The Good Side of “Bad” Attitudes

May 21st, 2015 by Nick Notas 10 Comments

Michael_Jackson_Bad

 

As I get older, I’ve become much more of a critical thinker. I used to be set in my ways: I’d form an opinion and take sides before seeing the whole picture.

Nowadays, I try to look at things from all angles. I’m always trying to challenge my beliefs and the status quo. I’m always asking questions like…

“Is this true? Well…why do I believe it to be true? Is it because I’m afraid to admit I’m wrong? Is it because it’s always been that way? Is it because it makes me feel insecure? Is there another viewpoint I should consider?”

We became humans and rose to top of the food chain through evolution. Survival of the fittest. If you aren’t willing to adapt or change, that’s the death of personal growth. 

Lately I’ve been thinking about so-called “bad” qualities in people. The traits that much of society deem as unhealthy and that tell us we should avoid. And I just keep asking myself…are they really that bad? 

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How to Be A Workplace MVP and Get Paid Like One

May 14th, 2015 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Stephen Curry MVP

“The job is what you do when you are told what to do. The job is showing up at the factory, following instructions, meeting spec, and being managed.

Someone can always do your job a little better or faster or cheaper than you can.

The job might be difficult, it might require skill, but it’s a job.

Your art is what you do when no one can tell you exactly how to do it. Your art is the act of taking personal responsibility, challenging the status quo, and changing people.

I call the process of doing your art ‘the work.’ It’s possible to have a job and do the work, too. In fact, that’s how you become a linchpin.

The job is not the work.” ― Seth Godin, Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?

Seth wrote this in his national best-seller five years ago, and it’s still relevant today.

The job market has more competition than ever before. You’re going against dozens, if not hundreds, of people clawing for the same position. They have the skills, the degrees, and the connections needed for the job. It’s not good enough to show up and work hard anymore — you need to stand out.

Smart companies want thinkers and innovators. They want employees who are motivated, communicative, and loyal to something they believe in.

Most of all, they want to see fire and passion in your eyes. You have to love where you work and drink the kool-aid. No one wants an apathetic employee who barely gets through the day.

Here’s how to become a workplace MVP and start getting paid like one.

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9 Bullshit Excuses You Use to Avoid Meeting Women

May 7th, 2015 by Nick Notas 25 Comments

Nervous_Collar_Pulling

Recently, I got a call from the first friend I ever started going out to meet people with.

We’d both built different lives on different coasts and it had been 2 ½ years since we last spoke. He told me he was flying back to Boston soon to see family and wanted to share some exciting news.

I had no idea of what to expect of him. I knew him as a shaggy-haired drummer with little fashion sense. He’d been scared of talking to women and always had an excuse ready to psych himself out of it.

We’d pushed ourselves for years to become more confident, social men. But I didn’t know whether or not he’d continued to grow since then.

So when he walked into our favorite Thai place, my question was answered. He was in great shape, wore a stylish leather jacket and sunglasses, and greeted me with a confident smile.

We immediately fell back into easy conversation. He told me about his successful career in data analysis and his awesome relationship with his fiancee. He asked me about my business and my life. He was well-spoken, a good listener, and completely humble.

Then he paused and said, “I want to ask you something…will you be my best man at my wedding?”

I was speechless and felt a rush of emotion. I finally responded, “Why you’d choose me?”

“Because I owe everything to you. If it wasn’t for you calling me out on my bullshit excuses, I never would have met my fiancee. More than that, I wouldn’t have been able to hold a healthy relationship with her. And I wouldn’t have become who I am today.”

By letting go of his limiting beliefs, my friend altered the course of his life. Now it’s time for you to stop making these 9 excuses and land the woman of your dreams.

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Can Men and Women Really Be Friends?

April 24th, 2015 by Nick Notas 12 Comments

Boy and Girl Friends

Few questions spark a more passionate debate than this one. 

When asking women, you’ll usually hear, “Yes!” When asking men, you’ll usually hear, “Of course not.” or “Only if the guy is gay.”

This sucks for many women to hear. It’s depressing to think that no man can be a real friend, no matter how well you get along.

However, it’s not that black and white. I think the correct answer is, “Yes…but only under the right circumstances.”

Growing up, two of my best friends were girls. But I’ll admit, things were made easier because I was never physically attracted to either of them.

Here’s the first nugget of truth about male-female friendships…

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How to Have Sexual Conversations with Women

April 10th, 2015 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Clark Gable Flirting

“My friend and I just made a bet and we want you to settle it. Who do you think masturbates more — men or women?”

I’d just read some pick-up advice that told me to approach girls in bars with that question. And I was positive I was going to get slapped that night. 

They stared back in disbelief and laughed nervously. One of the girls scoffed, “Are you serious right now? Why are you even asking us that?”

I was mortified. I felt ashamed. I stumbled over my words trying to explain myself, “Umm..I’m not trying to be weird. I’m sorry if it came off like that.”

They told me how it was weird and they weren’t going to answer a question like that. I apologized and walked away back to my friend.

I figured I must be doing something wrong. So I tried again with another group, and then another. I kept getting the same negative reactions.

After downing a drink (or two), I decided to try again with another group. They initially gave me the same attitude, but this time the liquid courage gave me a comeback.

With a tipsy grin I shot back, “Oh please, we’re all adults here. We all do it, it’s not a big deal.”

As I awaited the wrath of three women, I was surprised to hear them laughing and sharing their opinions. They even began debating each other and trying to argue their viewpoints playfully to me.

After a couple of minutes, we were all introducing ourselves and hitting it off like old friends.

Why did women suddenly respond with enthusiasm rather than distaste?

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How to Break Up Without All the Heartbreak

March 26th, 2015 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Hear

 

She said, “When I can’t sleep, I want you to stay up with me.”

“I can’t do that. I have to get some sleep for work.”

It was 3:00 AM and I had to leave for work in a few hours. The girl I’d been seeing for a couple months was an insomniac.

“Well I don’t care, as long I’m your girlfriend then I expect you to stay awake.” She snapped.

That was it for me. I lost it.

“Get out of my bed and get your stuff. I’m taking you home.”

We drove 20 minutes to her house in silence.  I dropped her off and the only thing I said was, “I’m sorry but this isn’t working. I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”

She muttered, “Okay,” and left. I think she was shocked at how abruptly I kicked her out into the cold night and broke off our relationship.

I never spoke to her again.

I’m not proud of the way I handled the situation. I was young, immature, and an asshole.

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10 Mistakes That Make You Look Desperate

March 10th, 2015 by Nick Notas 12 Comments

Kiss_Me_I'm_Desperate

During the early stages of dating, a girl doesn’t want to feel that you’re way more invested than she is.

She wants you to be secure, not clingy. She wants you to see her as a person, not idealize her. And she wants to know you are choosing her – and not just because you’re desperate for a girlfriend.

Now I’ve written before about how neediness is a state of mind and not necessarily your actions. Anything you do can be needy or not needy.

But I would be naive to think that some behaviors didn’t still look “desperate”, even if they’re coming from a healthy place.

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10 Ways Men Blow Their Dating Opportunities

February 25th, 2015 by Nick Notas 15 Comments

Wile E Coyote Blown Up

Gaining new potential customers is the lifeblood for any business. Sales is not only about finding new connections, but nurturing them and creating deeper relationships.

So any good salesperson knows that it’s not about how many names and numbers you collect, but how you follow up with them that counts.

As you can guess, this also applies to dating.

A lot of you come to me saying, “I don’t have any potential women in my life.” When I ask about your methods, I often learn that you HAVE opportunities, you just don’t capitalize on them!

You throw away your romantic prospects for a variety of reasons…

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How to Stop Being Socially Awkward

February 18th, 2015 by Mark Belden 8 Comments

Man Woman Talking Naturally at a Bar

 

This is a guest post by Mark Belden, the founder of The New Man Within.

As soon as I decided to talk to her, my heart started pounding. We were running around the track in our high school gym class. I had been gearing myself up for weeks to say hi to her.

I ran up next to her and said, “Hey, aren’t you dating Cole?” (I knew she was dating Cole.)

Her: “Yeah, how did you know?”

Me: “I’m friends with him and he told me.”

Her: “Oh… cool.”

She looked over at me wondering if I was going to say anything else. I didn’t. She pulled ahead while I slowed down and wondered if I would be awkward forever.

This wasn’t the only interaction that went like this. I have a journal filled with conversations that I wrote down and tried to decipher why I kept feeling so out of place. I had developed a skill of starting a conversation and then immediately ruining it.

All of these negative experiences led to low self esteem and labeling myself as socially awkward.

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Why You Shouldn’t Just Settle For Anyone

February 10th, 2015 by Nick Notas 14 Comments

Low Expectations Keep Everyone Happy

People give more thought to choosing their next Amazon purchase than to choosing their next relationship.

When it comes to romance, everyone is in such a hurry. You jump into a relationship with the first person who shows you interest. You commit to being exclusive before you’ve even gotten a chance to really know each other.

I think that’s insane! You’re playing Russian roulette and hoping that this person is going to be a good match for you.

I know you’re eager to find love, but being in an unhappy relationship is much worse than being alone. Especially if you’re trying to find someone you plan to be with forever, you shouldn’t just settle for anyone. Choosing the wrong person will affect your entire life.

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