nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

Is Porn Keeping You From Dating Success?

May 24th, 2012 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Cameron Diaz Something About Mary

Chances are that if you’ve used the internet within the last 10 years, you’ve watched porn.

Recently, there has been an online movement against overexposure to pornography. Gary Wilson lead this rebellion by creating www.yourbrainonporn.com along with a now infamous TED talk. His overall message is that masturbating to porn regularly can produce the following symptoms:

  • Erectile disfunction (43% of adult males experience it)
  • Difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner (delayed ejaculation)
  • Experiencing greater sexual excitement with porn than with a partner
  • Decreasing sensitivity of penis
  • Coming when you are only partly erect, or getting totally erect only as you come
  • Needing to fantasize to maintain erection or interest with sexual partner
  • Earlier genres of porn are no longer “exciting”
  • Declining sexual arousal with a sexual partner(s)
  • Losing erection while attempting penetration
  • Can’t maintain erection or ejaculate with oral sex
    (Source)

Some people argue that his findings are unscientific and unfounded. Whether you agree with the above is up to you, but I’m not here to argue those points. I’m here to discuss a different negative resulting from porn that I know is true for many guys.

Consistent masturbation to pornography stops men from meeting women.

I was skeptical, too and refused to believe it was possible. But over the last few months I’ve thought about my own porn habits in the past and started digging further into the guys I worked with. 

Almost every guy I talked to had the same reason for their dating struggles — they weren’t meeting enough girls. They gave excuses like “I don’t have the time,” or “I just don’t feel like it.” So, I pried further to determine where this lack of motivation stemmed from.

I found out that these men do have the time and energy to socialize with more women. This includes their lunch breaks, after work, on the weekends, and during errands. The glaring problem was that their daily routine included going home, pleasing themselves to porn, and then relaxing to play video games or surf the net.

By satiating their physiological need for sex by watching porn, they decreased their desire to go out and find real women. Eventually however, they become depressed when they find themselves alone without a woman.

Think about it this way: food is another physiological need. If you didn’t eat for three days, you would be ravenous. If I dropped a 20oz steak in front of you, you would likely devour it.

Now say you are completely stuffed and have satisfied your need for food. If I placed another 20oz steak on your plate, you wouldn’t look at it the same way. You would think twice and probably have no interest in it. 

You can only eat so often and so much, and the same goes for sex. Most men only have the desire to orgasm once or twice a day at most and that diminishes with age. If you’re using that up on porn, you don’t have the same drive to seek fulfillment from a sexual partner. You become complacent in the moment and resentful later on.

As Louis CK says, ejaculation for men is often just a necessary release. When we don’t do it, pressure builds up and our urges increase. Once we orgasm, all the tension is gone and sometimes we even feel guilty about it.

I’m not against porn or masturbation in the slightest. I believe they are healthy outlets when used in moderation, like anything else. That being said, you’ve got to decide what’s more important to you…

Do you want to masturbate to women on screen for the rest of your life or have incredible sex on a regular basis? Something has to give — you can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

If you watch porn daily or even every other day, you could be hurting your chances with women. When you feel the need for sex and you masturbate to relieve it, you lose the incentive that the need provides. Then, you get upset about the lack of girls in your life — it’s a vicious cycle that only you can break.

My advice is this: If you’re not talking to women regularly, cut down on the porn. I’m not saying you have to stop completely, but try scaling it back. 

Halve the amount you watch or set a limit of once a week. Watch it on days where you aren’t able to go out and approach women. Set a goal that you have to meet X amount of new girls before you can watch it again. Then when your free days like the weekend come around, you’ll experience that primal want for sex. 

Whatever it takes to motivate you, do it. Make it so your only option is to go out and satisfy your desires in the real world.

  1. AJ on January 12, 2013

    This is actually very true. I have experienced some of the symptoms. I try to avoid porn like the plague now and it helps. I actually performed better after abstaining from watching porn and masturbating. I used to think I’ll last longer the second time around or a day or two after a release but that’s totally not how it works.

    • Nick Notas on January 12, 2013

      Yup yup. As you cut back, you’ll realize how much it’s been hindering your sexual drive and performance.

  2. JC on August 21, 2013

    What’s your opinion on masturbating without porn? And I’m not talking like compulsively, I’m talking more like 3-5 times a week.

    Even though from what I understand the whole “Your Brain on Porn” is pseudo-science bs, I’ve stopped watching porn for another reason: my belief in “fake it til you make it.” And if who I want to be is a guy having great sex all the time, I think if I was that guy I would have no need for porn.

    Now I think this “ideal guy” would be having sex about every day, so would it make sense to orgasm about once a day, so maybe you should physically (in terms of how long you last, how much ejaculate you produce etc) equal what a guy getting laid all the time would be like? I don’t know.

  3. Corey on August 31, 2013

    I’m in senior high and this girl and me in math clicked, we both like dark humor, metal music, and alot of other stuff. So 2nd day after meeting her I decided that I wasn’t going to watch porn for 2 weeks and cut back down on masterbating and really try and start a relationship with her. I mean she isn’t my usual pick but she is beautiful and I figured I’d want a relationship more if I wasn’t getting satisfied that way. Now all I need is to find the right way to ask her out with out feeling weird because we have only know each other for a few days.

    • David on November 25, 2013

      This is a funny post.

  4. John on March 31, 2014

    I do have the time in the world to meet women;however, ive found that dating is so in the womens favor. A chubby girl gets hit on 50 times a week , whether its online or offline. A guy has to go to the extreme length just to get a date.

    A guy has to ask 30 women out, in order to get one to go out with him, considering that most of them will flake out.

    Women hate porn because it makes them lose power.

  5. Joe on June 27, 2015

    To the above: Or they hate porn because it makes you lose your stamina and they do not like weak guys.