nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

4 Important Lessons Embarrassing Dates Taught Me

January 4th, 2017 by Jason Connell 11 Comments

Girls Embarrassing Date Gossip

 

Today’s article is from my good friend Jason Connell. Jason has a rare gift: he makes people feel like the best version of themselves.

This skill has created amazing opportunities for him. Jason consults for millionaires, politicians, athletes, and professional entertainers. He’s dated models with Ivy League educations. And shortly after moving to Denver, Colorado, he established himself as the linchpin in an amazing circle of artists, entrepreneurs, and influencers.

In today’s post, Jason shares stories about some of his most embarrassing dates and what he learned from them.

Continue Reading…

The New Year’s Resolution That Matters Most

December 28th, 2016 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Pledging allegience

Everyone wants to be happy. But after reflecting on the hundreds of conversations I’ve had in 2016, something became quite clear to me…

A lot of people don’t feel happy on a day-to-day basis. And that’s devastating to me.

So, my goal is to make 2017 the year where you find lifelong happiness.

I know that sounds presumptuous. What the hell does a 29-year-old know about making you happy?

I’m not claiming I’ve singlehandedly made some amazing discovery — the path to happiness has been researched for millennia.

And everywhere you look, the advice always comes back to YOU.

Your self-respect. Self-reliance. Self-compassion. Self-acceptance.

Yes, the key to happiness is learning to fall madly in love with yourself.

Continue Reading…

The No-Risk Method to Dating Mastery

December 15th, 2016 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Nothing can hurt me now!

 

We all know that practice makes perfect. And like anything else, working on your romantic skills will help you attract more people and build stronger connections.

The tricky part, though, is that practicing this stuff comes with high stakes.

When you’re learning something like piano, messing up is no big deal. You sound terrible for a second, get frustrated, and then try that chord again. But if you go talk to someone and make a fool of yourself, you have to deal with the potential face-to-face awkwardness and rejection.

And that’s why some guys read a TON of dating advice while not putting any of it into practice. They’re trying to hone their skills from a safe distance without having to endure any real-world pain.

Of course, they soon realize that all the reading in the world doesn’t replace genuine knowledge gained from experiences. They decide to avoid all social risk-taking and stay stuck in boring, platonic interactions or settle for no interactions at all.

Then, they accept that they just don’t have what it takes.

I hate to break it to you, but it’s impossible to improve your dating skills without trying new things that expand your comfort zone. That’s the only way to get better.

But what if I told you there was a way to practice AND minimize the odds of getting hurt?

Continue Reading…

We All Need to Stop Flaking

December 1st, 2016 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

The Date is Cancelled

 

Hiding behind a device has made it INFINITELY easier for all of us to be, for lack of a better word, “flakes”.

I don’t mean flake as a judgment of someone’s character. I’m talking about anyone – guy or girl – who makes plans with people but then always cancels on them.

The flaking phenomenon has spread because we no longer have to cancel plans with someone face-to-face. We avoid the typical guilt we feel when backing out of a commitment and possibly hurting someone else’s feelings.

I can theoretically understand why some people never commit to dates in the first place. I can understand why they just ignore someone’s requests to meet up as a form of rejection. This way, they get to protect themselves from confrontation.

What I can’t understand are all the people making plans and then consistently flaking at the last minute. They string someone along and make excuses for why they suddenly can’t make the date.

It’s disrespectful, inconsiderate, and straight-up RUDE. And yet everyone’s doing it.

Continue Reading…

A Woman May Be Your Perfect Wingman

November 17th, 2016 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

 

A lot of men tell me the hardest part of meeting women is not having a friend to go out with. They say…

All their friends are in a relationship or married. Or their buddies don’t like to go out to socialize and meet new people. Or, everyone they know is afraid to cold approach women.

It can be especially tough when moving to a new city and having to rebuild a social circle.

Few men want to approach women by themselves (even though their limitations are all in their head). And when they envision the perfect wingman, they only think of their guy friends.

Big mistake.

Because your FEMALE friends and acquaintances may be the best wingmen of all.

Continue Reading…

How Much Permission Do You Need to Make a Move?

November 3rd, 2016 by Nick Notas 12 Comments

Permission denied

The idea of “getting permission” in dating has become a hot social topic the last few years. Many women are adamant that they would not allow someone to make a move on them without their explicit consent.

I’m not here to argue for sex without explicit consent.

However, this need for stated permission is being extended to almost every type of flirtatious advance. Want to touch her shoulder while telling a funny story? Better ask first. Want to kiss her at the end of the date? Have to warn her ahead of time.

And it’s not just women saying this – men are echoing it, too. So while I understand the boundaries they’re aiming for, I’m here to question if it’s really feasible…or even healthy.

Because a significant percentage of men DO wait and ask for permission. And they totally fail at dating.

From all my years of experience, I can safely say that waiting for permission for every little thing doesn’t work in courtship and leaves guys more frustrated and bitter than ever. Girls, too, lose out on meeting potential romantic partners.

Continue Reading…

5 Things to Do When She Doesn’t Text You Back

October 27th, 2016 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

She won't text back

 

When I first started dating, nothing was more exciting than the rush of flirting with a new girl over text. It always felt like the start of something good.

I also remember that nothing was more nerve-racking than waiting for a reply. And waiting. And when she never replied at all — realizing that our connection was potentially dead in the water.

In hindsight, I spent WAY too much time stressing and analyzing my rollercoaster of emotions. I’d check my phone constantly, worry about whether or not I should send another text, and always wonder WHY…why is she not talking to me?

Ten years later, I now know that worrying about it was a waste of time. Unfortunately, there were no clear answers then and there are no clear answers now.

So when guys reach out to me asking, “Why didn’t she text back?” I can only make educated guesses about a woman’s motivations. There are countless reasons a girl goes MIA.

The point is, my advice will always be to…

Stop dwelling on the fact that she hasn’t responded. Instead, focus on a plan of action to get the conversation going again.

To give you the best shot, I created a simple framework to follow next time you don’t hear back from a girl you like.

Continue Reading…

Stop Delaying Your Inevitable Breakup

October 13th, 2016 by Nick Notas 9 Comments

Couple unhappy together

 

Even though millennials are having less sex than past generations, there’s no denying we’re in a hookup culture.

Marriages are starting later and later. More men and women are opting not to have children. And a lot of people date around before ever deciding to get into a serious relationship.

Many may feel that this new dating game — full of casual sex and non-exclusive relationships — is the death of real “romance”.

But, guess what…I’m all for it (within reason, of course). I think that people are just becoming more independent, more open-minded, and less pressured to commit to the first person who likes them back.

Past generations were often rushed into relationships. They met fewer people in their daily lives and had to take what they could get. They felt significant religious, familial, and cultural pressures to settle down. And once they were married, they stuck it out…regardless of whether or not that person was good for them.

It’s healthy to make sure you’re not just settling and instead, choosing a compatible partner for the right reasons.

But some people are taking this too far by treating exclusive relationships like casual ones. They settle with someone they don’t consider long-term partner material out of convenience and break it off when they’re done with them or have found someone better.

If you do this, you’re being a dick.

Continue Reading…

How to Change Your Life Even When You Think It’s Impossible

October 6th, 2016 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Facing impossible change

There’s no denying that some people NEVER seem to change.

You probably know someone who’s been stuck in the same destructive cycle for a long time. They may make small adjustments in their life, but there’s always some critical pattern they can’t break…

Your friend who can’t stop chasing incompatible women just because they’re hot. Your sister who keeps going back to her jerk boyfriend. Your old college roommate who’s still riddled with social anxiety and terrified of talking to new people. Your own uncontrollable temper that has cost you a relationship.

And of course, the person who can never seem to follow through on their dream of losing the weight or gaining more muscle. I’ve been there…and I’m sure many of you have, too.

But why? Are some people just meant to stay the same?

OF COURSE NOT.

I believe everyone has the ability to change and improve themselves. I built my entire business on that idea and I wouldn’t be doing this without it.

So why do some people transform while others hide in their cocoon? And how can you avoid getting trapped in the same cycle? Let’s talk about it.

Continue Reading…

How To Be Independent and Still Have an Amazing Relationship

September 26th, 2016 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Independence and still in love

Back in May, an old friend emailed me to invite me to a private island he co-owned with some other guys. They were planning to meet up on the island and take on a few carpentry projects to make it more habitable.

What a cool opportunity, I thought – I could learn some useful handyman skills and connect with interesting people. Maybe make some new friends.

I wanted to reply immediately and say, “I’m already there!” The only problem was…

My wedding was three weeks after the date of the trip. There was still so much to do and I didn’t want to leave my fiancée alone for eight days to fend for herself.

Anyone in their right mind would say, “Don’t even think about it, Nick. It’s way too close to the wedding date. Brides freak out about this kind of stuff.”

And of course, I always want to support and help my partner, that’s what a relationship’s about. But it wasn’t so easy to just pass up an experience like this. Still, I was prepared to compromise because I knew the wedding was something we had worked on together, every step of the way.

So I sat down and told my fiancée about the invitation. Before I could really get into detail, she said, “You have to go.”

I knew we had an understanding relationship, but even I was shocked at her reaction.

She continued, “It’s an incredible opportunity. You’re going to have so much fun and meet really awesome people. I know it’s going to be tough without you here but I’ll be fine.”

She supported me because despite how important our day was, she knew this trip was important, too. She knew that nurturing my own happiness was not only beneficial for me, but for our relationship. And so when she also got the opportunity to attend a five-day teaching conference that ended the day before the wedding, I excitedly said yes.

People thought we were crazy.

Many couples struggle to build a healthy foundation because they don’t make each other’s happiness independent of the relationship, a priority.

Continue Reading…