nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

Conquer Confidence

Aug 31 - Sep 3, 2017 | Lisbon, Portugal

Gain the courage to meet and attract women at our 4-day coaching retreat in beautiful Lisbon

Learn More

Where the Pickup Community Goes Wrong Pt. 2

September 19th, 2011 by Nick Notas 3 Comments

Michael Cera Guido

This is a follow-up to my article “Where the Pickup Community Goes Wrong Pt. 1” It is my continuing analysis of the unhealthy undertones practiced within the pickup community.

The Quick Fixes and Instant Results

I completely understand that the Pickup Industry is a business just like any other. But because they’re looking to make money off of gullible guys, they come up with the most ludicrous sales pitches. They spout claims like, “Get ANY girl you want. Have EVERY girl attracted to you. Become incredible with women in just two weeks!” It’s total bullshit that’s immature and impossible, but inevitably a lot of guys buy into it.

No one says, “Get SOME of the girls you meet!” because that doesn’t sound nearly as exciting. But the reality is that most women you talk to aren’t going to jump your bones, no matter how many coaches say differently. Even the best guys I know find somewhere around 10% of the girls they meet leading to something more.

It’s important to understand, that’s a good thing. You’re not going to connect with every girl but you will with the ones that matter. The girls that you truly spark with are the girls you want to spend your energy on. As I said in the previous article, don’t focus on trying to get every girl out there. Instead, find women you hit it off with and are equally as interested in you.

Additionally, becoming more confident and social with women takes time. You’ve got to take an introspective look at yourself and be persistent in conquering fears. A whole lot of real world practice helps, too. Broaden your social circle, put yourself on the line, deal with rejection in stride, and don’t give up. It’s damn hard and there are no shortcuts or instant solutions.

You might get lucky and meet a girl that hooks up with you without much effort. But if you’re looking for long-term change, you’re going to have to work for it. Here’s my comfort to you: I’ve never met a guy who didn’t dedicate time to improving himself and not see the results.

The Peacock

The early Pick Up Artists taught a concept called “peacocking.” It’s the idea that a peacock has bright colored feathers to attract attention from potential mates, therefore the more outlandish you dress, the better shot you have with women. While standing out does help, you don’t need to go all Ed Hardy and chained out if you don’t want to.

Now, if the wild and loud look is your thing, then more power to you. But, you can still keep it real while being stylish and see great results with women. Learn the basics of dressing well: get fitted clothes, a nice pair of black and brown shoes, match colors, and have at least one good dress shirt for going out at night.

If you want to spice things up, have a statement piece or two. It’s something that makes you stand out and accentuates your look. For me, I love a sexy tie or a big watch. Some guys might go for a royal purple shirt or have a pierced ear. Find what works for you but don’t go overboard.

If you want a good place to learn the basics, I’ve found Reddit’s Male Fashion Advice community to be an amazing resource.

The Relationship (or lack thereof)

The lack of real relationship advice is one of the biggest faults with the pickup community today. They teach you everything from meeting a woman to being intimate with her, but not much afterwards.

Even the guys who try to educate about healthy relationships often fail to get it right. They say that you need to keep “gaming” her to keep her on her toes. Or their advice is to be distant, play it cool, and flirt with other girls to keep your “value” up. All you end up with is a girlfriend who feels like her boyfriend doesn’t understand her or give a crap about her.

You’ve got to learn how to be genuinely confident and level-headed because you can’t keep up a charade forever. If you pretend to be someone you’re not to win her over, she’s bound to catch on when you’re finally dating and feel betrayed. Spend less time trying to “game her” and more time sharing amazing experiences together.

Dating women is an emotional process, no question about it. Yet so much of the community is focused on the next line, the next tactic, or that secret phrase that’s going to get her hot. It’s easy to sell guys on “If you memorize my method, you will sleep with hundreds of women!” but it doesn’t work that way.

Even deeper than that, so much is focused on the attraction part of dating instead of creating a real connection. Yes, flirting and creating a spark is extremely important. Many “nice guys” struggle with that aspect and don’t know how to get romantic. But, attraction is only half the battle and if you can’t have a genuine connection as well, you aren’t going far.

Instead of thinking about the perfect line, you should be working on understanding and reading a woman’s emotions. What makes a girl laugh? What excites her? What makes her feel sexy? What builds her trust? What makes her open up to you?

If you rely on canned lines to talk to women, you’ll become a social robot. All those lines do is impersonate a guy who’s secure and comfortable. They are a band-aid fix to a larger problem. Why not drop them and learn how to actually be that guy?

Give a man a pickup line and get him laid for a day. Teach a man to attract and connect with women and get him laid for a lifetime.

  1. Rhad on September 10, 2012

    “Even the best guys I know find somewhere around 10% of the girls they meet leading to something more.”

    Let me play the devil’s advocate and ask you the following:

    Despite the fact that I have been continuously progressing with women, despite my unparalleled boldness to approach them and enjoy the interaction and in spite of the results I am getting, I still cannot understand why several women give their numbers to me and then do not pick up the phone or do not text back. I am aware that this is a number’s game and it is ok to have “losses”. But don’t you think that all this self-improvement, all this trial-and-error process, all this work is TOO much just to get 10% successful? This means 1 out of 10 is actually getting sexual with us. If this is not heart-breaking, then I do not know what it is.

    • Nick Notas on September 10, 2012

      It shouldn’t be heartbreaking. Do you like every single girl you talk to? Probably not. And if you do, that means you aren’t actually screening girls for qualities you’re interested in. If I’m not hitting it off with a girl in 5 minutes, I politely say goodbye and find a woman who I’ll have an amazing connection with.

      If you’re getting girls to give you numbers with no response, that means your interactions aren’t strong enough. Either you’re not creating enough attraction or she didn’t feel close enough / trust you. I wrote a good guide on figuring it out here:

      http://www.nicknotas.com/blog/4-questions-to-ask-yourself-when-she-doesnt-text-back/

      Hope that helps!

  2. chris on October 4, 2013

    good stuff but think routines can be a good things to use for a period of time and then drop them.
    you can use routines for crutches get you to actually approch women you want, rather than think shit there she is what do i say, you know what your gonna say., add in things your uncomfortable/scared to do e.g banter/flirt/tease, touch, lead, psyical escultae, verbal esculate etc until its part of who you are then you make everything from open to close. dont like word close, enjoy each other natural and off the cuff, you create your own style