Effortless Encounters

January 15, 2019 | Online Only

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The Fine Art of Fun, Flirtatious Teasing

June 26th, 2018 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Playfully teasing her

Teasing gets a bad rap.

Many men avoid teasing women they like because they’re worried about offending them or coming off like a total jerk.

These are valid concerns. A lot of “pickup” advice used to teach you to give backhanded insults (negging) to look like hot shit. You were told to be overly cocky and aloof while doling out demeaning comments.

All of that is an unhealthy approach to teasing.

When done well, teasing can be a great way to bond with someone. Most of us have engaged in some form of it since childhood. We lightheartedly mocked our siblings. We ribbed our best friends and teammates.

In dating, poking fun or challenging each other can be fun and exciting. It’s a way to show interest (aka flirting) and build sexual chemistry.

You just need to go about it the right way.

Continue Reading…

Why Expressing Your Creativity Increases Your Confidence

June 14th, 2018 by Srinivas Rao 5 Comments

Srinivas Rao is an unstoppable force. He’s a Wall Street Journal best-selling author of three books. On his wildly popular podcast, he’s interviewed hundreds of the most successful and powerful people in the world. He also surfs like a boss, speaks at conferences all over, and has traveled the globe.

Srini is a huge inspiration to me and an amazing friend. I’m honored he’s been so open about the things he’s learned from me. But, I can easily say I’ve learned so damn much from him. I’m excited to have him share some of that wisdom here with you, too.

Welcome Srini…

Four years ago, I had a break up that made an absolute mess of my head and my life. It led me into a spiral of deep depression and caused me almost to run my business into the ground.  I tried every intervention under the sun…

– Mediation

– Gratitude Journals

– Exercise

While those things helped, I was still stuck in a vicious cycle of mental rumination and emotional pain. I couldn’t sleep at night, and I couldn’t get through the day without feeling like I was on the verge of a breakdown.

My confidence in every area of my life had taken a hit. When I asked one of my mentors how to get my confidence back, he told me to learn a new skill.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but he was telling me to express my creativity. While writing and podcasting had been my primary forms of expression, I’d never explored much else.

I had always been intrigued by the spray paint sidewalk artists you see in different cities. So I went to Home Depot and picked up six cans of spray paint. I went to an art store and picked up a dozen blank pasteboards, watched some Youtube videos, and started to make a mess in my parents’ garage.

After that, I poured my energy into making the most beautifully designed free ebook that I could make. Thanks to creativity, I gradually found my way out of that dark and rough patch in my life, and eventually ended up writing two books with a publisher.

So why exactly does expressing your creativity increase your confidence? It turns out this isn’t just based on new age artistic bullshit. It’s actually backed up by research.  Continue Reading…

The Truth About Closure and Letting Someone Go

May 31st, 2018 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Couple getting closure

Breakups are messy and brutal.

One day you feel like you’re in paradise. The next it feels like your soul has been ripped from your body.

I’m not talking about the on-again off-again, I’m-slightly-annoyed-today temporary breakups. I’m talking about the real, heart-wrenching breakups.

The ones when you know it’s really over.

The ones when you look in your partner’s eyes and you just know what they’re going to say. The ones when you have to move your stuff out. The ones when your ex stops replying to your desperate messages.

In those moments, we’re taken from from pure bliss to absolute misery.

And your natural instinct is to do whatever possible to prevent this trainwreck…and that’s where the idea of getting “closure” comes in.

So the looming question is…

Is “closure” really worth it?

Continue Reading…

The Painful Experiences You Need to Meet the Women You Want

May 17th, 2018 by Nick Notas 28 Comments

Rejected Approach

Simple question:

Do you want to meet more women?

Then here’s the hard truth:

At some point…

You WILL get rejected. Some women will be unavailable or uninterested to you.

You WILL have awkward moments. You will be nervous, stuck in your head, and not know what to say.

You WILL be seen as creepy. A woman may not find you attractive in the moment and perceive you as creepy. This may happen even when you introduce yourself in a normal, polite way that doesn’t justify it.

People WILL judge you. Someone may see you trying to talk to a woman and think it’s weird. Your friends might make might fun of you.

But the huge payoff is…you find an amazing girl who’s crazy about you!

So if you ever want to attract and connect with the women you really want…

You HAVE to accept that you’ll endure some emotional pain. You HAVE to be okay with causing some discomfort in the process. And you HAVE to accept the unavoidable reality that some women just. won’t. like. you.

As Ray Dalio says, “Pain + Reflection = Progress” 

Those experiences are the only way you can grow and improve. That exposure and feedback is essential.

Continue Reading…

How a Coaching Retreat Inspired a Social Revolution

May 3rd, 2018 by Nick Notas 2 Comments

From left to right: Me (Nick), Krissi, Julian. Pictures courtesy of Sarah Katharina Photography

I’m back from my confidence retreat in Barcelona with Julian and Krissi of! Wow, that city is brimming with passion and creativity.

There are buildings that look extraterrestrial sandwiched between ultra-sleek modern behemoths. They have a cathedral that almost looks like a cross between a sinister villain’s lair and a child’s imagination of a whimsical castle.

The entire city feels like a living art piece.

People are loud, expressive, and love to have a good time. Hundreds of people huddle close together in little outdoor squares, drinking and chatting until 6 AM. And that’s after they’ve been out dancing all night.

But if that isn’t your thing, you could eat at one of the many Michelin star restaurants. Or head to a legal cannabis club. Or watch a machete fight go down in the street….(yes, that happened while we were there before the retreat began.)

Yet despite all that energy, the city is spotless. It’s quite amazing to see and it allows all the beauty to come through.

Barcelona is the type of place where anything goes. It’s was the perfect spot for our recent retreat to cultivate some reality breaking experiences. I’ll share a few of those with you and some of the bigger takeaways from this event.

Continue Reading…

5 Ways to Go from a Stranger to the Guy She Can’t Wait to See Again

April 17th, 2018 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Exchanging numbers

You see an attractive woman walking her dog. Or grabbing coffee. Or reading a book in the park.

How do you get from “Wow that is a stranger I would maybe like to get to know better” to having an official, scheduled date with them?

Bridging that gap can be daunting. Especially in person. I mean, that’s why Tinder was invented in the first place, right?

A typical approach with a new woman goes like this…

Walk up to her. Say hello. Introduce yourself. Converse and get to know each other a bit. Maybe make a lighthearted joke. Get her smiling and suggest future plans together. Trade numbers (or Snapchats/Instagrams). Say goodbye and walk away.

That all takes just a couple minutes.

You don’t need to execute those steps perfectly. You don’t need to be the wittiest, most charming, super suave man imaginable. Human connection doesn’t have an exact formula.

But…there are a few crucial concepts that will inspire a woman to want to see you again. You want her to leave the conversation with a positive, lasting memory in her mind. That way she’ll look forward to your future plans and be much more likely to follow through.

Continue Reading…

3 Qualities to Look For in a True Friend

March 29th, 2018 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Best friends broing out

One of my best friends just had a bad month. A really bad month.

He lives across the country but decided to fly to Boston to see some family and close friends, myself included. He needed to get away and seek the support of the people who care about him.

We spent a great couple of days together last week. Then unexpectedly, he texted me Tuesday morning asking if I wanted to hang out once more before he left.

I’ve been behind lately on some work stuff, specifically an idea for an article for this week. With my retreat on the horizon, some site changes in the works, and my first time mentoring someone to be a coach — I’ve got a lot on my plate.

Inviting my friend over would potentially mean not posting for over two weeks. I haven’t done that in maybe…ever. And in the end, it directly impacts my bottom line.

But saying no to him never even crossed my mind. This is someone I love like a brother. He’s always been there for me and I would do anything for him.

He is a true friend. So I invited him over.

(Coincidentally, hanging out with him inspired this article!)

As my wife and I talked with him, he spoke about how lucky he was to have amazing friends through these tough times. This got us talking about how true friendship is critical to long-term happiness. And also how rare those type of friendships are.

Most of us have only a few people we’d consider at that level, and many we’d consider acquaintances or casual friends. Some of us don’t any of these kinds of friends at all.

That’s because to consider someone a true friend, they have to have some very specific qualities. We are critical of the people we let get that close to us.

Eventually, our conversation led us to try and answer, “What should you look for in a true friend?” Here’s what we came up with.

Continue Reading…

How to Start Meeting Women While Out With Your Friends

March 15th, 2018 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Friends out together

Last month, I visited a new city with some guy friends. It was our vacation time and an opportunity to go out for a few nights of fun.

We saw some live music, ate epic food, and visited a bunch of bars. Everywhere we went we were surrounded by beautiful (and seemingly single) women.

Throughout the trip, I saw my (also single) friends checking out a lot of girls.

Now I’m not one to pressure guys to “man up” and talk to every girl they may find attractive…but after the 10th time of seeing one of my friends check out a girl and do nothing about it, I decided to offer him some support. Let’s call him Dave.

I said, “Let’s go talk to her and her friends. I’ll do the introductions and you can come join me.”

And that’s when Dave told me one of the most common lies I hear from guys…

“I’m not trying to talk to anyone today. I’m just hanging out with my friends.”

I felt exasperated. Clearly, he was into her. Clearly, he was paying more attention to her than to his friends anyway. I’m sure it’d be worth taking five minutes away from us if he ended up getting a great date with her.

But it’s not just Dave I’m calling out — I’ve encountered this situation so many times.

Men go out with their buddies to restaurants, events, bars, whatever. They stay comfortable and always just socialize with each other. They don’t talk to women usually because those friends don’t, either.

When you do this, you’re missing out on some amazing experiences.

I’m not saying you should always be “hunting” for women with your friends. But, having fun while hanging with your friends can create some of the easiest, most organic opportunities to meet women. You also have a safety net – when you want a quick getaway or some support, you’ve got people who care about you close by.

Always saying, “I’m just hanging out” is an excuse because you’re scared. Here’s why I know that and how you can start meeting women while out with your friends.

Continue Reading…

5 Shared Values Your Relationship Needs to Flourish

March 1st, 2018 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Supportive couple

People have a strong reaction when I tell them I’m a dating coach.

Many guys get standoffish or defensive. They’re personally challenged by the idea that I critique men on their confidence and ability with women. Some poke fun at the men who need that advice to deflect the attention off of themselves.

It’s funny that a lot of those same guys eventually gain the courage to ask for my insight. Usually, that’s after they realize I’m down-to-earth and non-judgmental…or after a few drinks.

Some women think I must teach weird creeps to manipulate people. Or that I’m a “player” douchebag. Or that I must have questionable morals to do what I do.

But most women are actually curious and fascinated by the idea. They love discussing relationships and want to hear more about my perspective.

So while the majority of women are supportive of my career, it’s completely different once a woman is actually dating me. It challenges their security within the relationship.

I get it – my work isn’t easy for many women to handle. I teach men how to attract beautiful women, help write messages to those women, and most controversial of all, I act as a “wingman” to my in-person clients.

Early on, I realized that if I decided to get into a long-term relationship, I needed someone who was not only comfortable with my work, but truly believed in it as much as I did. My wife trusts me and is a huge supporter of what I teach. She encourages me every day, and that’s the only way our relationship could work.

Having someone who values my career is essential. Similarly, here are 5 core values you and your partner need to agree on for a relationship to thrive.

Continue Reading…

What Happens When You Use Money to Attract Women

February 22nd, 2018 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

What Money Buys You

Money has been a symbol of status and power for thousands of years. And for thousands of years, women have desired wealthy men.

It makes sense…money makes the world go ‘round.

A man with money provides stability and a better standard of living. He can support children. He can offer new experiences.

We, as men, know this. It’s why so many of us work hard, dress to impress, and buy possessions that display our financial status. We want to position ourselves as high-value mates over other men.

However, some guys take this too far. They shower women they just met with absurd amounts of money. They pay for fancy dinners, lavish gifts, and high-end vacations.

The thing is, overspending doesn’t always get you the outcome you desire. It can be a viable option when you’re looking for a short-term hookup or a one-night stand…but when you’re looking for a more substantial connection, using money to attract women only sabotages your chances.

I’m here to argue that money buys you attention, not affection.

Continue Reading…