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How to Meet Women and Start Conversations

October 24th, 2011 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Risk vs. Reward

I don’t believe there’s a perfect time or opportunity to meet new people. I used to make excuses like “It doesn’t feel right,” or “I have nothing to say!” to justify my nervousness and hesitation. With experience, however, I realized that the perfect time and best way to approach a girl is when you just man up and go for it.

Since people are everywhere, there are an unlimited number of places to meet women.

Here are places I’ve had luck:

  • Supermarkets
  • Coffee shops
  • Book stores
  • Clothing stores
  • Malls
  • Gyms
  • Public parks
  • Public transportation (buses, trains, taxis)
  • Social events and hobbies (concerts, dances, classes, parties)
  • Bars and clubs
  • Online (dating sites, meetup.com groups, social media)
  • At school (college is an amazing place to meet people!)

Now before you run up to the chick at the bookstore, you should understand the concept of risk vs. reward and its impact on meeting women. In finances, it is defined as:

“The principle that potential return rises with an increase in risk. Low levels of uncertainty (low risk) are associated with low potential returns, whereas high levels of uncertainty (high risk) are associated with high potential returns. According to the risk-return tradeoff, invested money can render higher profits only if it is subject to the possibility of being lost.” (Investopedia)

In relation to dating: generally, being upfront with your intentions (high risk) will increase your potential progress with a woman. If you stick with small talk (low risk), she’ll most likely be receptive and friendly towards you, but it’ll take more effort to hold her romantic interest. Sometimes you’ve got to go all-in to see if she feels the same way about you; if you’re not getting rejected, you’re not taking enough chances.

Ready to talk to her? To make it easy, I’ve categorized three main ways to start a conversation:

Indirect – Asking a friendly question or opinion (low risk, low reward)

“Do you know where the nearest Dunkin Donuts is?”
“What are you taking pictures of?”
“How’d you like the band?”
“I need some advice on getting my 5-year old nephew a birthday present. Any suggestions?”

Situational – Commenting on something in the moment (medium risk, medium reward)

“Your dog is awesome! Can I pet him?”
“5 bucks says he won’t make the train doors before they close.”
“This drunk guy behind me keeps bumping into me…save me!”

Direct – Stating your intentions upfront (high risk, high reward)

“I know this is going to seem completely random, but I thought you were cute and wanted to introduce myself. I’m Nick”
“I have to tell you, you guys look like you’re having the most fun here!”
“Hey, you looked interesting and I wanted to come say hi.” or just a simple “Hi” (my favorite)

All three ways to start conversation have their own advantages and disadvantages. Some may work better depending on your personality or the personality of the girl you’re talking to. Try using all three many times — you’ll start to see what’s more fun and works for you.

Don’t be afraid to experiment and evolve. I find being direct or making a witty situational joke is best for me. Whatever you choose, try to look confident and always be genuine with your words. Get a friend or a wingman to go out with you and have a good time because that’s what dating should be about…fun.

Learn to love the experience and all that comes with it, because that’s how you’ll meet women.

Talk to me about anything at all, I’m your man.

  1. hot to meet women on January 3, 2012

    Great Blog.. For all take a chance! All life is a chance. The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. And women like that..

    • Nick on January 3, 2012

      Couldn’t agree more, well said 🙂

  2. Jacob on January 29, 2012

    This is awesome! I’ve been sort of “afraid” of talking to girls, especially the “new” girls, and this website should really help me out! I’ll tell you if it works out good for me! Thanks!

  3. Srgt One night Taco stand on January 27, 2014

    So. I was just reading this page out of general curiousity(and to brush up on my own skills) but it seems you took my usual approach(the simple “Hi”, or even more boldly “I saw you and thought you were attractive/some synonym for attractive”) and put it on a pedestal calling it a high risk/high reward approach. All I can say is DAAAMMMNN!!!! I didn’t know I was doing shit the hard way. I just simplified the fact that it is easier to get what you want from girl’s when you don’t BS and tell them straight up what you desire. When you tell a girl to her face that you’re talking to her because you think she is attractive , , she doesn’t really have anything else to assume. She knows what your intentions are and because of this simplificity this has always(with a few exceptions) been my approach and the funny thing is it works like a charm.

    • Nick Notas on February 5, 2014

      It definitely works well and direct is my favorite way to go. It is more risk because you are being so bold but if it lands well, you receive a much stronger response / initial connection.

  4. Shane on July 17, 2015

    Nick, thanks for your blog. I got divorced and hadn’t been on the dating scene in over a decade so I needed some advice. And dating when you are 38 with two kids and a career is vastly different from dating in college. All of your articles are great, but I had to comment on this one. I’m not a particularly great looking guy or a stud of any kind, but I was at an adult night event at a local science museum and saw a knockout gorgeous girl there about ten years younger than me wandering around by herself. Once I was pretty sure she wasn’t with a date, I walked up and said, “Hi, I’m Shane. I thought you were cute so I just wanted to come up and say Hi.” with my hand extended for a handshake. I had her number five minutes later and we’ve been dating for four months. My friends are still amazed that I hooked up with this girl. There were other guys talking with her throughout that first night but I’m pretty sure they were using the indirect or situational methods and never got around to asking her out. I highly recommend that every guy use the direct method. If she isn’t interested, you’ll know right away and move on. If she is, then you’ve already put yourself in the situation to get a number and confirm a date before the conversation is over.

  5. Paul on September 16, 2015

    Every time i see something like this, it only tell you what to say right when you meet her but all i want to know is what do you say after “hi” to keep the conversation going because there is this girl in my bus who always sits next to me even if there is an empty seat, i have a feeling that she likes me and wants me to talk to her but i always chicken out because i don’t know what to say after hi, my name is Paul…. Please help me cause i really need to talk to her.

    • Shane on September 16, 2015

      Check out his article titled “What to Say after Hello” for starters. But my best advice would be to improve your small talk in general. It was something I definitely had to work on. I would suggest making small talk with as many strangers as possible. You don’t have to have a full blown conversation, but try to get strangers to exchange a few lines with you. And who cares if you fail. You’ll never see them again and you shouldn’t feel bad about being friendly. The best part is that you can practice anywhere: standing in line, chatting with cashiers, sitting at a restaurant or cafe, walking down the street, shopping, etc… When you’re comfortable and at ease with small talking strangers, talking to her and all the other interesting girls you meet will be rather easy.