What Happens When You Listen to the Worst Kind of Friend

July 24th, 2019 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Two friends

John has always had a good heart. Tommy has always been kind of a jerk.

But somehow, John and Tommy have been inseparable since they were little. Wherever John went, Tommy was right there behind him.

When John didn’t make the baseball team, Tommy said he just wasn’t cut out for sports. When John got an answer wrong on his spelling test, Tommy called him stupid.

In high school, John had a crush on Rebecca from science class. Tommy’s response was, “Yeah right man, she’s way out of your league.”

One summer, John and Tommy were in line at the movies. A cute girl looked at John and smiled, so he smiled back. Tommy saw this interaction go down. Instead of encouraging his friend to say hello, he said, “She was just being polite, she’s not actually into you or anything.”

As they’ve grown older, Tommy has only gotten harder on John. His criticism has turned vicious.

When John tried to work out and eat healthy, Tommy told him, “What’s the point? You’re never going to look like those other guys.”

One time, John got the courage to ask a girl out. The date didn’t go well. Instead of cheering him up for taking a chance, Tommy said, “What did you think was going to happen? She can date any guy, why would she pick you?”

Whenever John tried online dating, Tommy told him his messages sounded lame. When John tried to go out and meet people, Tommy convinced him to stay home because he’d be the weird guy no one wanted around.

Tommy the Bull

I mean this without exaggeration: Tommy makes John feel like shit every step of the way.

It doesn’t make sense. If Tommy is a terrible, cruel influence who lives to hurt others, why does John sit there and take it? Why does he put up with that kind of abuse?

As long as John listens to Tommy, he’s a defeated man who doesn’t believe in himself. He’s totally miserable.

But what if John had grown up with a loving, caring friend instead? What if he had someone who appreciated the work he put in? What if he had someone who supported him unconditionally?

With THAT kind of friend by his side…who would John be today?

I think you’d agree that he’d be an entirely different person. Unrecognizable.

John wouldn’t be so hard on himself for his mistakes. He’d recognize his abilities and push himself to seize important opportunities. He’d believe he was good enough, even to be with attractive women. John would have gained more life experiences and therefore been more excited to put himself out there.

That John would be a confident, motivated man who recognizes his self-worth. He’d be so much happier, too.

If you had a chance to help someone like John, would you?

Well, you’re in luck — you do have that power. Because there’s something I have to tell you…

Your inner voice

You are John. And your inner critic you listen to every day is Tommy.

Maybe when you read this story, you felt disturbed or angry. Maybe Tommy’s behavior sickened you. You knew in your gut that John had to get away from that asshole.

If your mother, father, sister, brother, or best friend were in John’s situation, you would NEVER stand for it.

So how dare you treat yourself like that?!

The way you talk to yourself determines who you become. You might not be happy with who you are now, but ask yourself…

How much of that is reality? And how much of that is the reality you create by listening to Tommy’s voice?

Who would you be if you showed yourself the same love, admiration, and respect you give to those you care about? What if you quickly forgave yourself for your mistakes? What if you reminded yourself that you could always try again?

What if you showed yourself gratitude for your efforts even if you hit temporary setbacks? What if you recognized all the amazing qualities and values you have right now and not what you’re lacking?

This isn’t about lying to yourself or pretending to be someone you’re not. It’s not about becoming a self-absorbed narcissist. It’s about consciously changing how you speak to yourself on a daily basis.

Set reminders and proactively be kind to yourself out loud for two minutes every day. Recognize all that’s good about you and all the good you’re trying to do. Be mindful of the moments when Tommy rears his ugly head, chop him in the fucking throat, and say something nice instead.

You have the power to write your own story. Choose your words carefully.

  1. Hector on July 24, 2019

    I did not see that coming…Nice job Nick!

    • Nick Notas on July 24, 2019

      Thanks Hector!

      • Robert on July 24, 2019

        Yep agree did not see that coming thanks Nick And have a fun Day.

  2. Bradley on July 24, 2019

    “It’s about consciously changing how you speak to yourself on a daily basis.”

    This quote is really cool. Because reading this made me think, yeah, but how do I stop that inner critic from talking all day long? And I guess it’s conscious effort every step of the way until it becomes habit. And what an amazing habit to build.

    • Nick Notas on July 24, 2019

      I’m glad the words resonated with you. It’s really that simple but yeah implementation is everything. You’ve just got to practice it until you’re talking to yourself like that without even thinking of it.

  3. Josh N on July 24, 2019

    This article hits home to me. When I was younger I grew up with a lot of peers and relatives of the kind mentioned in this article. It had a profound impact on my confidence, and even though they are no longer in my life their voices would echo in my head. Fortunately I’m taking steps to overcome this.

  4. Seymoure on July 26, 2019

    Hey Nick, your advice helped me greatly in my dire time of need. It opened my eyes and red pilled me irreversibly. I will never look at interpersonal relationships with rose colored glasses again. I still love women and enjoy them but now with a different understanding and knowing the crucial truths every heterosexual man needs to know. I thank you and wish you health and success. Have fun in Spain, I’ll be in the area but due to other engagements won’t be able to attend. Hopefully in the future.


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