The Myth of the Perfect Man

June 10th, 2011 by Guest Blogger 3 Comments

I’m proud to announce my first ever guest blogger on this site, the beautiful Chiara Mazzucco. She’s a good friend and wonderful writer who pulls no punches. Hope you guys enjoy!

Chiara is the creator of ChiaraSays.com, a website devoted to the realities of dating, relationships, heartbreak, and every step along the way. It’s the advice you’ve been craving but have been to scared to listen to. You can also follow her on Twitter @iChiaraSays.

 

 

You own all the books and have absorbed every 80’s chick flick known to mankind; you could ace a test on the Do’s and Don’ts of dating with your eyes closed. You feel armed and ready to enter battle. But every time you do, you fail… miserably. What are you doing wrong?

Los Angeles has introduced me to some pretty epically terrible dates. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m what you consider “above average” in the looks department. While others look at me with envy, they have no idea how hard “looks” make it to find a decent man. And by decent, I obviously mean perfect.

The funny thing about most of my failed dates is that once they realized I was a dead end, they were determined to find out why (I guess I’m easy to talk to). Weeding out the perverts and the Jersey Shore cut outs, there were a few genuine guys who I just didn’t click with. They wondered why things hadn’t panned out between the two of us, telling me they had done everything by the book.

“I took you to a nice restaurant….”

“But I don’t like nice restaurants. I would have preferred an outdoor café, where I could smoke.”

“Well, I paid…”

“And I felt terrible. There was nothing on the menu less than $50”

“I agreed with you on the topic of Republicans..”

“My opinions on politics are terrible. No one should listen to me, I have no idea what I’m talking about.”

And so I’m sure you can imagine the rest of the conversation. Me not agreeing to a second date caused an intense level of confusion… Until I spoke the golden words, “But perhaps another girl would have LOVED this place. She would have found your chivalry charming, and would have loved to find someone who shared her views on politics.” All of a sudden, the world made sense again.

When I was 13, my perfect guy was blonde with blue eyes and a smile resembling Devon Sawa’s in Casper or Now and Then. Now, I dig me some dark and handsome instead. At 15, my perfect guy played basketball, was able to steal his parents new Range Rover and would drive 100 mph down Mulholland Dr. Now, I prefer artists to athletes, will cancel a date if a guy owns a new Range Rover and will file a police report against anyone who puts my life in danger.

By 19, my perfect guy had an endless supply of cocaine and could get me into every nightclub on Sunset Blvd, without an ID. Now, if I find out you’re not out of your “experimental drug phase” I’ll recommend a rehab facility and if we go to a nightclub, I’m the one who gets the bouncer to let you in; if you try to look cool, I’ll laugh in your face and call a cab.

I met my perfect man about 2 years ago. He’s dark and handsome, a writer, owns an OLD Range Rover (that we’re about to sell), and he’s the most interesting man in the world… my world.

Being “perfect” is not something that is taught or found in a “how to” book; it’s something you find within yourself. Some guys don’t enjoy walks on the beach. Some guys vomit at the sound of romance or at the site of a couple displaying PDA. That’s okay because guess what? Some girls dig guys like that. The most important thing is being honest with yourself and accepting who you really are.

Toss out the book telling you how you should be. Focus your thoughts on what YOUR ideal date would be like. You wouldn’t want to sweat in your panties as you sign the restaurant bill, watching your entire two-week paycheck go to waste. So why would you want to date a girl who’d demand that of you?

The moment you’re comfortable in your own skin, doing things you love doing… that’s the moment you’ll meet your perfect girl. Don’t feel the need to make pieces from a different puzzle fit. There is a perfect man for every woman out there. But perfection is in the eye of the beholder and it’s impossible for you to cater to everyone’s idea of it.

  1. Taz @ Climb the Rainbow on June 10, 2011

    Great post Chiara. I can’t agree with you enough. When nearly every guy you date plies you with the run-of-the-mill niceties in order to win you over, it gets BORING.

    The men who do something DIFFERENT, men who KNOW THEMSELVES are the ones who stand out to women, and the ones who will get a second date.

    For example, I went out on a first date with two men a couple of nights apart. The first pursued me persistently, took me to a nice restaurant in the city, and paid for my meal,…but then again, so has pretty much every other guy I’ve ever dated. The second called me for a chat, we randomly decided to go cave wandering that night, stuffed Doritos into ourselves waiting for all the tourists to leave, and then scoffed down a block of chocolate whilst stargazing on the beach later on.

    One guess which one I ended up going out with.

    • Chiara on June 10, 2011

      Hm. Your second date kind of sounds amazing.

  2. myhonestanswer on June 18, 2011

    This is such good advice. It’s true, all of. Let go of your expectations about what SHOULD make a good date, and focus on what makes a date good for YOU. That’s all that matters.