You Need to Stop Selling Yourself to Women

September 18th, 2014 by Nick Notas 10 Comments

Danny Devito Matilda Salesman

 

No one likes being sold to.

When I worked in real estate, I cold called people to pitch them on refinancing their mortgage.

Nearly every person who picked up the phone was annoyed. Even when my offer was potentially useful, I struggled to get anyone to hear me out.

I had way more people tell me “Fuck off!” than “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called!”

It’s because people are turned off by “salesmen”. They envision guys with ill-fitting suits trying to convince them to buy something they don’t want.

So where dating is concerned, I tell my clients: “Be the buyer, not the seller.”

This means approaching women with the mindset that YOU are choosing a compatible person for YOU. You should not be acting like a desperate salesman trying to prove that you’re good enough.

Being the “seller” means you value the approval of others over your own opinion of yourself. You worry about their judgment and you work hard to impress them. You’re afraid of losing any opportunity (scarcity) rather than focusing on finding ones that you find fulfilling (abundance).

This is an unconfident, needy mindset. As I’ve written before, neediness is the biggest turn-off for women.

But implementing the “buyer” mindset means raising your self-esteem. I know that’s not easy to do overnight.

What you need to do is change your behavior and develop new habits that breed a high-value mindset. So I created 4 exercises that will help you cultivate a confident mentality of choice and abundance.

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8 Lies You’ve Been Taught Since Childhood

September 11th, 2014 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Hollywood Lies

What do Hollywood, religion, D.A.R.E, health class, and your friends and family have in common?

They’ve all lied to you from a young age.

Now I’m not saying these lies were all calculated because they weren’t.

But even when your loved ones’ intentions were pure, they let emotional sentiment, tradition, or misinformation influence their advice. When they tried to help, they gave you generic, anecdotal tips that weren’t very useful. Sometimes, they were just plain wrong.

And you suffered the damaging consequences because of it.

I know this because we’ve all been swindled by these common myths. So I’m here to reveal the truth and set you on the right path.

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18 Traits of Successful (and Not So Successful) People

August 28th, 2014 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

White Collar Success

 

You may think that successful people have a mystical quality about them. Or that they’re in on some secret that you don’t know about.

You see them lead abundant lives filled with friendships, romantic prospects, and even wealth. They’re confident. They’re “lucky” and good things always seem to happen to them.

In my years of coaching, I’ve seen all types of people succeed — tall, short, black, white, weird, foreign, rich, and poor. They achieved goals such as dating more, building self-esteem, getting fit, and excelling in business.

These individuals weren’t born with special abilities that “unsuccessful” people don’t have. To think that way is an insult to everything they’ve worked for.

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What Other Choice Do You Have?

August 19th, 2014 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

What choice do I have?

 

Think of an important goal you wish you could achieve. 

Something that really intimidates you. Something that you haven’t begun working towards because it challenges your comfort zone.

That could be…

Getting a job (or a better job). Making more friends. Getting in shape. Writing a book. Or meeting more women – both in-person and online.

So why haven’t you taken any steps to reach that goal?

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Why You Need to Go Out and Get Rejected

August 14th, 2014 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

You have been certifiably rejected -- be proud 

Yesterday, I got my hair cut by an old-school Italian barber. 

After he found out what I did for a living, he showed me a picture of his attractive, fit 63-year old girlfriend. Yes, it was kind of awkward.

He told me…

“You know what I learned that helped me the most with women?

Don’t wait around. Make a move — you’re going to get a yes or a no. It’s one answer from one person. When you get a ‘no’, find a girl who will say ‘yes’. ”

It’s simple but true — just because one particular person isn’t interested, doesn’t mean the entire world hates you. And from my experiences, the people who get rejected the most succeed the most often.

So, it’s time to get rejected. I want you to be turned down, scoffed at, and cold-shouldered.

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6 First Date Tips That Are Actually Useful

August 7th, 2014 by Nick Notas 12 Comments

This guy is doing it right. 

I can hear you cringing already…

“Oh god, not another first date article. This is the 20th one I’ve read online this week.”

I’m right there with you. I’m tired of seeing generic first date tips such as “be positive, be yourself, and be nice to the wait staff.”

The advice may be correct but we’ve heard it a thousand times. And that alone doesn’t always ensure successful romantic connections. We need more.

So let’s talk about some actually useful tips for a first date.

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7 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

July 29th, 2014 by Nick Notas 15 Comments

Sure it is ;)

Sometimes women will be direct and tell you when they’re not interested. Most of the time, however, they’re much more subtle. This unfortunately causes many men to chase women that they shouldn’t waste their time on.

You can try to rationalize why girls are denying your advances and ignoring you. You can think, “There must be some other reason why things aren’t going anywhere.” You probably have a hard time accepting that a woman’s just not interested.

And when you finally realize the truth, you refuse to let go. You try everything in your power to change a woman’s mind. But by the time you’re getting the cold shoulder, it’s usually too late. A woman knows early on whether or not she’s attracted to you.

When a woman wants a man, she won’t let him slip away so easily. She’s going to invest in him. She’s not going to say, “I like this guy so much. I should dodge him, not hang out, and frustrate the hell out of him!”

It’s time you take the hint. Stop wasting energy on women who aren’t really interested. The amount of emotional turmoil you put yourself through just isn’t worth it.

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Who’s the Most Confident Man in the Room?

July 25th, 2014 by Nick Notas 14 Comments

Confident Man in Room

Imagine you just walked into a bar. 

You walk to get a drink and introduce yourself to the bartender. After talking for a bit, he offers you the chance to win free drinks. He says he wants to play a game.

He gets to point out three guys. Through only observation and a short description, you have to figure out who is the most confident man in the room. If you get it right, drinks on the house.

The bartender warns you that the answer isn’t obvious. And in fact, every other person who’s played tonight has gotten it wrong.

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Is Your Race Ruining Your Romantic Life?

July 17th, 2014 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

John Cho Kal Penn With Girls

 

My father left Greece and came to the states in the early ‘70s. He barely spoke English and had a thick accent. Now he can read and write fluently but still hasn’t lost the accent.

He started as a line worker at an electronics company. Within a couple of years, he moved up the ranks to a production manager overseeing dozens of employees. At that time, he still had to have his secretary write memos for him.

Yet he still managed to be an inspiring leader, build a great social circle, and become close friends with the CEO of the company. In those years, he dated many women until he married my mother, an attractive woman 10 years younger than him.

My father eventually left the electronics company to start his dream of owning a restaurant. He faced the usual obstacles: his food was good but not award-winning. His location was surrounded by competition.

So how did he stay afloat for over 20 years in an industry where 60% of all new businesses fail within 3 years?

He utilized his versatile people skills and ability to attract others. He was charismatic despite looking like, sounding like, and actually being a complete foreigner.

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9 Things That Threaten the Male Ego But Shouldn’t

July 11th, 2014 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

Grind Brain Gears

As men, we are often driven by our pride. So when something makes us feel inferior, we respond with defense mechanisms.

We get angry or frustrated. We go on the offensive. We take it out on others.

Most of the time, things that set us off shouldn’t even bother us. We let our ego get in the way of rational thought.

You’re wasting too much time and energy for no reason. And when you’re that upset over nothing, you’re unable to build positive, productive habits. So please stop letting these 9 things threaten your masculinity.

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