How to Kiss on the First Date

April 13th, 2011 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

That first date kiss is where the magic happens. It’s the pinnacle moment where you officially cross over from a platonic relationship to something more personal. The question is, how do you get there?

The progression to the kiss has to feel natural to both you and her. You have to build momentum and gradually create tension with physical contact throughout the date. It’ll be awkward if you haven’t even touched once and then suddenly go in for a kiss.

Touch early

Begin the date with a big hug and tell her how great she looks. It breaks the initial touch barrier and shows that you’re comfortable with being close to her. When I started doing this, I noticed how much better it set the mood for the rest of the night.

Touch often

As the date continues, you want to playfully and openly touch her. Gently push her when she says something funny or laughs at one of your jokes. When she tells you something personal, show your interest by briefly placing your hand on her arm or shoulder. You can hold her hand and lead her to where you’re going next.

Don’t wait until the end

Now, say things are going great and you’re hitting it off. You feel like there’s a connection and you want to go in for the kiss. When’s the best time do it? According to most of Hollywood, it would be those final seconds when dropping her off at her place. I beg to differ.

Waiting until the very end of the date to kiss is a common mistake. It puts pressure on her since she knows it’s coming and builds it up way too much. You’re better off by surprising her with a spontaneous kiss. It’s easier than you think.

It’s smoochin’ time

After the date has been going well for a while (at least half way), simply stop talking and look directly into her eyes. Put your arm around her, pull her in towards you, and kiss her. Don’t make out with her, but give her a good solid kiss for a couple of seconds. Then softly pull away and continue the conversation where you left off. That’s all there is to it.

But what if she doesn’t kiss you? Don’t get thrown off by it and don’t make it a big deal. She could have been caught off guard or just isn’t ready yet. Give her more time. Work on building deeper trust and attraction and try again later.

Take the chance and kiss her, you may be surprised with the results.

  1. Raj on July 6, 2012

    I’ve been on a date with a girl who was shy and said she did not like to be touched. How should I have handled it?

    • Nick Notas on July 6, 2012

      Everyone has a different comfort zone and personal boundaries. Many times when a girl says something like that, she means she is not ready to be touched like that yet. You could have came on too strong early on.

      In those situations, ease off and go back to having fun and getting to know her. Make her laugh, ask her some personal questions, and build your connection/trust. After a while, you can try again with a simple touch (push on the arm, high five) and see how she responds. If she’s positive, keep moving it forward as long as she’s receiving it well.

      • Yusuf on September 17, 2012

        So I met this girl at college and we have been texting back and forth throughout the week. She’s never dated or had any kinda relationship before and I kinda had something before but didn’t work out. We went on a lunch date just to get to know each other better and we ended up talking for a good 4 hours, so we really clicked. We had our hands touch and hugged at the end because I wasn’t sure if it was too soon since she hasn’t been out on a date before. We still text and have a good connection. I was just wondering if I should just give her a light kiss the next time I see her?

        • Nick Notas on September 18, 2012

          It sounds like you both had an awesome time. I think you should give her a nice, normal kiss next time. Nothing intense just short and sweet. If she accepts, then you can kiss her periodically through the date. Ask her out on another date. Good luck and keep me posted!

          • Yusuf on September 19, 2012

            Yeah I will be seeing her tomorrow. We still continue to text. I will go ahead and do just that. Thanks man I really appreciate your advice and work.

  2. sway on August 20, 2013

    Got a date with a girl this weekend, haven’t met her yet and this is awesome advice. We will probably go out to eat and I was wondering if after dinner, before going home would be a perfect opportunity for me to go into the kiss? Thanks a lot.

  3. Raj on July 27, 2014

    There is a college girl with whom i have not talked yet but i had sent her gift on her birthday through her friend and she got to know me and we came in touch through facebook and we have chated a lot but i have asked her to meet me but she refuses what should I do now ??

  4. katy d on January 16, 2015

    Pretty solid advice. I recently attempted to kiss a very attractive woman. I probably waited a bit too long as her energy was up earlier when we were thumb wrestling (she came to sit next to me out of the blue). So later we werevstanding there and she starts talking about how she should leave soon (still 2 hrs till the club ended). So I was like whatever now is the time. Just started playing with/pulling her hair, she nuzzled up to me and I went for the kiss. She had the sweetest turn away ever, just enough to avoid the kiss but still close enough to show shee still liked it- so I just sank my teeth into her neck/cheek instead! Shevthen told me her ex wascin the room. Soci got the impression that it was not a no but a not now.

    Also she wouldnt give me her number but said shevwould likevto develop a friendship before taking things further and since we hang in the ssme circles im sure I will see her around. Also told me im quite forward, which I answered a bit too logically. So I really dont feel as though she actually friendzoned me or rejected me. But even if this doesnt lead anywhere, im still glad I did it.

    I say its better to go for it even if you ‘fail’ than to chicken out and not try and never know what you coulda missed out on. Even though she did the slight turn away I regret nothing and even bit her neck on the other side after, and felt like my own personal superhero for making my desire clearvanf not hiding behind a bunch of bullshit