7 Reasons Why Meeting Women During the Day is So Damn Easy

January 15th, 2014 by Nick Notas 20 Comments

Ripper Street Flirting

“You’re ready to do your first full approach. See anyone you like?”

“Well, there was this cute girl who worked at Teavana.”

“Great, let’s go talk to her.”

I spent Sunday afternoon with a new client overcoming his approach anxiety. We practiced greeting girls, giving genuine compliments while passing by, and asking for gift recommendations.

But this was the first girl he’d ever talked to with the intention of getting a date.

His nerves came on strong as we walked into the store. It was quiet and there were three other employees near her.

I tried to get him to move a few times but he was frozen. I looked him and said, “No matter what happens, you’ll be happy you did it.”

“You really think so?”

“Definitely.”

He walked over to her, hands and lips trembling.  “I..I…think you’re cute.”

She perked up, “Thanks!”

“Do you want to grab coffee?”

“You mean right now?”

With a nervous yet playful laugh he said, “No not right now! I mean outside of work sometime.”

“Yeah, sure!” Before he got a chance to pull out his phone she said, “Let me get a piece of paper.” and walked to the back of the store.

She came out and led him to the checkout counter. She wrote her number down and slid him the paper.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Marina.”

“I like that name – Eastern European, right?”

She smiled, “Yeah, my dad’s Ukranian.”

“Mmm, I just had Borscht for the first time last week.”

She giggled.

“I have to get back to my friend, but I’ll text you.”

They said their goodbyes and parted ways.

He texted four hours later, telling her he had fun talking to her. She replied with a smile and said the same.  They exchanged a couple of messages about their jobs (she’s a yoga instructor during the week) and he invited her for after-work drinks.

They have a date tonight.

This isn’t some freak, out-of-the-ordinary occurrence. I’ve watched dozens of guys have similar experiences for six years. Men who never knew how easy and simple it could be to meet women during the day. That is, until they saw it for themselves.

Here are 7 reasons why you should try it, too.

1. Everyone’s okay with it.

I understand, the daytime is not a designated “social gathering” venue like a bar, club, or party.  And you don’t see men going up to women outside of those environments.

But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong or weird. Correlation does not equal causation. You’re not going to grope or harass her, you’re just introducing yourself.

Ask any single guy if he would love the ability to walk up to a beautiful women and connect with her. Nearly every time you’ll get a “hell yes!”. It’s just that most guys do not have the courage to do it.

As for women, I’ve worked with and received e-mails from hundreds of men who’ve successfully met girls during the day. The women are excited to go on dates with these guys, create romantic connections, and WILLING choose to be intimate with them.

The proof is right there! Many single women want to meet great guys wherever they are.

Still want to experience it for yourself?

Go out, have a big smile, and casually compliment 10 women on something they’re wearing. Many will light up and thank you. Those same women would be happy to chat with you.

2. Rejections are never as harsh you imagine.

What about the women who aren’t interested in talking to you? Do they flip out? Do they run away in terror? Do they look at you in disgust?

No. 99% of the time you’ll get a variation of “Thanks but I actually have to get going.”, “Thanks but I’m not interested.” Or “Sorry but I have a boyfriend.”

Yeah it can sting a little but you’ll realize it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t kill you and guess what — you can go talk to another woman who will be interested.

3. Women are just as nervous as you are — if not more.

With the client I took out on Sunday, he asked a girl in Sephora for a gift suggestion. Immediately you could see her body language change.

She giggled nervously. She could barely maintain eye contact. She kept touching her hair. Yet she still wanted to keep talking to him.

Even he noticed it. He said, “I was so nervous going in, but then seeing her so nervous made me feel a lot more confident.”

Women are human. They aren’t social wizards who are completely confident every time they meet someone new.

This is especially true during the day where…

4. You are inherently seen as confident.

You’re not in a designated “social environment”, right? This works IMMENSELY in your favor.

She’s probably not dressed to the nines. She’s not with her friends with the intention of socializing. She doesn’t have alcohol. She doesn’t think 10 guys are waiting to talk to her.

You have no competition.

Women are rarely approached during the day. They get casual comments or conversations but not much more.

So when you approach her, she automatically sees you as courageous. You had the guts to go up to her when others haven’t. You’re doing it sober.  And she’s taken aback because she wasn’t expecting any of it.

Even when you’re stumbling and stuttering, it often comes off as endearing. You’re doing this despite your fear of saying hi to a beautiful woman. You overcame it because you had to speak to her.

Therefore…

5. You don’t need an amazing “opener”.

You don’t need something clever or scripted.

You already know what to say. Just be direct with her – it’s polite yet bold.  It cuts through the ambiguity, shows your genuine intentions, and it works.

“I saw you sitting over here and I had to introduce myself.”
“I know this is out of the blue, but could I join you for a coffee?”
“Excuse me, I know this is random but I think you’re really cute and I wanted to say hi.”
“Hi. I love your scarf, what’s your name?” 

She knows right then that you potentially want to connect with her as more than a friend. She has to make a yes or no decision. Her response is an amazing litmus test on how she feels.

If she continues talking, you know it’s on. She’s open to the possibility of seeing where it goes. She’ll almost always give you her number if you ask.

Otherwise, she’ll give you the polite turndown (as seen above) within 20 seconds and you can move on, no worse for the wear.

6. Your conversations can be concise and “boring”.

People are out during the day to get stuff done. They’re not trying to party. There is a built-in time limit and vibe that works in your favor.

Unlike a bar, you need less than 5 minutes to make a solid impression and get a number. You don’t need to be high energy like in a club. You don’t need to create much physical contact other than a handshake and maybe a hug. And you don’t even need to be overly flirtatious.

Learn the basics of what to say after you introduce yourself. Then you can just ask and answer a few simple questions to get to know each other. Mix in a laugh or two if you can. But that’s all you really need.

 Again, the perception of your confidence does most of the work for you.

7. Getting a number really isn’t hard.

Only talked to her for a minute? Go for her number. Near her co-workers? Go for her number.  Think you’re too nervous for her and she’ll say no? Go for her number!

Since you’re being direct, time is on your side, and you look confident  — way more women will say yes than you think. Even in the most unlikely situations.

A guy went into a small, crowed store and nervously told an employee she was cute. She didn’t just rattle off her number and walk away. She took the time to get a piece of paper, write it down, and continue conversation.

What would have happened if he never went up to her?

He would have still believed it was “creepy” and that he had no chance with her. And he wouldn’t be on a date while I’m typing this.

Always ask for the number. If you don’t get it, you’re in the same situation you were before. But at least you know you didn’t leave an opportunity behind.

Guys…meeting women during the day is easy. It might be the easiest way possible. The hard part is all in your head.

I believe in this idea so much that I’m writing my first book on it. I want to show men around the world just how capable they already are.

For now you’ll have to trust me when I say it’ll be okay. Take a shot, it won’t be a horrifying experience. In fact, a few minutes may lead to some of the most memorable experiences of your life.

P.S. If you still want someone to help you meet more women, let’s have a free strategy session.

  1. Paul on January 15, 2014

    What about girls that are reading or listening to music? I always see cute girls at the bookstore I go to but I feel like I’m going to bother them. Should I try anyway?

    • Nick Notas on January 15, 2014

      Yes, definitely still go for it!

      In my experience, many of those girls are bored and the most likely to entertain meeting someone. I’ve witnessed it dozens of times.

      If she has earphones in, just walk up to her. When she looks up, smile and make a motion for her to remove them. Then you can say something like, “Excuse me, I don’t mean to interrupt your listening (or reading), but I saw you over here and wanted to come introduce myself.”

      If she introduces herself, take a seat. If she’s not interested, she’ll politely rebuff your advance.

  2. gavin on January 15, 2014

    I imagine the fact that you are there helps things out as well, Nick. She can probably intuit that you know what you are doing, and can connect the two of you guys in her mind. If the same guy was walking alone into Teavana it may have been slightly different.

    • John Doe on January 15, 2014

      I know a self-sabotaging excuse when I see one, but now you’re just being lazy :P Come on man, read the article again. IT’S OKAY! Now run along and meet that woman you want to.

    • Nick Notas on January 15, 2014

      I have to disagree Gavin. I don’t think that plays a factor at all.

      Most of the time when I take a guy out during the day, he approaches alone. I am off to the side or somewhere where the girl can’t see me / know that I’m with him. I watch those men experience the same success as in this story nearly every weekend.

  3. Cagg on January 15, 2014

    So many girls complain about being bothered at their job for their number because in service industries they are being “paid to be nice” my only suggestion to this is don’t be pushy. I can’t imagine a realistic person getting all pissy over a nice/honest compliment and asking for their number.

    • Nick Notas on January 15, 2014

      Exactly — approach her politely and ask for her number. If she doesn’t want to give it out, don’t get upset. Just wish her a good day and be off.

  4. Michelle on January 15, 2014

    And then, the minute she realizes you’re not actually as confident as you appear to be, it pretty much falls apart. Just because you read one help-section and did one confident thing and successfully appeared confident once, doesn’t mean the next time you meet you’re going to keep living up to the expectations you’ve set yourself. Asking people out at random is the easy part, it’s a numbers game, you just need to walk up to us and start talking. Advice like “try it during the day!” or “do it with unusual posture!” just reads like something out of a Cosmopolitan article for guys.

    • Nick Notas on January 15, 2014

      Hi Michelle,

      This is a single blog post with a single underlying idea: you should try putting yourself out there if you want to meet someone, because it won’t kill you. I’m not guaranteeing permanent relationship success with only that.

      The rest of my site has hundreds of articles on the importance of being a better, more confident person. Not only for yourself, but the people you connect with to create healthy, lasting relationships. But I can’t fit every idea into one article because it overwhelms people who are already anxious.

      Also, some of our most profound lessons in life are common sense. But we do we always follow them? Sometimes repeating simple advice in different ways is what people need to hear to grow.

    • Aol on January 22, 2014

      Michelle, my advice is to click through the rest of the site.

    • Shishir on July 25, 2014

      You should read this –> http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/whos-the-most-confident-man-in-the-room/ and go back to Cosmopolitan.

  5. Alex on January 15, 2014

    Great post, since finding your blog I have read the majority of your posts. I have been practicing everything you said. I started small and worked my way up, now a month later I am more confident and outgoing then ever before. I’ve approached girls I never would have thought about going after before. I never pass up an opportunity now. I would like to says thanks for all the great information, keep it up!

    • Nick Notas on January 16, 2014

      That’s amazing Alex! Congratulations on all the progress.

      And thanks for sharing your experience, it means so much to me. I’m glad my advice helped :)

  6. Ariel on January 15, 2014

    I will definitely try these. Maybe this time I can finally find the woman of my dream. :) Great post Nick. Keep it up!

    • Nick Notas on January 16, 2014

      That’s the attitude. Thanks and best of luck!

  7. Zero on January 16, 2014

    Good god, thank you. These are the right words and the right tone. You’re like the Mark Sisson of dating advice.

    • Nick Notas on January 16, 2014

      That’s a hell of a compliment — thanks and you’re welcome!

  8. Vince on January 17, 2014

    I’d like to stay positive on this, however… I don’t believe it’s so easy all the time. I’m in LA where women think its a fashion show here. I’m generalizing but alot of women are looking around you for the next big thing. Is it that way over there?

  9. Goundy on February 20, 2014

    When your good at cold approaching girls on the street – goddam is it easy.
    When it’s hard… It’s the hardest thing in your life!

    I was teaching a bootcamp here in a Sydney and I had this kid with the worst social anxiety. He was absolutley convinced (despite signing up to the program) that cold approach is unnatural and wierd even after showing him some demo’s.
    It was so hard for him to approach that we did some unstifiling activies where I would make him yell obscene proffanities on the street and I would crush his spirit by making him do more humiliating things. We made it work by slowly amping up the intensity of the social pressure involved. After that he was so soaked in adrenaline from the prior activities that approaching girls wasn’t a far leap and he ended up kicking ass on the remainder of the program.
    This would be my advice to anyone who has trouble approaching. Slowly BUT SURELY amp it up. I started by saying ‘hi’ to 10 people a day for a few weeks before I could ask random people the time. This led to me approaching a girl then running away after 4 seconds which then led to more solid interactions and more consistency.
    Hope this helps :D

    • Jbooz on February 25, 2014

      Funny story. Good Advice. And I like your Dragon.