Can Men and Women Really Be Friends?

April 24th, 2015 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Boy and Girl Friends

Few questions spark a more passionate debate than this one. 

When asking women, you’ll usually hear, “Yes!” When asking men, you’ll usually hear, “Of course not.” or “Only if the guy is gay.”

This sucks for many women to hear. It’s depressing to think that no man can be a real friend, no matter how well you get along.

However, it’s not that black and white. I think the correct answer is, “Yes…but only under the right circumstances.”

Growing up, two of my best friends were girls. But I’ll admit, things were made easier because I was never physically attracted to either of them.

Here’s the first nugget of truth about male-female friendships…

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How to Have Sexual Conversations with Women

April 10th, 2015 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Clark Gable Flirting

“My friend and I just made a bet and we want you to settle it. Who do you think masturbates more — men or women?”

I’d just read some pick-up advice that told me to approach girls in bars with that question. And I was positive I was going to get slapped that night. 

They stared back in disbelief and laughed nervously. One of the girls scoffed, “Are you serious right now? Why are you even asking us that?”

I was mortified. I felt ashamed. I stumbled over my words trying to explain myself, “Umm..I’m not trying to be weird. I’m sorry if it came off like that.”

They told me how it was weird and they weren’t going to answer a question like that. I apologized and walked away back to my friend.

I figured I must be doing something wrong. So I tried again with another group, and then another. I kept getting the same negative reactions.

After downing a drink (or two), I decided to try again with another group. They initially gave me the same attitude, but this time the liquid courage gave me a comeback.

With a tipsy grin I shot back, “Oh please, we’re all adults here. We all do it, it’s not a big deal.”

As I awaited the wrath of three women, I was surprised to hear them laughing and sharing their opinions. They even began debating each other and trying to argue their viewpoints playfully to me.

After a couple of minutes, we were all introducing ourselves and hitting it off like old friends.

Why did women suddenly respond with enthusiasm rather than distaste?

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How to Break Up Without All the Heartbreak

March 26th, 2015 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Hear

 

She said, “When I can’t sleep, I want you to stay up with me.”

“I can’t do that. I have to get some sleep for work.”

It was 3:00 AM and I had to leave for work in a few hours. The girl I’d been seeing for a couple months was an insomniac.

“Well I don’t care, as long I’m your girlfriend then I expect you to stay awake.” She snapped.

That was it for me. I lost it.

“Get out of my bed and get your stuff. I’m taking you home.”

We drove 20 minutes to her house in silence.  I dropped her off and the only thing I said was, “I’m sorry but this isn’t working. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

She muttered, “Okay,” and left. I think she was shocked at how abruptly I kicked her out into the cold night and broke off our relationship.

I never spoke to her again.

I’m not proud of the way I handled the situation. I was young, immature, and an asshole.

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10 Mistakes That Make You Look Desperate

March 10th, 2015 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Kiss_Me_I'm_Desperate

During the early stages of dating, a girl doesn’t want to feel that you’re way more invested than she is.

She wants you to be secure, not clingy. She wants you to see her as a person, not idealize her. And she wants to know you are choosing her – and not just because you’re desperate for a girlfriend.

Now I’ve written before about how neediness is a state of mind and not necessarily your actions. Anything you do can be needy or not needy.

But I would be naive to think that some behaviors didn’t still look “desperate”, even if they’re coming from a healthy place.

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10 Ways Men Blow Their Dating Opportunities

February 25th, 2015 by Nick Notas 15 Comments

Wile E Coyote Blown Up

Gaining new potential customers is the lifeblood for any business. Sales is not only about finding new connections, but nurturing them and creating deeper relationships.

So any good salesperson knows that it’s not about how many names and numbers you collect, but how you follow up with them that counts.

As you can guess, this also applies to dating.

A lot of you come to me saying, “I don’t have any potential women in my life.” When I ask about your methods, I often learn that you HAVE opportunities, you just don’t capitalize on them!

You throw away your romantic prospects for a variety of reasons…

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How to Stop Being Socially Awkward

February 18th, 2015 by Mark Belden 7 Comments

Man Woman Talking Naturally at a Bar

 

This is a guest post by Mark Belden, the founder of The New Man Within.

As soon as I decided to talk to her, my heart started pounding. We were running around the track in our high school gym class. I had been gearing myself up for weeks to say hi to her.

I ran up next to her and said, “Hey, aren’t you dating Cole?” (I knew she was dating Cole.)

Her: “Yeah, how did you know?”

Me: “I’m friends with him and he told me.”

Her: “Oh… cool.”

She looked over at me wondering if I was going to say anything else. I didn’t. She pulled ahead while I slowed down and wondered if I would be awkward forever.

This wasn’t the only interaction that went like this. I have a journal filled with conversations that I wrote down and tried to decipher why I kept feeling so out of place. I had developed a skill of starting a conversation and then immediately ruining it.

All of these negative experiences led to low self esteem and labeling myself as socially awkward.

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Why You Shouldn’t Just Settle For Anyone

February 10th, 2015 by Nick Notas 14 Comments

Low Expectations Keep Everyone Happy

People give more thought to choosing their next Amazon purchase than to choosing their next relationship.

When it comes to romance, everyone is in such a hurry. You jump into a relationship with the first person who shows you interest. You commit to being exclusive before you’ve even gotten a chance to really know each other.

I think that’s insane! You’re playing Russian roulette and hoping that this person is going to be a good match for you.

I know you’re eager to find love, but being in an unhappy relationship is much worse than being alone. Especially if you’re trying to find someone you plan to be with forever, you shouldn’t just settle for anyone. Choosing the wrong person will affect your entire life.

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How to Break Free From Feeling Helpless

January 29th, 2015 by Nick Notas 17 Comments

Helpless Man

 

When I began coaching, I expected people to come to me with all sorts of problems. 

But I never expected so many to tell me, “Nick, I feel totally stuck. I’ve tried everything but I just don’t have what it takes. My life is hopeless, so why should I bother trying?”

These people feel completely helpless in their lives. They feel like they have no control over achieving their goals or finding fulfillment.

The first time I heard this, it hit me hard. Because I remember how trapped and powerless I felt years ago. 

In the span of months, my dad had a heart attack and was forced to close our family restaurant. I had to drop out of college to support my family. My friends all moved to colleges out of state and my social circle disappeared. Then my girlfriend of two years dumped me.

It seemed like there was nothing I could do to stop the shit storm. I believed I was destined for unhappiness.

So I blamed myself. I blamed others. I wallowed in self-pity. For a long time, I did nothing and nothing changed.

I was experiencing a mindset called learned helplessness. And it kept me miserable and from getting what I wanted out of life.

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18 Exercises to Overcome Your Fear of Meeting People

January 21st, 2015 by Nick Notas 19 Comments

Nervous man approach anxiety

Everybody wants the ability to introduce themselves to someone they find attractive. Yet many of us struggle with this endlessly.

We have “approach anxiety” so deeply rooted that no one else can help us conquer it. Because the only proven way to crush our fears are through our own experiences.

You need to show your brain that…

  • You’re fully capable of approaching new people.
  • Many of them will respond positively and want to meet you. Even when some aren’t interested, they’re often flattered and polite.
  • Whatever happens, you will be just fine and stronger because of it.

A lot of people never learn to overcome approach anxiety because they believe they have to start with full approaches and full conversations. However, anything that pushes your comfort zone and gets you in front of new people is progress.

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The Cultural Movement That’s Destroying Dating For Everyone

January 14th, 2015 by Nick Notas 40 Comments

Anti Flirt Club

A client recently told me, “I’m scared, Nick. I’m scared that if I say ‘Hi’ to a new girl I’ll be a labeled as a predator.”

“C’mon man, that’s not going to happen.” I replied.

“Really? One of my female friends said that if a random guy even smiles at her, it’s sexual assault.”

I was speechless! But mostly, I was angry.

There’s a rapidly growing culture that promotes safe sex, consent, and healthier relationships for women. It seeks to empower women and I’m all for it.

However, this message is being misinterpreted and taken to extremes. It unintentionally condones complete female control while subtly shaming men for their natural sexual desires.

It’s really becoming an anti-flirting movement. 

And both men and women are perpetuating it and suffering because of it.

If we don’t put a stop to this school of thought, I worry it’ll be the death of healthy relationships.

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