nicknotas

DATING AND CONFIDENCE CONSULTANT

How to Handle Friendships While in a Relationship

September 12th, 2017 by Nick Notas 4 Comments

Girl with her friends

Relationships come with challenges that don’t exist when you’re single.

One challenge that’s particularly difficult is learning how to handle your partner spending alone time with their friends. And, in turn, learning how to handle spending time with just your friends, too.

Maybe one of you hangs out too much with others at the expense of your connection together. Maybe you or your partner spend a lot of alone time with someone of the opposite sex.

There could be some jealousy. There could be some stress about what could potentially happen. There could be some questioning of, why do they want to hang out with that person so much?

But these challenges don’t have to be problematic. They only become an issue when one of you feels like your needs aren’t being met or you struggle to trust your partner. So before you or your partner get caught in a tailspin of wondering about each other’s motives, you have to talk.

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5 Ways Men and Women Ruin Dating For Each Other

August 30th, 2017 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

Ruining dating for each other

It seems like everyone I talk to hates the dating process. They go through the motions because they have to, but not usually because they’re excited about it.

They feel it’s a huge source of pain and frustration. And any time we’re forced to do something unpleasant, we begin to loathe even the thought of it.

To start fixing this, there’s a level of personal responsibility to make the experience more fun for yourself. I often write about how…

You have to learn how to enjoy the process. You have to learn to speak, act, and express yourself in a way that is congruent and rewarding to you. If you’re always trying to figure out what other people want and how to impress them — you’re in for a bad, anxiety-ridden time.

But there’s another element that’s a real drag on everyone…

That comes down to how the other person treats you and also how you treat them. 

Because I see a whole lot of people treating each other poorly. Sometimes, they may not even realize the gravity of their actions. But the result is still the same:

People get hurt. Then they start to lose trust or resent connecting with others in the future. This then leads them to be protective, defensive, and inadvertently hurt others themselves…a.k.a. YOU.

We get into a cycle where we all lose basic courtesy and treat each other like shit, when dating is supposed to be a beautiful experience.

So I want share the ways I see men and women mistreat each other. Only when we’re aware of our actions and how they affect others can we create healthier dating for everyone.

Disclaimer: These are just the more common trends I see. There are plenty of times where the roles are reversed and break the mold.

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30 Years of Hard Choices That Shaped Me (Part 2)

August 16th, 2017 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

Nick_Notas_Hard_Choices

I’ve always been a private person. I’ve never been afraid to share my intimate details but I wanted it to be with people I trust. It also had to be in the right moments.

In my previous article, I reflected on the hard choices I’ve made in my 30 years.

And one of the hardest choices for me has been giving up my anonymity with this blog. I’ve had to accept that whatever I put out to the world will now be there forever.

But I know in my heart that the more I open up to you, the more connected you feel to me. People draw all sorts of inspiration and lessons from personal anecdotes and stories.

When I published the first part of this article, I was touched by everyone that commented and reached out to me. I had more emails with people sharing themselves than maybe ever before. It was incredible and allowed me to become closer to you, too.

That further inspired me to dig deep and share more of my world with all of you. I hope these stories continue to help you when faced with hard choices in your own life.

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30 Years of Hard Choices That Shaped Me (Part 1)

August 3rd, 2017 by Nick Notas 21 Comments

Decisions decisions

Life is a series of choices.

And I believe our quality of life is determined largely by those choices.

Of course there are other factors such as luck, genetic predisposition, upbringing, and overall mental health. But to a certain degree, your happiness and growth are greatly influenced by your actions.

When you encounter hardship, how do you handle it? When you’re doubting yourself, do you let it hold you back from trying? When you’re scared of judgement or uncertainty, do you act in self-love and compassion or simply stifle your needs?

I turned 30 two weeks ago. I’ve been pondering the decisions I’ve made that have changed me for the better. As a whole, they were tough choices that I knew would ultimately benefit me in the long run. They were based on having self-respect, staying true to myself, being vulnerable, and being bold.

It hasn’t been easy. In fact, some of the decisions were terrifying and didn’t always have the immediate gratification I’d hoped for. But in the end, they provided me with invaluable lessons, self-confidence, and a healthier connection with myself and other people.

In the first of two parts, I hope sharing some of my most life-changing decisions can inspire you to make better choices, too.

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A Healthy Guide to Casual Relationships (And Meaningful Sex)

July 20th, 2017 by Pete Zbrojkiewicz 2 Comments

Casual dating is alright

This is a guest post by Pete, an advanced social skills coach from Beard Strokings.

Nick: Casual dating is clearly on the rise. With apps like Tinder, many people are choosing to forgo committed relationships.

Although the stigma is lessening, men who choose to date around are seen as lacking in morals. They’re judged as being players, assholes, and heartless.

I think it’s healthy not to rush into relationships out of societal expectation, religious pressure, or fear of being alone. That’s not good for anyone and the people involved just end up getting even more hurt.

And when you’re young, you often don’t know what you want or need in a connection. Casually dating and keeping your options open often helps build the necessary experience to choose better partners when/if you’re ready.

But the stigma about casual dating is rooted in truth. It’s a touchy subject to tell someone who likes you that you’re not looking for anything serious. It’s also tough to navigate seeing other people in a respectful manner and set healthy expectations all around.

Unfortunately, some men don’t care enough to ensure the women they’re casually dating are comfortable and have their needs taken care of. They give a bad name to anyone who’s not ready for an exclusive relationship.

So my good friend Pete is here to answer all of your questions about casually dating in a healthy way. If you haven’t already, read his first article that teaches you how to approach the conversation with a woman you’re seeing and develop a compassionate mindset.

From there, use the guidelines below to maintain better connections with whoever you’re dating.

The label “dick” is handed out to guys who place their shallow, selfish interests above other people’s deeper interests. They value their own amusement over someone else’s happiness. The satisfaction of getting laid is more important than a woman’s well-being.

Being non-exclusive with women, in itself, doesn’t make you a dick. It’s HOW you do it that defines your character.

It mostly comes down to being honest and upfront.

Honesty is telling a girl the truth when she asks. Being upfront is sharing your expectations about things she will probably care about in the future.

If you want to be a good guy and casually date women, many of the decisions in your relationships will rely on those principles.

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Are You Living a Digital Life Instead of a Real One?

July 13th, 2017 by Nick Notas 5 Comments

I grew up playing video games.

At 3 years old, I was leaping chasms on Atari’s Pitfall and crushing goombas as Super Mario on the Nintendo.

By 6, I was using DOS to kill Lemmings, shooting Cyberdemons in Doom, and getting STDs in Leisure Suit Larry.

I actually can’t believe some of the shit my parents let me play.

I had just about every console created up until 2005. Yes, that includes the Sega CD, Sega Saturn, and Gameboy Advance.

I was also a PC game addict. I played professionally in Counter-Strike tournaments around the US. I loved gaming so much I ran a successful gaming blog for a few years.

I don’t regret those times in my life. They helped build my knowledge and passion for technology. I made new friends in those communities and shared some great times with real friends hanging out on the couch. I even dated a model who played Counter-Strike, as ridiculous as that sounds.

But I do know that if I didn’t eventually sacrifice some of my gaming, I wouldn’t have built the life I’m so passionate about today. And as much as it pains me to say this, I believe our growing dependence on media and entertainment is preventing us from truly living.

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The Mindset You Need to Talk to Any Woman

July 6th, 2017 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Confidence to say hello

Being able to introduce yourself to new people is arguably the biggest determining factor in a man’s dating success. This one ability does so much for you.

If you say hi to one new person a month, you have one chance of making a connection. Say hi to five people and you’ve drastically weighed the odds in your favor.

Approaching helps you destroy your social anxiety by gaining experience. You get used to awkward moments and don’t take rejections so personally. You don’t place so much importance on individual interactions and instead cultivate an abundance mentality.

All this enables you to be more confident in your social abilities. You’re more prepared to choose right person when you’re ready – not just desperately settle for whoever’s available.

Then why is this essential skill so difficult for men to master?

You’ve probably consumed dozens of articles and YouTube videos on the subject. You may have countless examples of the perfect opening lines. You may even have had friends try to help you.

And if you’re reading this, you probably still regret psyching yourself out of opportunities every single week.

The problem isn’t a lack of knowledge or needing more pre-planned material. You just need to build a mindset that encourages you to approach in a natural, healthy way.

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How to Start Dating Multiple Women — The Honest Way

June 28th, 2017 by Pete Zbrojkiewicz 17 Comments

Dating multiple women

Today, my friend Pete will show you how he’s used his charisma to date multiple women while being open to a long-term connection.

Pete is an advanced social skills coach who engages people effortlessly with natural charm. Spend 5 minutes with him and you’ll understand why.

He’s fully present in the moment with you, can’t seem to stop smiling, and has this warmth that radiates a calm confidence. You immediately feel his self-security and that he just wants everyone around him to have a good time.

You’d think he was born like this, but it’s because he constantly takes opportunities to push his comfort zone.

He interviewed people on YouTube for social experiments. He created a card question game as a fun way to connect with strangers. He’s well traveled and threw himself into different cultures by moving from Australia to Poland and now Columbia where he has to develop new social circles.

Most of all, he’s always open to adventures with people. His social media is filled with his antics hiking mountains, motorcycling across continents, firing up dance clubs, and letting loose in crazy street parties.

I invited Pete to my previous Majorca, Spain retreat as a friend. He ended up being an incredible wingman, source of additional insight, and inspiration to all the members. He approached a gorgeous girl walking into a lingerie store and ended up building a casual intimate relationship with her against all odds. Enough said.

It was then I realized Pete needed to be a coach at the upcoming confidence retreat in Lisbon, Portugal. 

I hope you enjoy what he has to say…

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10 Quick Fixes to Look Less Insecure in Conversation

June 21st, 2017 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Chillin' with friends

 

I believe developing your self-security and self-esteem is one of the most important journeys in life.

This means: practicing self-compassion and gratitude, prioritizing your wants and needs, and presenting yourself authentically to the world.

And throughout that lofty pursuit, there’s usually room for improvement in how you express your self-security in interactions with other people. Small tweaks can completely change people’s perceptions of you.

You don’t get a second chance to make a strong first impression.

If people see you as insecure when they first meet you, you can lose important connections or opportunities. It can unnecessarily cost you that dream job interview, a new friend, or a girl you really like.

I’m not telling you to be someone you’re not. Instead, I want you to build habits that come naturally to secure, confident people. It’s not just what’s on the inside that counts – how you behave and treat yourself will greatly influence the growth of your self-esteem.

So it’s incredibly helpful to recognize the areas where you might be showcasing your insecurity when meeting new people.

It could be that you don’t realize you’re conveying that you’re unhappy with yourself. Or you’re uncomfortable with other people’s happiness and success.

Scan the bold points below and see if you currently act in these ways. Or be mindful of your future conversations to see if you’re guilty of any of them. From there, just focus on working on one thing at a time until you build a positive habit.

Who knows, that one switch can make all the difference in your connections.

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What Happens When You Chase Women Who Don’t Like You

June 8th, 2017 by Nick Notas 7 Comments

Uninterested girl on a date

I often write about choosing compatible, high-quality people to date.

But sometimes in that pursuit, you still chase the hard-to-get, uncommunicative, or “crazy” girl because she’s hot…and you want to sleep with her.

No big deal, right?

But our actions always have consequences.

I see this all the time with guys: they find a girl they’re insanely attracted to and throw all reason out the window.

They let those women disrespect their time and put up with a lack of investment. They’re suddenly willing to compromise their values just because there’s a hot girl involved…and those consequences are more devastating than they know.

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