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How to Win Over All the Ladies in the Room

September 26th, 2011 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

We care about other people’s opinions…a lot. Whether we like to admit it or not, they affect our every day decisions from accepting a new friend into our social circle to buying that book off of Amazon. It’s the force of social proof at work.

Social proof is the idea that we are influenced by what other people see as valuable. If a whole lot of people think something’s awesome, then you’re more likely to see it as awesome, too. Vice-versa, if everyone dislikes something, you’re more likely to see it in a negative light.

Say a guy’s at a party, surrounded by friends with a big smile and a lot of laughter. Even if you don’t know him, the attention he’s getting makes you want to get to know him as well. New people are going to be much more receptive to him than to some random guy that nobody knows.

The worst thing you can do during a social gathering is stand off to the side quietly. Even if you’re waiting for a friend or relaxing, when you isolate yourself people assume you’re nervous and out of place. Women are more likely to label you as the “creepy guy” or simply have no interest in meeting you.

Whether you’re in a bar or at a party, always come in and strike up a conversation with people nearby, right away. There’s no motive behind this, just talk to people to have genuine conversation and get to know them. It doesn’t need to be anything intense. Just keep it casual, brief, and friendly.

Go around and mingle. Talk to a few different groups, males and females, and enjoy yourself. Not only does this warm you up for when you approach a woman you’re interested in, you’ll also meet some new people. And the attractive man is always surrounded by good company.

From the outside, a woman observes how social you are and how others appreciate your company. If people are laughing with you and you’re chatting up a group of girls, you look like a good time. A woman uses other women’s approval of you as a screening process. When those women happily welcome you, in her mind she sees that you must be a guy with real value.   

She’s thinks, “Why is he so interesting? Who is he? I have to meet him and see what he’s all about.”

Now, when you go to approach her, you’ve already made a great first impression. By leading in strong, she’ll be more willing to open up and connect with you. With enough social proof, girls will be attracted to you before you even say hello – it’s that powerful.

Most of all, don’t walk into a room like a predator stalking it’s prey. Be a social magnet and care about what others have to say. The women around you will take notice of your mass appeal and automatically be drawn to you, too.

Want a wingman the next time you go out? Call me.

  1. George P.H. on September 28, 2011

    Another great post.

    There are also other benefits to mingling you didn’t mention.

    Aside from the fact that being sociable makes you look better to women, it *feels* better. When you’ve been talking to people the whole night, it’s a lot easier mentally to approach a girl you like. On the other hand, if you’ve been sulking in the corner for hours, doing anything else becomes very hard.

    • Nick on September 29, 2011

      Most definitely man. I touched on it briefly with “Not only does this warm you up for when you approach a woman you’re interested in” but I’m glad you elaborated.

      Getting into a social vibe right away makes it so much easier to comfortably talk to women. If you’re quiet the whole night it’s almost impossible to “turn it on” in a snap. Start strong, finish strong!

  2. Zack on October 22, 2012

    Man I’m terrible at this. ‘The worst thing you can do during a social gathering is stand off to the side quietly.’ yeah… I mean I’m fine talking for a good 5min.. but after that.. I just can’t keep the conversation up and just wander somewhere else.

    • Nick Notas on October 22, 2012

      Practice makes perfect man. Try leading conversations to topics YOU care about. What interests you? What makes you passionate? Too often we take a backseat and try to please everyone else. If you discuss things that fire you up, you’ll naturally have an easier time keeping the ball rolling.