Should You Even Try? (For That Girl or Guy)

December 3rd, 2014 by Nick Notas 8 Comments

Crystal Ball Man

When Hamlet contemplated life, he needed to answer the question, “to be or not to be?” But in romantic pursuit, we all struggle to answer, “to try or not to try?”

That is the question.

Every week you tell me about all kinds of situations…

“There’s a girl at my gym that I always see. Sometimes she even smiles at me. Should I approach her and introduce myself?”

“I’m friends with a guy that I’ve developed feelings for. Should I see if something’s there?”

“I’m 26 and there’s this 19 year old girl who seems into me. Should I invite her to hang out?”

“The barista at the coffee shop is always extra nice to me but he might just be friendly. Should I ask for his number?”

To you I say…

You’re investing time and effort by writing down every single detail of your situation. You’re stressing over one person for weeks or months on end.

So I’m calling you out!

You’re clearly interested in this person.

You’re not actually asking me if you should go for it. What you’re really asking is…

“Can you tell me whether or not they’re going to like me? Can you guarantee that it’ll turn out alright? Otherwise, I won’t even try.”

You want assurance that the everything will work out. You want to hear that there’s no doubt that the other person will be into you, too.

But I can’t promise that. No one can.

There’s only one person’s opinion that matters, that you need to discover – the person you’re interested in. They’re either like you or they don’t. What everyone else thinks is useless speculation.

You can’t predict their reaction. You can’t have complete control over the outcome. You can only control the actions you take.

In fact, the more you try to control the situation beforehand, the more it will control you.

Think about it…

Has it ever made you feel better to wait around before making a move? Or did that constant uncertainty drive you crazy?

By avoiding the truth, you become a prisoner to the unknown. You’ll always wonder, “What if?“. Paulo Coehlo said it perfectly,

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”

The only way to end that suffering is to always seek out the truth. Find out for yourself who is and isn’t interested in you. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable and stuck in limbo forever.

Stop protecting your ego. All it’s doing is giving you a false sense of safety and making you miss valuable opportunities.

Facing the truth builds courage. It keeps you in touch with who you are and what you want. And it reinforces that you’re strong enough to endure whatever outcome is thrown at you.

Yes, you may not always get the answer you desire. But at worst, you’ll be exactly where you are now, gain some much needed experience, and can move forward.

So whenever you’re wondering, “Should I even try?” The answer will always be YES (unless it’s illegal).

Yes, you should go introduce yourself. Yes, you should ask for her number. Yes, you should go for a kiss.

Yoda_Do_or_Do_Not

Let go of your obsession to know the outcome before you try. We all deal with the same unknown, every day.

Just seek the truth and the truth will set you free. 

  1. Trey D on December 3, 2014

    What if I already tried? I gotta number from this girl at my friends party last month. I have asked her out a few times since but she always just says she’ll let me know when she’s free. I don’t know if I should keep asking.

    • Nick Notas on December 3, 2014

      Then you need to learn when to walk away with dignity. Basic rule: you try twice and see if she’s willing to invest her time in you. If she doesn’t make plans, she’s not interested and you should focus on meeting new people.

    • seymoure on January 7, 2015

      If I may respond, the answer to your question is: NO. That is spelled N and O. Best wishes.

  2. Paul on December 3, 2014

    I’m attracted to a coworker of mine she is a few years older than me but every time we’re around eachother we both smile alot and act like middle schoolers ,which I interpret as flirting. How do I find out if she’s interested without coming off creepy. In other words how do I ask out a coworker?

  3. Isaac on December 5, 2014

    Hi Nic, you couldn’t have posted this on a more relevant day. I totally let a girl slide that I had strong suspicions liked me for weeks now because I didn’t ask her out. Now she’s going on a date with a friend she’s known for a while and I totally feel like I let it slip because I was to afraid of being failure and being judged.

    When confronted with these situations I find myself over thinking and seeking constant advice on what I should do instead of just sucking it up and asking. Now that you’ve posted this I’ve calm down a bit and it really helped me relax after beating myself up. But now that things have settled down I wanna use this opportunity to not let this happen again.

    I find myself over thinking and seeking advice and I think it’s a stalling mechsnism in ordet to delay making a move. This also applies when going for the kiss or being physical. I feel like I need a big sign that says “100% certainty” before I feel confident enough to make a move. What I’m asking is what can I do in the future when I meet a girl I like in order not fall into this cycle again? How can I bite the bullet and push through this over thinking mindset and start adopting a taking action mindset?

  4. Pedro Monteiro on December 6, 2014

    That´s a question i ask myself everyday about a girl i love, if she´s really worth tryin, i´m really goin a bad a patch about it because my exam period at univetsity has passed and i don´t have anythin to think about and my thoughts are really only on her. I Sent you an e-mail Nick, would really like if you could answer, getting a bit too much stressed out about this.

  5. Seymoure on December 13, 2014

    Thank you Nick. I absolutely agree. There’s only one way to find out. Do not act like the target person is some super human, they’re a normal person just like the rest of us. Ask boldly and be prepared for all outcomes. Wondering and not knowing is the worst.

  6. Alexander on December 26, 2014

    Hey, this was a great article. my only issue is that I only see the girl I’m interested in every now and then when she is at work at Subway. my problem is that every time I ask for advice about this, people say to ask her outside of work. Should I listen to this advice or go with my gut instinct and just ask her out while she is at work?