I’m Nick Notas, a dating and confidence coach for men. I also co-founded Reconnected, the human connection company.
I’ve helped thousands of men conquer their fears, build genuine self-esteem, and develop charismatic social skills for the last 12 years.
Over 300,000 people like you read my advice every month. I’m direct but fair and will challenge your way of thinking.
My clients are smart men with high-earning careers. They often graduate from prestigious universities such as Harvard, MIT, and Columbia. They are top engineers at Google/Microsoft, executives, entrepreneurs, surgeons, or own large real estate portfolios.
They’re “successful” in the world’s eyes. They all have one thing in common, though — they aren’t completely happy with their lives
I show them how to attract the women they want, create healthy relationships built on respect, develop meaningful friendships, repair broken family connections, and find the courage to love themselves.
I got into all this because…
I was the one who needed a transformation most of all…
By 2006, my life fell apart.
All my childhood friends moved out of state for college. I felt alone.
My dad had his second heart attack and needed a quadruple bypass. He had to give up our family restaurant of over 21 years. Suddenly, we were poor and had no way to pay rent.
So I gave up my dream of becoming a relationship counselor and dropped out of college to support my family. I grew up a spoiled boy forced to become man of the house by 19.
I was terrified and depressed. But, at least I had my first long-term girlfriend by my side.
Then she dumped me on our 2-year anniversary. Yes, that really happened. Don’t feel bad for me, though — I was a jerk who thought he was a nice guy.
I was insecure. I was jealous, controlling, and emotionally manipulative in my relationship.
Of course, I didn’t see it that way at the time. I thought she was cold and heartless.
After wallowing in my self-pity for months, I decided to take action. I wanted to get back at her, show her how she’d made a huge mistake, and sleep with other beautiful women.
That would fix everything, right? That’s when I found the online pickup artist community.
I’d discovered a guaranteed quick-fix to happiness…
Here was a new world claiming that any man could learn to attract any woman he desired.
They said you could become cool and confident with a few tricks and memorized lines. They promised eternal happiness through getting laid.
I was hooked.
I read every site and guide I could find on “seduction”. I devoured hundreds of books on body language, social skills, and psychology. I lost 70lbs and got in shape.
I went out 5 days a week for years to test these theories in the real world. I talked to thousands of women and practiced every single tactic possible. I studied my interactions relentlessly to perfect my skills.
I got really good at hooking up with random gorgeous women.
My new guy friends started asking me for help. They saw my transformation and wanted me to teach them everything I knew.
This was incredible! If I could show other guys how to become great with women and somehow make a living — it sounded like my ultimate dream job.
So I spent 3 years as a coach for two major pickup companies. I joined the local Boston pickup community and soon became the head instructor for 200 men.
I was getting paid and making a real name for myself in the industry. I felt like a damn rockstar.
Then it all came crumbling down…
It was last call at a bar after I’d faced countless rejections. None of my usual stuff seemed to be working. I felt desperate, frustrated, and called it a night.
I walked towards the exit. Right as I was about to leave, I noticed a girl next to me in black boots and a black skirt putting on a leather jacket. She had this perfect blend of elegance and edge.
Without even thinking about it, I blurted out, “Wow, you have such a badass style.”
She thanked me enthusiastically. I suggested we grab a drink next door and we did.
The night flew by. We talked about music, art, video games, childhood, friendship, philosophy, and so much more.
I became so engaged I had forgotten everything I studied for years. I was nerding out and not thinking about the next steps I needed to take to bed this girl.
Yet I was having more fun than I could remember in years and she was totally into me.
A few days later, I had a complete breakdown. I cried my eyes out — something I hadn’t done since my ex left me.
That experience made me realize I was living a lie.
Every day I pretended to be some bullshit version of myself. No one knew the real me. I didn’t even know who the real me was anymore.
Every woman I met liked the false persona I presented. They didn’t like or care about Nick because he was so far buried they never had a chance.
Every connection I had was shallow. They were hollow. They weren’t even connections because all I cared about was the next conquest and being seen as desirable.
I didn’t even know what it meant to be friends with a woman even though some of my closest friends growing up were girls.
I spent years chasing women to find happiness and confidence. The only thing I got was a deep hatred for myself.
I decided to learn from my mistakes and change my entire perspective…
I soon realized that almost everyone else that studied or coached this stuff had the same mindset, too:
They based their entire self-worth on their success with women.
They overanalyzed everything and couldn’t turn off their performances. If they had one bad interaction with a girl, they were devastated and felt like a failure.
They were all fake — to themselves and other people. They had no idea how to form healthy connections or hold lasting relationships.
Inside, these men were unhappy and ashamed of who they were.
I knew chasing the approval of others wasn’t the path to happiness. I knew this wasn’t the right way to develop self-esteem and build genuine connections.
So I set out to change everything I knew about becoming a strong, confident man and creating a fulfilling lifestyle. I wanted this for others but I also needed it for myself.
I left my cushy government job. I started this blog and my own coaching company to make this my full-time passion. I wanted the freedom to travel and live life on my own terms while helping men discover their own happiness.
Everything I had previously learned taught people they weren’t good enough and needed to follow an exact formula to be better. They needed to become someone else to be loved.
Instead, I wanted to understand the underlying principles that attracted others: things like confidence, leadership, passion, and sense of humor.
Then I set out to teach people those qualities and present their best, most attractive, and authentic selves.
Romantic success is a by-product of a fulfilling life…
10 years later, I’ve realized there’s a LOT more to life than just getting girls. It’s one small piece of a complete and rewarding life.
Loving yourself. Discovering and pursuing your passions. Creating deep friendships. Giving back to others. Being physically and emotionally healthy. Building something great and impactful.
These are a few of the ideas that make someone truly feel ALIVE — not just going through the motions.
Because if you’re not happy with yourself, what are you going to do once you meet an amazing girl? How do you expect to maintain a strong connection with her?
I’m not perfect and I don’t know all the answers. I’m always a student and constantly growing myself.
But I do know that I’m more fulfilled, more free, and more excited about life than I’ve ever been. And I’ve now got an incredible wife to share that with.
This wasn’t by accident…nor was it easy. I wouldn’t ever have it any other way, though.
You need to take charge to get what you want out of this world. It’s an ongoing journey that should be challenging yet immensely fun.
Don’t worry, it’s my job to help you every step of the way. Let’s start by understanding these 3 fundamental principles:
Confidence has to come from within. You don’t need to become an arrogant asshole. You don’t need to become fearless in every situation, either. Some of the most confident people in the world take action despite being terrified.
Real confidence comes when you know and love everything you are, and everything you aren’t. You should be in touch with your emotions. Then you have to be vulnerable and practice expressing that to the world without shame.
When you do this, you will finally be free from the anxiety and worry of social judgment.
What makes you valuable is not how much money you make or how many women you sleep with. It’s the things under your control: your unique perspective, your values, and most of all — your character.
Happiness is a daily choice. It’s about staying true to your unique inner wants and needs. It’s about seeking out meaningful experiences and connections that align with your core.
No one else can know what will fulfill you except you.
That also means accepting that everyone else can only make themselves happy. You must want that for them as long as they’re not intentionally hurting other people.
Healthy connections are built on mutual respect. You can’t bullshit about who you are and manufacture your conversations and claim to respect someone. You should be present in the moment and passionately conveying your natural insights and emotions.
You have to see people as more than a conquest or a means to feel good about yourself. They have to be more than a pretty face. You’ve got be curious about them.
But you have to respect yourself, too. If you’re interested in someone, you should express that to them through flirtation. You can’t pretend to be a platonic friend when you want more — that’s disingenuous. It also doesn’t form the intimate connections you want.
Most importantly, you must be willing to walk away from unhealthy connections with people that don’t appreciate you. Staying with someone who mistreats you because they’re hot or you’re afraid of being alone shows you don’t value who you are.
Coincidentally, when you internalize these 3 ideas — you become deeply attractive to other people.
You get comfortable and charismatic in social situations. You show strength and courage. You become the guy other men want to be and women want to be with.
I’m taking these steps every day myself.
Are you ready to live life on your terms?
Check out my coaching services to see how I can help you take that leap.
Press and Media Appearances
I have been featured and quoted on: