Older Men Who Like Younger Women Aren’t Creeps

July 2nd, 2015 by Nick Notas 82 Comments

Michael Douglas is the man.

Half-your-age-plus-seven. This formula has somehow become the definitive rule for the youngest age of a woman a man can date.

So a 34-year old guy can date a 24-year old girl. No problem there. But if she’s 23 years old…that guy’s a pervert.

Okay, maybe that’s an exaggeration. But many people in society still look down upon older men dating younger girls. They think it’s creepy and even put them the same category as pedophiles.

This taboo makes some of my clients feel shameful about their age preferences. So much so, that they don’t go after women they’re actually interested in. Instead, they settle for less or don’t even try at all.

I think that’s awful because I know many normal, great guys who just happen to like younger women. My own father is 10 years older than my mother.

I want to show you that there’s nothing wrong with age disparity in a relationship and it may even work out better for many couples. 

Women’s physical attractiveness peaks earlier than men

You don’t have to look far to see most men find women to be at their most attractive in their 20’s. On the other hand, many women are most attracted to men in their 30’s, 40’s, and even 50’s.

Before I get attacked as somehow being sexist…look at the anecdotal evidence.

On average, men in all societies date younger women.

Most female sex icons are in their 20’s or early 30’s. Hollywood hunks are often in their 30s, 40’s, and older.

Those Hollywood actors who have options almost always choose young women. And unfortunately, if they’re leaving their wife, it’s almost always for a younger woman.

OKCupid data shows that men of all ages find women in their early to mid-20’s to be the most attractive. Women tend to find men their own age most attractive even until they’re both in their 40’s.

So why is that? It’s biology, baby.

Men are visual creatures

Men are more visually stimulated than women. Our main attraction switches are a youthful, healthy physical appearance. This goes back to our biological need to “spread our seed”.

If those words made you cringe, I’m sorry, but I’m just trying to be as direct as possible.

We want to ensure healthy offspring. Any way you want to look at it, complications such as down syndrome and miscarriages in pregnancy rise with age. So it makes perfect sense that men are driven to younger women who have the lowest risk factors.

This works out perfectly because…

Women often prefer older men

Since they were teenagers, many women have idolized older men. Brad Pitt, Jon Hamm, George Clooney, Jude Law, Johnny Depp, the list goes on. They would drop everything for an opportunity to be with one of those guys.

So I find it hilarious when I see women hate on older men for chasing younger girls when they themselves often find older men sexy. Hypocrites, hypocrites everywhere!

It’s easy to critique others for their desires but when we look at ourselves, we suddenly get a free pass.

Studies show that women mature sooner than men. And so many women are fed up dealing with “immature boys” and prefer to date older guys.

Those guys tend to earn better wages and therefore be better providers. They’re more likely to live on their own. They’re more cultured and have more world experience. And they generally have more self-confidence as they know who they are.

Combine women’s desire for a strong, mature man and men’s desire for a young, healthy woman to bear children and it all makes sense. It’s a win-win for both sides.

Blaming our biology is unrealistic

Attraction is an emotion that we can’t help but feel. Most of us don’t actively choose what we like or don’t like, our body chooses for us. It’s practically out of our control.

Think about your own preferences…

Maybe you like blondes. Maybe you like tall people. Maybe you find Asians to be irresistible.

Did you consciously choose to like those qualities throughout your life? Or do they just make you hot and tingly all over?

That’s why I think calling someone shallow for their physical preferences is ignorant. And thinking young women are sexy falls into that category — you have nothing to be ashamed of.

When it comes to this subject, older men are painted as shallow horndogs manipulating younger women. While women are seen as helpless victims.

But what about all the couples who fall into this category (including my parents) who are in love or married for decades? Are you telling me they’re secretly unhealthy? Are you saying these women are coerced and manipulated into being with these men?

These women are willingly and happily choosing these men. If you’re making excuses for them, you are calling these adult women brainless fools who are unable to make their own decisions. That in itself may be the most disempowering, anti-feminist view I can think of.

As long as both parties are legal, then there is nothing wrong with an age gap in a relationship.

Just like the gay marriage debate…

How about you shut the hell up about what two consenting adults do if it makes them happy?

  1. Angelo on July 2, 2015

    I’m 34 and I’m interested in women the same age and younger, mostly. I didn’t stop to think about it, but I do feel a little weird when I want to approach a girl I know is in her early 20s. I get in my head worrying about if she’s going to think I’m a creep or if other people will think I’m a creep. But I’ll keep this article’s attitude in mind for the future, thanks.

    • Nick Notas on July 2, 2015

      Yeah, it can feel a bit weird because of our own internal shame. But you just have to remember that your desires are normal and healthy. You’re very welcome Angelo.

    • Tayla on March 5, 2016

      Hi 🙂 just reading your comment, I’m 20, and I work with a guy who’s 36 and I was the one who instigated us sleeping together. I actually have feelings but I don’t think he does so I just thought I’d let you know that some girls are into older guys you just need to approach them friendly and try not too seem too keen

      • Andrew on March 7, 2016

        specifically, what do you mean you were the one that instigated? I find it very surprising, shocking, because women are 99% of the time passive around men, even if the woman is really attracted to the man or likes him, she usually will wait for him to make the first move

        • Lily on March 31, 2016

          I get what you mean by women being passive a lot of the time. I can't speak for all ladies, but I have previously refrained from approaching men because I was scared of rejection. It's definitely uncommon to see women taking the initiative to approach men, but it does happen more often than you might expect. A year ago, I approached a guy in his early 30s at a convenience store and asked him for his number. I found him attractive (not necessarily "good looking") and thought "ah what the hell". I was 22 at the time (I'm 23 now), and we've been dating happily ever since.

          • Andrew on April 1, 2016

            Well that’s awesome and very commendable of you, wish more girls did it

      • Olivia on September 11, 2016

        The same thing happened to me! I’m 20 and had a crush on my 39 year old coworker. I initiated things and it became a sexual relationship. I have some feelings for him but I’m not really sure if they are mutual.

        • Andrew on September 20, 2016

          so you were the one that approached him first?

  2. Christian on July 2, 2015

    This is interesting. Although I’m more interested in the reversed situation. What if I’m a younger man interested in older women? That happens to me a lot but I feel lack of self-confidence in that issue. I mean, I live in a country where most people are very traditional in that matter. They think is kind of strange, although I really don’t think is that way.

    • Nick Notas on July 2, 2015

      The advice is the same: go after what you like. Ignore the haters.

      I personally have always been attracted to women of all ages. I’ve met great looking women in their 30’s, 40’s, and even 50’s.

    • Daniel on August 15, 2015

      Christian, do what you do, you like what you like but that’s disgusting. If you’re younger and life older women it’s for two reasons, you like old used rags, and/or two, you can’t game a young chick. Old guys want you to talk to older women so they don’t have to. Plus, any older woman that is single, basically didn’t make the “marriage cut” in her twenties and early thirties, so why would you take damaged goods? I look at it like this, young women for young men, older women for older men.It makes since that way. Young men want the same thing older men want, only difference is, young men grew up with these women so older women aren’t “left out”. Let young men play, you had your chance lol! Either way, it’s up to you, this is just my opinion. I hate seeing older men with younger women, I’m like “stop taking all the goods you selfish prick”. Just being honest.

  3. Mark on July 2, 2015

    Thanks for this article Nick!

    I love telling people my dad was older than my grandfather and then watching them try to figure that one out.

    Them: “Your are joking.”
    Me: “No, I’m serious.”
    Them: “That’s impossible.”
    Me: “No, it’s not. You are just assuming I am talking about my grandfather on my dad’s side.”
    Them: “Ohhh…wait, how old…was your mom?”

    My father was 29 years older than my mother. My dad was 65 when I was born. When my dad was carrying me out of the hospital a lady saw me and said “What a cute baby. Are you the grandfather?” to which my dad replied, with a totally straight face, “No mam, I’m a kidnapper.”

    When I was 20 I always dated older women, like 25, they were always sexier, and more sophisticated.

    When I was 35 it felt weird asking out a 25 year old. Now that I am 46 it doesn’t. Many men get better with age. My girlfriend right now is 24, we have been together for a year. When she first told her parents about us, they were concerned, but after a while, she told me, that they saw how happy she was, not just with me but how a more mature outlook on life made her happier all around.

    Men who take good care of themselves are better often in better shape at 35 and 45 than they were at 25. Sports that require explosive speed and strength are the domain of guys in their 20’s. But endurance and grit, like that needed for an Iron Man winners actually don’t peak till 35-40.

    If you are looking for a husband, why wouldn’t you want to marry a guy who has all the partying out of his system? Who can give the kids more mature and calm advice. Women have a biological window to have kids that ends fairly early, but men, in my opinion, tend to be better fathers later in life. I’m not saying a 20 year old guy is a bad father, I’m just saying, we usually have more patience, acceptance, maturity and wisdom as time goes on, so you are only going to get better at being a dad with age.

    American society would like to convince us that we should all date someone close to our own age, but the truth is age is just a number. Since I have been in my 40’s I have dated women in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. The most important thing for me is whether we feel safe sharing how we feel; being raw with each other. I believe one is defined by one’s feelings, not one’s knowledge. And we are connected by the ability to share those feelings.

    Most importantly, don’t let people who judge bother you. They have their own issues to deal with. You are the only one responsible for your own happiness.

    • Nick Notas on July 2, 2015

      That’s hilarious — your dad sounds like the man.

      It’s really cool of you to share your relationship story. I agree with you that many guys are in better shape later on in life. Dad strength is a real thing 🙂

      Congrats on going after what you want and I’m happy that your girlfriend’s parents came around. People just need to get over the stigma and their own limiting beliefs.

      Being honest, I thought you were in your early or mid 30’s from your avatar. Damn dude, whatever you’re doing, it’s working.

      • Mark on July 2, 2015

        What Avatar? Didn’t think I had one.

        • Nick Notas on July 7, 2015

          My bad, was on mobile and thinking of the another Mark who posts.

    • Javier on July 2, 2015

      Thanks for this post, Mark. Great points and insights.

      I’m 48, and agree that as an older man you can offer a woman many qualities that a younger guy often can’t. I too feel far more confident of my sense of self now than ever before, am past my partying days, but am in good physical shape and with maturity and wisdom that I didn’t have as a younger guy.

      I find it’s very easy to spend time with women as young as their mid-20s, for engaging conversation and becoming a “friend”.

      However, and this goes back to what Nick mentions in the post, I do find it’s much more difficult to begin a “relationship” with a younger woman. Time and time again I’ll go out with a woman 15 years younger, we’ll enjoy each others company, but then I see them withdraw, as if they suddenly get scared, when they ask my age.

      Alternatively, they might know my age already, and then withdraw at any hint of things becoming more ongoing or intimate.

      Perhaps it’s for other reasons, but it always seems to me that the age difference is the thing that puts them off. Maybe not for themselves, but for what their friends or family might think?

      Do you think in such situations an older guy should bring it up and joke about it / deal with it directly, or try to downplay it? To joke about being an “old man”, or to try to convince people that age isn’t important?

      • Mark on July 3, 2015

        Hi Javier,

        I think that you are exactly right that often women this age may feel that friends, family or society in general will not accept you as a couple. This is one reason why famous older guys can get away with dating younger women much more easily. What 20 year old’s friends would give her a hard time for dating Brad Pitt?

        I definately do not think joking about being an “old man” is a good idea. I think it shows insecurity. I feel this both from a logical perspective as well as a read of the reaction I get from both romantic and platonic female friends in their 20’s. They all squirm a bit with discomfort. This goes for the reverse as well. For example, joking that my tie is as old as they are (which is often true).

        I find some women love the maturity, confidence and things that we considered normal in our generation. Flowers, opening car doors, hand written cards with love notes inside. Its like we are from another planet and have super powers here on earth because guys in their 20’s have no idea how these things can touch a woman’s heart. Being a gentleman isn’t a fad, its classic and will always be appreciated.

        I find there are women who want to date you but won’t bring you around family or friends, and then there are the ones who will. Often you can get an idea of which women are confident enough to go for what they want despite what friends and family think by susing out their views on other similar subjects.

        Please take a look at my modest blog. I love Nick’s blog and think he is right on with all his advice. My few post are just a few added prices of advice.


        • Joe on March 6, 2016

          To overcome that issue I usually will take a girl out for drinks. Then when we are both sauced up i take her into a bathroom stall and whip it out. I look into her eyes and whisper in to her ear “it aint gonna suck itself”. Woman love spontaneity.

      • Seymoure on July 4, 2015

        Perhaps it’s more you who have convinced yourself that your age is an issue and you subconsciously display and reveal it to the women you date because you really believe it’s an issue. Try doing the same thing in Asia, Latin America or Eastern Europe and you’ll. see it’s not even an issue. Whether or not you can take care of them very much IS.

  4. Brad on July 2, 2015

    I’m 41 and I don’t like dating women over 23. I’ve taken some @#$% for this sometimes. Like you said, you can’t change feelings

    • Nick Notas on July 2, 2015

      You like what you like. You just have to own it and not listen to other people’s judgement.

  5. Nathan Deeley on July 3, 2015

    What about younger men? Some women go crazy for some young dudes such as Justin Beiber and Daniel Radcliffe back in Harry Potter days. What’s your take on that Nick?

    • Seymoure on July 4, 2015

      Perhaps they want them for 45 min in bed nothing more

    • Nick Notas on July 7, 2015

      We all have our own preferences and some women happy to like younger men, too. Many of the older women who desire younger men are for sexual purposes. They want to have an awesome sexual experience with.a young, no-strings-attached guy.

  6. Seymoure on July 4, 2015

    There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those who confidently go after what they want with least concern over what anyone else thinks and those who base their every thought and action over how it would be perceived / accepted by others.
    Give a woman the choice between a 55 year old janitor against a 40 year old billionaire and let’s see who she picks !
    I obviously agree with Nick, to disagree would be denying what IS.
    I do however think women’s subconscious attraction to older men is for security over and above all. Security and stability, which is over and above all the biggest motivator of women.
    Fact is in western countries Europe and America a man has to quite wealthy to be able to date younger women where as in Asia or Latin America you just need to have a job.
    As an example I drive a very nice car and when I’m out I can easily see how women of all ages single and married can’t help but to gawk at me. I know fully well it’s because of the wealth and stability my car signifies to them. Would they even notice me if I was in a BMW, I think not !

    • Sam on July 6, 2015

      Geez dude, I understand having your stuff together, but a BMW is nicer than 99% of the cars on the road. You act like its riding around on a bicycle.

      • Seymoure on July 6, 2015

        Dear Sam, everything is relative. In the city of the blind, it’s the one eyed man who is the king.

        • Sam on July 9, 2015

          I see what you mean, but I don’t live in a poor area. Where are BMW’s a car that doesn’t signify wealth? Your comment made it seem like you won’t get women (or it will be much more difficult) unless you’re driving a ford gt.

          • Seymoure on July 9, 2015

            Not at all Sam. My fundamental point was women cannot help but to be attracted to security and stability and items and signals that suggest stability and security sure gets their attention. As for BMW comment yes of course they’re nice cars but quite common as are Mercedes and even Porsche. You’re bound to run into all 3 as well as Lexus, etc., but how often do you run into a Bentley or Rolls Royce ? You see my point ? Just like you and I women notice them as well but unlike you and I their mind quickly extrapolates what they see with wealth, stability and the good life.

        • Sam on July 9, 2015

          Yea, I see what you mean. It shows perceived social status which is attractive to women. They want someone who’s successful, that doesn’t necessarily make them gold diggers as some men would say.

    • Nick Notas on July 7, 2015

      I disagree with your type of people theory — there are a lot more shades of grey in there. Most people are not black-and-white like that.

      They may go after what they want in certain areas of their life, in certain situations, or with certain people. I know plenty of men who go after what they want in business or with other men for example but don’t with women. And I’ve known met men who are the opposite — that get good with women but have a difficult time going after what they want against a boss or their own family.

      In fact, very few people go after what they want 100% of the time. That’s not a bad thing. At many points in your life, you WILL look to or hesitate because of some external source for approval. Sometimes it’s warranted — like in compromising for the overall benefit of a relationship. What’s most important is external sources are not your driving force and that you don’t take outside opinion as a reflection of their self-worth.

      As for security and stability being number one, there’s some truth there. Just look at the video of the guy with a Bugatti asking women straight out if they want to have sex with him. Many say yes.


      BUT, there are two important points you need to realize.

      1) There’s a sliding scale. The more poverty you live in, the more important that security and status becomes. But in places like the states and parts of Europe, you do NOT need to be wealthy at all to date hot girls. That’s bullshit. I’ve seen it with my own eyes with hundreds of men. Some of the best guys I know with women are not traditionally attractive or wealthy. Personality and confidence go a long way.

      2) Wealth can’t always buy attraction or love. Yes, a girl sleep and date a wealthy guy. But if you want to ever have a woman who truly desires you and has a deep emotional connection for the long-term, you need more than that. There are many trophy girlfriends and wives who don’t give a shit about their men.

      Most men will want a meaningful connection at some point — even if it’s casual.

      • Seymoure on July 7, 2015

        Agreed Nick. With one caveat, poor people’s relations collapse just as often as wealthy ones.

  7. Seymoure on July 4, 2015

    It all comes down to what one brings to the table. You may choose to fool yourself into thinking it’s about love and romance but reality is far from this fantasy. The man brings safety, stability, security and ability to provide for the children and the woman brings youth, beauty and sex. It’s not always 100% about security but it most often is. Then once you provide the security the other things such as your good looks, good sex, help with cleaning etc. are merely bonuses. Women can put up with the lack of bonuses if security is there but not the other way around. I’ve learned these lessons the hard way. It’s in their genes they couldn’t change it even if they wanted to.

  8. Mark on July 4, 2015

    These last two comments are very misleading in my experience. And are also phrased in a vrey one-sided way. Greed is a common human trait, which is easily participated in by both men and women. Happiness is a much more universal goal, and there are many more ways that people persue it than a search for stability, influenced by biology. After a certain point the goal of just heaping up more and more wealth only interests those with a certain mindset. Yes, we all want stability, and to not stress over being able to afford things that we want, or want to provide for our children, like a good education. But somewhere between whatever car it is the author drives, and a BMW, there is a point where another million, or ten, or hundred in the bank doesn’t mean much. Then whether you are a decent human being, passionate about something, and able to care for others becomes everything. There are billionaires who will go bankrupt this year. And then there is my friend who doesn’t earn enough to afford a BMW who has a wife and child. His wife is a 10 by ANY standards. He will still be one of the most open, genuine and passionate people I have ever known. That won’t change this year. And it is clear why his wife loves him. Wealth is not stability! If you think it is you are just kidding yourself.

    • Seymoure on July 6, 2015

      Dear Mark, not that I consider myself even remotely wealthy, but it’s quite apparent you are equating successful people with heartless, brutal self centered and cruel and those less successful as being noble, kind caring gentle folks who unlike the successful care for their family and loved ones. Really ? At the very least kindness and goodness are distributed equally amongst all classes of society and unlike what’s being disseminated by the current power structure in the USA the rich are not necessarily evil and the poor are not all necessarily good. Actually most crime and murder is committed by the poor mostly amongst each other and the fastest way to help the needy is by not being one of them.

      • Mark on July 8, 2015

        Nope. Not at all. You completely misunderstood me.

  9. Lithuanian on July 5, 2015

    Hey, Nick,

    I’m 24 and I don’t really appreciate younger women. Yes, they’re more attractive usually, but with age I started appreciating woman’s intelligence above all. I’m dating with 25 year old girl and earlier was smitten into 27 year old girl. I dated recently with 22 year old girl – at first it was lots of fun, but after a couple of dates I got bored.

    • Nick Notas on July 7, 2015

      Hey Lithuanian,

      I generally find women women in their mid-to-upper twenties the most attractive, too. But I would still consider them in the “younger women” category.

  10. Ansshuman on July 13, 2015

    Hey Nick,
    I am from India can you suggest some tips how to attract any women or seduce any women in Indian circumstances ?

  11. Robert on July 15, 2015

    Thanks Nick, This is a great article. It is one of the things that I have struggled with. I am 43 and make the most connections with women that are 25- 35. I recently met a 28 y/o old and I was having a hard time with it. Women my age would look at me with disdain, I even had one woman my age spread a bunch of rumors about me regarding this female. This deeply hurt me and I wondered if there was something wrong with me. This article got me to remember all my anthropology classes and this makes perfect sense. Women my age are kind of boring to me. I like to dance, love new music, technology etc. and I am very active. Sitting at home and watching TV are just not an option for me. Nor do I want to relive the 80’s by going to a Van Halen concert. I just feel I have more in common with younger women. Its not just a physical attraction thing. There are plenty of women my age that are beautiful, I just find that I don’t have a lot in common with them. I am not going to worry about it anymore. I like what I like and if she is consenting, like you indicated. Who really cares what anyone thinks, as long as we are happy in our relationship. Thanks again.

    • Mark on July 15, 2015

      Hey Robert, Don’t let the haters get you down. There is nothing wrong with finding a 20-something woman attractive. If you read Daring Greatly you will see that we all have our vulnerabilities. For women seeing an older established man with a younger woman has the ability to make many women very insecure. But that’s not your fault nor can, or should you, go around living your life to please others. I’m 46 and I have dated all ages in the last few years. Being confident is what’s important. When a clerk at a store refers to my girlfriend as my daughter I just chuckle on the inside and remind myself not to assume anything about others so I don’t make similar mistakes. I have a great friend who is a 24 year old smoking hot girl. I’ll leave you with the advice she gives me anytime I’m feeling down. “hey, how many guys your age can date cute 22 year old women? You must be doning something right” 😉

      • Robert on July 22, 2015

        Thanks Mark for the encouragement. The quote from your 24 y/o friend makes sense. I really never thought of it that way. I am going to pick up that book and read it. It’s something I have been noticing lately. That the more vulnerable I am the more connections I make, when I act like everything is perfect or start to brag about my career etc.. is when I notice women turning off. I am in recovery and was talking openly about it to a younger woman at a retail store about, I got the feeling she was into me, but my insecurity about younger women and what people would think caused me to overlook getting her number. I am going to stop judging what they may be looking for and just take some risk. What is life without risk…..

        Thanks again!

  12. Andrew on July 18, 2015

    For all of you older guys out there that date and hook up with younger women, do you ever sometimes get women your own age hating on you, taking shots at you for dating younger women? I remember I heard that from another Dating Coach for guys, he said as a warning to older guys in their 30’s, 40’s and beyond, he said that when you date younger women, be prepared for women your own age, who will hate on you, they’ll get angry, bitter, jealous, because those women know that the party is over for them while it’s just beginning for you.

    They’ll say things to you like “she’s just a baby!!!”, or “she’s young enough to be your daughter!!!”, or “your 30, 40 too!!!, just like me!, your told too!!!”

    • Mark on July 18, 2015

      Its not just women our own age who are bothered. When I was 44 I had a 27 year old girlfriend who would get upset that the girl I dated before her was 22. The girl I dated after the 27 year old was 41 and she was just jealous of all other women regardless of their age. A 38 year old ex found out I was dating a 19 year old and was cool with it, even though she always referred to her as “Disneyland.”

      To be happy we all have to live the life we have, not the life we want. Nature gifts young women with the power of a sex appeal that peaks early and falls off more quickly. Nature gifts men with a long low curve. The 41 year old I dated was one of the most beautiful women I have known. She took great care of herself, and she won the genetic lottery by being tall, and having a beautiful face. The truth is we all get handed a life that comes with strengths and challenges.

      “A woman is as old as she looks. A man isn’t old till he stops looking”

      “A man is as old as he feels, but a woman is as old as she looks”

      or as Groucho Marx said “A man is only as old as the woman he feels”

      These saying all describe a truth. I say enjoy being a guy, be genuine and honest with others. But most importantly be honest with yourself. Ignore haters, they are always there to bring you down. But where are they when you are down and need to be cheered up?

    • YoungerWoman on November 6, 2015

      I’d just whisper in the older guy’s ear to ignore them. And he did. I think he knew they were just jealous of us being together.

  13. The Younger Wife on August 17, 2015

    My husband is 22 years older than me. We met when I was 19 and he was 41. I just turned 30. We’ve had 4 children and share an amazing life together. When we first started dating, women his age were really rude to me. I never imagined marrying an older man (or even dating one), but we were attracted to one another and it works for us.

    • Elyse on September 10, 2016

      Those women are stupid.

      To be honest, if my 19 year old daughter came home with a man that age, I would be gravely concerned, but not because he is my age and I’m jealous. Jealous is toxic.

      And to be honest, when I was 19 into my30s, women would snarl at me, make remarks or rumors, because men flocked me to me or gave me consideration. They still do, but to a lesser degree. I’m strikingly beautiful, intelligent, and funny with a vibrant smile. They assume I’m a bimbo or whore because I have options they don’t. I’m 43 and it still happens. I’m often pushed out of groups, not because of me, but because they feel threatened because I’m well-coiffed, put together, honest, real, have long hair. and I’m pretty.

      It will always happen with you because I would imagine that you are beautiful and made a life with a man who appreciates you.

  14. Andrew on September 3, 2015

    in some ways i’m kinda jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are because I feel it’s easier for women to enjoy their youth, their teens and 20’s than it is for men in terms of not having to put forth as much effort, the reason why it bothers me sometimes whenever people say that men become more attractive as they age, because the reality is, is that most men out there who are in their 30’s and 40’s who are successful with women, are men that were successful with women in either their teens or 20’s.

    Because I met a guy recently who told me he did not get his very first girlfriend until the age of 31, despite being happy that he finally has a girlfriend, he told me he still gets jealous, envious of guys, men that had girlfriends earlier in their life.

    • Frieda on September 5, 2016

      When I was in my 20’s I was very pretty and intelligent. The men I met in my age group at that time could not keep a date, had dozens of girlfriends, stood me up if they had something more interesting to do and so on. I had many boyfriends, but my steady guy wound up being a man 10 years my senior. He showed up when he said he would, opened the door, treated me with respect and made me feel relaxed and comfortable. He was also funny, smart, kind and loving.
      That is what a true man is, regardless of his age or the the woman’s age.
      Obviously if a man is interested in having children he would want a woman of a suitable age. And obviously if a woman is interested in having a child she would want a man of suitable means.
      All the rest is whatever makes you happy.
      This business about what is socially acceptable or not is a bunch of baloney. There are all types of couples out there of all ages and appearances. As my late grandmother used to say “only the spoon knows what’s in the pot”.
      When I see couples who are happy together I am glad for them, regardless of their age, race, income or any such thing. Good for them if they are happy together.

  15. Alyssia on September 14, 2015

    I found the comments and the article interesting however I have a tiny consideration which is missing.
    People love who they love and should be open to the unexplored possibilities.

    1. Check out divorce rates – they are highest amongst the very poor, the very rich and those marriages with the largest age gap. Women who date older men trade in youth for success ( fair enough ). Men who date much younger women trade beauty for brains and experience ( fair enough ) but most of these marriages do not last. AND guys please consider this. Women know aging can be tough but we want you to look great too! If we have to be “Barbie” then YOU have to be “Ken”:)

    For as many men who are over fifty and “looking good” there are as many women who can claim the same stat. Successful men over fifty who are “in the market” already have adult kids and are paying spousal support and have their act together – why except for looks would they want someone they can not have an intelligent conversation with. I think ( and it is my hope ) that these guys who are mostly loving, talented and intelligent will come to see that life is short – and even shorter if you are happy and find an age appropriate woman who loves them, sexes them to orgasm and who also makes them laugh like hell because that my friends is what it is all about – happiness and joy and if you don’t have that all the looks in the world mean nothing:)!

    Lastly – look for partners where you did not look before. So if your life long ambition is to have a woman who is a Black Asian Latino or White “Barbie” try a woman who looks as good but is not a life sized plastic doll. If you dated black date white if you dated asian date latino what ever there are many good looking people in the world who are also smart and loving who you would get along just fine with TAKE A CHANCE:)

    Remember love is fragile – like friendship and people love is magical. The next time you are at a gala, the farmers market, a restaurant, the supermarket, the opera, the dentist:) and you get butterflies when you are with a woman check yourself – it is your heart speaking who knows you may have found ” the one” good luck – LOL

  16. Didier on September 30, 2015

    I’m 51 and married to a woman my age, but my best friend is the same age and divorced. He is extremely smart, somewhat nerdy but great to be around, dates much, much younger women and seems really happy. He seems to really attract very young Asian women, and cycles through them so fast that I sometimes get their names confused. Skinny girls in heels who are maybe 5′-1″ and under 90 lbs., with very long black hair. Say in the age range 20-30. They seem happy and he seems happy and they sure are sexy and fun to look at — I try not to ogle around my wife but still — and certainly very nice. If there’s any problem here, I don’t see it.

  17. noluvuyo qibe on October 3, 2015

    older men are good for the money,even now i have an older white man as my husband only because he has money,if a man my age had the same i would easily choose the younger man…am dissapointed that one of my five children are my husbands,i was trying to make sure he thinks all the children are his but the truths is,they are from my younger,more attractive lovers over years…. Really want to leave him,because i get tired of having to look at his old ugly face and body,but the money is still here,also tired of having to pretending to love him.i think maybe that’s the evolutionary reasons why women are good pretenders?men have always been creeps so we had to find a way to cope imagine living in the past,were us women had to submit to their creeppingness!am glad its gets better for us women.

  18. Andrew on October 14, 2015

    The guy even admits to even feeling bitter, resentful, even enraged at people who had relationships and sex earlier in life, like teens and 20’s, says he feels if he was born a woman, he would not have been such a late bloomer, since women are valued for their youth more and that women don’t have to approach and make the first move, be the initiator.

  19. age gap 27 years on October 25, 2015

    I have to admit that i have always been way more attracted by older guys. My first boyfriend was 6 years older than me (16-22). Which is for that age okay I think. Since we broke up I had enough time to travel, explore and meet new people. I look pretty mature for my age and am very outgoing and just a light hearted girl and never had any Problems to get to know people better. However it is always me approaching men no matter the age.
    Currently I am 21 and dating a 48 year old. We are not together because of his money or my youth but it is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. We can Talk for hours, he is very spontaneous, open minded and makes me feel secure and Loved. It’s just lovely how he never minds any flaws or little things that i dont think look right on my Body. He still thinks i am perfect. Guys my age told me to lose weight or get my tits done and so on. which is plain rude and not even legimate.
    I just love being with him and enjoy every moment of it. We know each other for about 5 years and have always been friends. I’ve always had a crush on him but Could have never imagined anything to happen until last year. Turned out he felt the Same but was just too shy because of the huge age gap.

  20. handsomerandyblackladbrad1953 on November 5, 2015

    As my username suggests (?),I’m a black Canadian man,62,who’s regarded poster boy handsome,muscular,if a bit beefy-5’9″,195 lb.,18-inch arms,but trying to lose about 15 lb.-who’s called “Laddie” because of the boyish good looks,cham,chivalry and desire to start studding a long-haired,buxom blonde,Latina or black babe between 22 and 40!!!!!!

  21. handsomerandyblackladbrad1953 on November 5, 2015

    That’s “charm,” of course!!!!!!”(I get randy JUST THINKING of bosomy young babes!!!!!!)

  22. YoungerWoman on November 6, 2015

    I love that I can finally talk about preffering older men, because usually when I try to talk about it, I get the odd snigger, and the usual draconian victoriana opinion, such as “I think he might be a bit too old for you”. I should just stand up for myself, and tell them to keep their opinion to themselves. It’s so weird how young women will swoon over the likes of George Clooney and Dick Van Dyke, etc, and then suddenly they’re telling you how they think it’s disgust how some young lady, is dating some 60 year old. It makes me laugh. Which one are you? The one who goes for men George Clooney’s age, or the woman who pretends to prefer men her own age, for fear society might laugh at her? I have stopped listening to what my friends and family think of age-old relationships. Even if they ended up disowning me. I will not have anyone telling me what age range I’m better off dating. It’s opinions like this, that are keeping our world from being an equal society. Enough said for now. Sorry if I come across as a bit ranty, but it just needed to be said 😉

  23. Tamara vE on November 8, 2015

    This point of view is so outdated it even makes me even a little sick to my stomach… I’m female, 24 and for me and much of my (Dutch) girlfriends it’s just the opposite. Older men are so full of themselves, offering unasked advice, trying to impress you instead of being fun, trying to change you, causing me and a lot of my friends just stop dating men who are more then 2 years older. Personally I started dating only younger guys 2 years ago and probably will never date an older guy again. I think that this is a result of emancipation and women will date younger guys much more in the future, as we no longer need a “wise figure” in our lives. Also we have the same reasons to date a younger guy as you have to date a younger woman. Younger guys are better looking, less bitter, more stamina and generally more fun. It’s much more fun to show a guy something for the first time, instead of being taught. Also the ignorance of younger guys is sooo damn cute, it makes them more lovable. Yes that is their inmaturity that is.

    I have a masters degree (as almost all of my girlfriends) and I work at the financing side of property development, even then older guys look down on me. Until the moment I tell what I make a year and then they get resentful. How could a young girl, make so much (probably more then them) money… Well guys, I did your trick, straight A student, choose a masters that makes money instead of a language or something like that, cum laude* bachelor in the US, Suma cum laude* masters at the University in Holland, international intern-ships and after that took the job my last intern-ship offered me. So I don’t need a man for financial security, buy me presents or trips. I own my house, a nice car etc. I just want a fun guy who can keep up with me, in bed, clubbing or traveling. On top of this I maybe need to say i’m a heterosexual Tomboy, so by keeping up, i mean keeping up with me and my young (male) friends, when we are snowboarding or surfing etc.

    So yes my current boyfriend is 5 years younger then me (19) and yes we are equal. I’m not his mom and he is not my dad. Also i’m not his sugarmom, he makes his own money. As simple as that.

    * cum laude and the even better suma cum laude, means with high honours and highest possible honours

  24. Emny on December 31, 2015

    I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 31. I never thought I’d be into guys around that age group and surprisingly we get along great. The idea of older men gawking over younger women reminds me of some sort of fetish and it just doesn’t sit well with me. He’s not the first older giy to approach me but I normally brush it off because it’s makes me uneasy to know you’re approaching me solely based on my appearance and you’re older. I had actually known my be two years prior to actually going on a date with him because at the time I just wasn’t interested. I usual date guys around my age bracket. I think what drew me to my current bf is his respect and loyalty to me and I hadn’t had that prior with younger guys. However I don’t think his age necessarily influences that. If someone doesn’t want to make that commitment, nothing can change that. Also, it’s never about stability with me or what you can offer me financially. I’ve Ben with guys that weren’t where my current bf is as far as finances and we didn’t work because the respect wasn’t there. He’s actually more into the idea of marriage and kids more so than I am and I’m in the space of I want to be young, work and grow. This is all just my opinion. It’d be interesting to see if this situation was reversed. Meaning if women liked younger men.

  25. peter on January 5, 2016

    I am 55 and really like younger women – like 18-25. not that I go out with any that age for it ain’t for the lack of wishing. I do fancy women my own age too and everything inbetween but if I was given the choice it would be a young one every time. women tend to lose their looks quickly, a pretty one can be ugly or plain looking by 35.

    • Elyse on September 10, 2016

      My beauty has increased since my 20s, because I stand out from other women my age (43), I’m unusual and pretty. I’m not supermodel material, but I never abused myself with diets, drugs, alcohol, sun bathing, reckless sex or anything else.

      My sense of style has improved, because my years of chasing children are complete (though I can still reproduce) — my focus is more on me than on anybody else.

  26. Rory on January 6, 2016

    Women flip out about younger women, because people are competitive and they know the best males will go for the younger, healthier, more attractive mates. Hypocritically, the best females all flock to the best male mates–which are almost all alphas. So hearing the preaching from the old bags is doubly annoying and naive. It’s biology. Grow up.

  27. Rory on January 6, 2016

    Additionally, no man finds women in their 40’s and 50’s equally attractive to women in their 20’s and 30’s. So Nick, while I appreciate how candid you were in this article, I call BS on your comments about your personal preference. Don’t apologize for your article with BS, softy comments.

    • Nick Notas on January 8, 2016

      Not apologizing and I think that’s where you’re projecting your bias. Yes, I would easily say more men find women in their 20’s and 30’s more attractive than older women. But, there are plenty of guys (myself included) that think some of the hottest women are in their 40’s and over. Some women grow into their looks as well and go from cute to more stunning and feminine. Look at Mary Louise Parker — I think she looked infinitely better in her 40’s than when she was younger.

      • Elyse on September 10, 2016

        I am one of those women, where I have grown into myself, I’m more vibrant and open, now that I am technically an empty-nester at 43.

        I’m not an old bag — I’m a fine wine. I’m graceful and sophisticated, interesting and quirky. I cook well, I write well, I’m traveled, and I’m too busy to make a life with a compatible person. As I am not preoccupied with reproducing and seek sexual and emotional intimacy as a means of truly sharing, I think this makes me (and others like me) more appealling.

    • Mark on January 8, 2016


      I’m going to have to go with Nick on this one. While in my 40’s I have dated everything from 18 to 42. The 42 year old was one of my favorites. She was elegant, witty, acomplished, very sexual and drop dead gorgeous. We dated for almost a year. The statement you made in your previous comment bout “the best women” and “the best men” is also a way of thinking I disagree with. What’s “best”? What you see in magazines? What your church tells you to look for? Many people just don’t have the dating skills to date a wide range of people. When they say someone is “my type” they mean the type that would date them. Not the ytpe they would actually choose to date. After you have dated a variety of looks, body types, educations, and backgrounds you can actually make a “choice” based on your own ideal. When I was younger I didn’t have the confidence to talk to women, to make friends, be genuinely interested and social. I always lusted after the bikini model looking women. When I got the skills to date them I found that what is pleasing to the eye isn’t always pleasing to the touch. When the lights are out its important to me that I don’t feel like I’m in bed with another man. I love the softness of a more natural woman’s body. That’s something you could never have talked me into at 25. I needed to experience all there was to experience so I could choose. I still find a fitness model the most beautiful to look at. But as for someone I want to date, the softer more feminine body is a more desirable all around choice for me. This same principal goes for personality, age, maturity level, intelligence, etc. There is no “best”. Only people making either experienced or inexperienced choices.

  28. Andrew on January 13, 2016

    People often say men become more attractive as they age, but still, aren’t a man’s 20’s his prime years for sex, in terms of sexual performance, when sex is supposed to be the best? Because they say a man’s sex drive declines over 30, won’t have as much sexual stamina and energy as before

  29. MeghanMill on January 25, 2016

    This is such a well written, insightful, and honest piece. Men should not be shamed for their natural desire to be with women much younger than themselves. I am often saddened when I watch my forty-something single female friends attempt to date. They have such a difficult time accepting that their window of attractiveness ended ten years ago and that they are wasting their time trying to find a partner. It’s a harsh reality that men never lose their physical appeal while a woman’s sexiness vanishes after 35. However, I think once women learn to accept and live with this, and use their later years to focus on careers, hobbies, philanthropy, and the many aspects of life which are just as fulfilling as romantic relationships, the over forty female race will find themselves much happier. Older men who want younger women are not creeps. They are normal, and women just need to get over it!!

    • Melinda on March 2, 2016

      Speak for yourself Meghan,I do not think for a minute that women lose their sexiness after age 35,that’s a bit sad that you feel that way….I’m 52 and very sexy,and never had one problem with men of all ages….I lift weights,swim,hike,love to swim at the beach…….you can exude sex appeal at any age ,and that goes for men too.

  30. Move On Find the One on January 28, 2016

    Interesting article. I agree, for some couples, age really is just a number. If you have chemistry, you have chemistry end of. Taking your point of half your age plus 7, then take a 50 year old guy. My maths tells me with that equation he should date a 32 year old. In reality, most 50 year old guys I know would be bored/have nothing in common with the 32 year old women I know, nor have the energy to keep up with them. I think most guys are both realistic and practical, I think most guys like to stay in their comfort zone and be with someone who shares their own values and views on life, regardless of age,

  31. Jenna on February 1, 2016

    For my opinion, girls are far better to marry a guy several years older. My husband is 22 years older and we have a wonderful marriage and 2 children. So many young guys have drug or alcohol problems and don’t know how to treat a lady. Results are a very high divorce rate. I guess my role model would be Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford. She also was one happy girl who married a much older guy. I have always admired older men and men like my husband knows how to treat a lady.

  32. Bryan Winstanley on February 19, 2016

    I m 66 she 32 she has 2 kids 13 and 12 and a dad no where to be found.She is very good looking and I go to the gym 3 days a week. She has made some poor financial choices I have to be careful it doesn t become about money. But I advise her how slowly she can get back on her feet. I love her and want us to work together so the kids are happy she has less stress in her life. We are a team my friends can t believe someone who looks like that is with me

    • Anne on August 27, 2016

      It certainly is about money. Please don’t complain when she leaves you in 6 years (or shall her kids go to college? Then let’s make it 11 years).

  33. Kirsten on March 1, 2016

    We have a 26 year age difference. He is 49 and I am 23 and we are expecting our first child in July. Neither of us has any other kids. I feel like there’s more respect and maturity in the relationship and at the same time, we have a lot to teach each other. We are lucky because I typically lean toward more “old school” music and lifestyles which makes it easy for us to have a lot in common. In no way is he a “creep” or do I have “daddy issues.” We are just two people who have a lot in common, the main thing being an incredible love for one another. Nothing else matters!! 😍💜

  34. Anonymous on March 16, 2016

    I am a 34 year old woman engaged to a 50 year old man. I was a biology major in college and to me it makes sense that men would seek out younger women. Women are only naturally fertile until around age 35, whereas men are fertile their entire adult life. Women, naturally, would be most sexually attracted to men when they have the most resources to take care of a child (in our culture today that means financial resources). Men would be the most attracted to women when they are most able to bear their healthiest children, so ages in early 20’s.

    This is nothing to be ashamed of for divorced or single women in their 40’s. All hope is not lost. Men who have already had children may feel differently about having more children and a man who is in his 60’s or older may not feel the need to seek out a younger woman. He may just be looking for companionship, someone with resources of her own, and someone who can manage a household. Consider building your own wealth and looking for someone in his 60’s who needs help managing his household and needs financial help.

    Be well.

  35. Pesh on July 30, 2016

    Its not bad at all because am 20 and my boyfriend is 49

  36. Maria on August 22, 2016

    I completly understand This. I actually am far more attracted to older men, special in their 50’s early 60’s Just find them so charming. Dont be afraid to go ask yorn women Out !

  37. Lovely on August 31, 2016

    I’m a woman (27 years old). I’m single for 4 years now. Because I date a guy 1 year older than me.
    During this relationship, I think that YOUNG MEN are not mature and can’t provide for my security (both money and psychology).

    I love him to death but you can see that he can’t really FIND HIS IDENTITY.
    So I think YOUNG WOMEN will date YOUNG MEN for SEX and LOVE….young men have more strengh and more hot.
    But we marry OLDER MAN for MONEY and SECURITY (money and maturity). (a woman can love (=or appreciate) a man who can have sex with her all the time, as long as he is good).

    To older guy, a young woman in her 20’s aren’t stable emotionally and psychologically.
    They are going to love you just because you date them…..most of them are doing it for expenriences. Some to prove that they can attract all males out there.
    WOMEN CAN CHANGE EASILY…..they aren’t stable during their adult life (18-28 years).
    Only rich men can satisify a young girl desires……since she isn’t oriented for sex but mostly FOR PRIDE to show off that you can satisfy her desires for everything (money, sex, security, love,…..)

  38. YoungerWomenOlderMen on September 11, 2016

    Age is just a number.

  39. Frank on September 16, 2016

    I am a man age 49. I was married for 20 years, most of them not good. I have met a much younger woman, that i have become very close friends with. Mind you I am not talking intimate friends, but we hang out together constantly. She is 20 years old, which makes her young enough to easily be my daughter. I go to her house and visit with the entire family. Her mom and dad are always making comments that we would make a cute couple. We both assure everybody that its just best friends snd nothing else. She has been throough surgeries stemming from a bad car wreck where she almost didnt live. I have been present with her at the hospital for countless hours, even sleeping there to make sure she gets the best care. Somewhere along the way I have fallen in love with her, not sure how it happenned but it did. She sends me cute little messages about love u and the sorts here recently. I am just not sure if she feels the same way that I do or not. How can a man let a woman know how he feels, without losing the ultimate friendship, if her feelings are not the same. I keep in mind that her dad is 77 and her mom 58, but our age gap is much bigger. We have so much in common, same musical taste, food, love for fast cars, same type of movies etc. Would it even be fair to her to be stuck with a man whom will probably be old and wrinkled before she hits 40? I worry about her well being and happiness more than my own. So people tell me what your opinion is, you can even call me a pervert if you want, but I have never had children so it feels a little different to me. I always wanted children so bad, but my wife was unable to bear children. Furthermore she wants children in a few years, would it be fair to kids to be born of a father who is say 55?

  40. Keith on September 16, 2016

    I am 64 years old. I retired military veteran. My fiance is 30 years old. We have been dated for a year. I have been asked if I was her father, her grandfather, I just smile. She gets upset at them and tells them that I’m hers for life. When I ask what she sees in me being so much older than her, her reply is “the heart does not recognize age, and I am deeply in-love with you, not your age. I am so proud to be her fiance, soon to be married. She found me, I was not even looking for a woman at the time. Your heart makes the relationship!

  41. MDE427 on September 20, 2016

    This is what bothers me when chubby, fat, obese or otherwise (ironically ALL classified as ‘curvy’ in woman-talk) try to shame men for not being attracted to them. It isn’t as simple as just some mental exercise where we say ‘fat is good’ or ‘hey, a little chubby is right up my alley’ ….. Don’t get me wrong – there is a niche for women on the plumpish side. There are men out there who are self proclaimed ‘chubby-chasers’. But these are usually not men that these larger women, let alone most women at all, are really looking for in a partner either, so there’s that.

    I don’t condone fat shaming to anyone, man or woman. But we need to stop pushing this ‘Plus Size is Great’ attitude that the PC crowd is trying to force down everyone’s throat. Firstly, we really should not ‘celebrate’ someone being overweight/obese. It is not healthy, and nobody should a.) strive to be overweight or b.) be content with being overweight because, hey, its all cool now. It is NOT ‘all cool now’! And when it comes to women, this article clearly articulates the reasons why being overweight would NOT be attractive to men. We are visual ‘creatures’, yes. We are this way because 1-2 ,million years of evolution have created us this way. As men, we are looking for beauty, which signifies good, healthy genes, followed by youth, and form, both of which signify the woman can successfully carry and deliver our baby. This is imprinted in our DNA and is the reason we look for pretty, youthful, slender women with the right curves, meaning hips wide enough and breasts ample enough …. again, for babies! When MEN think of curvy, we think of 36″ C/D breasts, mid to upper 20″ range on the waist, and mid to upper 30″‘s on the hips. Curvy is NOT a 5’5″ woman pushing the upper limits in the 100-200 lb range. And a 46 YYY bra size ain’t doing nothin’ for nobody neither …. eeeeeesh!!