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4 Signs You’re Being a Judgmental Hypocrite

April 13th, 2017 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Judging people unfairly

 

Pervert. Freak. Creep. Pig. Idiot. Asshole. Slut.

It’s so easy to judge someone and put a label on them.

We’ve always been taught there are two types of people: the good and the bad. The heroes and the villains.

But life isn’t a superhero movie. It’s full of complicated people with complicated biology making complicated choices due to complicated backstories.

I feel like so much conflict in the world right now is due to dismissing others based on singular facts. They claim to understand someone’s entire character based on one thing they learned about them. They then put that person in a box that’s near impossible to escape.

This is especially true for public figures. Even when they do something privately, they’re judged by unattainable standards.

The best way to keep our unfair judgments in check is to recognize our own hypocrisy. We don’t know someone else’s life story and we’re not perfect, either.

Because I guarantee whatever you’re judging people for, you or those you care about have done the same…or worse. 

Think this doesn’t apply to you? Let’s see.

You’re disgusted by people’s kinks and porn habits

There’s a lot of hate against porn and people’s unique kinks.

Religious leaders and followers are often the most outspoken against porn. Even though religious people tend to watch the most porn.

Some anti-porn communities demonize all erotica when it’s just a moderation issue for most people.

I’ve talked to many women who don’t want their man ever watching porn. Yet most experts believe that 40-50% women watch porn themselves. 1 in 3 watch it weekly.

Listen, damn near everyone watches porn. Up to 30% of all internet traffic is porn. We’ve been indulging in erotic art for 28,000 years.

And if you don’t watch porn, you’re still probably getting some version of it. Romance novels like 50 Shades of Grey are straight-up porn, just in written form. Public sex, anal vibrators, and intense BDSM isn’t your standard young adult fiction. That series has sold over 125 million copies alone.

I also see a whole lot of judgment thrown around about WHAT turns other people on. In particular, how women view men’s sexual fantasies.

I find that interesting seeing as though women’s porn tendencies aren’t always cute and cuddly. They enjoy and often prefer these types of porns at higher rates to men: hardcore and rough porn, gangbangs, huge penises, father-daughter incest roleplay, and old men.

In fact, it’s estimated that over 50% of women have some sort of forced sex fantasy and it may be the most prevalent fantasy for women overall. Women also love the idea of being watched by strangers during sex.

We all have fetishes that border on weird and disturbing at times. But that’s completely normal and that’s why they’re fantasies.

Next time you’re going to judge someone’s kinks, imagine they could take a look at your entire life’s browsing history — even when you’ve used incognito mode. What skeletons would they find?

You think people ogling strangers is creepy

A typical situation: guy sees attractive girl walking by, looks her up and down, and any witnesses to this occurrence put him in the “creep” category.

In this scenario, men are the ones often being judged by women. Checking out a girl in public (especially when you’re in a relationship) is treated like an unforgivable offense. There are even countless articles online about how to get your man to stop checking out other women.

Yet women ogle other women all the time — even more than they ogle other men. 80% of women even say they scope out other women at their most revealing while on the beach.

And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard groups of women talking about some random guy’s butt. (It’s usually the butt, too.) Here’s a social experiment with many women openly admitting they check out guys.

Now I get it: there’s a threshold. If a guy’s staring down a woman for longer than 5 seconds, it can be both intimidating and frightening. But a quick glance is really not a big deal.

So unless your guy is constantly eyeing every passing woman, this is a waste time of time. You aren’t going to change biology — men are more visually stimulated than women. This isn’t a sexist justification, it’s backed by scientific research.

I think why people tend to get upset about this is the belief that checking someone out means you’re objectifying them. To a degree, it does.

But when we see anything beautiful. we objectify it. Whether that’s a piece of art, architecture, or another human being. We become stunned at what it physically represents but that doesn’t mean we tie negative value to it. Or that we can’t also see it for it’s deeper worth.

You believe drug users are good-for-nothing losers

The disconnect around people judging others for drugs while using themselves may be the biggest of all.

Many people see drug users as low-quality, sketchy losers. The easy target has always been cannabis – which, thankfully, is starting to change (at least in the US). Marijuana smokers endure constant judgment even though cannabis has never had a direct clinical death and has no chemically addictive substances.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Well, I don’t do drugs!” Nah, there’s a good chance you do. It’s just that the world has taught you that certain ones aren’t considered drugs. Or that if a doctor prescribes them it somehow makes them less “bad”.

Let’s see…

86% of people have drank alcohol with 70.1% saying they’ve drank in the last year. Guess what? Alcohol is a drug…one of the most harmful with 88,000 people dying each year. That places it at the fourth leading preventable cause of death.

It has some of the highest rates of addiction with 12% of adults having been dependent on it in their lifetime. It’s also one of the easiest to overdose with. 

What if you don’t drink?

Have you ever smoked cigarettes or vaped? That lightheaded buzz you get is still a drug escape. 1 in 10 Americans vape now.

Have you used Adderall to study or focus? That’s a form of amphetamine just like meth and is highly addictive. Parents get their kids hooked on these without batting an eye even when they may not need them.

What about anti-depressants? They are the third most taken medicine, with 8-10% of Americans using them. As effective as they are for many people, they have massive side-effects that can seriously affect the quality of life. They also can increase suicidal thoughts in vulnerable people.

Finally, are you or have you been on pain medication? I’m talking about stuff like hydrocodone, percocet, and oxycontin. They give out roughly 259 million prescriptions annually in the US for pain medications. The number of prescriptions have nearly quadrupled in the last 15 years or so while pain rates have stayed the same.

These are opioids…just like heroin. They have high rates of addiction, dependence, and kill 52,000 people annually.

The western world (and America especially) are a bunch of drug users. I’d wager over 90% of you who judge others are drugs users yourself or have been. If you are one of the few rare ones who aren’t, almost everyone else you know or admire is.

You’re grossed out by gay guys

Gay shaming

We have made huge strides in LGBTQ acceptance.

But I still see a lot of room for improvement. For example, with men who hate other gay men. This is true in socially conservative areas, certain sects of religion, and hip-hop culture.

Rap has slowly been evolving its views (thanks Frank Ocean, Kid Cudi, Macklemore, and others.

I just find it funny because there’s a little bit of gay everywhere. You can’t avoid it and you’re going to have to start hating a lot of people.

Most estimates say between 2-4% of men are gay. 6.2% of men have had oral or anal sex with another man. Gay porn searches are on the rise, now over 3%.

That’s not even taking in the sliding scales of sexual attraction. There are men who are heterosexual but have had random passing thoughts, just find the idea of man’s physique sexually attractive at times, or have experimented to realize it was or wasn’t for them.

Here’s the real kicker, though…

For all you southern conservatives and religious anti-gay people…you watch the most gay porn! For all the rappers out there, “black” gay porn is by far the most popular. (Source for both)

And is it not a coincidence then, that homophobes tend to get aroused by gay porn the most?

I feel like it’s not absurd to say 1 out of 10 men you encounter have had some sort of gay feeling, thought, or experience that would make haters uncomfortable.

Therefore, judging homosexuality means you’re unknowingly judging someone you care about.

I’m not going to be cliché here but…

Take a good look in the mirror and realize that your shit stinks, too. We’re all in the same boat. Stop picking the low-hanging fruit by judging people and go eat a slice of that humble pie instead.

Because as a rule of thumb, you can’t judge a book by its cover. There’s always more than meets the eye.

Damn, I dropped the ball on the whole cliché thing. I’m guess I’m one big hypocrite, too.

  1. Franco on April 13, 2017

    I never understood the way America treats drug addicts like criminals. It’s a cry for help. Rehabilitation over punishment.

    • Nick Notas on April 13, 2017

      I fully agree although it’s great they’re trying new ideas. A town near me in Massachusetts is first to start a program where you can turn your drugs into the police. They then help you get treatment. It’s been a huge success.

  2. Louie on April 13, 2017

    My wife points out pretty girls for both of us to check out. Guess I’m a lucky man!

  3. Tomberry on April 13, 2017

    None of this applies to me but some used to like when I was younger I found gay porn disgusting because I wasn’t used to it but now I can watch it and just not feel anything and I’m cool with that. I also do enjoy weird porn sometimes so I know what you mean when you say “look in the mirror”. I’m a heterosexual man and I’ve never done anything with another male but I do ogle some guys on the street because I think they’re good looking or whatever and I’ve had some homoerotic dreams so it goes to show gay is absolutely everywhere even in our subconcsious.

    I also used to think drug users were big time losers and even though I still don’t like drugs in general I’ve come to understand better that people get their kicks in multitude of ways and there’s nothing wrong with escaping reality for a bit if you’re not harming anybody else. I know I drnik a lot more Coca Cola than water and even though coke isn’t a drug per se (or is it I don’t remember if caffeine is a drug technically) it’s not exactly harmless to my body. One reserve is I think it’s a bit clumsy of you to put pain medicine on the same level as heroine but I agree with the overal message.

    Anyway I reallly liked that article and it got me to think about a couple thing so thanks.

  4. Nick Jackolin on April 14, 2017

    Great article, Nick!

    You cant forget caffeine – the most widely used drug in the world. Euphoric stimulant? Check. Long term habit and dependence forming? Check. Terrible withdrawals? Check.

    Ive been struggling with objectification myself. Ive been trying to find the line between objectification vs. appreciating beauty while also recognizing that there is (of course) way more value to other human beings than the way they look. Really thought the way you put that was well done (as always).

    All the best,
    Nick