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What’s The Real Definition of Romantic Success?

February 28th, 2019 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Couple celebrating

I love hearing romantic success stories. Even after eleven years, I still get a huge smile on my face when a client shares their enthusiasm from a positive dating experience.

That’s why it’s so difficult when I sometimes have to challenge people on their so-called “successes”. It’s tough to tell them to temper their excitement because their victories may not really be victories.

A lot of people define their romantic success by the wrong metrics. I know this because I spent years measuring my love life wrong, too.

I used to think I was crushing it with women if I got a number, got a kiss, or got laid. It seemed pretty straightforward…

“If an attractive woman wants me, I must be doing something right.” Society and friends told me that dating success was only about sleeping with hot women.

But over time I realized that mindset was all backwards. Viewing dating in this way never brought me long-term fulfillment.

I was stuck chasing the next “win” and without it, I felt like a failure. I never became comfortable in my own skin. And I never found lasting relationships with the women I really wanted.

Because when you measure your dating success by external approval, you risk destroying your self-esteem.

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Why Women Need to Tell Men When They’re in the “Friend Zone”

February 14th, 2019 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Talk to your guy friends

I knew an outgoing girl who had a lot of guy friends…or so she thought.

One day I told her, “You realize that most of these guys like you, right?”

She thought that was preposterous. She was almost offended by the idea and adamantly denied it. She said, “They’re just good friends.” When I dug a little deeper, I found out…

These “guy friends” were showing her interest left and right.

They always tried to hang out with her one-on-one. They texted and talked for hours on the phone. They bought her gifts. They bashed other guys she dated.

And they “jokingly” complimented her and got a little handsy with playful touches.

Eventually, these guys tried to make a move or confess their feelings. She had no choice but to reject them in an awkward way. Many of those connections deteriorated or fell apart altogether.

She was taken by surprise and that’s okay — she was young.

But what’s not okay is when I see this scenario play out among mature adults. The signs are obvious and it’s possible to avoid unnecessary pain.

I’ve called out guys for pretending to be a friend when they wanted more. Now I want to address the women who suspect or even know their guy friends are into them and avoid talking about it.

Women, it’s time to tell your guy friends that you see them as only friends.

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How to Choose Environments That Give You a Romantic Advantage

January 24th, 2019 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Picking good environments

Our surroundings subtly impact our everyday life. Different environments have different effects on our state of mind.

When I write, I like background noise and activity. So sometimes I work at coffee shops because if I’m alone in my house, I can find it difficult to be creative in total silence.

When we get fired up about politics, online environments allow us to be more direct and even insulting than we would be in-person. People say things they’d never say to someone’s face.

When we go to a restaurant, the decor, lighting, and music dictates our mood. We’re more likely to feel intimate with someone in a dim room by candlelight than in a bright, fluorescent strip mall.

When we’re trying to make meaningful romantic connections with new people, the right environment is key.

Think about the most common places for finding new dates – online apps and bars/clubs. They probably feel safe and socially acceptable for meeting new people.

But…are they really the IDEAL environments to meet your future significant other?

To me, I think using these avenues is like setting a video game on the hardest difficulty. You can win with a lot of perseverance and luck. But with your limited time as an adult, is it the most efficient, effective, and enjoyable way to play?

So instead, prioritize environments that work to your advantage. Choosing the right surroundings will boost your romantic chances, help you meet compatible people, and encourage others to open up to you in a real way.

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A New Year Calls For New Friends

January 3rd, 2019 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Slip and slide!

The average American man has only one close friend. In England, 2.5 million men don’t even have that.

Loneliness is the #1 reason people seek counseling. And if we don’t get that help, isolation can increase the risk of premature death up to 32%.

So in the sea of New Year’s resolutions chasing love, sex, money, and the perfect body – I want to propose something different:

Commit to making two real friends this year.

Why two? Because different friends provides unique experiences, perspectives, and relationships. And it’s too easy to use one person as your end-all-be-all source of support.

Also, sometimes one person is out of town and you still want to watch the game with a bro.

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Becoming a More Attractive Man Starts With Your Mental Health

December 16th, 2018 by Jason Connell 4 Comments

Fireworks on the beach

Today’s article is from my close friend, Jason Connell. As a consultant, he’s worked with multi-platinum recording artists, professional athletes, top government officials, and Fortune 500 executives. I also selected Jason to help run my confidence retreat in Austin, TX. Today Jason is in training to become a clinical therapist and meditation teacher.

In January, Jason and I will be hosting a live online coaching program called Effortless Encounters to help men meet amazing women in their everyday lives. You can sign up here before registration closes on January 15th.

Without further adieu, please welcome Jason….

There used to be a guy in my social circle, A*, who spent years chasing women. His goal: sleep with 40 women. One night I asked him, “Dude, why is sleeping with 40 women so damn important to you? What difference do you think it’ll make?”

He told me, “Well once I do that, I’ll know I’m attractive and desirable. Then I can be happy and confident.”

getting ready for business

A few years later A* texted me to tell me he finally did it! I asked, “So did this change you? Are you happy now? Can nothing shake your confidence?”

He replied, “No…I think I need to sleep with 10 more women.”

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Find Happiness Through Random Acts of Kindness

November 28th, 2018 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Talking to new people

In theory, I’m a prime candidate for being a total loner.

I’m an introvert. I work from home and I love to read. I have strong, controversial opinions that often challenge people. And sometimes, I feel like my AirPods are an extension of my body.

Despite all this, I’ve learned to love meeting new people.

I like to assume every stranger has good intentions (until proven otherwise). I like to hear their stories, uncover commonalities, and learn from our differences.

My wife likes to tease me that I’m like our dog — I greet, compliment, or joke with complete strangers in public. (It’s also one of the things she loves most about my personality.)

And lately I’ve been thinking, why do I do this?

I’ve realized: it makes me incredibly happy to brighten other people’s days.

When I go out, I want to put a smile on someone’s face. I know how amazing it feels when someone shows me warmth or compassion, and I want to pay it forward.

In turn, this encourages people to reciprocate that kind of behavior back to me. I get to see the most generous side of people and walk away with a true appreciation for the kindness of strangers.

I believe those experiences play a CRUCIAL role in my day-to-day fulfillment.

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Create Sexual Tension with Confident Restraint

November 8th, 2018 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Sexual tension

Effective flirting is an art form. Sometimes it can feel impossible to master. 

If you’re too shy and worried you’re going to upset someone, you hold back. If you’re over-eager and think you’re going to bulldoze your way into getting a girl to like you, you scare her off.

The secret to finding the perfect balance is what I call confident restraint.

That means you shouldn’t hesitate to flirt with a woman you’re interested in. But you should also try to be conscious of her comfort.

You want to try and read her signals as best as possible. You should always respect her boundaries when she expresses them. This also means while you should lead things forward, you shouldn’t just relentlessly make sexual remarks and grope her out of nowhere.

You can come on too strong. That’s where the power of restraint comes in.

Sometimes, the best way to ramp things up, is to slow things down. Dial back the intensity and flirt with a little more subtlety.

This opens up room for one of the most essential parts to creating strong intimate connections — sexual tension. And sexual tension is where the real magic happens.

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8 Ways I’ve Become A Better Coach

October 18th, 2018 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Nick Notas Mount Major

The other day, a new client asked me, “You’ve been coaching for a long time. How has your coaching and the advice you give to clients changed?”

This took me by pleasant surprise.

Most people ask about my past or about where I’m at now. They want to know about my self-improvement journey. They want to know about the people I work with and the problems I try to solve.

It’s rare someone wants to know how my approach to all this has changed over the years.

So it got me thinking…

I want to give you all a behind-the-scenes look at the evolution of a dating coach. Specifically, I want to share how I’ve learned to coach people better and become a better coach.

I tell you all the time to get out there and have real-world experiences. Those experiences then challenge you to grow and adapt.

The same goes for me as a coach. Working hands-on with people has transformed my abilities to help others. I couldn’t have gained the insight I possess from only reading books.

I do things a lot differently now than when I first started. My values have changed and my advice has been re-prioritized. I’ve discovered what changes people for the long-term and what should be completely disregarded.

Here’s how I’ve changed and why you should, too….

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How The Weight of Emotional Baggage Crushes Your Relationships

September 24th, 2018 by Nick Notas 12 Comments

Emotional baggage

Sometimes we carry scars from past relationships for years. Those experiences can be traumatic and leave a permanent mark on us.

If you’ve ever been hurt in a relationship, you probably want to avoid getting trapped in a similar situation ever again. It’s a normal response to try and stop yourself from feeling future pain.

But that automatic response can also be dangerous. Often in the process of trying to protect yourself, you carry around your emotional baggage and crush your future relationships under that massive weight.

So instead, I want to show you how you can do your best avoid future pain without poisoning your relationships along the way.

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How to Craft The Workout Plan You’ll Want to Stick to

August 30th, 2018 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Fun spartan race

I was NOT an athletic kid.

In little league, they put me in right field, where they thought I’d do as little damage as possible. Even then, I got yelled at for daydreaming and playing in the dirt as the rare ball whizzed by me.

I never played school sports again.

While I did ride my bike around town and climb trees in the woods, that was the hardest physical activity I endured until about 21 years old.

I was the chubby nerd growing up.

I messed around in gym class. I never lifted weights. I drank sugary juice drinks with silly faces on the bottles and devoured potato chips.

Eventually, I graduated to multiple daily Mountain Dews with steak and cheese sandwiches from my dad’s restaurant. (Damn, they were good though.)

I spent a lot of time indoors — at my house, at friends’ houses, or at the movies. I had no interest in unnecessary physicality. My youth was often spent running around digitally in video games instead.

Then one day everything changed.

At 21 years old, I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. My family had a history of diabetes and I couldn’t believe I was already on that path. I decided I had to start eating right and being active.

I lost 60lbs and have stayed at a healthy weight for ten years. About six years ago, I started taking cardio seriously. Then three years ago, I started strength training and building muscle.

Now, I’ve gone from hating sports to loving them. I can’t wait to get outdoors. I’ve built habits that keep me working out every week.

I’m not in perfect shape but I’m more active, strong, and healthy than I’ve ever been. And I have a ton of fun being this way.

While getting to this point required real effort, I believe it’s completely possible for anyone. I’ve found ways to make the process easier and build a more sustainable mindset. If my unathletic ass can do it, so can you.

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