Yuck. I want to throw up.

Why would I write this garbage?

Articles about “How to Drive Women Wild” are some of the most clichéd and overdone ideas. Everybody has one.

And that’s exactly why I wanted to write this. I wanted to do it justice.

Because I got to be honest, I think most people who write about this miss the mark. They rehash the same generic advice on a subject that’s really important to guys who are dating someone new.

The men reading just want to keep the passion alive. They know how critical it is to make the connection exciting early on.

So as a long-time dating coach, I feel it’s my duty to right this wrong. After tens of thousands of hours helping people improve their dating life — I’m going to reveal all the trade secrets.

I guarantee I have a unique perspective you won’t want to miss.

Here are the top 20 ways men can drive women wild. REALLY wild.

1. Show up to her home or place of work unannounced. Women love being surprised. Bonus points if you bring a gift like a big bouquet of flowers or 50-piece box of chocolates. She’ll want her co-workers to know just how much you like her.
2. If you just started texting each other, give her a call out of the blue. If she doesn’t answer, leave her a voicemail or send another text telling her to pick up. Show her your strong, intense desire to get to know her better.
3. Send another message to check if she got your previous one from a couple of hours ago. It might not have gone through for some reason or maybe she missed it. Either way, nudging her again lets her know that you mean business.
4. Write her longer texts, perhaps paragraphs. Everyone knows it’s hard to communicate over text, so make sure you elaborate in detail so she understands what you’re trying to say. If you give her multiple questions to answer, even better. That way she has to spend a lot of time responding to you and not anyone else.

5. When you see a woman you find attractive in public, proclaim it loudly for the world to hear. There’s nothing as sexy as a man showing his courage and lack of shame to express his feelings.
6. Whenever a girl asks you where you want to eat, what you want to watch, or what you want to do, tell her “whatever you want.” Women love a guy who always wants to please them and makes them call all the shots.
7. Every time you have sex, make sure to ask her if she orgasmed. If she didn’t, immediately apologize. Women appreciate a man who’s extra attentive to their needs.
8. Before you go exclusive, tell her about all the other women you’ve been seeing at the same time. She will feel jealous and dispensable. This will encourage her to work harder for your attention.

9. If you had a great date together, wait 2-3 days before reaching out to her. This is especially important if you were intimate on that date. Make her wait with anticipation and keep her guessing about your feelings.
10. If a girl doesn’t seem to be interested in you, message her friends and convince them to vouch for you. Because you know that if only she would give you a chance, she could see all the amazing qualities you have.
11. Test the waters of flirting by sending an unsolicited picture of your junk. Women obviously like sex, so it’s only logical to show them what they can expect. A girl who’s unsure about you will change her mind real quick once she sees the goods.
12. Keep searching for the exact right time to go for a kiss. That may take several weeks or months. But if she likes you, she wants to wait for that one-of-a-kind moment.

13. Pretend that you just want to be friends with her for a while. This is called “playing the long game”. You might have to do this for months or even years. Ignore the fact that she’s dating other people because you’re building a real connection here. Finally, when she trusts you as a close confidant, profess your deepest feelings for her all at once.
14. Shower her with lots of compliments, but only about her physical appearance. You can start this even from your first messages. Tell her you think she’s cute, has beautiful eyes, or a nice butt. Keep it broad, don’t get specific, and don’t praise her for her personality or the values she’s worked hard to cultivate.
15. Complain about your ex or the awful experiences you’ve had with other women. This shows a woman that you think she’s special and she’s not like the rest of those low-quality women.

16. When first messaging in online dating, stick to safe, familiar facts. Tell her about which school you went to, when you moved, and how long you’ve been working at your job. Make sure to ask her the same questions. Then inquire about her day and plans for the weekend. Don’t get into anything too personal, specific, or emotional that could give her a chance to judge your incompatibility.
17. Don’t do anything that could be “weird” or offensive on a date. Don’t say anything too bold. Don’t disagree with her about anything, even amicably. Don’t express any of your sexuality. Don’t share your dark sense of humor. Cut off all those quirky parts of your personality. Women get all fired up for a stable, faceless “yes” man.
18. If you feel sparks on a first date, tell her that you’re falling for her. At the very least, let her know you have really strong feelings. Then tell her you’re not going to even consider seeing anyone else and you’re deleting your online dating profile.
19. When things are getting hot and heavy, move quickly to sex. Forgo all the boring foreplay and get right to the good stuff. Show her how you can move hard and fast like a pornstar — because that’s the ultimate depiction of pleasure.
20. If you know you just want a casual connection but feel she wants more, don’t bring it up until she does. In fact, avoid it at all costs. She obviously likes you, so why spoil the connection? If she mentions the relationship talk, tell her you’re still thinking about it so you can keep having sex for the time being.

I promise these ideas will drive a woman wild and make her blood boil.

Wait a sec…

Did you think I meant wild as in aroused or excited about you?

Oh my. My sincerest apologies, what a silly misunderstanding.

I mean these things will DEFINITELY drive women wild…wild with anger, frustration, and disgust.

So don’t do any of these things. Ever. Seriously.

If any of those ideas sounded like a good idea to you, you’re mistaken.

So what should you do instead? The exact opposite of everything I’ve written.

And by doing that, you’ll be following some of the best advice that’s ever come out of one of these “How to Drive Women Wild” articles.

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