’re attracted to this woman and that she’s potentially feeling the same way.
So they focus on just her from then on.
They stop using online dating. They don’t talk to other women. They pine over this one woman instead and keep imagining the next steps.
Then as what naturally happens with new connections, feelings change.
With more time communicating, the woman realizes you two aren’t quite right for each other. Or she’s not ready as she thought. Or her ex comes into the picture.
Or, she was continuing to explore other prospects until she was sure about one person — just like you should’ve been doing!
And sometimes, because you’re so laser-focused on this one woman, you become desperate and clingy, pushing her away.
By that time, you’ve got no other prospects and have to start from scratch again.
I’m not saying you have to be some player who tries to get with several women at the same time. I don’t want to devalue the beauty of meaningful connections.
I just want you to know that those connections can take time to find and build. Keeping your options open is smart and helps you stay balanced.
If a connection continues growing with someone you like, then you can dedicate more time to them and consider going exclusive.
- Stop Waiting To Reach Out. If you’ve matched with a woman online or gotten her number in-person, message within 24 hours. She wants to hear from you – don’t let the spark die out by overthinking a text.
- Quit The Texting Marathon. Messaging for weeks is a dead-end. Invite her out or get on a call within 1-2 days of texting. If she’s not ready to move forward, focus your energy on someone who is.
- Think Less, Act More. Don’t keep burying yourself in articles and videos about talking to women. Nothing replaces real-world experience. Dive in, make mistakes, and learn from them.
- Fix Those Crappy Pictures. Women only spend a few seconds glancing at photos and they’ll always swipe left if they’re mediocre. Invest the effort to get quality photos that showcase you and your lifestyle.
- Don’t Chase The Uninterested. If she’s constantly aloof or hot-and-cold, move on. Chasing someone who’s just not that into you is a soul-crushing time-sink.
- Make Your Move Sooner. Stop waiting for the “perfect moment” to flirt or kiss. She’s on a date with you for a reason. Waiting only lessens your chances and kills momentum.
- Keep Your Options Open. Remember, dating is a numbers game. Keep meeting new people until you’ve found someone who’s excited to invest in you, too. Otherwise, you always start from scratch if things don’t work out.