The Only Way Women Will Trust You

February 9th, 2012 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

George Michael Faith

In order for a woman to trust you, you’ve got to trust yourself first.

You need to trust that you’ll show her an awesome time. Believe that you’re worth her attention. Respect your values and what’s important to you. Accept that your natural desires are a good thing. Appreciate the real you.

How often do you hesitate when talking to women? Do you get hung up on the “right words” or worry about what to say next? How often are you afraid to say what’s really on your mind? Do you compromise your principles for fear that she might not agree?

Actions speak louder than words, always. When you doubt yourself, your actions become timid and uncertain. That’s the definition of awkwardness — the guy who’s stuck in his head, questioning his every move. When you shape yourself to what you believe other people will like, it’s usually painfully transparent.

A woman can’t build trust with a dishonest man. Nothing will turn her off quicker than a guy pretending to be someone he’s not. And while you may not be “lying” per se, isn’t hiding your emotions and intentions equally as bad?

Would you trust someone who wasn’t confident in themself or their abilities? Do you want the contractor who’s passionate and excited about building your new deck, or the guy who will “try his best” and “hope it turns out well”?

Last Wednesday, I was filming a TV special (announcement soon!). I took a client out and because I wanted to make sure everything went perfectly, I played it safe. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t my real self and instead of working to my advantage, it backfired.

Thankfully, I made sure he did great and I helped him get the number of the first girl he talked to. I, on the other hand, was not making much of a connection with anyone. Women weren’t opening up to me like they usually do. My nerves had gotten the best of me and I wasn’t being true to my personality.

That Friday, I went out to a bar with another client on a typical night out. No cameras, no pressure to perform, just me being me. The difference in responses from girls was incredible and it reminded me that…

  • Playing it “safe” is often playing it wrong. Safe is boring and predictable.
  • You’re hurting your chances when you’re too worried about every little thing people think about you.
  • When you’re less genuine, you’re less interesting, and a woman can feel it.

Here are some real-world examples of dating success that only happened because I trusted myself:

  • A girl was being rude to me for no reason and I looked at her friend and sincerely said, “Wow, your friend is really mean.” Instantly, the girl giving me a hard time changed her attitude and started trying to prove she was a nice person. I called her out with no malicious intent and she realized she was in the wrong. She respected me for that and even apologized, saying she’d had a bad day. We ended up hitting it off and spent a fun night together.
  • I was talking with a girl on Friday and noticed she had an absolutely gorgeous smile. I didn’t think twice about telling her so and she blushed and couldn’t stop smiling afterwards. She knew it was an honest compliment and that’s what made it memorable. Our connection became more personal from that moment on.
  • I saw a beautiful rocker chick leaving a bar one time and I was stuck on what to say. So I just started walking over to her and said the first thing that popped into my head, “You have such a badass style!” She lit up and within thirty seconds we were literally dancing our way together to the next bar.
  • I’ve told women all sorts of embarrassing stories about myself. I don’t hide my interests or my hobbies. They know I’m a tech nerd who enjoys Game of Thrones. I share anecdotes about my teenage past in professional gaming and my obsession with Boston restaurants. It takes a truly confident man to be an open book. And the girls who’ve accepted the authentic me are the ones that I’ve had the strongest bonds with.

Stop worrying if you’re going to sound stupid, or silly, or that she won’t like some characteristic of you. The best way to ensure a woman trusts you is to trust your own instincts. In the end, you want her to be attracted to you and not some version of yourself you’ve created.

Take risks and stay honest — you’ll see how any interaction can be a success.

  1. Ashley on July 3, 2012

    I really like what you’ve written Nick! I’m going to show this to some of my guy friends.

    • Nick Notas on July 3, 2012

      You’re very welcome and thanks for spreading the good word!

  2. Dylan Palmer on October 29, 2013

    What game did you used to play professionally?

    • Nick Notas on October 31, 2013

      Counter-Strike (The original version)

      • Egor on December 16, 2013

        That’s just awesome xD

  3. Dom on March 4, 2016

    Wow!! interesting article except for the fact that you have a huge….HUGE ego..”I, I , I , I me, me, me…. blah blah blah ” instead of always talking about yourself, maybe try using examples from friends’/ family members. (wink)

    • Nick Notas on March 4, 2016

      Thanks! But, that’s a massive assumption on your part from one article. I have dozens upon dozens of articles where I use examples friends, family, and anonymous clients (with permission). Even my newest article is filled with anecdotes from people other than myself.