The Hidden Cost of Listening to Your Fears

August 26th, 2016 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Being scared often stops us from taking action to get what we want out of life.

We don’t introduce ourselves to a new girl. We don’t send out resumes to get a better job. We don’t have that awkward talk with our partners about needing alone time.

We put those things off and tell ourselves, “well, I can always try again later.”

That’s all fine….if you actually try again later.

But what if “later” takes too long? What if later actually becomes NEVER?

When you don’t go after what you want in the moment, you’re only thinking about the short-term protection of yourself. You get to avoid any pain, embarrassment, or rejection.

What you don’t realize is that you’re trading in short-term comfort for long-term misery. It’s hard to comprehend, but believe me, the hidden cost of listening to your fears is more significant than you could ever imagine.

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The Subtle Art of Sexy Conversation

August 10th, 2016 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Gettin' hot and heavy

Let’s talk about sex, baby…

Or at least HOW you get into more sexually charged conversations with new women.

It can be intimidating to take your conversation to that level, whether it’s in-person or over text. And I know the last thing you want to do is sound like a creepy perv sending dirty texts to a girl that has no interest in you.

But please, don’t assume that it’s wrong to use sexual conversation to flirt with women. They love it too, and not just from guys who are already their boyfriends.

Sexualizing conversation is ESSENTIAL to turning a woman on and getting her excited about sex with you.

We all think about sex and hell, most of us enjoy talking about it in the right context. And that’s the key – it has to feel appropriate.

What most don’t understand is that flirting with women is all about subtlety. You have to say a lot while only saying a little.

You don’t need to blatantly state your sexual intentions. In fact, you want almost everything to be implied initially. Then, once you’ve have started hooking up with a girl or having phone sex, you can be more obvious.

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How to Meet Women While Playing Pokemon Go

July 21st, 2016 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Meet_girls_Pokemon_Go

You knew this article was coming…

I went out with a client this weekend and saw swarms of people playing Pokemon Go in Boston. Walking down streets, sitting on benches, strolling through parks – everyone was furiously swiping up on their phones.

I thought about how incredible it was that complete strangers could sit close and talk to one another at Pokestops. And it wasn’t just a total brofest, tons of girls were playing, too.

And then I thought about how it would be a missed opportunity for these people to stay buried in their digital world while surrounded by such a friendly real world. For all you gamer introverts out there, you’re not going to find a better, in-person commonality than Pokemon Go to help you start easy conversations.

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When to Make the Right Choice Instead of the Safe Choice

July 6th, 2016 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

We are constantly faced with challenging decisions in life.

Frequently, we choose the safe path because it’s the easiest path. It’s the one that offers the most protection. It’s the choice that doesn’t push us to experience discomfort or embrace our fears.

But that may not always be the right choice.

Because the right choice is often much harder. It may throw us into the unknown, force us to confront ourselves or others, and endure much greater hardships.

It makes perfect sense to take the safe choice and I understand why so many people follow that route. But I’m here to tell you that the decisions you make can either hinder your development or propel your individual growth.

Decisions such as…

  • Telling a friend a harsh truth. The safe choice may be to avoid straining your friendship and just let them keep making mistakes. The right choice may be to try and help them even if it means upsetting your friend.
  • Stopping someone from getting harassed. The safe choice may be to keep walking by and not getting into a confrontation. The right choice may be to speak up and tell the perpetrator to back off even though it will draw their attention to you.
  • Breaking up with someone you know isn’t for you. The safe choice may be to keep your partner and not have to be lonely or put yourself out there again. The right choice may be to let your partner find someone who does want to be with them and find someone you do want to be with, too.

I remember a major decision that changed me to this day. Let’s just say I didn’t play it safe…

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Your Roadmap to the First 60 Seconds of Engaging Conversation

June 24th, 2016 by Pete Zbrojkiewicz 4 Comments

Today my friend Pete from Beard Strokings is going to teach you exactly what to say for the first 60 seconds of conversation in any situation.

When Pete first e-mailed me, he immediately stood out. He related to me about his old days playing Counter-Strike, talked about how he loved my message of better human connections, and shared how inspired he was to write about the same subjects of bringing people together.

We jumped on a video call and two things were apparent: he genuinely wanted to know who I was and could hold engaging conversation almost effortlessly. I could tell that he was someone who had put himself out there in the past and gotten tons of real-world social experience.

He had recorded YouTube videos asking people all sorts of social experiment questions. He had spent years pushing himself to talk to strangers. And he even created a card game to help people get out there and start talking to new people.

Then I read his content. He was incredibly thorough and you could tell he was calling on his own experiences to provide legitimate advice. A lot of people “talk the talk” in social skills but few people have actually taken the journey themselves. For that, I have immense respect for Pete and the work he does. 

Welcome Pete…

There’s a person standing in front of you. Gazing into your eyes. Expecting you to say something.

You expect yourself to say something in reply, and your eyes grow a little wider as you start to realise that nothing’s coming.

Are you imagining it…or do you also see fear in their eyes? The silence has stretched too far to be comfortable and you’re desperate to break it.

You blurt out a sentence that’s barely relevant to what you were talking about. You even trip over the words as you say them.

“Did that make sense or did I make this more awkward than it already was?” — your internal dialogue.

The person responds. It’s a normal response. Thank God.

You’re out of danger for now, and your conversation has a starting ground.

If the above is your method for finding a starting ground, it’s not a very good one.

It works some of the time, sure. But it’s unreliable.

The starting ground of a conversation can be whatever you want it to be. You’re only struggling to find it because you haven’t decided where you want the conversation to go yet.

It’s like you’re driving a car with a steering wheel that won’t stop spinning around, and it’s not one of Google’s self-driving cars, either. It’s a regular old hand-driven sedan.

How do you honestly expect to reliably gain momentum in your conversations when you have no control over where you’re going?

I think it’s time you installed a new steering wheel, my friend.

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How to Be Great With Women Even If It Doesn’t Come Naturally

June 9th, 2016 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

It’s hard to keep a positive attitude in dating when you’re not getting the results you want.  It’s even harder not to blame yourself for your lack of success and feel helpless to change it.

You probably believe that since you weren’t born with certain genes or because you don’t look a certain way — you’ll never be one of “those guys” who’s awesome with women.

If all that were true, however, I wouldn’t have a successful business coaching men for almost 10 years. I’ve helped men of all appearances and personalities become confident, charismatic, and attract the women they desire.

Yes, some men had an early advantage because they were brought up in a way that facilitated the development of excellent self-esteem and social skills. That’s why some guys seem to effortlessly create sparks with women. But if you weren’t fortunate enough to be taught this from a young age, you can still cultivate those same skills and habits as an adult.

In fact, the men who make a conscious effort to improve themselves often develop better skills than so-called “naturals”. Men who actively learn how to date usually get higher quality women, have more choices, and create healthier relationships through self-analysis and personal growth.

Naturals learn how to act through experience and don’t necessarily know why certain things work for them or how to continue to improve.

Go ask a friend who you think just “gets it” about what their secret is with women. You’ll usually get responses like, “You’ve just got to be yourself.” or “I don’t know, I just talk to them and it works out.” They don’t exactly understand their success and therefore have a hard time building upon it.

On the other hand, men who decide to improve themselves start from a clean slate and fresh perspective. They’ve seen what doesn’t work which makes it easier to see what does. And they’ve endured the worst of it, which makes them stronger to handle hurdles in the future.

To see your potential, you need accept that you’re not permanently screwed up and that you can change. You just have to understand how your upbringing affected you and then practice new behaviors to overcome it.

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You Need More Than Your Academic Education to Survive

June 2nd, 2016 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

 

Our parents taught us the value of education. We were pushed to study hard, get into a great school, and achieve that fancy piece of paper.

Most of our generation entered this world proud of those accomplishments. We believed all that work would pay off and provide an easy, sustainable life.

Only now we’re all realizing that a college degree doesn’t mean we’re going to get the job of our dreams. In fact, the value of our degree is diminishing as more people get them and more people get higher level degrees.

The merits of a prestigious school are dwindling, too. Many employers don’t care about the university you attended. They care about your portfolio and experience, interview skills, and connections.

Many people are applying to dozens upon dozens of jobs with no success. This trend is only going to continue as more jobs are replaced by technology. We’re already estimating 5 million US jobs will be replaced with robots by 2020 and another 80 million replaced in the next 10-20 years.

And most of all, we have a generation who spent their entire life focusing on academics that can’t attract the people they want into their lives or maintain healthy relationships.

I have nothing against education. In fact, I think education is at the core of human survival. But we need to start thinking of your primary education as more than just an engineering degree from MIT.

This isn’t the industrial age. This is the information age.

The most important skills in life aren’t taught in school anymore.

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How to Become Magnetic: A Guide to Charm and Charisma

May 24th, 2016 by Jason Connell 13 Comments

Charmed woman

My close friend Jason Connell is dangerously charismatic. After meeting him only twice, my fiancé felt so close to him, that she asked him to officiate our wedding later this summer.
 
Jason’s ability to charm, understand, and connect with people has enabled him to create a life most people can only dream of.

A short list of examples includes:

  • Two months after moving across the US to a city where he knew no one, he was hosting epic dinner parties with influential thought leaders.
  • He doesn’t have to put much effort into meeting girls because his female friends go out of their way to set him up with gorgeous women. At one point, he was even dating two models at the same time.
  • He periodically scores invites to celebrity parties, including an invitation to have dinner with one of his idols, Penn Jillette, at Penn’s house.
  • As an entrepreneur, his businesses have grown organically and often outpace competition because his clients actually care about him and want to invest in his success.
  • And on a personal note, whenever I spend time with Jason, I always learn something about charisma, human connection, and even myself. It leaves me looking forward to the next time we hang out.

You might think that Jason is some sort of suave, extroverted dude. But that’s not the case.

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Are You Finally Ready to Conquer Confidence?

May 20th, 2016 by Nick Notas 0 Comments

Majorca_Retreat_2016

 

Don’t you wish you could feel confident and outgoing walking into any room?

Imagine being the type of man with an unshakeable presence that instantly commands attention.

It’s time to make that a reality. It’s time to create an empowering life without anxiety or constant self-criticism.

Julian Reisinger (of LoveLife Solved) and I are proud to announce Conquer Confidence. This is a 5-day retreat where we teach you the mindset and skills necessary to overcome your fears and become an attractive leader. It will provide you with social experiences that obliterate your comfort zone and develop genuine, lasting confidence for any situation.

Join 12 like-minded men this July 31-August 5 on the island of Majorca, Spain in a luxury mansion.

Click here for more info and apply now.

5 Ways You’re Too Available With Women

May 12th, 2016 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Open_all_the_time

Problem: You’re talking to a new girl, and you don’t want her to think you’re too available (and therefore desperate.)

Solution: You take a long time to respond to all types of communication.

Right?

Wrong!

Artificially waiting to reply only encourages the same kind of behavior from women. It makes you look like you’re not that interested. And they aren’t excited to go on a date with you because you haven’t created a strong enough connection.

In turn, women delay messaging you back because they don’t want put themselves out there to someone who’s not that into them.

This all results in frustrating, dead-end conversations. And no dates.

If you get a message from your friends, do you even think twice about replying? Of course not. So why should texting women be any different? It shouldn’t be. And pretending to be too busy to respond shows how much you’re seeking approval.

If you’re having engaging conversation (which is a different topic in itself), a woman isn’t going to be turned off by you responding to her in a timely fashion

So, to return to our original problem — you may be too available with women, but not in the ways that you think. It has to do more with how you prioritize a woman you barely know and how much you value your time.

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