How to Develop a Confident, Attractive Voice

December 29th, 2012 by Nick Notas 3 Comments

I Love You Man Jason Segel

Great orators have the power to inspire the world. They lead with a strong presence and a confident voice that commands attention.

Could you imagine if Martin Luther King or John F. Kennedy mumbled with timid voices?

How you speak determines how people respond to you. Not just women you’re interested in, but friends, strangers, employers, and everyone you come in contact with. You can dress well and have the best opening lines but you won’t get far without a strong voice.

 

Understand Dominant and Submissive Vocal Tonality

There are two main types of vocal tonality: dominant and submissive.

Dominant voices express leadership, assertiveness, and security. They show you’re not trying to impress anyone else. People will trust and respect you more.

Submissive voices express uncertainty, passiveness, and doubt in yourself. They show you’re seeking approval or validation from others. People will distrust and forget about what you have to say.

What makes a dominant voice and how do you achieve one?

You don’t have to sound like a screaming douchebag. But you do have to change the inflection you place on your sentences, especially towards the end.

Dominant voices stay the same or lower in pitch when finishing a sentence or phrase. It sounds like you’re speaking your mind without hesitation. Submissive voices rise in pitch almost as if you’re asking a question (when you’re not) or looking for a response.

Timothy Marc has a helpful video that showcases the difference between the two.

Recognize and catch yourself when you revert to a submissive voice. The two most common instances are with women and higher-ups at work. Your voice naturally weakens when nervous or in a position where you feel inferior. Be proactive and work against it.

Exercise for developing a dominant voice:

Practice by recording various phrases in a dominant and submissive tone. Pay attention to how the subtle changes in inflection make you sound. Feel the difference in emotion you’re conveying. Repeat until this becomes second nature in your daily conversations.

Use Your Chest, Not Your Head Voice

Now that you understand the difference in vocal tone, we need to make sure your voice projects correctly. This will aid in building a dominant, authoritative voice.

There are two mediums of vocal projection: your chest and your head.

The chest voice uses your diaphragm to talk. This produces a more resonant, deep, and attractive tone that carries. It cuts through loud environments without having to yell or strain.

The head voice uses your throat to talk. This produces a thin, light, and grating tone that falls short. It will not go far and is the reason why guys struggle to be heard. Then they compensate by yelling which actually hurts their vocal chords.

Start by learning how to diaphragmatic breathe. Most people breathe too shallow which forces them to use their head voice during conversation. Once you learn how to breathe correctly, your best voice will come through.

See this article on diaphragmatic breathing techniques to get started. There are tons of instructional YouTube videos as well.

Exercise to find your chest voice:

Hum at a comfortable pitch. Move the pitch slightly lower; pay attention to how your chest feels. Hum until you can feel the vibration in your chest. Continue humming and try to increase the vibration. Next, move the pitch slightly higher; pay attention to how your nose and mouth feel.

Open your mouth. Hum until you feel the vibration in your tongue and lips, behind and above your mouth. Continue humming and try to increase the vibration again. Finally, return to your chest once more. Repeat the whole exercise, always ending with your chest in order to develop a full, luscious sound.

Exercise to develop your chest voice:

Sitting straight or lying down, put one hand on your stomach. Breath in, attempting to move your hand out as far as possible. Your stomach should rise while your chest stays relatively still.

Notice how it feels; this is how you want to breathe when you speak in order to use your entire lung capacity and get the fullest, strongest, and richest sound.

Exhale quickly but make no sound as you do. Sound is an indication of tension. Breath in again. Now, when you exhale, say the first letter of the alphabet. Continue until you reach Z.

As you progress through the alphabet, pretend that with each letter you are speaking to a target farther and farther away. By the time you reach the end, you should be very loud and strong.

Take 5 Steps to Build Your Best Voice

  1. Speak slower. Nearly every person talks too damn fast. They believe rushing to say everything will keep the listener’s attention. In fact, talking fast is difficult to understand, distracting, and will get tuned out. Annunciate your words clearly and fully. Take your time to speak with purpose.
  2. Speak louder. You might think you’re loud enough – you’re not. If you ever have to lean in or have someone asking “What?” then you’re too quiet. From the above exercises, use your chest voice to aid in this.

    Another tip that helped me tremendously is to speak through people instead of at them. Imagine someone standing 3-6 feet behind them and project your voice toward that.

  3. Don’t rush to respond. Give yourself an extra second or two to process what they just said. A confident man isn’t afraid to collect his thoughts. Rushing to blurt out answers makes you seem anxious and like you’re trying too hard.
  4. Use pauses effectively. In the same light of not rushing, pace your words. Pause not only at the end of sentences, but in the middle of them as well. Think where commas fall as points where you can and should wait an extra second. Especially with stories, this builds suspense and engages the listener. Look at how Don Draper captivates a room with patience.
  5. Speak with passion. Get excited damnit! Flat, monotone voices put people to sleep. Emphasize words in your sentences to reflect your emotions. Utilize animated facial expressions and expressive hand gestures to further enhance your conversation. If you’re passionate about what you say, your audience will be passionate about it, too.

Growing up, I was always the kid with the soft-spoken, light voice. I would get down on myself that I didn’t have a deep tone like some of my friends. One day I stopped the self-pity and put the effort into changing.

I used the advice above combined with a Roger Love vocal warm-up CD and practiced regularly. I still don’t sound like Barry White, but I do have a richer, deeper and more attractive voice.

It completely changed the way people perceived me. I got taken more seriously. I received promotions in my workplace. Women responded with raw attraction and my dating success skyrocketed. Lastly, I became an accomplished, confident public speaker.

Change your voice for the better and it’ll change your life.

Put that voice to good use and start meeting women. I’ll help you get the ball rolling.

  1. Terry on December 30, 2012

    I used to be so self-conscious of my voice. This is motivating me to do something about it. Thanks for another great article Nick.

    • Nick Notas on December 30, 2012

      That’s the attitude! You’re welcome :)

  2. Erik on June 14, 2013

    Thanks a lot for this guide! :)
    I have a very high voice (over the phone I’m mistaken for a woman 99% of the time, which is incredibly frustrating), which is partially caused by a hormonal disease which makes me have much lower Testosterone levels than normal (I hardly grow a beard either, and heck! I’m 20 yrs old!)
    I’ve always been ashamed of this, which didn’t quite help either. I cam across as a wimpy, weak, scared boy (or even girl!) most of my teenage life. Lately I’ve realized I should just accept myself for who I am, and step up for myself instead of get walked over each time again.
    Great article! It was of great help, thanks! :)