nicknotas

I used to be a jerk in my relationships. I was jealous, controlling, and most of all, insecure. When my girlfriend dumped me the morning after our two-year anniversary, I knew something needed to change.

Let me step back and tell you about me. I grew up in the Boston area and had a normal childhood. Great parents, supportive older brother, good friends, and lots of video games. Some kids occasionally picked on me through elementary school for being a nerd, but nothing too serious.

Early on, I found my passion for psychology, relationships, and how people interacted with others. By middle school, I took what I knew and started dating regularly. I spent the next six years repeating the same cycle: date a girl for a while, feel confident about it, and then suddenly, it ends. It was awful and I blamed everyone else for my failed relationships.

In college I dated a friend I had known for many years. She was incredible — brilliant, funny, open-minded, and truly liked me. I was in the perfect relationship and the first six months went by blissfully.

Shortly after, my family went through some serious medical issues. We couldn’t sustain the family restaurant of 21 years and closed shop. I put college and my dream of becoming a relationship counselor on hold to support them.

I was depressed and believed I had lost it all. I argued with my girlfriend for no reason, complained constantly, and became passive-aggressive and jealous. I was overly defensive because I felt vulnerable.

She grew distant the month before she left. At our anniversary dinner, I could see she was upset and holding something back. During breakfast the next morning, she said it was over and it was the last time we were together as a couple.

This experience forced me to come to terms with my flaws as a boyfriend. I wanted to be better for future relationships. I wanted to be a better friend. Mostly, I wanted to be better for me. That’s when I found the pickup community…