Ask the Specialist: How to Meet Women During the Day

April 22nd, 2011 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

A fellow Redditor asked:

“I’m a 17 y/o male. I live in a very small town and have somewhat exhausted my “resources.”

So, my plan is to go out to surrounding towns and just try to find somebody there, because I’m really ready to start dating again. I’ll probably be in places like coffee shops, book stores, and just regular stores or just walking around town. Any tips on starting conversations with girls and ultimately getting a number or some equivalent?”

Another Redditor gave a great response:

“As long as you are an interesting, non-creepy person, just talk to them. Be confident, interesting, and a little flirtatious. Women love that. Comment on what they’re reading/looking at/doing, and strike up a conversation that way.”

I decided to elaborate further:

Exactly, you don’t need much more than that man — it’s easier than you think. Don’t flood yourself with too much stuff, it’ll end up hurting more than helping. It’s better to just go out there, meet a ton of women and see what works best for you and your personality. Get used to approaching, relaxing in a conversation, playing off what she says, being flirtatious, etc. Experience is the best teacher.

Basic guidelines:

  • When approaching: Always smile, hold good eye contact, slow down your speech, speak clearly, and stand tall with your shoulders back. Good body language is important, especially during the day.
  • You can start a conversation almost any way as long as it’s not a totally bland question like “Where are you going today?” Try making statements instead like “I’m totally jealous of your leather jacket.”  or even be direct “I thought you were cute and had to come say Hi, I’m X.”
  • Be curious and ask questions.  Ask things you want to know about her and riff off of her answers (statements). Don’t interview her — keep your responses to question-statement-question at a minimum.
  • Flirt a little and have fun with it! Throw in some occasional teasing, playfulness, and keep things light-hearted.
  • If you’ve been talking for 10 minutes or so, ask for her number (and maybe set something up for future) or do something with her right then. If you’ve got time to spare try saying, “Hey I’ve got an hour to kill, let’s grab a coffee.” If she can’t, you can still take her number for later.

Trust me, there’s no secret line or magic technique that is going to get you every woman. The biggest thing is to just do it. Dating is a numbers game and the more chances you take, the more opportunities will come.

  1. Raj on July 10, 2012

    I feel like I see so many beautiful women daily, but I can’t imagine that if I talked to them they would actually give me their number. How can you tell if she is single or interested in being approached?

    • Nick Notas on July 11, 2012

      You’ll never know just by looking at them. The only way to find out is by taking action. Once you approach, you’ll get your answer.

      She’s either going to introduce herself and want to talk or say she’s got a boyfriend / has to go. Find the girls that want to connect with you.

  2. maxie on February 18, 2013

    i have 2 big issues with approaching women.

    1. i am NOT getting my ass kicked just to talk to a girl. the only way im talking to them is if 100% certain there single.

    2. at my age (21) talking to girls you dont personally know can be pretty dangerous. i know plenty of girls that are around 15 that can easily pass for 23. getting a date not worth going to jail over.

    so my questions are:

    1. how can you tell if there single or not?

    2. how can you tell if there over 18?

    something else worth noting, lesbians. in my experience, all the girls im interested in are either taken, or lesbians.

    • Nick Notas on February 19, 2013

      1) As answered above, you can’t ever be sure. How are you going to read her mind and figure out if she’s single? If she has a ring, she’s likely married. Otherwise, you’ll have to man up and talk to her.

      2) Again, you’re relying on excuses not to approach. You’ll never know until you talk to her. Walk up, introduce yourself, chat for a few seconds, and lead to the topic of if she goes to college around there. She’ll let you know if she’s in college, graduated, or high school. You’re not going to get arrested for saying hi to someone and you’ll find out if she’s too young right away.

      If EVERY girl you talk to is claiming to be taken or lesbian, it could be their way of saying they aren’t interested. You might be approaching incorrectly or not engaging them in conversation.

      • Tim Frederick on February 16, 2015

        Even if there wearing a ring you still cant be certain there taken. A true Story.

        Many years ago I was in this bar and saw two woman sitting together and talking. Finally got the nerve up to go talk to one. Long story short I took her home that night.

        I noticed she was wearing a wedding band / Ring.
        When I asked her about ti she told me she was Not Married or seeing Anybody any only wore it to keep the Jerks away (In her Words). We dated about 3 months.

        So if you Really like her. Ring or not, Approach her because you never know.

        Love the site Nick and I am a new user here.
        X Nice guy here and working on myself and my social skills very hard. Thanks…..


  3. Chris on September 25, 2014

    Well this seems pretty straight forward and I agree that talking to random people isn’t all that difficult.
    But my biggest problem is usually the “keep things interesting” part. I would usually start with a Hi (I haven’t done it a lot) and then try to ask something relating to the surroundings. If I can bring up something interesting, I would usually have a pretty good conversation. But more often than not, I start with something bland-ish and then go into interview mode.
    Any suggestions for this?
    Also, I am an Indian living in Seattle. Don’t have an accent and can talk properly but it still ups the difficulty level for me.


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