nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

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Who Has It Worse in Dating: Men or Women?

August 15th, 2019 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

The debate must go on

I met two young women from Silicon Valley while on vacation in the Caribbean. They told me every guy they date prioritizes work over them, even when they’re together.

One male friend told me he’s frustrated that women are non-committal, always looking for the next best thing. He said women talk to multiple guys at once and cut contact out of nowhere.

My wife’s co-worker said she meets a lot of guys, but they never have their shit together. Many of them struggle with alcohol, video game addiction, or are just immature.

A client told me that the woman he’s seeing withholds sex due to past emotional baggage. She unfairly compares him to other men and sabotages their relationship.

And everyone tells me they hate online dating…because of the other sex.

For years, I’ve listened to constant debates about who’s to blame for the dismal state of dating. This back and forth has to stop. It’s not productive to just complain.

We need to find an answer that makes things better.

I’ve worked in the dating space for 12 years. I know the hardships people face. I know the advantages and disadvantages of being on both sides.

So I feel like I’m in a great position to be an unbiased mediator. I want to lay out the truths I see in modern dating so we can settle the debate once and for all.

Who has it worse in dating? Men or women?  Continue Reading…

What Happens When You Listen to the Worst Kind of Friend

July 24th, 2019 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Two friends

John has always had a good heart. Tommy has always been kind of a jerk.

But somehow, John and Tommy have been inseparable since they were little. Wherever John went, Tommy was right there behind him.

When John didn’t make the baseball team, Tommy said he just wasn’t cut out for sports. When John got an answer wrong on his spelling test, Tommy called him stupid.

In high school, John had a crush on Rebecca from science class. Tommy’s response was, “Yeah right man, she’s way out of your league.”

One summer, John and Tommy were in line at the movies. A cute girl looked at John and smiled, so he smiled back. Tommy saw this interaction go down. Instead of encouraging his friend to say hello, he said, “She was just being polite, she’s not actually into you or anything.”

As they’ve grown older, Tommy has only gotten harder on John. His criticism has turned vicious.

Continue Reading…

Good Crack Leads to Great Confidence at My Dublin Retreat

July 9th, 2019 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Kristina, Nick, and Julian

Kristina, Nick, and Julian

Last September, I hosted one of my Conquer Confidence retreats in Dublin, Ireland with Julian and Kristina of LoveLifeSolved.

[Note: Meet the women you want at our next retreat in Madrid, Spain this September 6-9, 2019. Only two spots left!]

I have to admit, I’ve fallen in love with Ireland. It’s everything you’d expect and more.

Breathtaking rolling green hills lead into hidden fairy nooks. Rugged cliffs loom over heart-stopping coastlines. Ancient castles reign over pastures of grass-fed cows.

And of course, there’s a pub on every corner brimming with Guinness and Irish Red Ale.

What’s really magical is what happens inside those pubs. Rarely do patrons yell into each other’s ears over blasting Top 40 songs. Instead, everyone is engaged in energetic conversations over live musicians playing a variety of traditional and popular music.

And THIS is why I chose Dublin: because of that sweet, sweet crack.

Continue Reading…

The Not-So-Sweet Life of Being a Sugar Daddy

June 10th, 2019 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Sugar daddy dreams

What if you could regularly have sex with young, beautiful women with nearly no chance of rejection? Would you do it?

Well, you can. Right now, in fact. This isn’t a joke or a scam.

You just have to become a sugar daddy.

For those who don’t know, there are sites dedicated to grey-area paid arrangements. The most popular is Seeking Arrangement.

Basically, you pick a gorgeous girl (a sugar baby) from her online profile. You negotiate an allowance or pricing structure, and if agreed upon — you go on “dates”. Then somehow like magic…you also have the option of sleeping with that woman.

Of course, you do need the means to pay for this. But really, it’s often cheaper than you’d expect.

Depending on your location, you can find women who will sleep with you every week for about $1000-2000 per month. And I’ve heard from guys that have paid much less — sometimes just for a nice dinner. It’s an investment but a lot of smart, single men I know can afford that if they budget for it.

This is the dream for many guys: no-strings attached sex where you live out your wildest kinks and fantasies. I’ve found that it appeals most to young men with little romantic experience and older men coming out of a long-term relationship.

(I know a lot of married men use this as well but I’m going to focus on single guys since that’s who I work with.)

So what’s the catch?

Continue Reading…

How Death Can Breathe New Life Into Your Relationships

May 23rd, 2019 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

The cycle of life

Let me ask you…

When you’re really sick, who do you want by your side?

When I was young, I often got mind-numbingly painful migraines. In those moments, I wanted nothing more than my mom to sit by my bed and massage my forehead until it felt better.

When I was in my early 20s, I got a terrible case of swine flu. At that time, I just wanted to be left alone which then made me realize the girl I was dating probably wasn’t the one for me.

Now in my early 30s, I’ve had to be admitted to the hospital for severe dehydration after a bad reaction to anesthesia. What made me feel better was having my wife right by my side.

Continue Reading…

Why Your Friends Hate Their Relationship (And Why You Don’t Have To)

May 2nd, 2019 by Nick Notas 10 Comments

It doesn't have to be this way

Don’t. Get. Married.

You’ll lose your freedom. You won’t see your friends. Worst of all, say goodbye to your sex life.

That’s what people told me my whole life. And like many guys, it made me terrified of commitment.

I knew that 40-50% of marriages ended in divorce. My parents split by the time I was seven years old. Then my mom got divorced again after her second try.

As I got older, friends and co-workers told me horror stories about how bad their serious relationships were. So I never wanted to get into a long-term relationship, let alone a marriage, because that path seemed to only lead to misery.

I know many of you, men and women, have heard this, too. You may even feel the same way.

And truthfully, serious relationships aren’t for everyone. I know many happy people who only date casually or remain single by choice.

But I think relationships and marriage have gotten an unfairly bad rap.

Many people are in fulfilling relationships and genuinely in love with their partners. I’m fortunate to be one of them.

It’s not easy, though. You have to work hard at it all the time. You have to push your comfort zone, challenge your emotions, and get through some real pain.

But it can also be life-changing, fun work with your best friend. You get to be an amazing team that grows together.

And what I’ve realized after years of coaching people in their love lives is…

A lot of the people shit-talking relationships are the ones responsible for their own misery. And they’re just projecting that unhappiness onto you.

Here are three common reasons why your friends might be unhappy and how you can avoid the same pitfalls.

Continue Reading…

How to Overcome Your Social Anxiety Without Talking to Anyone

April 11th, 2019 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Speaking with confidence

The spoken word carries immense power.

A person’s voice can start revolutions. It can captivate audiences. It can make someone fall in love.

In the same sense, restricting a voice can have devastating consequences. Even when the person restricting it is yourself.

I bet there are so many things you wish you could say to other people.

You want to tell a woman that you find her attractive. You want to have a hard conversation with your parents. You want to tell your boss a new idea.

In the moment, though, having these conversations feels overwhelming and impossible. You think you’ll sound stupid or weird. You’re worried about how you’ll be judged.

So you only ever think about what you want to say without ever saying it out loud.

And by doing this, you never gain the experience necessary to get more confident with expressing yourself.

But what if you had a completely SAFE way to start saying the ideas you’ve held back? Could it help you overcome your social anxiety?

I’ve been trying a new technique with clients lately and the results have been astounding…so I want to share it with you today.

Continue Reading…

How to Send Follow Up Messages That Lead to Dates

March 14th, 2019 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Guy trying to follow up

Men get hung up when they need to follow-up with women.

When it’s time to message a girl they recently met, just had a date with, or haven’t talked to in a while – they panic.

They tell me they totally blank on what to say next. They want to write a perfect, charming message but it feels impossible when there’s hardly any context to build from.

So they overthink it because they don’t want to say the wrong thing. They second-guess their ideas and delete draft after draft. They stress themselves out and hate every minute of it.

And in the pursuit of that perfect message, they often procrastinate. Sometimes, they procrastinate so much that they lose out on opportunities and self-sabotage.

Ironically, when these guys do finally send out a message they worked so hard on…

It’s garbage.

It’s generic. It feels cold. It’s bland and evokes no emotion. It’s completely safe.

And it makes it even more obvious to a woman that you two are strangers who lack rapport.

It’s often some variation of, “Hi Allie, this is Nick from X. It was great meeting you.” Or “Hey, how was your weekend?” Or “I had a fun time the other night. Hope you got home okay.” Or “Good morning, hope you have a great day!”

Do you really think this is how women want to reconnect with a guy they’re supposed to like?

Continue Reading…

What’s The Real Definition of Romantic Success?

February 28th, 2019 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Couple celebrating

I love hearing romantic success stories. Even after eleven years, I still get a huge smile on my face when a client shares their enthusiasm from a positive dating experience.

That’s why it’s so difficult when I sometimes have to challenge people on their so-called “successes”. It’s tough to tell them to temper their excitement because their victories may not really be victories.

A lot of people define their romantic success by the wrong metrics. I know this because I spent years measuring my love life wrong, too.

I used to think I was crushing it with women if I got a number, got a kiss, or got laid. It seemed pretty straightforward…

“If an attractive woman wants me, I must be doing something right.” Society and friends told me that dating success was only about sleeping with hot women.

But over time I realized that mindset was all backwards. Viewing dating in this way never brought me long-term fulfillment.

I was stuck chasing the next “win” and without it, I felt like a failure. I never became comfortable in my own skin. And I never found lasting relationships with the women I really wanted.

Because when you measure your dating success by external approval, you risk destroying your self-esteem.

Continue Reading…

Why Women Need to Tell Men When They’re in the “Friend Zone”

February 14th, 2019 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

Talk to your guy friends

I knew an outgoing girl who had a lot of guy friends…or so she thought.

One day I told her, “You realize that most of these guys like you, right?”

She thought that was preposterous. She was almost offended by the idea and adamantly denied it. She said, “They’re just good friends.” When I dug a little deeper, I found out…

These “guy friends” were showing her interest left and right.

They always tried to hang out with her one-on-one. They texted and talked for hours on the phone. They bought her gifts. They bashed other guys she dated.

And they “jokingly” complimented her and got a little handsy with playful touches.

Eventually, these guys tried to make a move or confess their feelings. She had no choice but to reject them in an awkward way. Many of those connections deteriorated or fell apart altogether.

She was taken by surprise and that’s okay — she was young.

But what’s not okay is when I see this scenario play out among mature adults. The signs are obvious and it’s possible to avoid unnecessary pain.

I’ve called out guys for pretending to be a friend when they wanted more. Now I want to address the women who suspect or even know their guy friends are into them and avoid talking about it.

Women, it’s time to tell your guy friends that you see them as only friends.

Continue Reading…