How to Remain Dignified While Being Rejected
I looked around the club and saw her. She had tanned skin, tall black boots, and danced hypnotically with her girl friends.
I had to meet her.
A dozen guys stood around the room, holding their drinks and leering. No one had the guts to go up to the group of girls.
I wanted to be the guy to do it. With the help of some liquid courage, of course.
I downed my drink and walked towards her. My legs felt like jello with every step. I stopped in front of her, smiled, and said, “Hey.”
She gazed into my eyes and returned a smile. Her friends listened closely.
I thought to myself, “Yes, I’m in!”
But almost immediately, her smile warped into a sneer. She said,
“Do you even like women?”
She was insulting me, questioning my sexuality. And it wasn’t in a playful, challenging kind of way.
(Being honest though, I did dress a little metrosexual back then.)
I tried to hold my ground and replied, “Damn right I do.”
She snickered and in an exaggerated tone said, “Suuure you do. Please, you wouldn’t even know what to do with a real woman.”
Before I could get in another word, she turned around and started laughing. Her friends joined in.
There I stood, rejected, with a group of girls mocking my misfortune and a room full of guys watching it all go down.
I was devastated. I was humiliated. And I was furious. I wanted to say something that made her feel like shit — just like I did.
Instead, I walked away with my fists clenched and left to another bar. Later that night, I met a sweet girl who I immediately hit it off with.
That was one of the worst rejections I’ve faced over the years. As awful as it may have seemed, I’m glad I handled it with dignity. Because it’s choices like those which have allowed me to become a stronger man even from the most horrible rejections.
Recognizing when you’re rejected
In an ideal world, rejection would always be as clear as in my story. Hopefully not not that mean-spirited, but still obvious enough that you’re able to move on.
But if you read my last article, that doesn’t always happen. Many women have a hard time rejecting a man directly – even though it’s the best way for both parties.
Sometimes a woman will just ignore you. Or keep saying she’s busy. Or tell you that she’s not ready for a relationship when she really is, just not with you.
The majority of women don’t do this maliciously. They do it to protect their feelings and in their own minds, yours too. However, these indirect rejections often make situations worse.
That’s why the only consistent measurable factor for being rejected is action. More specifically, the action of investing in you.
A woman who likes a guy wants to see him in person.
She doesn’t want to wait weeks or months and miss that opportunity. We don’t want to lose the things we value.
Men have a hard time believing that. They stay in denial and always try to reason that she may be secretly interested, despite her delays. They pursue a girl endlessly without success and then get pissed off when things don’t work out.
I’m sorry to say, but it’s your fault if you ignore the signs and don’t focus on other women.
I don’t care if she texts you all day, every day, for weeks on end.
I don’t care if she has a boyfriend but says she’s unhappy.
I don’t care if she said that she’s not sure if something could happen in the future.
I don’t care if she’s gone on three dates with you in the past.
I don’t care if she’s flirted with you at work or somewhere else.
I don’t care if she messages you first all the time.
Whatever your reason for being in denial is, unless she’s spending alone time with you now, she’s just not that into you.
She may be attracted to you. She may like you as a person. She may like your attention. But she’s not serious enough to move things forward.
Use the 3 strikes rule
You want to know if she likes you or is trying to reject you? Try to invite her out twice, maybe three times.
If she doesn’t ever commit to hanging out, she’s not interested or serious enough. It’s that clear-cut. Stop trying and focus your energy elsewhere.
She knows at this point you want to be with her. Continuing to hound her never makes things better. If she changes her mind, she can message you to hang out.
The wrong ways to deal with rejection
I know how terrifying it can be to show a girl that you like her. You’re putting your heart and soul on the line. You’re taking a chance to get utterly and embarrassingly rejected.
And when someone turns you down, it hurts like hell.
But as difficult as it can be, you need to learn to deal with rejection in a healthy, productive way. And this isn’t just to make the woman feel better, it’s mostly for your benefit.
Taking your emotional pain out on someone hurts you more than anyone else. By doing so, you reinforce your destructive emotions.
You build resentment and anger. You become apathetic. You expect the worst in people.
That anger eventually turns to rage and causes you to take it out on new women you meet. In turn, you only attract low quality people who tolerate that type of behavior. You can also get yourself into legal trouble.
So listen up…
Accept that you’re not entitled to her. If she chooses someone else, she’s not a bitch or a slut for it. She may be rude for stringing you along (if that was her true intention). But even then, you don’t own her and she doesn’t owe you anything. A person doesn’t have to be with you just because you want them to be.
Don’t take it personally. I know that’s tough because you are the one getting rejected. But that person’s rejection is not a reflection of your self worth. You just weren’t compatible with them in that moment.
Rejections happen for all sorts of reasons. Maybe she had a shitty day. Maybe you were too nervous and had a bad date. Maybe she felt you were incompatible. Or maybe she just didn’t find you attractive.
Some girls won’t be interested in you but that doesn’t make inferior. Nobody’s attractive to everyone. You have to accept it as a normal part of the dating process.
Don’t assume that’s how all women will feel. There are plenty of women who will like you and when they don’t, they’re upfront about it.
You don’t need to make her feel bad for you to feel better. Insulting a woman does nothing except show your insecurity. Do you think she’s suddenly going to change her mind after you berate her?
It might temporarily make you feel better, but when your emotions subside, you’ll just end up feeling like an asshole. (Unless you’re a sociopath.)
Would a man of value waste his energy on someone who didn’t respect or desire him? No.
The right ways to deal with rejection
In my experience, there are only three steps to turning rejection into future success and growth. You have to…
Accept the reality. If you’ve used the 2-3 strikes rule, let her go. Call out your own bullshit excuses of denial.
Don’t beg her or make her feel guilty. Don’t pretend to be her friend when you want her romantically. Don’t wait around for months to see if things change. And don’t keep searching for the secret trick to convince her otherwise — there is none.
Like I said earlier, she’s well aware of your desire to connect with her and can take initiative if she wants to.
Learn from the rejection. Not every rejection has a lesson. So I don’t want you to kill yourself thinking about how you fucked up. And I definitely don’t want you calling yourself a loser (shame) for making a mistake (guilt).
But sometimes, we do blow our chances. I have, many times, and those experiences have become some of my greatest learning tools. If there’s something obvious you did to turn a girl off, remember it so you don’t make the same mistake again.
Put yourself out there again. It’ll prove there’s an abundance of great people out there waiting to meet you. It’ll allow you to make deeper, more meaningful connections. And in hindsight, it’ll prove that rejection was a good thing.
It’s nearly impossible to see the positive side of rejection when you don’t keep meeting other people. You will place that person who rejected you on a pedestal. You will see them as your only option and let it crush you.
I’m grateful for the girl who rejected me in the club. I’m grateful for all the times I’ve totally screwed up. I’m thankful for my ex-girlfriend dumping me on our 2 year anniversary. If it weren’t for all those rejections, I wouldn’t have met the right girl for me.
But not me or anyone else can convince you of that – you have to experience it for yourself.
The most successful people in business and romance get rejected regularly.
They wear it as a badge of courage. They write about it in their books and talk about proudly in their speeches. Because they know if they remain dignified in the face of rejection, they’ll reap all the amazing benefits it has to offer.
Rejection is not the enemy. The real enemy is your own insecurity and fear toward it.
Tired of getting no replies to your messages? Frustrated with not getting a second date? Let’s have a free consultation.