Should You Try to Get Your Ex Back?

October 9th, 2014 by Nick Notas 11 Comments

Broken Heart Ex

Yesterday I was on the phone with a long-time client, Jon.

Jon told me how he finally feels like he’s in a good place. His business is thriving, he’s grown tremendously as a person over the last few years, and he’s casually seeing two gorgeous women.

He then asked me, “So, do you think I should reach out to my ex, to see if anything’s still there?”

This surprised me.

Why? Because of the way he phrased the question.

I have an endless supply of guys asking me, “How do I get my ex-girlfriend back?” They’ve already made up their mind and are determined to win her at all costs. And generally, it’s a huge red flag.

But it’s rare for someone to ask me if it’s a good idea in the first place. And not because they need my approval, but because they are truly evaluating whether or not it’s a smart, healthy decision.

I replied to Jon, “Before I answer, let me ask you some questions..”

Here are the six questions I asked him. If you’ve ever thought about getting your ex back, answer these honestly and you’ll know if it’s the right thing to do.

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Do or Die (Literally): The Surefire Way to Achieve Your Goals

October 2nd, 2014 by Nick Notas 6 Comments

What did you want to be Raymond?

You can bet Raymond went to Veterinary school. If you don’t get this picture, click to watch the video.

 

During a drive the other day, I listened to Quitters, Inc.by Stephen King.

It’s the tale of a married man named Dick Morrison. An old college roommate runs into Dick and refers him to a company called, “Quitters, Inc.” With their help, his roommate successfully quit smoking and got a big promotion at work. However, he’s unable to reveal exactly how they turned his life around.

Dick eventually decides to go for a consultation. He meets with his case officer Victor Donatti and signs a nondisclosure agreement.

Victor tells him that Quitters, Inc. has a spectacular 98% success rate. They’re so confident about your success that you don’t have to pay anything until a year after you see results. 

So how do they do it?

They use “aversion therapy” to hold you extremely accountable.

Quitters Inc. will electroshock you, cut off your wife’s fingers, and beat your child if you smoke. And they’ll kill you if you repeatedly break their cold-turkey rules.

When listening, I couldn’t help but think, “This is a really twisted idea. But damn, it would definitely work.” 

Of course, being a pragmatist myself, I tried to figure out how I could use this idea to help others…without having to chop off fingers, of course.

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How to Avoid Having a Shitty Relationship

September 26th, 2014 by Nick Notas 9 Comments

Jay-Z and Beyonce Fist Bumpin'

 

We all know about the running joke that romantic relationships are a source of misery.

We grew up on shows like Married With Children where Al Bundy hated having to hang out with his wife Peg. We hear friends challenge each other with, “You’re so whipped!” And serious couples give us ominous warnings such as, “Don’t get married.” or “It’s all good now, but wait until the honeymoon is over.”

These may make us laugh but they also reinforce that our partners are a burden on our lives.

It’s true that maintaining a happy, healthy relationship takes work. But that doesn’t mean it has to suck.

The secret lies in finding a relationship that makes life easier and more fulfilling for you. With a compatible partner and mutual support, your relationship should decrease outside stresses, increase productivity, and improve the quality of your lives. 

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You Need to Stop Selling Yourself to Women

September 18th, 2014 by Nick Notas 17 Comments

Danny Devito Matilda Salesman

 

No one likes being sold to.

When I worked in real estate, I cold called people to pitch them on refinancing their mortgage.

Nearly every person who picked up the phone was annoyed. Even when my offer was potentially useful, I struggled to get anyone to hear me out.

I had way more people tell me “Fuck off!” than “Oh yes, I’m so happy you called!”

It’s because people are turned off by “salesmen”. They envision guys with ill-fitting suits trying to convince them to buy something they don’t want.

So where dating is concerned, I tell my clients: “Be the buyer, not the seller.”

This means approaching women with the mindset that YOU are choosing a compatible person for YOU. You should not be acting like a desperate salesman trying to prove that you’re good enough.

Being the “seller” means you value the approval of others over your own opinion of yourself. You worry about their judgment and you work hard to impress them. You’re afraid of losing any opportunity (scarcity) rather than focusing on finding ones that you find fulfilling (abundance).

This is an unconfident, needy mindset. As I’ve written before, neediness is the biggest turn-off for women.

But implementing the “buyer” mindset means raising your self-esteem. I know that’s not easy to do overnight.

What you need to do is change your behavior and develop new habits that breed a high-value mindset. So I created 4 exercises that will help you cultivate a confident mentality of choice and abundance.

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8 Lies You’ve Been Taught Since Childhood

September 11th, 2014 by Nick Notas 12 Comments

Hollywood Lies

What do Hollywood, religion, D.A.R.E, health class, and your friends and family have in common?

They’ve all lied to you from a young age.

Now I’m not saying these lies were all calculated because they weren’t.

But even when your loved ones’ intentions were pure, they let emotional sentiment, tradition, or misinformation influence their advice. When they tried to help, they gave you generic, anecdotal tips that weren’t very useful. Sometimes, they were just plain wrong.

And you suffered the damaging consequences because of it.

I know this because we’ve all been swindled by these common myths. So I’m here to reveal the truth and set you on the right path.

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18 Traits of Successful (and Not So Successful) People

August 28th, 2014 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

White Collar Success

 

You may think that successful people have a mystical quality about them. Or that they’re in on some secret that you don’t know about.

You see them lead abundant lives filled with friendships, romantic prospects, and even wealth. They’re confident. They’re “lucky” and good things always seem to happen to them.

In my years of coaching, I’ve seen all types of people succeed — tall, short, black, white, weird, foreign, rich, and poor. They achieved goals such as dating more, building self-esteem, getting fit, and excelling in business.

These individuals weren’t born with special abilities that “unsuccessful” people don’t have. To think that way is an insult to everything they’ve worked for.

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What Other Choice Do You Have?

August 19th, 2014 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

What choice do I have?

 

Think of an important goal you wish you could achieve. 

Something that really intimidates you. Something that you haven’t begun working towards because it challenges your comfort zone.

That could be…

Getting a job (or a better job). Making more friends. Getting in shape. Writing a book. Or meeting more women – both in-person and online.

So why haven’t you taken any steps to reach that goal?

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Why You Need to Go Out and Get Rejected

August 14th, 2014 by Nick Notas 13 Comments

You have been certifiably rejected -- be proud 

Yesterday, I got my hair cut by an old-school Italian barber. 

After he found out what I did for a living, he showed me a picture of his attractive, fit 63-year old girlfriend. Yes, it was kind of awkward.

He told me…

“You know what I learned that helped me the most with women?

Don’t wait around. Make a move — you’re going to get a yes or a no. It’s one answer from one person. When you get a ‘no’, find a girl who will say ‘yes’. ”

It’s simple but true — just because one particular person isn’t interested, doesn’t mean the entire world hates you. And from my experiences, the people who get rejected the most succeed the most often.

So, it’s time to get rejected. I want you to be turned down, scoffed at, and cold-shouldered.

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6 First Date Tips That Are Actually Useful

August 7th, 2014 by Nick Notas 14 Comments

This guy is doing it right. 

I can hear you cringing already…

“Oh god, not another first date article. This is the 20th one I’ve read online this week.”

I’m right there with you. I’m tired of seeing generic first date tips such as “be positive, be yourself, and be nice to the wait staff.”

The advice may be correct but we’ve heard it a thousand times. And that alone doesn’t always ensure successful romantic connections. We need more.

So let’s talk about some actually useful tips for a first date.

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7 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

July 29th, 2014 by Nick Notas 30 Comments

Sure it is ;)

Sometimes women will be direct and tell you when they’re not interested. Most of the time, however, they’re much more subtle. This unfortunately causes many men to chase women that they shouldn’t waste their time on.

You can try to rationalize why girls are denying your advances and ignoring you. You can think, “There must be some other reason why things aren’t going anywhere.” You probably have a hard time accepting that a woman’s just not interested.

And when you finally realize the truth, you refuse to let go. You try everything in your power to change a woman’s mind. But by the time you’re getting the cold shoulder, it’s usually too late. A woman knows early on whether or not she’s attracted to you.

When a woman wants a man, she won’t let him slip away so easily. She’s going to invest in him. She’s not going to say, “I like this guy so much. I should dodge him, not hang out, and frustrate the hell out of him!”

It’s time you take the hint. Stop wasting energy on women who aren’t really interested. The amount of emotional turmoil you put yourself through just isn’t worth it.

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