I see genuine friendship as sacred. When your parents and older relatives are all gone, a great friend can be by your side for the rest of your life. They become part of your new family.
And it’s why I’m so frustrated by all the people I see being fake friends. It’s not always intentional but it has the same repercussions in the end.
This scenario happens every single month:
Someone comes to me for advice about a person they like. Maybe they met them on Tinder or at a party. Maybe they’ve known them for a while.
Eventually, they gain the courage to make a move. Sometimes, they get rejected. However, the other person tells them that they’d still like to be friends.
So they become…”friends”.
My client assures me that they value this friendship and aren’t looking for anything romantic. And that’s where the dishonesty starts.
Because at some point…
The person they like starts seeing someone else. Or they try flirting again with that person and they get rejected. Or my client ends up meeting someone themselves where there is mutual romantic interest.
And you know what often happens?
That friend they valued so much, becomes a nobody. Or they get angry at them for choosing other people. Then they forget about them.
Then they admit to themselves and to me that they really weren’t looking for a friendship at all.
Do you know how heartbreaking it is to find out someone you considered a friend was only there for the prospect of sex? That’s a surefire way to create trust issues and emotional baggage.
So for the sanctity of good friendships everywhere, I want to minimize this shit before it even happens. The best way I know how is by having you ask yourself honest questions to evaluate the validity of your friendship.
For ease of writing, let’s imagine this friend you’re thinking of is called “Jamie” — whether that’s a guy or a girl.