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Don’t Buy Her a Drink…Yet

July 8th, 2011 by Nick Notas 2 Comments

For years, dating experts have claimed that buying a girl’s drink makes you seem desperate and weak. I disagree. Buying her a drink is an excellent way to show your growing interest and appreciation of her company. It’s important though that if you decide to do it, it’s at the right time and in the right way.

The original intention behind “don’t buy her drinks” is a good one. The purpose was to prevent inexperienced guys from using it as a crutch to start a conversation or to believe it’ll impress her. Too often men think that it’s going to improve their chances and get the girl wanting to talk to them. Usually, it ends up backfiring.

If you believe the only way a beautiful girl will talk to you is with monetary offers, what does that say about you? A woman is intuitive; she’s either going to A) feel like she has to talk to you, rather than want to talk to you. Or B) label you as the “drink guy” and get free booze off you all night. Neither option puts you in a good position.

When?

So when is the right moment to buy her a Cosmo? It’s when you two are connecting and she starts opening up to you. It’s after you’ve talked for 15 minutes, are sitting in the lounge area, and she’s telling you an embarrassing story. It’s when you’re sharing your passions and she’s sharing hers.

Why?

A girl wants to feel special and that she’s earned your interest. She doesn’t want to feel replaceable or that she’s just part of your Friday night prowl. By giving her a chance to convey her real self, you show her that you’re different than other guys who try to buy her attention.

How?

Just make it casual. “Hey, I’m grabbing a drink, what would you want?” or “What do you like to drink?” is fine. Now that you’ve listened to her, felt chemistry, and have become interested in her, it comes from a genuine place. It’ll mean more and she’s going to respect you for it.

So please, don’t buy girls drinks before you get to know them. It’s cliche and you’ll blend in with the rest of the guys hitting on her. Be creative and let her see the real you. You’re more likely to make something happen if you man up and win her over the authentic way.

  1. Kev on July 3, 2012

    Do you think it’s even necessary to buy a girl a drink? I feel like it’s awkward with her friends there…

    • Nick Notas on July 10, 2012

      No, definitely not necessary by any means. If you want to, awesome. If you don’t, no big deal.