nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

Conquer Confidence

Aug 31 - Sep 3, 2017 | Lisbon, Portugal

Gain the courage to meet and attract women at our 4-day coaching retreat in beautiful Lisbon

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Are You Pretending to Be a Friend When You Really Want More?

March 13th, 2017 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

The masks we wear

 

I see genuine friendship as sacred. When your parents and older relatives are all gone, a great friend can be by your side for the rest of your life. They become part of your new family.

And it’s why I’m so frustrated by all the people I see being fake friends. It’s not always intentional but it has the same repercussions in the end.

This scenario happens every single month:

Someone comes to me for advice about a person they like. Maybe they met them on Tinder or at a party. Maybe they’ve known them for a while.

Eventually, they gain the courage to make a move. Sometimes, they get rejected. However, the other person tells them that they’d still like to be friends.

So they become…”friends”.

My client assures me that they value this friendship and aren’t looking for anything romantic. And that’s where the dishonesty starts.

Because at some point…

The person they like starts seeing someone else. Or they try flirting again with that person and they get rejected. Or my client ends up meeting someone themselves where there is mutual romantic interest.

And you know what often happens?

That friend they valued so much, becomes a nobody. Or they get angry at them for choosing other people. Then they forget about them.

Then they admit to themselves and to me that they really weren’t looking for a friendship at all.

Do you know how heartbreaking it is to find out someone you considered a friend was only there for the prospect of sex? That’s a surefire way to create trust issues and emotional baggage.

So for the sanctity of good friendships everywhere, I want to minimize this shit before it even happens. The best way I know how is by having you ask yourself honest questions to evaluate the validity of your friendship.

For ease of writing, let’s imagine this friend you’re thinking of is called “Jamie” — whether that’s a guy or a girl.

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17 Productivity Hacks For Less Daily Stress and More Fun

February 28th, 2017 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Singing and dancing with vacuums

 

I had way too much energy as a kid. I was easily distracted and could never sit still. My dad has a report card from my kindergarten teacher that says:

“Wonderful boy. But he never naps and wakes up all the other students to play.”

I found it damn near impossible to focus on anything. By the time I hit middle school, my grades suffered because I couldn’t pay attention long enough to get my work done.

I got diagnosed with ADHD and tried everything to fix it. I had my brother help me with work. I tried doing homework after school in the library. I took easier classes.

Doctors then prescribed Adderall for me. Unfortunately, my body didn’t like that and would become dehydrated, sending me to the emergency room. I needed something different.

One day I noticed something that a lot of people with similar struggles have…

If I enjoyed what I was doing or I was passionate about it — I could focus intensely. Technology always intrigued me so it was easy to concentrate on learning about computers. I cared about my friends so it was no problem to sit and listen to them talk for hours.

But when it came to stuff I was ambivalent about…I felt constant turmoil. The answer became obvious: have more fun.

The problem is that many things like schoolwork weren’t fun to me and I knew just having fun wasn’t a long-term solution. I had to find a way to be as engaged or productive in my responsibilities as I would in things I did for my own enjoyment.

What’s worked for me is figuring out how to make daily tasks less stressful, less time consuming, and actually finding ways to love the things we all hate. Then I also get to do more of what I love. That all has helped me stay productive even when it’s really hard.

Here are some examples from my own life:

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What Everybody Secretly Wants for Valentine’s Day

February 13th, 2017 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Valentines Day Present

 

For years, people have asked me to write a Valentine’s Day post. I never have.

There are already a million list articles about Valentine’s Day gifts. Every unique date idea and DIY present has been covered.

I’ve felt uninspired to write about this specific day because its theme doesn’t always focus on the right values. It often equates your level of dedication and love to your partner to how much you’re willing to spend on material things.

While it’s sweet to spoil someone you care about, I wish this day served as a reminder for something much more meaningful.

I want your Valentine’s Day to be about giving your full attention, interest, and time to your loved ones. I guarantee that your presence is way more important to them than any present you could give.

And we could all use a little more practice being present.

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The Best Way to Change Someone’s Mind

February 2nd, 2017 by Nick Notas 9 Comments

Passionate Protesters

 

Meet Daryl Davis.

Daryl is a seasoned black American musician who’s played with some of the best. He also hangs out with KKK members.

For decades, he’s set out to change the minds of those who hate him most.

Instead of confronting them with hateful words, he sits down with them. Hears their story. Even laughs with them.

By being a good friend, Daryl shows Klan members just how wrong they are about the race they claim to despise. And he’s been responsible for over 200 members leaving the group and giving up their racist ways.

We should all try to be more like Daryl.

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Why Bad-mouthing Your Partner is a Huge Mistake

January 19th, 2017 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Complaining couples

 

Earlier this year I had dinner with friends for some good, old-fashioned male bonding. And like many instances when friends get together…

They all complained about their significant others.

Many of their issues were minor; they were small annoyances that had built up over time. Some of them were frustrations that indicated greater underlying problems in the relationship.

At one point, a friend turned to me and asked, “How come you never say anything about your wife?”

I replied, “If something’s bothering me, I tell her. We’re not perfect and we have our own set of problems, but we always try to work through things together.”

I could see surprise and denial in his eyes. He believed me, but also believed that that wasn’t going to work for him.

When I asked if he’d talked about his concerns with his girlfriend, he said no. He made excuses like, “She’d never listen to me.” or “It’s been going on too long now and it would be awkward to bring up.”

Sadly, this is the attitude so many people have. They refuse to talk to their partners about their relationship problems and instead share their frustrations with friends and family.

I’m here to tell you that venting to other people about your partner is NOT a healthy practice. It’s inconsiderate, destructive, and only showcases your insecurity within the relationship.

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When You Should and Shouldn’t Try For Sex

January 12th, 2017 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Let's get down to business!

 

Everybody wants sex.

(Okay, almost everybody. There are an estimated 1% of people who identify as asexual.)

But as for the rest of us, we all want to get down.

Even the people you’d least expect…

The shy guy who you think is so sweet and couldn’t possibly have a naughty mind. The religious girl who feels guilty about sex before marriage. The guy who grew up in a culture where flirting was frowned upon. The middle-aged soccer mom. Let me tell you – they’re all thinking about doing the horizontal shuffle.

So why is it so hard to admit? The truth is, many of us have deep-seated hangups about sex.

We feel wrong for desiring it. We feel perverted if we go after it. Then we feel cheap if we indulge in it too soon.

Because of these issues, we use sex as a way to manipulate or sabotage our chances for meaningful connections.

Sex should be seen as something beautiful and an exciting thing to look forward to. It should not be something to feel bad about or to hold over someone’s head.

So how do we develop a healthier relationship with our sexual desires? And how do we know the right time to have sex with someone?

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4 Important Lessons Embarrassing Dates Taught Me

January 4th, 2017 by Jason Connell 11 Comments

Girls Embarrassing Date Gossip

 

Today’s article is from my good friend Jason Connell. Jason has a rare gift: he makes people feel like the best version of themselves.

This skill has created amazing opportunities for him. Jason consults for millionaires, politicians, athletes, and professional entertainers. He’s dated models with Ivy League educations. And shortly after moving to Denver, Colorado, he established himself as the linchpin in an amazing circle of artists, entrepreneurs, and influencers.

In today’s post, Jason shares stories about some of his most embarrassing dates and what he learned from them.

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The New Year’s Resolution That Matters Most

December 28th, 2016 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Pledging allegience

Everyone wants to be happy. But after reflecting on the hundreds of conversations I’ve had in 2016, something became quite clear to me…

A lot of people don’t feel happy on a day-to-day basis. And that’s devastating to me.

So, my goal is to make 2017 the year where you find lifelong happiness.

I know that sounds presumptuous. What the hell does a 29-year-old know about making you happy?

I’m not claiming I’ve singlehandedly made some amazing discovery — the path to happiness has been researched for millennia.

And everywhere you look, the advice always comes back to YOU.

Your self-respect. Self-reliance. Self-compassion. Self-acceptance.

Yes, the key to happiness is learning to fall madly in love with yourself.

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The No-Risk Method to Dating Mastery

December 15th, 2016 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Nothing can hurt me now!

 

We all know that practice makes perfect. And like anything else, working on your romantic skills will help you attract more people and build stronger connections.

The tricky part, though, is that practicing this stuff comes with high stakes.

When you’re learning something like piano, messing up is no big deal. You sound terrible for a second, get frustrated, and then try that chord again. But if you go talk to someone and make a fool of yourself, you have to deal with the potential face-to-face awkwardness and rejection.

And that’s why some guys read a TON of dating advice while not putting any of it into practice. They’re trying to hone their skills from a safe distance without having to endure any real-world pain.

Of course, they soon realize that all the reading in the world doesn’t replace genuine knowledge gained from experiences. They decide to avoid all social risk-taking and stay stuck in boring, platonic interactions or settle for no interactions at all.

Then, they accept that they just don’t have what it takes.

I hate to break it to you, but it’s impossible to improve your dating skills without trying new things that expand your comfort zone. That’s the only way to get better.

But what if I told you there was a way to practice AND minimize the odds of getting hurt?

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We All Need to Stop Flaking

December 1st, 2016 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

The Date is Cancelled

 

Hiding behind a device has made it INFINITELY easier for all of us to be, for lack of a better word, “flakes”.

I don’t mean flake as a judgment of someone’s character. I’m talking about anyone – guy or girl – who makes plans with people but then always cancels on them.

The flaking phenomenon has spread because we no longer have to cancel plans with someone face-to-face. We avoid the typical guilt we feel when backing out of a commitment and possibly hurting someone else’s feelings.

I can theoretically understand why some people never commit to dates in the first place. I can understand why they just ignore someone’s requests to meet up as a form of rejection. This way, they get to protect themselves from confrontation.

What I can’t understand are all the people making plans and then consistently flaking at the last minute. They string someone along and make excuses for why they suddenly can’t make the date.

It’s disrespectful, inconsiderate, and straight-up RUDE. And yet everyone’s doing it.

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