How to Remain Dignified While Being Rejected

October 23rd, 2014 by Nick Notas 15 Comments

Wolverine Explosion

 

I looked around the club and saw her. She had tanned skin, tall black boots, and danced hypnotically with her girl friends.

I had to meet her.

A dozen guys stood around the room, holding their drinks and leering. No one had the guts to go up to the group of girls.

I wanted to be the guy to do it. With the help of some liquid courage, of course.

I downed my drink and walked towards her. My legs felt like jello with every step. I stopped in front of her, smiled, and said, “Hey.”

She gazed into my eyes and returned a smile. Her friends listened closely.

I thought to myself, Yes, Im in!

But almost immediately, her smile warped into a sneer. She said,

“Do you even like women?”

She was insulting me, questioning my sexuality. And it wasn’t in a playful, challenging kind of way.

(Being honest though, I did dress a little metrosexual back then.)

I tried to hold my ground and replied, “Damn right I do.”

She snickered and in an exaggerated tone said, “Suuure you do. Please, you wouldn’t even know what to do with a real woman.”

Before I could get in another word, she turned around and started laughing. Her friends joined in.

There I stood, rejected, with a group of girls mocking my misfortune and a room full of guys watching it all go down.

I was devastated. I was humiliated. And I was furious. I wanted to say something that made her feel like shit — just like I did.

Instead, I walked away with my fists clenched and left to another bar. Later that night, I met a sweet girl who I immediately hit it off with.

That was one of the worst rejections I’ve faced over the years. As awful as it may have seemed, I’m glad I handled it with dignity. Because it’s choices like those which have allowed me to become a stronger man even from the most horrible rejections.  

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How to Reject Men Safely and Respectfully

October 17th, 2014 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Girl Walking Away

Being rejected sucks. But rejecting someone can suck just as much.

Contrary to what many men believe, most women don’t enjoy turning someone down. It’s awkward. It’s intense. And it can lead to uncomfortable or even dangerous situations.

Because of this, women try to reject others “gently” to protect themselves. Ironically, this usually ends up hurting men more and causes worse problems for everyone.

I’m here to show you how to reject men in a mature, respectful way that’s in your best interests, too.

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Should You Try to Get Your Ex Back?

October 9th, 2014 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Broken Heart Ex

Yesterday I was on the phone with a long-time client, Jon.

Jon told me how he finally feels like he’s in a good place. His business is thriving, he’s grown tremendously as a person over the last few years, and he’s casually seeing two gorgeous women.

He then asked me, “So, do you think I should reach out to my ex, to see if anything’s still there?”

This surprised me.

Why? Because of the way he phrased the question.

I have an endless supply of guys asking me, “How do I get my ex-girlfriend back?” They’ve already made up their mind and are determined to win her at all costs. And generally, it’s a huge red flag.

But it’s rare for someone to ask me if it’s a good idea in the first place. And not because they need my approval, but because they are truly evaluating whether or not it’s a smart, healthy decision.

I replied to Jon, “Before I answer, let me ask you some questions..”

Here are the six questions I asked him. If you’ve ever thought about getting your ex back, answer these honestly and you’ll know if it’s the right thing to do.

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Do or Die (Literally): The Surefire Way to Achieve Your Goals

October 2nd, 2014 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

What did you want to be Raymond?

You can bet Raymond went to Veterinary school. If you don’t get this picture, click to watch the video.

 

During a drive the other day, I listened to Quitters, Inc.by Stephen King.

It’s the tale of a married man named Dick Morrison. An old college roommate runs into Dick and refers him to a company called, “Quitters, Inc.” With their help, his roommate successfully quit smoking and got a big promotion at work. However, he’s unable to reveal exactly how they turned his life around.

Dick eventually decides to go for a consultation. He meets with his case officer Victor Donatti and signs a nondisclosure agreement.

Victor tells him that Quitters, Inc. has a spectacular 98% success rate. They’re so confident about your success that you don’t have to pay anything until a year after you see results. 

So how do they do it?

They use “aversion therapy” to hold you extremely accountable.

Quitters Inc. will electroshock you, cut off your wife’s fingers, and beat your child if you smoke. And they’ll kill you if you repeatedly break their cold-turkey rules.

When listening, I couldn’t help but think, “This is a really twisted idea. But damn, it would definitely work.” 

Of course, being a pragmatist myself, I tried to figure out how I could use this idea to help others…without having to chop off fingers, of course.

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How to Avoid Having a Shitty Relationship

September 26th, 2014 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Jay-Z and Beyonce Fist Bumpin'

 

We all know about the running joke that romantic relationships are a source of misery.

We grew up on shows like Married With Children where Al Bundy hated having to hang out with his wife Peg. We hear friends challenge each other with, “You’re so whipped!” And serious couples give us ominous warnings such as, “Don’t get married.” or “It’s all good now, but wait until the honeymoon is over.”

These may make us laugh but they also reinforce that our partners are a burden on our lives.

It’s true that maintaining a happy, healthy relationship takes work. But that doesn’t mean it has to suck.

The secret lies in finding a relationship that makes life easier and more fulfilling for you. With a compatible partner and mutual support, your relationship should decrease outside stresses, increase productivity, and improve the quality of your lives. 

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You Need to Stop Selling Yourself to Women

September 18th, 2014 by Nick Notas 16 Comments

Danny Devito Matilda Salesman

 

No one likes being sold to.

When I worked in real estate, I cold called people to pitch them on refinancing their mortgage.

Nearly every person who picked up the phone was annoyed. Even when my offer was potentially useful, I struggled to get anyone to hear me out.

I had way more people tell me “Fuck off!” than “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called!”

It’s because people are turned off by “salesmen”. They envision guys with ill-fitting suits trying to convince them to buy something they don’t want.

So where dating is concerned, I tell my clients: “Be the buyer, not the seller.”

This means approaching women with the mindset that YOU are choosing a compatible person for YOU. You should not be acting like a desperate salesman trying to prove that you’re good enough.

Being the “seller” means you value the approval of others over your own opinion of yourself. You worry about their judgment and you work hard to impress them. You’re afraid of losing any opportunity (scarcity) rather than focusing on finding ones that you find fulfilling (abundance).

This is an unconfident, needy mindset. As I’ve written before, neediness is the biggest turn-off for women.

But implementing the “buyer” mindset means raising your self-esteem. I know that’s not easy to do overnight.

What you need to do is change your behavior and develop new habits that breed a high-value mindset. So I created 4 exercises that will help you cultivate a confident mentality of choice and abundance.

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8 Lies You’ve Been Taught Since Childhood

September 11th, 2014 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Hollywood Lies

What do Hollywood, religion, D.A.R.E, health class, and your friends and family have in common?

They’ve all lied to you from a young age.

Now I’m not saying these lies were all calculated because they weren’t.

But even when your loved ones’ intentions were pure, they let emotional sentiment, tradition, or misinformation influence their advice. When they tried to help, they gave you generic, anecdotal tips that weren’t very useful. Sometimes, they were just plain wrong.

And you suffered the damaging consequences because of it.

I know this because we’ve all been swindled by these common myths. So I’m here to reveal the truth and set you on the right path.

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18 Traits of Successful (and Not So Successful) People

August 28th, 2014 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

White Collar Success

 

You may think that successful people have a mystical quality about them. Or that they’re in on some secret that you don’t know about.

You see them lead abundant lives filled with friendships, romantic prospects, and even wealth. They’re confident. They’re “lucky” and good things always seem to happen to them.

In my years of coaching, I’ve seen all types of people succeed — tall, short, black, white, weird, foreign, rich, and poor. They achieved goals such as dating more, building self-esteem, getting fit, and excelling in business.

These individuals weren’t born with special abilities that “unsuccessful” people don’t have. To think that way is an insult to everything they’ve worked for.

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What Other Choice Do You Have?

August 19th, 2014 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

What choice do I have?

 

Think of an important goal you wish you could achieve. 

Something that really intimidates you. Something that you haven’t begun working towards because it challenges your comfort zone.

That could be…

Getting a job (or a better job). Making more friends. Getting in shape. Writing a book. Or meeting more women – both in-person and online.

So why haven’t you taken any steps to reach that goal?

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Why You Need to Go Out and Get Rejected

August 14th, 2014 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

You have been certifiably rejected -- be proud 

Yesterday, I got my hair cut by an old-school Italian barber. 

After he found out what I did for a living, he showed me a picture of his attractive, fit 63-year old girlfriend. Yes, it was kind of awkward.

He told me…

“You know what I learned that helped me the most with women?

Don’t wait around. Make a move — you’re going to get a yes or a no. It’s one answer from one person. When you get a ‘no’, find a girl who will say ‘yes’. ”

It’s simple but true — just because one particular person isn’t interested, doesn’t mean the entire world hates you. And from my experiences, the people who get rejected the most succeed the most often.

So, it’s time to get rejected. I want you to be turned down, scoffed at, and cold-shouldered.

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