The Ultimate Cheat Sheet to Meeting Women Anywhere

September 13th, 2013 by Nick Notas 14 Comments

Vintage Man Courting Woman

You’ve been had.

The world has convinced you of how impossible it is to meet women.

Hollywood has shown that you need to be tall, fit, and handsome. Insecure men (sometimes friends) have made fun of your efforts. Even other dating coaches have said you need great openers, witty lines, or a precise formula.

But it’s just not true. While being in shape and developing your dating skills are important, you need to remember…

Every romantic connection begins with just a few spoken words.

That’s all.

Introducing myself to women regularly has lead to countless memorable dating experiences — even when I was inexperienced. It has helped thousands of “newbie” clients and blog readers date women they never thought possible. And I guarantee if you ask couples you know how they met, the story is simpler than you’d expect. The guy wasn’t Casanova, he just said hello.

So for now, I need you to stop worrying about having smooth conversations. Forget about handling rejections. Forget about sexual escalation. Please stop reading books upon books of dating advice.

Make your only goal to start talking to women everywhere. Measure your success on whether you spoke to them or not, regardless of outcome. If you’re practicing that, be ecstatic and feel victorious.

Take it further if you have to. Tell yourself that you’re not trying to get numbers or avoid rejections – and mean it. All I want you to do is build a habit of introducing yourself.

This guide will give you simple, natural ways to do just that, wherever you are. I want you to see how easy it is to say something relevant and then come up with your own in the moment.

All examples are based on real experiences from clients and myself.

  1. On a plane. “Seeing as we’re stuck together for the next four hours, I should introduce myself, I’m Nick.” “Are you heading home or going away? If she’s engaged and responsive, keep talking. If she introduces herself, briefly chats, and then goes quiet, let her be.
  2. While you’re shopping for clothes. Fashionable women love giving advice about style and it’s always helpful to have a second opinion. “How do these shoes look with my jeans?” “Can I ask you something? What do you think about the fit of this shirt?”
  3. While she’s shopping for clothes. Give her a genuine comment or opinion on what she’s picking out. “I’d definitely go with the brown boots.” “Those shades were made for you.” She answers or says thanks. Then, “What’s your name?”
  4. At a museum or art gallery. Use the content around you to bridge into a discussion. “What do you like about this piece?” “I love all the different emotions you can see in their expressions.”
  5. At a Salsa or Latin dance club. The ratio of women to men is great. If you practice even the basics, you will have a huge advantage because the guys who can dance are usually older men. Unlike a regular club, it’s expected to dance with people and asking straight out almost always gets a polite yes. “May I have this dance?” “Would you like to dance?”
  6. On the dance floor at a bar or club. Dance your ass off (solo or with friends) regardless of your skill. Showing that you don’t care and are there to enjoy yourself attracts women. After a few songs, you’ll notice women looking at you and positioning themselves near you. Make eye contact, dance closer to them, and pull them in. See my dance club guide here. If they’re off to the side or grabbing a drink…
  7. At the bar. Direct approaches almost always get the best responses. It’s a positive, confident contrast to other guys that use cheesy or lame openers. “You seem like the most fun here, I had to come say hi.” “Hey, what’s up?” “You girls look like you’re having a blast, can we join you?” “I love the flower in your hair.”

    Also, pay attention to women making eye contact toward you. They’re inviting you to come talk to them. Walk straight up and say, “So, what’s your name?” “You know, it’s not polite to stare.” “Hey, I’m Nick, and you are?” or with a big smile, “Hey.”

  8. Vacationing in a new place. If you’re visiting an unfamiliar location, don’t Google your entire trip. Be curious and ask the locals on the street or in shops. Inquire about good bars, coffee shops, sites, or events. This is how I make friends and meet girls anywhere I go. People are excited to share their world with you.

    “Where I can get a good coffee around here?” “I’m in town for the week and I want to do something exciting, where should I go?” “I want to dance tonight, what club do you recommend?”

  9. Athletic groups and clubs. From running to biking to hiking to rock climbing and more, there’s no shortage of ways to be active and meet active women. “How long have you been climbing for?” “I can already tell you’re going to make me look really bad.”

  10. Around your college campus. “Excuse me, aren’t you in my psychology class? I’m Nick.” “I saw you eating lunch by yourself, thought you might want some company.”

  11. At a college party. While you’re filling your cup in the keg line, “Toss me your cup. What’s your name?” “So how do you know (host of the party)?” “I need a beer pong partner, are you in?”

  12. Hosting a college party. When everyone’s coming up to you and they see that it’s your place, you’re the man of the hour. It gives you tremendous social value. You have a free pass to talk to anyone. “Are you enjoying yourself? What’s your name?” “I haven’t met you yet, I’m Nick.”

  13. In the gym. Yes, women are there to get in shape. But as long as you aren’t preventing her from doing that, it’s a great way to chat while working out together. “Would you spot me for a set?” “Mind if I take a turn in between your rests?”

  14. At a coffee shop. Some women will be working but many times they’re happy for an excuse to take a break and chat. “I know this is out of the blue, but can I join you for a coffee?” “I never liked drinking coffee alone, would you care for some company?” If she’s studying or writing, “I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I wanted to say hello.”

  15. At a bookstore. Based on what section she’s in or what she’s reading, “Are you a big true crime / Anthony Burgess / (any other author or genre) fan?” If you’re familiar what she’s reading, “Have you read (another book by the author or related book)? If you like (what she’s reading), I think you’d really enjoy it.” “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice you reading Godin’s new book. Is it for school or for pleasure?”

  16. At the park. Girls will be sitting on the grass or a bench, usually reading or listening to music. If she has headphones in, walk up and when she makes eye contact, motion for her to remove her headphones.

    “I don’t mean to interrupt your listening/reading session, but I saw you sitting over here and had to come say hi.” Once you introduce yourselves, take a seat next to her. Standing over a girl is awkward and doesn’t allow her to get comfortable.

  17. Wine tasting event. “Cheers. I haven’t tried the Pinot yet, how is it?” “These prosciutto rolls are ridiculous, aren’t they?” “What’s been your favorite so far?”

  18. At the grocery store. Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s attract single women. Don’t be afraid to ask for help with picking out something or for recipe ideas. “I’m having friends over tomorrow and trying to make some snacks, any suggestions?” “Should I do Salmon or Shrimp tonight?” Waiting in line and looking at tabloids, “Awww damn, the evil vampire babies are back again.”

  19. Dog park. Dogs are the best wingmen. Women will comment or stop to pet your dog. If she has a dog herself, you can let them mingle and strike up conversation. “I think they just became new best friends.” “She’s adorable, what’s her name?

  20. Concert, show, or music festival. If there’s an open or seating area between stages, that’s a safe bet. “What did you think of (band)?” “Do you know what time X band is on?” She answers, “Thanks! By the way, I’m Nick.” Or “So what band are you really here for?” If she’s eating at the tables, “Can I join you for lunch?”

    Otherwise, if you’re in the crowd and next to a girl, look over and politely say “Hi.” After a few moments you can offer, “I want to get closer to the stage, want to come with?” Leading a girl through the crowd shows tremendous confidence and provides tangible value.

  21. Trivia night. Whether you go with a friend or alone, there are always groups you can join. “We need a team and you guys look fun, can we join you?” “I bet you’re a trivia pro, I want to be on your team.”

  22. Public transportation (bus or train). Since you’re in a confined area, I recommend being direct. This gives her the chance to politely turn you down if she’s not interested and she won’t feel threatened in a tight space. “I know this is completely random but I saw you sitting and wanted to come introduce myself, I’m Nick.”

  23. Cooking classes. “I’m impressed and also terrified by your knife skills.” If you’re making something and hers is better, “Psshh, clearly we all know who’s the master chef here.” *sarcastically gesturing to your own.*

  24. Yoga or aerobics classes. Talking during the class is difficult so introducing right before or right after is advised. As you’re entering, smile and greet with a handshake, “Hi, I’m Nick.” Then go set up your stuff. It leaves a good impression and makes it easy to open conversation later.

    As she’s packing up, “You’re barely winded, how long have you been coming here?” “That totally kicked my butt more than I expected. I’ll never make fun of my guy friends again.”

  25. Improv or acting classes. You get to practice your wit and social skills with actual women. The environments are inviting, everyone laughs, and you’re expected to stumble. “You’re good at this. How long have you been doing improv?” “I need a partner, what’s your name?”

  26. Community service or volunteering. Just being there shows you are kind and generous (unless it’s a court order) which helps women drop their defenses. A simple “Is this your first time volunteering?” or “Hey, I’m Nick” and extend your hand. If she needs help with something, “Let me help you with that.” or “Let me get that for you.” and then introduce yourself.

  27. On the street. Never approach from behind. If she has to turn around, you’ve already lost her. Walk up by her side, get a few steps ahead (in her peripheral vision), and gently use the back of your fingers to tap her shoulder. You should be facing her and your body slightly in her path. Do this correctly and she will stop without being startled.

    Right away follow up with, “Excuse me. I saw you walking past and I was going to kick myself all day if I didn’t come say hi.”

  28. At the pool hall or bowling alley. “You’ve got a good shot, care for a challenge?” If you’re with a friend, “Are you guys interested in a 2 on 2?”

  29. While she’s working. You’ve got to be quick. She will have other customers, co-workers, and managers around her. Start the conversation with a simple greeting, “Hello, how are you today?” or functional statement, “Whiskey and diet coke, please.” If possible, make her laugh — it’s a huge plus to getting a yes for her number or making an impression for next time.

    To a bank teller, “All in $2 bills please.” When she looks puzzled, immediately follow with a smile, “I’m just messing with you, $20’s is fine.” To a bartender, take a sip while you give her your cash/card, “Damn, you don’t mess around huh?” or “Wow, you make it right.”

    If it’s somewhere you don’t ever go to, ask for her number. “This is spontaneous but, can I take you out for a coffee sometime?” If it’s somewhere you visit often, make a strong impression with playfulness or humor. Next time she’ll remember you and be much more receptive to giving you her number. Familiarity breeds fondness.

Pay attention to the atmosphere, your surroundings, and the girl herself. You will always find something simple and relevant to say. Focus on being observant of the outside world, not inside your head.

Or, just be direct — it works for every situation: “Hi” “Hey, what’s up? I’m Nick” “Cheers, what’s your name?” or some variation on “Excuse me, I know this is random but I wanted to come introduce myself.”

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, be an opener of doors.

Are you ready to start meeting women regularly? Talk to me for a free strategy session.

  1. Andreas on September 13, 2013

    In one blog post you pretty much sum everything there is to meeting women :) great job!

    I use a direct approach most of the time. A simple “hi” will do!

    A simple introduction, a “hi”, a compliment will work wonders. Whatever starts the conversation will do. It is all about taking that first step; it doesn’t what you say as long you start the conversation and escalate from there.

    I really like your blog and the simple philosophy about everything behind it, so keep up the good job!

    - Andreas

    • Nick Notas on September 13, 2013

      Simple is the way to go. Thanks Andreas!

  2. Justin on September 13, 2013

    Great post Nick. The note about hosting a party is right on. Anything really where you get a group together for an outing (ie: hiking, dinner out, etc…)

    • Nick Notas on September 15, 2013

      Thanks Justin and definitely agree.

  3. Jay on September 13, 2013

    The first words I said to a girl I dated are similar to your last point. She was a waitress at a place my friends and I went to a lot, and I just tried to smile and tease her. I asked for her number as we were leaving one time, and we dated for a couple months. Reminds me that it’s not impossible to do if you just try it!

    • Nick Notas on September 15, 2013

      Hey Jay, thanks for sharing your story. All it took was you opening the conversation and asking for a number.

  4. Matt on September 18, 2013

    This is great stuff but what if my name’s not Nick?

  5. RL on October 8, 2013

    I’ve been working on direct approaches inspired by your philosophy, and it helped me go from zero to a few numbers a week. But the one place I struggle with avoidance is the subway. I live in NY and commute during rush hours, so the train gets a little crowded sometimes. I’ve talked to a few women on the train and got a number once, but I can’t seem to do it consistently. The fact that so many people around in such a confined space scares me a little. And there’s always not knowing what stop she’ll get off. Is it really as simple as just saying hi anyway and ignoring the environment or should I be mindful of social norms? I mean, the NYC subway in the morning is dead quiet, not to mention nowhere to bail if things go south!

    • Blach on October 30, 2013

      yeah wondering what to do in the same situation!

    • Nick Notas on October 31, 2013

      Honestly, I wouldn’t stress about the other people around. Many women who are single are dying for the opportunity to meet a great guy. And the single guys around would love to have the courage to be you in that situation.

      Approaching during the day time doesn’t follow most social norms. 95%+ of men never do it. And it’s because they’re scared, not because it’s “wrong”. I know this because for six years I’ve coached hundreds of guys to try it out. From that, I’ve seen so many number exchanges, dates setup, and beautiful relationships created.

      Don’t worry about what people are thinking. Think about what you want. If you don’t take those chances, you’re the only one missing out on amazing opportunities.

      If she says her stop is coming up, go for a quick number exchange. If she doesn’t want to continue talking, she’ll simply say “I have a boyfriend” or go back to whatever she was doing. Politely say goodbye and it will be no big deal.

      • RL on November 8, 2013

        Thanks, Nick. I’ve begun to recognize that all these answers have a pattern, and once you’re confident and have a good lifestyle, the answers kind of fall into place and the excuses start to disappear. Thanks for the advice.

  6. Ed on October 30, 2013

    Nick you’re awesome! you’re got such great insight. I was wondering why you offer a free skype session? It seems too good to be true but knowing you by your posts it looks like a genuine no strings attached call!!

    I’m go to college in boston and meets tons of girls.. It starts great but goes downhill from there :/ So I guess I can definitely get some tips from you! Keep on keepin on!

  7. Fran on October 30, 2013

    Hey Nick!,
    First of all, let me say that you’re amazing man!. Your tips are really useful!, keep up the good work man :)
    I want to ask you something and maybe you can help me out:
    I’m in college (I’m 19), and in one of my classes I have a girl that I really like (I’m sure she is my type of girl, because of the way she talks, shows herself, and not to mention that she is really beautiful).
    The thing is, that I have never talked to her. Simply as that. I think the problem is that is difficult for me to talk to her, because I only have one class in common with her, and of course, it’s kind of hard to start a conversation in class. It’s worth trying (for example) in next class, to sit next to her and simply say ‘Hi, I like the way you look’ or ‘Hey, let me tell you that you are very cute’. Or maybe try with other phrases to break the ice. If that’s so, could you provide me an example?.
    Thanks for all man,
    Stay cool ;)