How To Overcome Sexual Anxiety With A New Partner
You’ve got a date coming up. You’re anxious about taking things to the next level and having sex with her for the first time.
Well, let’s get it out in the open…
The first time you have sex with a new woman is always going to suck.
But it will suck relatively. It will suck compared to the sex you’ll have together as you continue to get comfortable with each other.
This is completely normal.
The first time is inevitably filled with anxiety and awkwardness. It’s hard to be fully present in the moment and you don’t yet know all the little things that turn each other on.
Once you have sex a handful of times, however, you both will become more more in tune with pleasing one another and sharing how you feel. This increase in comfort paves the way for a dramatic increase in arousal.
Women know this process takes time! They aren’t expecting you to be a total sex god right out of the gate.
Yet so many men put a TON of pressure on themselves to provide women with legendary sex from the start. This alone is what causes them so much stress and performance anxiety.
And what’s the end result? Men struggle to rise to the occasion or enjoy themselves, which leads to the exact disappointing experience they were so terrified of having in the first place.
So I want to show you how to create the best possible first sexual experience for everyone. And that starts by doing the opposite of what you think you should do.
Anxiety is an unnecessary mood killer
You often experience anxiety when you’re thinking about all the “what if’s” in your future. You can feel it when you’re obsessing about doing something perfectly and trying to plan for all the possible outcomes.
Sexual anxiety is no different. Especially when you’re about to get intimate with a new partner, your mind goes wild with all the stress-inducing permutations of what could happen next.
You think about all the things you have to do just right: get rock hard, last a long time, and hit her in all the right spots. But sometimes, you’re so preoccupied with being perfect that you lose your arousal and sabotage the entire experience. It’s almost impossible to be turned on while you’re anxious.
Ironically, all those things that you’re obsessed with doing “just right” are what women care about the LEAST!
Women get really turned on from seeing YOU aroused and impassioned for them.
It’s not your perfect positioning. Not your stamina. Not finding their exact ideal spot to touch. Not even the size of your member.
Because you’re not the only one who’s anxious about the whole ordeal. She’s worried about whether or not you’re enjoying yourself, while you’re thinking the same thing about her.
So you’ve just got to show her that you are enjoying yourself immensely. You don’t need to be perfect.
Once you do this, a woman can relax and fully immerse herself in her own sexual energy. And voilà! That’s an amazing and memorable first experience together.
It may sound counterintuitive, but to conquer sexual anxiety you have to start focusing on YOUR enjoyment and not just hers.
Here are three techniques to do just that.
Sex is a journey, not a destination
Yet so many men focus on getting straight to the objective. They think of the process as a series of steps they have to execute flawlessly…
“I’ve got to undress her but not mess up on the bra. I’ve got to make sure she’s really wet. I can’t do anything weird to turn her off. I’ve got to fuck her faster and harder and make her come.”
Guys get so stuck on what they’re supposed to do next that they often end up rushing through the whole thing.
Women want you to just slow down.
The physical act of sex is only one small part of the experience. The rising tension, the way things unfold, the words you exchange, and the sensations you explore together are crucial to sexual intimacy. And doing all that imperfectly and figuring out how to “dance” together, so to speak, is part of the fun.
Emotional and physical foreplay is incredibly hot for women.
Most guys blast through those steps in minutes to get into fast, hard penetrative sex. They think that’s the “alpha move”. And it’s largely because that’s what feels most pleasurable to them.
But most women want at least 10-15 minutes of foreplay, if not more, leading up to the act of sex. That progression is often more memorable than anything else.
Sex also doesn’t have to end in climax for most women, and many times it won’t. Studies show that at least 30-50% of the time, women don’t orgasm through penetrative sex. And even when they do, it doesn’t necessarily happen every time. This is especially true if it’s their first sexual encounter with a new partner.
So take…your…time. Don’t stress about rushing to the next order of business. Take a casual stroll through intimacy and delight in the time you have to touch, tease, and taste each other.
This will keep you present and give you more time to explore the next technique: getting yourself going.
Focus on turning yourself on first
A woman loves seeing a guy overcome with arousal for her. So you need to get yourself to feel like you’re exploding with sexual energy.
Right now, think about what turns you on. Consider your most incredible sexual experiences.
Do you love the mystery that comes with seeing a woman slowly undress? Do you love rubbing your hands down her smooth legs?
Do you enjoy lots of kissing? Or kissing her all over her body? Having her kiss yours?
Does the smell of a woman’s hair drive you crazy? Or feeling her run her hands over your pants? Or seeing her bend over to tease you?
Do you love it when you hear her moan with pleasure? When she tells you how much she wants you, is it the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard?
Reflect on what drives you wild with desire. Then once you’re in the moment with a woman, be mindful and connect to a few of these ideas. Allow yourself to really indulge and explore the things that turn you on the most.
Give yourself permission to get turned on like never before. If you want her to get involved, you can guide her hands gently or tell her what you want, like “Take off those cute little panties…slowly.”
This may sound selfish, but you feeling truly aroused is essential to great sex. If you’re having trouble staying hard or staying present, many women will automatically blame themselves and think it’s because they’re not attractive enough.
But once a woman sees just how much fun you’re having, she can let go of her worries and feel so fucking good that you’re this turned on with her.
Show your desire instead of gauging hers
I know you want to make sure a woman is enjoying herself.
But constantly checking in with her or second-guessing your skills disconnects you from your own emotions of arousal. It takes you out of your body and into your scumbag brain.
On top of that, constantly asking, “do you like that?” “is this good for you?” “did you come?” puts a tremendous amount of pressure on women. They feel like they have to verbally confirm their arousal instead of just feeling it. They can also get self-conscious about how you’re perceiving them and whether or not they’re acting sexy.
But if you’ve been taking your time and getting yourself turned on, she’s ready to feel your intense desire. Trust that this is EXACTLY what she wants to feel from you.
Run your hands all over her body. Caress and kiss her skin. Grab her body and pull her close into you as you embrace.
Use your voice. Moan, breathe heavily, and express pleasure as you move in and out of her. Tell her how fucking sexy she is. Let her know that you want her more than anything in the world.
Look her up and down like you want to devour her. Then make deep eye contact while your bodies connect deeper. Show her that you are overwhelmed with passion and want to touch her all over.
There’s nothing like being found irresistible by someone we ourselves find attractive. Share your sexual desire. Then she’ll enjoy herself more than you could ever imagine.
These ideas will get you out of your anxious mind and into your excited body.
You don’t need perfect technique. You don’t need to make a girl come right away. You don’t need to do everything smoothly.
All this over-complication is what makes for poor bedroom experiences for everyone.
Because you already CAN provide women with amazing sexual experiences. You just have to let go of the expectations you put on yourself and learn to enjoy the ride.