How to Look Confident Approaching a Girl

April 11th, 2011 by Nick Notas 3 Comments

Note: This is a follow-up of Friday’s article: The Best Pickup Lines Aren’t Spoken. Please check that out to better understand this post.

The famous phrase “You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?” applies perfectly to how you approach a girl. As I stated previously, what you say won’t matter if your non-verbal signals convey something different. Luckily, looking more confident just takes some effort and repetition until it becomes a true part of you.

Work on the following four points and you’ll notice a big impact on the responses you get from women.

Smile Warmly

Nothing makes a stronger first impression than a genuine smile. It exudes positive energy, is non-threatening, and shows you’ve got guts.

It kills me when I see a guy with a blank or serious expression approach a girl. A girl wants to be with a guy she can have fun with. She won’t be able to relax and enjoy herself if you seem nervous or tense. And if you don’t smile, you can’t expect her to reciprocate.

Use Strong Eye Contact

Confident men hold good eye contact. When you constantly look down or dart your eyes anxiously, you’re going to make her un-easy, too. Be boldly honest and communicate your interest through locking eyes with her. She’ll find you more trustworthy and intriguing.

Challenge yourself to make more regular eye contact with people throughout the day. Soon you’ll have no problem applying this to situations with women.

Develop a Clear and Powerful Voice

Slow down and speak clearly. Nearly everyone talks too fast and believes that if they aren’t rushing, the girl will get bored. It’s actually the opposite. A girl can’t build a connection with you if she’s struggling to understand what you’re saying. Speak with purpose — it draws her in and hides any nervousness you’re feeling.

Learn to project from your diaphragm and not from your throat. You will have a more powerful, resonant, and attractive voice. Start by practicing diaphragmatic breathing, it takes a few days to get familiar with it. When you’re using the right muscles, your real voice will begin to come through. I listened to Roger Love’s Vocal CDs in the car during my commute and they transformed my voice.

Display Self-Assured Body Language

Stand up straight, shoulders back, and head up. Move smoothly and deliberately. This means means less fidgeting, no sudden movements, and no awkward shuffling back and forth.

Open body language is friendly, so don’t be afraid to talk with your hands. Using gestures in a conversation keeps things interesting and shows that you’re passionate and personable. It’ll only be natural for you to progress and extend those gestures into touching her (such as on the shoulder or back.) Just be careful to keep your hands below chest level.

Remember, you don’t have to get overwhelmed and try to do this all at once. What worked for me was to first focus on one or two points that I needed improvement on. I saw a difference right away and it became easier to add in the rest.

The only way to get better is to get started.

  1. Tom on November 4, 2013

    I honestly am a 17 year old kid who is looked down upon by my generation. I feel that Ive dug myself to deep into a hole that I cant get out of. Would these tactics be able to turn minds around into thinking that I can be more sociable? I want to make myself better with just all around comfortably speaking with guys and girls alike. But the thing is I feel Ive messed up a few too many times and cant pull it back around.

    • OwenGee on March 23, 2017

      Im not Nick but this is what I reckon.. “The only limitations you have are the limitations you give yourself”. First you must develop internal confidence and then externally you will begin to naturally show it. It will become second nature for you. Something important to remember however is that you do not need to be perfect at this. Too many times we feel like we are having to constantly improve which is great and Im all for that, but you must understand and recognize your growth and how far you have come. By doing this you develop a sense of accomplishment that can be endless. It is better to rejoice in the small wins every day than to wait 5 months to feel accomplished. Develop inner confidence, my favorite quote from Nick is “It’s not about changing who you are but rather learning to express the best version of yourself.” This is true in every sense. Tom even though you have messed up like we all do, just know that its what you make of today that makes all the difference for tomorrow. You the man, know that alright!

  2. Taiwo on September 15, 2015

    What did you mean by shoulders back